Fast Food Paradox
Sometimes there are days like that. Days when you're not sure if the person you're dealing with is a total jerk or just passionate.
"That's too much! You can't do this! Do you know how much effort I put into making these? Snatching them away like this so easily—it's just wrong!"
"Um..."
"And that price! It's outrageous! How much did they lowball you? No way! At least 20%! You deserve at least 20% more!"
"Well..."
"Got it, Elizabeth? Chin up. Your handmade pies are worth it! I, Alipena, the godmother of pies, certify it! Your pies aren't some cheap knockoffs!"
"Teacher...!"
"...Excuse me, aren't you two competitors?"
"Supply's low, demand's high. No need for a price war, even with rivals!"
Actually, doing the opposite would be collusion. Turns out later that the two had once been teacher and student, now soulmates who compete sometimes but collaborate others.
...Still, interfering with each other's contracts like that? Kinda over the line, right?
Anyway, after drafting four satisfactory contracts for all three parties, lunchtime was already winding down.
"...Not that hungry."
Too focused on work, maybe. Or perhaps because I'd sampled a slice from each pie batch while inspecting the goods. They were small tasting portions, but my stomach felt surprisingly heavy. The sugar, probably.
"Still, if I skip now, I'll crash this afternoon... Better grab something light."
No real craving, but gotta fuel up. A tiny tip every all-day worker knows: Lunch breaks are short, and sometimes just filling the tank is enough.
Times like this, only one option.
...The interdimensional fast food chain Zero Hourz.
True to the name, it's for people with no time to spare. But since it's for the truly busy, the food gets mixed reviews on taste.
"Your ham cutlet burger set is ready!"
"...Haven't ordered yet? Just added it to the kiosk."
"Pay up, and it's yours right away!"
"Ah, sure."
Order on the kiosk, and boom—food's out. Ultradimensional fast food, for real.
"Saw it in the future, y'know? That guy's gonna order twelve fries."
"Excuse me, cash—no, twelve fries."
"Told ya."
"Whoa, you can really see the future? Jealous..."
"Eh. Honestly, your time acceleration's what I envy. Speed up just the fries and oil, done in three seconds. Perfect fit, right?"
Zero Hourz staff all share one trait: time manipulators—regressors, possessors, reincarnators. They popped up like weeds during the spacetime munchkin boom worldwide, but lost jobs when popularity tanked, stories got boring, or authors ghosted.
So many spacetime munchkins out there, even fast food joints have fierce hiring wars. Great power comes with great responsibility—or in this case, unemployment irony.
"Customer 1,787! Dual Root Burger set up!"
"Customer 2,833! Double Double Cheeseburger set ready!"
"Ah. Mine's here."
Personally, my top pick's the cheeseburger—extra patty and cheese on top.
"...Huh?"
What's that? Never seen it before.
One kilo beef, one kilo pork. Not patties—full steaks, two slabs on a monstrous burger.
"Heh... this temptation's irresistible..."
Ah, giant-sized menu. Dual Root, huh? One root (kilo) each of two meats. Intuitive yet weird name.
"Wanna try it sometime..."
Grab the set, hunt for a seat. Crowd's insane, but turnover's fast—spots open quick. Lucky, one's right in front.
Sit, sip the drink first.
...Pepper soda. Not bad.
Always wondered what flavor it was; this sip confirms it's decent. Kinda like sweet herbal medicine over straight pepper. Polarizing, sure. But that medicinal tang whets the appetite perfectly. Good thing, since mine was off.
Burgers are forgiving—you can eat 'em any way. My method: compression. Palm down on the wrapped burger top and bottom, squish the bun flat. Unwrap, and it's more sandwich than burger, popping out neat.
Started for the beard, but bites easier, chewier bun texture—solid perks. Not for bun purists, but great for chew lovers. Hence, always Double Double Cheese: two patties, two cheeses.
"...Weirdly unbalanced."
Fast food pros: cheap, quick, reliable baseline. Sure, some suck hard, but you fill up fast and affordably. Flaw sometimes bites back, though.
"Patties too fresh. Fancy cheese too. But the bun's bottom-shelf..."
Balance. Cheap buns, cheap patties, cheap cheese, cheap veggies—that cheap harmony sings sometimes. Survives the hate because it delivers minimum viability. All cheap ingredients, yet synergy explodes.
Why so tasty? Balance. Mains usually star one ingredient: steak's meat, samgyetang's chicken, tteokbokki's rice cakes and fish cakes. Burgers? No clear lead. