The Lunatic's Muse (1)
“Si-silk pajamas? Ha, I can do it! Just leave it to me!” The young tailor, who looked about Patrick’s age, answered with a voice brimming with determination.
What the hell? Why’s he like this? Patrick’s eyes narrowed at the tailor’s confident reply.
“A capable tailor……?”
“A promising tailor!”
“……?”
“……?”
Patrick tried to check the tailor’s skill with Oren just in case, but their conversation ran on parallel lines.
“Ah, there seems to have been some misunderstanding. Heh heh.” Oren smiled faintly.
“This fellow’s name is Josh.”
“It is an honor to meet you, Master Wizard!”
“No need for all that……” Patrick looked at the tailor with an expression that clearly said he had no idea why the man was treating him with such deference. Josh quickly introduced himself.
“I have five years of experience. I trained at a clothing shop in Eltron, and now I’m preparing to open my own atelier!”
“You’re independent?”
“Yes, I was fired from the shop I used to work at!”
“……”
It seemed odd to announce that with such a cheerful face, but since the man himself didn’t appear hurt, Patrick decided to let it slide.
Anyway, all I need is new clothes. What do I care about experience? Thinking about it, the emergency medicine kits and soap he had consigned for sale still hadn’t sold out completely, so there was no way he could afford to hire an expensive artisan and bring them all the way out here.
“You really can make silk pajamas, right? I also need a robe with flashy embroidery, and everyday clothes that look stylish without trying too hard. Ah! And work pants!”
“……Ah! I can do it!”
“Before that, you’ll need to make promotional outfits first, heh heh.”
Once the situation seemed roughly settled, Oren cut in.
“Shouldn’t we check the contract first?”
A men’s cosmetics market. What was this, like forming a boy band in the Joseon era?
***
With the village chief and several residents watching, Oren continued his briefing.
“……Therefore, I believe the market potential is sufficient.”
“Wow!”
Clap clap clap!
“Why are you kids even here? You’re being noisy.”
“If it’s something Teacher’s doing, we should know about it too! We’re your disciples!”
“That’s right!”
The children, who had no idea what they were clapping for, lined up in the front row and chimed in.
“So, Oren, you think this will work?”
“Yes. Everyone harbors a desire to emulate the upper class. However, wearing elaborate clothes or accessories can be cumbersome and costly, don’t you agree?”
“That’s certainly true. You can’t wear clothes with dangling frills when farming or selling goods.”
“Nor can you buy multiple accessories and change them every day.”
“Exactly! Moreover, caring for one’s skin isn’t merely about imitating the upper class—it provides immediate personal satisfaction. That’s why our merchant group intends to pioneer this new market.”
Encouraged by the villagers’ positive reactions, Oren added more explanation.
They don’t seem particularly repulsed by the idea of men grooming and adorning themselves. In that regard, this world felt far more flexible than the 21st century. When he thought of supposedly open-minded America or Europe, he remembered how rigidly “masculinity” was enforced there.
They call you gay for the slightest thing, don’t they? Bright clothes? Gay. Accessories? Gay. Even putting on sunscreen? Gay!
Thinking back, how open-minded had our ancestors been about this? Men pierced their ears, adorned their hat strings with jewels and silk ribbons, carried scent pouches, and paid attention to their smell. That’s what a real man does.
Europeans used to wear wigs and powder their faces too, back in the day. With that in mind, maybe men’s cosmetics really could sell here?
“……But if it fails, do I have to pay off the debt too?”
That was the real problem. He didn’t have a single coin to his name, and if he got caught up in some reckless business venture and ended up in debt……
Also, is it even okay for an exile to run a business? That’s another thing to worry about. Even if exiles were only forbidden from leaving the village, there was still the matter of a criminal’s mindset.
The most terrifying crime in the world is offending the powerful. What if this business became wildly successful and word reached the high nobles in the capital?
— What? The one who started this business is an exiled criminal?
— My, my! The world truly is coming to an end!
— A criminal who was exiled as punishment should live in repentance……!
— Seize this insolent fellow at once and throw him in prison!
“……No way!”
“Pardon? What do you mean by ‘no way,’ Master Wizard?”
Patrick, who had been lost in his own imagination, shuddered violently.
“Um, do I have to appear publicly as the face of the business?”
“Well, we were planning to let people know that you invented these cosmetics and, as I mentioned earlier, use your portrait……”
“……Ugh.”
When Patrick looked reluctant, Oren quickly offered a new suggestion.
“Of course, it’s also possible for you to simply provide technical consultation and receive a share of the profits!”
“Oh, really? ……But the portrait……”
“What if we don’t reveal your name? If we present it as a simple promotional illustration rather than a portrait, no one will know whether there’s an actual model or not.”
