The Weight of Atonement
The unity of all things, the butterfly’s dream, the unity of subject and object, Zhuangzi’s dream, the oneness of mind and matter… Average match time so far: one minute and thirty-five seconds. Every single match ended without allowing a single valid hit. Every match ended in a knockout. Minimum thirty-five points earned per match. In short, I was rewriting history.
“You put up a good fight.”
Whoosh—! I slammed a heavy hook into the panting mage classmate. A death rattle escaped him as blood-mixed spit burst from his mouth. Clutching the spot he’d barely managed to guard, he crumpled powerlessly to the ground.
Winner – Rain
The announcement rang out across the arena for what felt like the hundredth time. At the same time, another window popped up.
Current Rank: 1st Grade | 0pt
Promotion to 1st Grade confirmed.
After a long, grueling struggle, the monumental notification of my promotion to 1st Grade echoed through the air. I stepped out of the arena with a satisfied smile, quietly encouraging myself.
“You worked hard to get here, Rain.”
Maybe it was because the story of a boy who rose from the very bottom to the top made for an inspiring tale based on true events, but the way people looked at me had definitely changed.
“What? Never seen someone compliment themselves before?”
Still, the dirty looks hadn’t disappeared. I raised my hand threateningly toward the nearest offender.
“Hey, twin-tails. First time picking a fight with me?”
I made sure to personally teach the freckled twin-tailed girl—who’d thought she was safe because she was standing far away—the harsh absurdity of life. I was a master of harsh education, the kind of lesson money can’t buy: mess with a crazy person and your life becomes exhausting. Literally a true teacher. A real educator. That’s me.
“Shoo.”
Like someone flapping their whole body to chase away pigeons, I did my absolute best to drive off every last annoying pigeon around me in order to create a peaceful resting space free from any disturbance. Most of the pigeons scattered in fright at the wild gestures, but every once in a while there were mutant specimens.
“…What are you looking at?”
These ones would spread their wings, glance around sneakily, then fold them again. Already acting like they were about to take flight yet staying put was a massive deception in itself, but these mutants went even further with the audacity of actually staring me in the eye. These shameless pigeons had clearly lost all fear and mutated because of it.
“I said, what are you looking at…?”
But don’t worry. As the self-proclaimed Pigeon Doctor, I have accumulated a vast amount of data through ample experience, and within that data lies the proper method for dealing with fearless mutants. I’ll cut to the chase and tell you the method.
“Want to get hit and leave? Or just leave?”
By teaching them fear, I transform mutant pigeons back into ordinary ones. Also known as the ‘If threats don’t work, let’s check if maybe the threat wasn’t strong enough’ strategy.
“Just so you know, my fist is closer than the law around here.”
“Hiiik—!”
Just as my theory proved correct, the moment I smiled, clenched my fist, and closed the distance, the fearless mutant pigeon instantly reverted to a normal one. A mad magician who could even rewrite the genes engraved in their body. That’s me.
“If you’d just gotten out of the way earlier, everyone could’ve been happy.”
Heave-ho. I flopped down, lying spread-eagle. Time had already slipped by until the sunset hung overhead, and my rank was gradually becoming set in stone. Especially since the number of people confirmed for 3rd Grade had been decided faster than expected, the middle ranks could no longer fluctuate between promotion and demotion. As a result, 2nd and 4th Grades were also closing out one after another.
What was worth noting was the number of people who had finished locking in 1st Grade. As expected, both Roselia and Chloe Asher had already secured their spots. Thanks to them stepping aside, an astonishing situation had occurred where three more people passed. The number of people who could still receive 1st Grade was now five.
And among the five remaining in 1st Grade, the ones who could be called confirmed were me—the one currently writing legends—Aine Blair with 40 points… and Sien with 45 points.
I tilted my head slightly as I stared at her current status on the screen.
“It’s surprising, yet at the same time, not really.”
Separate from the fact that I never doubted Sien possessed potential, I had always thought her actual strength was still lacking. That made sense— if she truly had overwhelming power, she would have resisted and overcome the violence and pain directed at her. But she hadn’t.
