Chapter 00026: It's Not a Habit
# It's Not a Habit
Chapter 26
Novel: Abandon The Universe
Chapter 26: It's Not a Habit
Inside the library of Haiyang Medical University, Su Cen had not turned the pages of the book in her hands for an hour. Ever since that day, she couldn't understand why the name Lan Xiaobu lingered in her mind, becoming clearer with each passing moment.
Subconsciously, she turned her head. Deep inside, she recalled that every time she visited the library, Lan Xiaobu would be sitting far away, watching her. And every time she stepped out, if she unintentionally looked back, Lan Xiaobu would always be there.
Su Cen shook her head vigorously; she knew these thoughts were unfounded. She wasn’t sure if Lan Xiaobu liked her, but she was certain that he had never shown such attention toward her.
In her memory, Lan Xiaobu rarely came to the library; he was too smart and could grasp many things with just a single explanation. Thus, while others studied for exams, his textbooks would remain pristine, barely opened. As for reviews, they were non-existent. Yet, despite this, he consistently ranked first in class, with scholarships tailored for him.
But the more she tried not to think of him, the more Lan Xiaobu's shadow grew vivid. She envisioned herself actively seeking out Lan Xiaobu, willingly marrying him...
Su Cen grabbed her hair forcefully, why was this happening? She held no romantic feelings for Lan Xiaobu; he was merely an ordinary classmate. Even if he published papers on the Dao of Medicine, there was no way she could fall in love with him, let alone seek him out to marry him. Such thoughts felt strange and incomprehensible; she, Su Cen, was not one to indulge in wild fantasies.
She laid her head on the table, feeling a bit drowsy.
In the dim room, Su Cen thought she heard the door creak open. The old wooden door seemed to announce Lan Xiaobu's return.
Su Cen struggled to open her eyes and saw a weary Lan Xiaobu walking into the room. He made a beeline for her, grasping her wrist as if trying to feel her pulse.
“Xiaobu, you’re back,” Su Cen found that every word was difficult to articulate.
“Mm, Cen Cen. Today I performed ten surgeries, one of which was for a rather prominent official. It looks like the bonus at the end of the month won’t be low. Hold on, I brought some medicine back for you...”
As Lan Xiaobu spoke, he moved to pour himself a cup of hot water. He then carried it over to sit by the bed and took out a small box from his pocket, carefully retrieving a pale golden pill and offering it to Su Cen's lips. “Cen Cen, take the medicine first.”
Su Cen did not take the pill; instead, she reached out her frail hand to grasp Lan Xiaobu's. “Xiaobu, this medicine is too costly. My illness cannot be cured; we should give up…”
“No, Cen Cen, I can definitely cure you. Just hold on a bit longer. Recently, I’ve been learning traditional Chinese medicine from an incredibly skilled senior. I’ve gained some understanding of your condition. Trust me, one day I will be able to treat your illness…”
Su Cen extended her hand, wanting to stroke Lan Xiaobu's hair, but her strength failed her, and she couldn’t manage it. Lan Xiaobu crouched down slightly, allowing her hand to finally reach his hair.
“Your hair has all turned white; you’re not even yet forty, yet you already look aged…” Su Cen’s voice grew increasingly ethereal. “Xiaobu, remember, if there is a next life, don’t marry me again. Be a bit selfish and find someone who loves you… I’m sorry, Xiaobu, I’m so tired of breathing…”
“No, if there is a next life, I will definitely marry you,” Lan Xiaobu held onto Su Cen's hand, his tone leaving no room for doubt.
“Why? I…” Su Cen couldn’t speak further. She knew Lan Xiaobu understood her meaning. From their marriage until now, even while bedridden, she had never truly loved him. She felt guilty towards him; yet, some love could not be conjured at will.
Lan Xiaobu's eyes were filled with softness. “Cen Cen, I’m worried you won’t have anyone to take care of you. I worry that you won’t sleep well at night. I’m even more worried that you’ll cry alone at night with no one to wipe your tears. All this time, I haven’t thanked you for marrying me, for accepting a plain person like me. I only regret that I can’t cure your illness and cannot bring you some joy.”
“Xiaobu…” Su Cen couldn’t help but shed tears. She closed her eyes, deep inside she had resolved never to burden Lan Xiaobu again, never to burden her husband.
Su Cen didn’t even know how she managed to get up; she dashed out from behind the protective wall...
What was the protective wall for? Su Cen felt pain in her head.