“Is that allowed?”
“Of course! What matters is that men think, ‘I want to look like that,’ not where that ideal appearance comes from or what its owner does.”
In truth, Oren found it regrettable that they couldn’t use the title “wizard from the capital’s mage tower.”
Still, the important thing is using that appearance. Sensing that Patrick was interested in the business itself but reluctant to step forward, the merchant decided to give up on what he had to and focus on practical gains.
“Then, the technical consultation fee……? Ah, you’ll also pay for using my image in the promotional drawings, right?”
“Ah, of course! We’ll compensate you generously. How does this sound?”
Oren modified a clause in the contract he had prepared in advance and filled in the numbers. He smirked.
“If I ask for more, will you give it?”
Ah, wonderful.
“……”
“……Haha……”
Damn it. Again, my inner thoughts came out the opposite way.
“This is already the maximum amount we calculated. Adjusting the ratio further would be difficult. However, what if our merchant group covers all the costs of making personal clothes for you while producing the promotional outfits? Including accessories as well.”
“Oh?”
Not bad. There was a limit of ten outfits, but it was still better than the current situation of rotating the same two sets of clothes.
Custom-made clothes are expensive, after all. The tailor seemed unreliable, but anything was better than nothing.
Thus, Patrick signed the contract with his elegant handwriting.
***
“You’re thinner than I expected.”
“Am I?”
Right after signing, Patrick began taking measurements without even time for a cup of tea.
“No wonder you keep collapsing.”
“Yeah. My dad used to say a man needs a thick torso.”
“I heard thick thighs are the key?”
“No! Thick calves are the best!”
The children, who may or may not have understood what they were saying, had followed all the way to watch the fitting like spectators at a gallery.
“By the way, Tailor.”
“You can call me Josh. It feels a bit embarrassing to be called a tailor when I don’t even have my own atelier yet.”
“Ah, right. Josh. Can I ask you something?”
“Yes, of course.”
Josh answered while meticulously measuring Patrick’s neck circumference, arm length, and even the distance from elbow to wrist.
“Why were you fired?”
“……Pardon?”
“Whoa—this is our teacher, but he’s really rude.”
“Seriously.”
“I heard wizards all lack social skills. Guess it’s true.”
The children each added their commentary like an audience.
“No, no, it’s only natural you’d be curious!” Josh waved his hands dismissively, even using polite speech toward the children.
“Actually, I often clashed with the previous head tailor over opinions.”
“Clashes of opinion, you say?”
“Our visions were a bit different, I suppose?”
With that, he quickly sketched something in his notebook.
“For example, something like this. Let’s say there’s a customer with this body type—a middle-aged gentleman with narrow shoulders and a bit of a belly……”
“Whoa!”
Before long, the children had gathered around, marveling at Josh’s drawing skills. Among them, Tommy’s eyes shone the brightest.
“If a gentleman with this body type ordered a tailcoat that tightly cinched the upper body, I believe it’s a tailor’s duty to recommend a different design. After all, clothes should maximize a person’s strengths and compensate for their weaknesses.”
Patrick nodded at Josh’s explanation.
What do you know? He seems to have real pride in his profession. He also appeared to have genuine expertise.
“I take it the head tailor at the shop didn’t like that?”
“No…… There were some issues with customers……”
“Issues?”
“They said the ordered clothes didn’t arrive properly……”
“What? Don’t tell me you altered the clothes without telling the customer and sent something else?”
“Because it suited them better.”
Josh nodded without a hint of shame even as Patrick stared in disbelief.
Is he just a lunatic? No matter how good the intention, how could he change someone’s order without saying a word?
“Wouldn’t it have been better to explain from the beginning?”
“If they refused, I’d have to make clothes that don’t even suit them, right?”
He’s a lunatic. Definitely a lunatic. And yet, why did he look embarrassed?
“That’s why I was so happy about this commission!”
“……”
“To meet Master Wizard in person and make the most suitable clothes for you! This is exactly what I’ve always wanted!”
With a dreamy look in his eyes, Josh gazed at Patrick the way a chef might look at a prime cut of meat and think, How should I cook this? Patrick shuddered.
“……Still, for the clothes I wear regularly, you have to reflect my opinions.”
“But beauty……”
“You’re fired.”
“B-but we signed a contract……!”
“So what. Frankly, I’m already a criminal. Adding one more crime won’t make me lose anything.”
Patrick switched to casual speech and spoke arrogantly, pressuring Josh to choose.
“My muse! My one and only muse that I finally found……! The muse who can express my artistry……! Gurk!”
Has he lost his mind? Who decided I was his muse?
“Are you going to make the work pants or not?”
“Gurk!”
The children watched the two adult men’s exchange and silently resolved never to become adults like that.