Briquet Pussy Fountain Phenomenon
I took one deep breath and opened the door.
"Director."
"Why 'Director' again? I told you to call me hyung."
"Director, what kind of work did you do in the fertility information system?"
"You interrogating me?"
Do-hoon's voice dropped low.
First time.
The man who always smiled wasn't smiling.
"No, sir. I just wanted to confirm."
"Confirm what."
"Lee So-eun. 013052004. You accessed this data."
Do-hoon set his coffee cup down.
"Taeo."
"Yes."
"Just delete the logs."
"Lee So-eun is my friend."
"Ah. Is that so?"
"I'm not deleting the logs."
Do-hoon's expression hardened.
One second.
Two seconds.
"Please tell me what you did."
"Lee So-eun, you said?"
"Yes."
"Did she get a sterility ruling, by any chance?"
"Uh... how did you know that."
"You want to help her?"
"Yes... I want to help her."
"Then fix your attitude first."
This was a threat.
"Ah... yes, I'm sorry. I was out of line."
I bowed my head.
So-eun mattered more than my pride.
"I can make Lee So-eun live as a normal D-grade."
Right.
For him it was easy.
Just tweak the data a little in the Birth Control Bureau DB and it was done.
If I wiped the access logs too, it would be a perfect crime.
"Whether she's actually fertile or sterile doesn't matter. She just has to live like a normal person."
"Yes..."
"Shall we?"
"Please do it for me."
I bent at the waist.
"Kids these days, the nicer you treat them the more they try to climb all over you. You know what I mean?"
"Yes. I understand."
I didn't lift my head.
Do-hoon rose from his seat.
Footsteps came right up in front of me.
"Go delete the logs. And fix that attitude of yours. Come when I call you."
The hallway.
My feet wouldn't move.
So-eun had a chance now.
But.
Why had Do-hoon touched Lee So-eun's data?
He already knew before I said anything.
About the sterility ruling.
I hadn't even told him...
I went back to my desk.
Turned on the monitor.
My hands settled on the keyboard.
I typed the access-log deletion command.
My fingertips trembled.
Enter.
Fuck.
What the hell did I just do.
I sat there staring blankly for a long time.
Da-in was watching me from her own desk.
I just...
I wanted to see Su-jeong.
I didn't know why.
On the way home after work, I was walking toward the bus stop.
Da-in hooked her arm through mine and clung close.
"Oppa? I want to taste the tongue that ate late-night snacks."
"I didn't eat lunch. Won't taste like anything."
"Today one of the unnies at the company kept looking at me and laughing."
"Why?"
"She said she watched the broadcast. Teased me about being Briquet Pussy..."
"Hah."
"It's not like you've got balls for me to kick."
"Haha."
"That unnie asked what Oppa's dick feels like."
"And?"
"I told her it felt like a fire hose going in."
"Haha, you ever put a fire hose in? How would you know."
"Damn. Right? How did I know?"
"Hahahahaha."
The dirty, uneasy feeling just disarmed itself completely.
Da-in tightened her arm around mine even more.
Sly little fox.
While I was walking with Da-in, a text came in.
My balls buddy, Jeong Han-seok.
That son of a bitch, what's his problem?
I tapped the link.
It was a terrestrial news channel.
Da-in peeked over from beside me.
The screen switched.
It was our living room.
The scene of Su-jeong holding my dick up to the camera.
"Ah, this particular shot... has been mosaicked."
"Of course. Haha."
My mosaicked dick was on terrestrial television.
The National Sperm and Crazy Bitch couple currently has a combined 410,000 subscribers, and peak concurrent viewers have surpassed 1.7 million. Including recorded-viewership numbers, the total exceeds 5 million — the highest record in RomanceTV history.
Street interviews came on.
"We've also got expert analysis. Let's hear from Professor Kim Hyun-tae of Seoul National University's Department of Sociology."
The anchor nodded.
"Well. Calling it a signal that she wants to be loved feels a bit... We obtained other footage. This is Jeong caught on police station CCTV. Take a look."
"You fucking bastards, I'm going to kill every last one of you. Your balls are going to explode and you'll all go sterile. You sons of bitches..."
