Chaos (1)
Living life, when was the first time I truly felt a wall? It had to be right after I fell into the forest and went a proper round with Porori.
Back then, I was so damn weak, while Porori was already ridiculously strong. I'd black out from a single hit more times than I could count.
But day by day, I got closer, and eventually, I claimed victory. Leaving a mark of that win was just icing on the cake.
Thanks to that, I learned walls can be overcome with effort. The thrill of it is something time can't erase.
"From now on, every weekend, I'll help you control your Rampage. Until the day you can trigger it yourself, Brother Sivar."
"What happens when I can control Rampage on my own? Keeping my sanity intact is the real issue."
"We'll find out then. But Rampage is essentially a kind of awakening ability. The odds of losing your reason are low."
"Awakening ability?"
Luna tilted her head at Lize's explanation, her face saying she'd never heard the term before. She still had far more unknowns than knowns.
She possessed a talent that defied time, but experience couldn't be filled that way.
Now back in her saintly mode rather than her Kwonseong form, Lize smiled gently and explained slowly.
"It's a technique that boosts your overall abilities, including your physical ones. It guzzles mana and stamina, but the gains more than make up for it."
"Like how priests enhance physical abilities?"
"Similar, but different. You have to activate it yourself—no one else can do it for you. If you want, Luna, I can teach you."
"Really?!"
Luna's eyes sparkled at Lize's straightforward offer. She's trying to get it for free again.
Anyway, an awakening ability was basically a self-only buff. The huge stamina drain meant it was usually a last-resort move.
Hector's style—wrapping his whole body in lightning—was a prime example.
"Yes. But there are conditions. First, your body needs to adapt to mana. Second, you need a massive stamina pool. Fail either, and it's unusable."
"The first can be handled with compression and refinement. What's the benchmark for the second?"
In Soul World, the minimum stamina for awakening was 100. Even that didn't last long. Like game specs—minimum 100, recommended over 120, probably.
"I'll tell you gradually. But if you're around Kara's level, you'll manage."
"Huh? Me?"
Kara blinked at the sudden mention, her green eyes filling with questions.
"Can't you use an awakening ability too, Kara?"
"Yeah... but outside real combat, I hardly ever do."
In a spar, it was just a spar—they fought barehanded. Using awakening wouldn't have changed the outcome anyway.
Put another way, even Kara found it burdensome. Especially for a Gulrak follower.
Hector needed that intense lightning shroud just to function—anything less, and you'd collapse.
"You heard her. For now, build your stamina. 'Stamina is national power' isn't just a saying."
"Yes..."
Full circle back to training—Luna's face fell, boredom plain as day. She never forgot what she learned once.
But repeating it for mastery? That's what bored her.
"If you want, I can boost your stamina short-term. If you can keep up."
"I'll do it!"
"Good. Come here after classes end. Lord will allow it, right?"
"Do as you like. It's not like I can stop you anyway."
While I was struggling to escape hell, she was diving in headfirst. I gave a pitying look to Luna's beaming smile.
She had no clue what she'd just signed up for.
Even game characters puked from that training.
Chaos-chosen players got dragged by Lize for endless sessions. Playable characters literally had vomit animations.
But Lize pushed on regardless. No matter how much you tried to flee, she dragged you back.
And Luna isn't even Chaos-chosen, but she's getting it anyway?
Lize had a keen eye—maybe she just took a liking. Kara had her own routine untouched.
Still, Lize's training built strength fast. If you survived it.
I silently offered condolences to Luna's upcoming hell. She'd waste away day by day.
"Anyway, we're wrapped up. Brother Sivar?"
"Yeah."
"I get you need rest, but can you hear me out now?"
No thanks. Wanna stay longer.
I shook my head side to side instead of answering.
After Lize drilled death into me, I'd sought comfort to calm my rattled mind. Ellie, naturally.
Her method? Simple. She hugged me tight, patting my back.
