Blooming
Blooming
[I know you only ask out of curiosity, from beginning to end.]
It rang out not only through my ears but also inside my skull.
[But I could not make every preparation for a true conversation.]
It wasn't bigger than me, nor was it shouting, yet my body shuddered with every word it spoke. I knew that since this was a space already severed from my body, there was no problem with breaking my praying posture, but I couldn't because it felt like I would collapse the moment I did.
[You would know better than I that your consciousness is being shaved away just by facing me, just by hearing my voice.]
When it rose from the chair very slowly and took a single step toward me, closing the distance, I was crushed as if gravity had doubled. Though there was absolutely no intent to threaten me in all of its actions, I couldn't help but shrink back simply by facing it.
Such was divinity.
A form that made me feel desperately that it was the presence of a transcendent being a mortal could never withstand.
[So ask only what you deem necessary right now.]
Epaga's gaze as it looked at me, struggling to endure that divinity, was infinitely gentle.
Not a trace of divine arrogance could be found there. That gaze, filled solely with benevolence and affection vast as the sea, held only consideration for me.
Unlike the flippant posture it had first shown me...
[Ahem.]
Khm.
Thanks to that, I was able to calm my mind as much as possible and then ask the most fundamental question.
"Why was I reincarnated into this other world?"
[...Because your death was no coincidence.]
Even though Epaga could have read my thoughts and answered beforehand, unlike the first time, Epaga did not. It felt as if Epaga were respecting the very act of my voicing the question I held.
[It is a very long story if I were to tell it all. What I can tell you right now... is that beings from this world intervened in your death. I tried to prevent it but was too late, and I exerted my power to save at least your soul.]
That fucking bastard robber's work was caused by something from this world?
The reason I could live my current life while leaving my past life as a past life was because I considered it the bitter, shitty-luck ending of a shitty life.
But to learn it was a problem originating from here. And that because of it, my parents were unfairly killed too?
I was speechless because it was a story completely beyond my comprehension, but then Epaga looked at me with an even more pitying gaze.
It was a gaze that held many meanings. A gaze so clear in its meaning that I could understand what it meant without it being explicitly explained in words.
[When the path grows a little more stable, I will definitely tell you everything. I promise.]
So do not bury yourself in the past for now.
It was right. There was plenty that was unfair in my current life too.
"Were my parents and village attacked because of me?"
[It was my fault.]
This answer was unexpected too. Epaga paused for a moment, as if sifting through its words, then continued its explanation.
[I had no intention of making you a hero. That is because the position of hero, like the position of saintess, has the power to bind one's fate. I merely... wanted to gift you a slightly comfortable life as minimal compensation for the unjust death of your past life.]
Contrary to my expectation that gods would make judgments and take actions far removed from mortal emotions, Epaga showed an incredibly human reaction as it carefully crouched down in front of me.
From its two eyes that blazed and scattered clusters of light without pupils, I somehow felt sadness.
[However, to do that, I could not use my divine power. I had to borrow the power of a relic I had gifted my children in the past. For divine power is not something whose intensity can be adjusted just because one wishes it. According to the original arrangement, you should have been born as a member of the Demonfolk.]
The moment I thought I might have lived a life where I couldn't even turn my head as I pleased while sleeping, even Epaga, who had been steeped in sadness, tilted her head as if dumbfounded, but what could I do? Thoughts don't flow as one pleases by nature. They were like divine power whose intensity couldn't simply be adjusted—it was beyond my control.
[You are right. Anyway... contrary to that original plan, I belatedly learned that my connections to the relics I had on the surface were all severed. Since a simple sealing could not cause that, I realized it was an anomaly, but the 'path' for communication itself had problems, not just the relics. Yet I could not leave your soul, a being from that other world, to languish until the problem was resolved.]
"So..."
[Yes. I borrowed the power of the only intact sacred relic and reincarnated you in the nearest village. As the son of Radan Ega and Evisher Ruina, as Eldmia Ega. As the child of people who, though ordinary, had once been adventurers and therefore had the knowledge to help your somewhat unusual abilities blossom safely, unlike ordinary farmers.]
