Hello, I'm Meat Shield Number Three
…Well, it depends on the subjugation difficulty, but a typical raid party is usually made up of thirty-five members. First in are the vanguard squad, the ones who get thrown into the dungeon ahead of everyone else to crack it open. Right behind them comes the strike squad, who handle the real heavy lifting of clearing the place. In the rear you have the support squad, patching up the wounded and backing up the front lines. And finally, the processing squad, whose lovely job is to manage and dispose of all the monster corpses. Every single squad matters, yet the one nobody wants to touch with a ten-foot pole is the vanguard. Bluntly put, they’re called bait or meat shields for a reason. They’re that disposable.
Hello. This is Meat Shield Number Three speaking.
That’s right. In three hours I was scheduled to become a meat shield.
“Somehow the two of us ended up in the vanguard together.”
“…Well, the moment I heard I was joining the raid party I could already see the mountain of suffering waiting for me, but still…”
“It’s fine. If it’s something I’ll have to go through eventually, I’d rather get it over with early.”
The voice and the look in those eyes were full of bright, positive energy. It was a surprisingly gentle smile, especially coming from someone with such sharp, cold features.
“I’m really lucky to be paired with someone like you, Mr. Kies. My survival rate just went way up.”
“Hehe. I haven’t even shown you what I can really do yet.”
“Just the fact that you’re here is proof enough. After that, what matters most in a raid is each person’s mindset, since one individual can decide everyone’s fate… and you’re a positive person, Mr. Kies.”
“Mindset?”
“Raids are group operations. A single careless mistake can doom the whole thing, so I believe it’s important to know what kind of attitude your comrades bring to the party.”
I answered with a simple smile, and Kies blinked at me with that famously blank expression.
“…I’m surprised.”
“Huh?”
“I didn’t expect you to have such upright values.”
It felt like getting hit in the foot with the axe I trusted. What exactly are you trying to say, Mr. Kies? Even a book landing on your foot hurts; an axe just straight-up shatters it. No, an axe tears your foot clean off.
Did he think I was a complete lunatic?
Honestly…! I had no comeback. When the crazy person himself calls himself crazy, it’s pretty obvious what kind of look people will give him. But still.
I’m a person too, you know…
Even lunatics have pure hearts and feelings. When someone you thought was good suddenly treats you like a raging psychopath, it stings no matter how crazy you actually are.
“……Huh?”
I clutched my chest and put on a perfectly balanced mix of genuine hurt and playful sulking.
“Ah, no, I’m sorry! The rumors about you are so loud that I unconsciously developed a narrow-minded view…!!”
“No, that’s understandable. I know exactly how I come across to people. Still… ugh…!”
When I clutched my chest a second time with an even more wounded expression, Kies started fidgeting, clearly unsure what to do with herself. Seeing someone who normally looked so aloof and elegant panic like this was strangely entertaining.
I really am a lunatic, aren’t I.
I was diligently stacking up my daily lunatic points again today.
“I’m really, really sorry! I tend to speak without thinking, so I’m truly, deeply sorry.”
Kies pressed her hands together in a pleading gesture, looking genuinely distressed. Under normal circumstances, someone like me would never get an apology. The usual response would be something like After all the shit you’ve pulled, you piece of garbage. But this… this was a beautiful, wonderfully human scene.
Kies. You really are a good person…!
I was the type of villain who enjoyed teasing kind-hearted people, but there was no need to show my rotten side on our very first meeting. I was just about to flash her a smile and say I was only joking~ when—
“———Rain?”
A deeply uncomfortable frown. Shien, who should have been with the strike squad, had appeared right in front of me.
“…The hell?”
I was already on edge thanks to Chloe’s meddling, and yet here Shien was, showing up at the worst possible moment. I decided to call this particular brand of misfortune “the heavens hate me.”
“So what exactly is the relationship between you two?”
That was what our bold little spark, Chloe, had asked me about two weeks after I started attending the academy.
“That’s right! This young lady is also incredibly curious about the relationship between you two!”
“…Me too. A little?”
“Isn’t it common courtesy to at least let a guy catch his breath, ladies?”
I had used my precious free time that morning to buy a huge bag of the bread they all loved, yet the first thing I heard upon arrival wasn’t “thank you” or “wow, I’m so touched.” It was “so what exactly is the relationship between you two?”
Even a sage like me sometimes ends up as a bread delivery boy. No matter how many years you live, you can never see even an inch ahead of you.
This must be part of my atonement too…
Muttering that to myself, I set the paper bag full of bread on the table and looked at Shien.
“What exactly were you all talking about?”
“…We didn’t talk about much. They just started asking on their own.”
“Come on, it’s only natural to be curious. How did two people who seem to have zero points of contact even meet?”
“Exactly. It’s obvious that Mr. Rain likes Miss Shien, but what’s even more noticeable is that Miss Shien only treats you kindly. As a romance-loving young lady, I simply must hear the truth directly from both of you!”
“…Why are you all looking at me like that? I’m allowed to be curious too…”
“Roselia. I didn’t say anything.”
“…I don’t care. Just tell us already.”
Roselia grumbled as she grabbed a piece of bread. The others followed her lead, picking up bread and drinks, clearly ready to settle in for a long story. But—
“We’re not in some grand relationship or anything.”
Honestly, what was there even to say? My connection with her was nothing more than a one-sided continuation born from my own self-satisfaction.
“I told her I’d make her happy.”
A relationship created solely for her happiness. From the very beginning, that was the only thing I could say to her.
“…Whoa.”
Chloe’s mouth formed a perfect little circle as she blinked.
“Hweh?”
Aine froze solid.
“…Haaa.”
And Roselia’s eyes sparkled with an ecstatic expression.
Each of their reactions was different, but the way they looked at me was exactly the same. It screamed what a perverted bastard. Their sly, knowing smiles were positively wicked.
“…What? What does that look mean?”
“Oh, nothing~. Just thinking that you really are a man after all♥.”
“This is it! This is the refreshing directness I’ve been craving from the stuffy, ambiguous conversations of high society lately!”
“…Is this what they call fated love?”
“What are you even talking about? Shut up and eat your bread.”
“Yessir~.”
When I waved them off in annoyance, Chloe was the first to snatch up a piece of bread. She then proceeded to mash it against her tightly pursed lips.
“…Hey, are you messing with me?”
“You should shut up and eat too. This is really good, you know?”
“If I had properly ignored you back then, we wouldn’t be in this kind of relationship…”
“Oh my, you were planning to ignore me completely?”
“If only I’d had a little more courage to be hated. I’m already hated plenty, so what was I so afraid of by adding one more spark to the fire…”
“Pfft. That honest side of you is exactly what I like, you know? That rough way of speaking that doesn’t fear even someone from the Asher family. Even if you say you hate it, I have a feeling we would’ve ended up like this anyway, darling?”
“Ugh, goosebumps. I’m feeling too burdened, so I don’t think I can hang out with you anymore, Chloe. The bread’s getting cold.”
“Why don’t you take a bite before talking? Or should I just keep my mouth shut and eat? My face is going to get all shiny at this rate.”
“…Fine, I lose. Please open your mouth and eat.”
“You should’ve done that from the start. Mmm~♥ Thanks for buying the bread~.”
Chloe gave me a mischievous smile and happily munched away. The other two also gave me appreciative glances before elegantly using forks and knives to eat their bread.
Being around these girls really drains me.
I had planned to graduate from the academy for both my sake and Shien’s, but I was starting to worry I’d be writing a withdrawal form and carrying it around soon. Shien, you need to come to your senses and find normal happiness. That really was the only answer.
With that earnest wish, I took out the bread I’d saved for Shien and turned to look at her…
“…Shien?”
“I’m really happy right now.”
There she was, wearing an incredibly satisfied expression.
“You’re going to make me happy, right?”
“I promised, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, that’s right. Rain promised to make me happy.”
“So all you have to do is focus on being happy. For today, let’s start with some light happiness from this bread———”
“There’s a more certain way.”
“Huh?”
Shien reached into the shoulder bag she had set aside and started rummaging through it. When her hand emerged, it was holding paper and a pen.
“Sign this first.”
“Huh?”
“Then I think I’ll become incredibly happy.”
“…For real?”
“Yes.”