I wanted to bury my face in her chest, but the angle only allowed a full embrace.
What perfect timing—like a ghost.
She wasn't here originally. But she showed up right on cue.
I'd made a miserable face and clung to her the second she arrived. She accepted my babying with open arms.
"Give him a bit. Look how scared he is."
Ellie knew my heart best. Her insight rivaled Kara's.
As she patted and soothed, I burrowed deeper. Warmth enveloped my whole body.
Her genuine hug melted the fear filling my heart, bit by bit. I felt her chest press against me, but oddly, no lust stirred.
Just pure comfort.
"Hm. Fair enough—it's scary stuff. The shock was huge, so let's talk back at your place."
"Sounds good. Right, Sivar?"
I nodded at Ellie's question. That'd do.
Regretfully, I eased out of the hug. Her face came into view—cheeks faintly flushed, smile utterly innocent.
Her blush suggested I'd squeezed too hard. No restraint on my part, so yeah.
Apologize later.
"D-Didn't hurt, did it? My chest must've made it stuffy."
"Not at all."
Far from it—I felt recharged. Fear swapped for calm.
Plus, I should've asked. I'd hugged hard enough to redden her face, yet she hadn't made a peep.
"Good. From now on..."
"No weird talk—let's go. Can't camp here forever."
As Ellie started to speak, Kara's voice cut in. Her booming tone drilled right into my ears.
I turned to look. Arms crossed, displeased scowl.
Wonder why.
"And Ellie—don't spoil Sivar's habits. Baby him in moderation."
Kara called out Ellie's behavior next. Fair—I did whine whenever I got the chance.
Ellie knew and nodded. But her follow-up had merit.
"Cut him some slack, sis. He grew up in the forest. Might just be realizing what loneliness is."
"Hugs are a great remedy for solitude, by the way. They can even cure depression."
Lize backed Ellie up. Her medical and experiential expertise was top-tier.
Nights brought inexplicable loneliness and isolation. Sleep wouldn't come for other reasons.
Mornings felt great because of it. Humans are social for a reason.
"...Really? Guess can't be helped then."
Kara conceded, no ground left to argue with Lize's testimony.
She glanced at me, coughed into her fist, eyed us cautiously, then spoke softly.
"...Fine. I'll help a little too. Just hugs, right?"
"Huh? What?"
"Can't leave it all to you, Ellie. I said I'd help anytime, remember?"
She had. Though heavy on misinterpretation, no big deal.
Didn't expect her to bring it up now.
Ellie's golden eyes flicked side to side.
"N-No need! I can handle it alone. You have personal training, sis."
She tried staying calm, but her shaky voice betrayed her fluster.
Kara either missed it or didn't care, replying nonchalantly.
"Psh. Hugs are easy. We did it during training anyway."
"Wh-When? What do you mean?"
"Know grappling? Saint knows, right?"
"Of course. Grabbing foes, slamming them down, choking 'em out—techniques demanding close contact."
Lize explained kindly again. Medical and martial master—walking encyclopedia.
Ellie's eyes shook harder. Total surprise.
At a loss, she turned to Luna, stammering for confirmation.
"I-Is that true? Y-You train with them too, Luna."
"Yeah? I do it too. What's the big deal?"
"Y-You too, Luna?"
"Problem?"
Luna genuinely tilted her head, clueless. Ellie's expressions shifted live.
In this utter chaos, only I stood blankly. (Lord had already left, FYI.)
"Trying to hog it all."
Then Kara's voice hit my ears. I shot her a look.
Her signature grin. Did she say 'greedy'?
"What was that? Sounded non-standard."
Lize, with my sharp hearing, asked Kara.
"Nothing. Just mumbling to myself."
"Tatar tongue?"
"Yeah. Saint knows our language?"
"No. Other nations maybe, but Tatar was a mess back when I pilgrimaged. Heard Hector unified it—didn't he?"
Tatar, huh. Why'd I understand it?
What the hell are you?