It had no choice but to do so, but it should not have been done.
Epaga said that, its face twisted with deep regret as it continued speaking.
[I did not know my children would do such a thing. For some reason, the Demon King's Army had been tracking my traces and severing connections to me. So persistently that they noticed and moved even when I briefly used power through a relic in a temple forgotten by the flow of time, tucked away in a corner of the lands of the Human Race.]
And so, on the day of my eighth year, the Demon King's Army, having finally succeeded in tracking it, razed our village and retrieved the relic.
It was an event that would not have occurred had I not been reincarnated.
[I was complacent.]
That was why Epaga was blaming itself.
"If you hadn't done so, I would have simply ended, dead as I was."
My answer was decided.
There might be many things to ask, many things to take issue with, but I hadn't come here to blame others.
"How could I possibly blame you for showing mercy and granting me one more chance that originally would not have existed? I only feel gratitude for Epaga's grace."
Even though there was no need to put it into words, no need to even wait for it to be spoken, I spoke and Epaga listened. Within my eroding consciousness, I forced a joke.
"Since you can read my thoughts, do you know what expression I used at times like this?"
[Yes, it was a scathing expression. 'Sorry for being a shitty human.']
I laughed too, watching Epaga burst into an incredulous laugh.
It wasn't that I had no bitter feelings. It wasn't that I wasn't angry. But because the target for this rage was so utterly clear, I simply didn't want to take it out on the wrong target.
That was why I calmed myself as much as I could, collected myself, and continued my questions.
"What on earth was their reason for doing so?"
[I believe they wanted the hero's power. The moment they confirmed the relic, they had already realized I had exerted my influence, so it is clear they took action to wipe your hometown off the map.]
Because the plan to seize the hero's power would fall apart if Epaga, having noticed their actions, had granted power to a member of the Human Race. It was a sufficiently rational guess.
And so, for the first time in a really long while, something surged up from deep within me.
So that was why everyone had to die. For such an uncertain reason.
"Was it because you worried about that that you sealed the divinity inside me?"
[To be precise, I sealed your Magic Power as well. The loosening of that seal through your meeting with a mage of the Human Race was a variable that far surpassed my expectations. I think if your growth had been a little faster... or if your house had been a little closer to the village, you too would not have escaped death on that spot.]
"A... variable?"
[Though a god may have the possibility of omnipotence, there is no possibility of omniscience. Though children often think that the gods know all because of oracles. That is another story.]
It was a truly strange and hollow feeling. To be grateful that my luck was good, there were too many people who had died... but it wasn't a situation to be depressed about either.
But as Esmue had said, there was no reason to agonize and waste limited time over things that could be done later, so I decided to ask what might be the last question, hoping my consciousness, which felt like it would snap at any moment, would hold on just a little longer.
"What do you wish for me to do?"
If Epaga's words were true, then in the end, all of this was a byproduct of coincidence, not a set fate. Since it hadn't known such an opportunity would come and waited for it, I asked this question thinking Epaga must have something it wished for besides answering my questions.
And I intended to do my utmost to fulfill Epaga's wish, unless it told me not to seek revenge. It gave me another chance to live—couldn't I at least do that much?
[I wish for you to continue walking your own path.]
But Epaga's answer was synonymous with saying it wished for nothing at all.
[No, it is different. It is not a matter of me telling you to go your own way because I wish for nothing, but rather that I wish for you to advance toward what you want to do, free from the will of the gods.]
"...May I know the reason?"
My consciousness was far more precarious than I thought, but fortunately, I was able to hear the final answer Epaga spoke with a gentle smile.
[Because that very thing was the reason we came to envy the world you lived in.]
My eyes opened.
In some ways, it was similar to when I talked with the spirit, but the fatigue was far more severe.
So severe that the moment I opened my eyes, I collapsed forward without any resistance, making the Saintess, who had been watching me, run over in fright.