Game Day

"I'm in the mood to play a game today. It's been a while."

"Nope, not a story game. It's a roguelike."

Beast Hunter — the game I'd told Yubin about — was releasing this week.

But hadn't I been away from gaming for far too long? Which meant I needed rehab. Sure, the TS buff might come with some class, but the form itself had definitely rusted over. Of course, with every record of me ever playing this game erased, the viewers wouldn't think twice even if I flopped. But it still lived in my heart — and if I retired even once, what kind of pathetic excuse for a gamer would I be?

Fortunately, there happened to be a roguelike trending on livestreams right now, so nobody pushed back.

"Ah, it's not Vampire Survivors."

Not that I was saying I'd be playing that one. I'd already unlocked every character before my regression, played the full release, and burned myself out on it completely.

"It is a Vampire Survivors-like, though."

Nobody would know, right? I pulled the game up on the screen that, until a moment ago, had shown only my avatar.

"Here it is — a game called Death of Fate, released today."

A piping-hot title, barely two hours old.

"Zero reviews so far. So if I beat it and write the very first review, that should cover it, right?"

Two hours to clear would be about right, surely.

"Oh, thank you for the mission."

Three attempts…? Hmm. That felt… dicey. But I'd accepted it, so I had to at least try.

…That stung a little.

If it were anything else, fine — but you're poking at my gaming skill? This was one of those things I had no choice but to take on.

"Shall we get a run started?"

And so the game began.

"…Wow, it's not very user-friendly."

Everything — controls included — just started with zero explanation whatsoever.

"I need to at least learn the keys, so let's pause for a second."

I hit Esc and opened the key bindings. Hmm… WASD to move, and some weapons attack in the direction of the mouse? Nothing special there. Digging a little deeper, there was nothing that deviated from the standard Survivors-like formula.

Well — all the better for me.

"Let me explain for anyone unfamiliar with the Survivors-like genre first."

I ignored that one.

A minority, but there were indeed people who didn't know. I continued.

"It's a defense game. Enemies swarm you from every direction, and if you survive for thirty minutes, you clear it. Killing those enemies drops experience orbs, and leveling up with them expands your weapon options."

Ah, I hadn't explained the upgrade system yet.

"Also, every so often a chest drops, and if your passive weapons synergize with an active one, the active weapon evolves."

In the end, the whole genre fit in one sentence.

"In other words — it's a pure luck-based garbage game."

That's the hallmark of a Survivors-like: no matter how bad your control is, if the drops cooperate, a first-try clear is possible. Which might raise a question — wait, you said you were doing rehab, so why bring a luck game?

The reason I picked it was simple. I just suddenly felt like playing one. These genres hit that "I need this right now" itch once in a while, don't they? Today just happened to be one of those days.

Consistent as ever, this chat.

"Alright, explanation's done — shall we actually play?"

The moment I hit Esc to unpause, enemies started swarming in from the edge of the screen.

"…That's quite a lot, isn't it?"

…This game was even more garbage than I'd thought. I made that assessment, then checked the chat.

Yep, everyone felt exactly the same way.

"Generally speaking, even first-timers can hold out until the ten-minute mark."

No matter how bad at games you were — ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠barring someone deliberately faceplanting — ten minutes was the baseline. Yes, generally.

"But… this game doesn't exactly strike me as a typical game, so I honestly can't say…."

If the screen was already packed with mobs at level 1, what kind of apocalyptic hellscape would it be around level 30?

Ah, I deleted the wrong one. …Well, they had needled me, so deleting them was only fair.

While I was busy moderating chat, the distance between me and the mob horde kept shrinking.

"Oh, at least the level-ups are coming along nicely."

A blessing in disguise, maybe? The mobs were numerous, sure, but their defense was pathetically low, so the experience flowed freely.

And then—

"…Well. This game is certainly well-made."

There had been no particular problems up to the fifteen-minute mark. But once elite monsters started spawning past that point, everything changed.

"Four defense-type elites closing in from all four directions is a bit…."

I was already surrounded by other mobs, so I couldn't even punch through.

"And I failed to find my combos, so I only managed two evolutions…."

Honestly, I agreed with them. Setting aside my own skill, the run was structurally unwinnable. Thinking so, I pressed the button to concede the mission. A shame, but oh well.

"Oh, thank you for the new mission."

Five attempts, starting now? Hmm… genuinely borderline. With five tries, I could burn three learning the combos and use the last two for actual attempts. Doable… maybe. First, let me gauge the mood of the chat.

The sight of my viewers wailing that it couldn't be done stirred my contrarian streak.

"I'll give it a shot."

Leaving behind the viewers who clearly hadn't expected me to try, I launched the game.

And so, attempt one.

"Wow, truly. What a mi— an amazing game! A godgame! A GOAT game! Really!"

Mid-run, the game lagged out and my character stuttered around before drifting straight into the middle of the mob pack all on its own, and died.

"Whew… let's go again."

Attempt two.

"…And what exactly is this supposed to be?"

The game had simply cut off. Died. No warning whatsoever…!

"…There are still three attempts left, so I'll see this through, then uninstall."

"No, stop throwing money at it just because it's a safe bet!"

Attempt three.

"Ah, so close. Well, at least I've learned all the combos now."

So close… but the next run had a real shot. I could feel it!

Attempt four.

"…Pure luck garbage game. Truly."

No matter how long I held out, not a single item that matched what I was running ever dropped.

"Okay! My bad luck is officially all spent now!"

Attempt five.

"Ack!"

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

Tsk… so close. One single second. If I'd held out just one more second…! If only I'd picked up that health-regen item earlier…!

"Sigh… Anyway, I'm calling it a mission failure."

"Well, if you insist, I certainly won't say no."

And so — the final attempt.

"CLEARED! HA! Uninstalling, right now!"

I quit the game, deleted it on the spot, and pressed the mission success button.

Huh?

"…When did the mission prize get this big?"

Come to think of it, I hadn't checked the prize money since partway through, had I? I'd muted the "additional donation" notification sounds too, since they distracted me.

…Why do I feel like a charity case right now?

"Anyway — thank you. Honestly, this is a lot of money, but I regret bringing this game even more than I appreciate it."

…Unbelievable.

"Well, the game's uninstalled now, so let's go write that review."