Even though she possessed enough strength to secure 1st Grade, she never resisted.
“…It’s probably more accurate to say she couldn’t.”
The fact that she could fully draw out her talent was a positive sign. On the other hand, the fact that she couldn’t resist the things that tormented her despite having talent was a negative one. It meant the mental pain she carried was agonizing enough to kill, and her wounds were so deep they might never heal.
“Let’s think as positively as possible.”
From my position, it simply meant I should focus entirely on her inner healing rather than her external growth. Of course, that wasn’t an easy path. After all, even though Sien had helped me for several years in my previous life, I still ended up becoming the villain who brought the world to ruin.
“———Wait a second?”
I shot up from my seat. An absurd hypothesis flashed through my mind, and before I knew it I was sweeping my bangs back, letting out dry laughs nonstop.
No way. The things I think “no way” about usually end up happening, so I normally avoid saying the word “no way”…
“What if Sien was born with the fate of a villain?”
A sigh slipped out. Fuck. My head went numb and chills ran down my spine twice over. The one person who had been the only one capable of stopping me—now I was supposed to stop her instead? With this pathetic body? Are you serious?
‘I can’t. There’s no way I can.’
It was still an unknown situation and I didn’t need to jump to conclusions, but the mere imagination of that horrifying possibility made my lips refuse to close. I had been planning to work hard, but after imagining something so ridiculous, the thought of simply working hard felt completely insufficient. I would literally have to risk my life.
Whether I liked it or not, I had to stake my life without question. Because if Sien awakened as a villain, there would be no one in this world who could stop her.
“Is this also karma…?”
I’d only been thinking for three minutes, yet somehow I felt more exhausted and drained than if I had fought for four hours straight.
———Ah, PTSD.
In my previous life, whenever I felt like I was going to die, Sien’s sword had always been aimed at my vital points. Just thinking about experiencing that again…
‘Fuck, I’m so goddamn scared.’
I still had to fight at least two more matches, but the thought made me want to just quit citing mental and physical weakness. The moment I decided to lie down, interlace my fingers, and at least space out to calm my mind and body—
Vrrrr—.
As if the day was determined to be the worst, my terminal started ringing energetically.
“Ugh, you’ve got to be kidding me~.”
I knew I had a mountain of karma I needed to repay, and that no matter what form it took I had to accept it gratefully… but right now I was in a state of mental and physical weakness, you damned world. Besides, the match had only ended less than ten minutes ago…!
“Knowing when to join in and when to step back is what makes someone truly cool and fun to be around, you piece of— haa…”
My lost words drifted aimlessly through the air before sinking to the floor. Was this literal proof that the world had given up on me?
“Whatever, it’s probably just a notice telling me to come back in five minutes.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing any further communication with the world. The moment I tried to use magic to block my hearing so I could be left alone for just a little while—
“The time of judgment has finally arrived!!”
A sharp voice that drained the energy from anyone who heard it.
‘Please. Please don’t let it be me.’
Mountains are mountains, water is water. With the mindset that I am the audience and the audience is me, I poured my entire soul into stealth—
“That rudeness you showed toward a noble! I, Aine, will make sure you pay for your crime!”
With my entire soul into stealth—
“You there! How long do you plan to keep lying down while I, Aine, am speaking?!”
Stealth—
“Don’t ignore me…!!”
———Goddamn it.
“I am the sinner.”
With a deep, dry laugh and an enlightened expression, I rose from my spot. I slowly opened my eyes halfway and looked straight ahead…
“Eugh—! To look at me with such an annoyed gaze… This is the first time I’ve suffered such an insult!?”
“Is this a dream?”
I gave my head one firm nod, then flopped back down.
“Aaaah!! How could you?! How can you lie down again?! This is the first time in my life that I, Aine, have been insulted like this!!”
“…Heh heh, so it’s not a dream after all.”
So this is how painful and agonizing karma truly is. Everyone, please live virtuously.