The screen showed Su-jeong kicking Kim Seon-dong's balls and raising hell.
"That's the reaction Jeong unleashed while kicking a man's testicles. Professor, what's your take?"
Even on broadcast you could see the professor's body trembling.
"Shocking. I'm scared I'll go sterile myself."
"Meanwhile, another figure making waves this month — Kim, known by the nickname 19-Year-Old Virgin — is also drawing attention."
The screen switched.
From the moment Da-in undid her blouse buttons onward, it was a mosaic mess.
"Kim participated directly in the National Sperm couple's broadcast, generating explosive reactions, and is also known as Briquet Pussy."
"Briquet... Pussy?"
The female anchor paused for a second.
"Yes. It's the nickname National Sperm gave her."
"Pff. Ah... yes. How amusing."
The female anchor lightly covered her face with her papers.
More interviews came on.
"An expert analyzed the 19-Year-Old Virgin character as follows."
A psychiatrist in a white coat appeared on screen.
"The Birth Control Bureau stated it is taking note of this case as a positive example of fertility-encouragement policy, and announced that special support funds will be paid upon successful pregnancy."
"The National Sperm and Crazy Bitch couple. We cheer for their pregnancy."
The female anchor said it with a smile.
"We cheer for Briquet Pussy too. Haha."
The male anchor laughed as well.
"Meanwhile, there's one more thing that became a hot topic from this broadcast. Namely, National Sperm's... physical size."
The male anchor cleared his throat.
"On that subject, let's hear from Professor Kim Hyun-ji of Seoul National University College of Medicine's Department of Urology."
The screen switched.
A young female professor in glasses sat with a serious expression.
"You analyzed the broadcast from a medical perspective?"
"Yes. I... well, watched it for research purposes."
"Of course."
"The average adult male measures approximately twelve centimeters when erect, but based on on-screen estimation, National Sperm appears to approach roughly twenty centimeters. What's even more remarkable is the shape."
An anatomical diagram analyzing my dick appeared.
"I can't go into detail due to broadcast regulations, but this penis has ample academic research value."
"Jeong, known as Crazy Bitch, stated on broadcast that it felt like her pussy was going to tear — is that medically grounded?"
The professor adjusted her glasses.
"It's not an exaggeration. At that size, it can place considerable physical strain on a partner. An adaptation period is necessary, and without sufficient preparation, micro-tears can actually occur."
"And yet Jeong continues the relationship voluntarily — why is that?"
The professor paused briefly.
"That... is a question outside the medical domain."
"Haha. Understood."
"However, one thing I would add: in the case of Kim, known as 19-Year-Old Virgin, despite it being her first experience, the bodily response shown on broadcast was a classic physiological reaction that appears under extreme arousal. What's astonishing is that it occurred from hugging alone. This too requires academic study."
"You're referring to the Briquet Pussy fountain phenomenon?"
The professor adjusted her glasses again.
"...Yes. That's correct."
The female anchor covered her face with her papers once more.
"Pff. Finally, any last words?"
The professor looked straight into the camera.
"To raise the birth rate, genetic research on specimens like National Sperm is urgently needed. The government should further..."
I turned the screen off.
Fuck.
It was so absurd I laughed.
But Da-in had stopped walking.
She wasn't moving at all.
"Da-in."
No answer.
"Hey."
"..."
"Da-in."
"Oppa."
"Yeah?"
"I... was on terrestrial news."
"Yeah."
"As Briquet Pussy."
"I know."
"Did the whole country see it?"
"Well... probably?"
Da-in's mouth opened, then closed.
"How... am I supposed to go to work tomorrow."
"Hahahaha."
I wasn't supposed to laugh but it burst out of me.
"They called it the Briquet Pussy fountain phenomenon."
"Yeah hahahahaha."
"I feel like I'm going to die. A Seoul National University professor analyzed me."
"Hahahaha."
"My pussy became a subject of academic research."
Da-in grabbed my arm.
I couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying.
"Damn it, what do I tell my mom?"
At those words the laughter stopped.
Ah, right.
Come to think of it, I have a mom too.
"Oppa."
"Yeah?"
"Can I introduce you to my mom?"