“But Shien, signing something is a very serious matter. People say you should treat signing your name like staking your life on it……”
“I think I’ll become happy.”
Shien smiled brightly and smoothly slid the paper and pen across the table. Where on earth had she learned to smile like such an adorable little devil—shameless yet impossible to refuse?
“What’s wrong?”
“You eat so elegantly. You’re the best.”
I shot a quick glare at the prime suspect, Chloe.
“…You know I trust you, right, Shien?”
“I trust you too, Rain.”
“…I’m signing, then?”
“Yes, please do.”
Shien showed no sign of backing down. As a mage who was extremely skilled at calculating gains and losses, I still ended up carefully drawing a signature line on the blank paper and signing it after hearing just a few words about how it would make her happy.
“Here, this should———”
The moment I set down the pen and paper, Shien snatched them away. No, she practically stole them.
“…Shien?”
“From now on, you have to listen to everything I write here.”
“———What?”
“If you just follow these, I think I’ll be able to live much happier than even you hoped for, Rain.”
“…Um, Shien? Isn’t the order a tiny bit reversed here? This doesn’t sound like a request, it sounds like an order……”
“Thank you always, Rain.”
Shien beamed and took both my hands. Just as I usually gave in to her clear smile, she usually gave in to mine. In other words, we were both pathetically weak to each other’s smiles. Meanwhile she neatly placed the paper on her own thigh with careful delicacy.
“……Shien. No matter how much I love seeing you smile, this feels a little forced, don’t you think?”
“I won’t write anything you hate.”
“Well, that’s true, but…”
“Or do you not trust me?”
“Shien? This isn’t about trust or———”
“You don’t trust me…”
In the blink of an eye her face fell into a look of disappointment. Before I knew it, tears were welling up in her eyes, making them shimmer…
Shien, that’s not your character, is it?
You usually threaten people with those dead eyes, not cry. You’re not that kind of friend.
“…Huh?”
Completely unprepared for Shien’s tears, I froze on the spot.
“Aww~. It’s so ugly when someone says one thing and then does another~.”
“This is unacceptable! We cannot hand our dear Shien over to such a flaky man!”
“Wait, you don’t trust her? So all that talk about making her happy was complete bullshit!?”
At some point the three girls had gathered tightly around her and were now showering me with loud jeers.
…Girls? You’re not taking my side at all? Is this really my fault? It can’t be, right…?
Being forced to sign a contract without knowing any of the clauses is something no world would consider reasonable.
I had simply spoken from common sense and basic rights. That was all.
“Break up with our darling right now!”
“It seems I’ve been mistaken about you this whole time, Mr. Rain. I’m very disappointed.”
“…And I was rooting for your fated love.”
What were these annoying sister-in-law types even saying? I was witnessing the saying “three people make a tiger” in real time. The problem was that instead of a tiger, these three had created some miraculous logic that completely rewrote common sense.
This is giving me a headache.
I let out a helpless laugh. Anything I said now would only make me look like the villain. Besides…
“…Sigh. I really don’t know what to do when you cry.”
Seeing Shien hang her head without saying a word made my chest ache too much to bear.
“Fine. I was wrong, okay? So please stop crying.”
I stood up and turned away for a moment to look for a handkerchief inside my blazer. After grabbing one, I turned back to wipe Shien’s tears and…
“…Shien, are you smiling right now?”
It was a mischievous smile I had seen many times before. A brazen, playful grin that looked like it had been waiting for this exact moment to tease me. And it was on Shien’s face, of all people. When exactly did the academy open a theater department…?
“…Because I’m happy.”
“If that’s true, then why does your face clearly say ‘just as planned’?”
“…Th-that’s just your imagination.”
She quickly brought a hand to her mouth and averted her gaze. But I saw it. Shien had definitely held back a laugh just now. I clearly saw the corner of her mouth twitch upward.
“…What’s wrong?”
“They say that one who stays near ink becomes stained. I seem to have made a very big mistake…”
“Hey! I never taught her anything like that!!”
Chloe’s face flushed bright red as she realized the shamelessness had come from her, and she exploded in anger.
“Hehe. Thank you, Rain!”
And there was Shien, already busily writing down the clauses with impressive speed.