But soon she heard Lan Xiaobu’s roar, “Why, why aren’t you stopping her?”
She understood that Lan Xiaobu was angry at the soldiers guarding the exit of the protective wall. If only the soldiers could stop her, she wouldn’t have been able to dash out. But deep down, she knew the soldiers would never stop her. For someone like her, it would be better to die; at least those within the protective wall wouldn’t have to expend resources on her survival.
“Haha, why should we stop her?” a soldier said coldly. “Let me out.” Lan Xiaobu regained his composure, speaking with an extreme calm.
“I’m sorry, Doctor Lan, you cannot go out,” the guard’s tone was somewhat cold.
Su Cen was allowed to go out because a person like her was just a waste of resources inside the protective wall. However, Lan Xiaobu could not go out; he was a doctor, an exceptionally skilled one. In this era of pollution, everyone knew just how vital a doctor was.
Su Cen listened in terror to Lan Xiaobu’s words. “Xiaobu, you mustn’t come out, please…”
Lan Xiaobu let his tears fall freely as he grasped the railing at the exit, looking out at Su Cen with an almost desperate gaze. “Cen Cen, do you think that without you, I can survive on my own? Without you, I no longer know the purpose of living.”
“Xiaobu, I’m sorry, I have to go first…” Su Cen suddenly regretted recklessly charging through the protective wall. The despair in Lan Xiaobu’s eyes shook her very soul. At that moment, a sensation blossomed within her—could this be love?
Why had she always thought she didn’t fall in love with Lan Xiaobu? Was it because she had no way out that she was rebelling by marrying Lan Xiaobu? Perhaps when she married Lan Xiaobu, she hadn’t yet developed feelings for him. But now, she was about to lose Lan Xiaobu, and her soul pained with the fear of him coming after her.
“Xiaobu…” Su Cen wanted to say something more, but her eyelids felt heavy, and her hand slowly fell as her consciousness seemed to sink into a dark abyss. She faintly felt regret, regret that before dying, she hadn’t expressed the deepest feelings within her heart to Lan Xiaobu. Her apologies weren’t because she hadn’t loved him, but because she couldn’t stay with him.
Having supported each other for twenty years was no longer a habit; it was love.
…
“Su Cen, Su Cen…” A violent shaking roused Su Cen from her slumber.
She lifted her head to see a familiar face and instinctively said, “Meixun, what’s wrong?”
“Su Cen, why were you crying even while asleep…” Zhang Meixun looked at Su Cen's tear-streaked face blankly, somewhat bewildered.
“Ah…” Su Cen snapped back to reality. This was the library; she had only dozed off with her head on the table. It was merely a dream, and she hurriedly took a handkerchief to wipe her face.
Zhang Meixun also came to her senses. “Su Cen, you’re something else, dreaming so vividly.”
“Meixun, has Lan Xiaobu been captured?” Su Cen suddenly felt a strong urge to see Lan Xiaobu. Why had all her recent dreams been about him?
Zhang Meixun didn’t think much of it; Lan Xiaobu was their classmate, so Su Cen’s inquiry was normal.
“No, he hasn’t been caught. I didn’t expect it, but it seems Lan Xiaobu has such a fierce side. Normally, he is quite shy and honest, being the youngest among us…” Zhang Meixun sighed.
“Maybe there’s a special reason,” Su Cen instinctively defended Lan Xiaobu.
Zhang Meixun shook her head. “Regardless of the reason, he shouldn’t have acted so ruthlessly.”
Su Cen lapsed into silence; she didn’t know what to say.
Zhang Meixun spoke again, “By the way, Senior Ji Ning asked us to join him for a meal, and I specifically came to get you. It’s at Tianhai Restaurant; let’s go together.”
It was common knowledge that Senior Ji Ning had feelings for Su Cen, and Su Cen also held some affection for him. Her coming to invite Su Cen could also be seen as helping Senior Ji Ning.
Su Cen forced a smile. “I won’t be going; I have some matters to attend to, and I may need to leave Haiyang for a while.”
At that moment, Su Cen wanted to go to Hu Prefecture, to inquire at Kunhu Hospital. She felt uneasy about not seeing Lan Xiaobu.
Ever since their last meeting, with so many dreams and subconscious scenarios, could it all have been merely her imagination? The interactions between her and Lan Xiaobu were so sparse, how could she have conjured those scenes?
(Today’s update ends here, good night, friends! Please do support with some tickets.)
(End of this chapter)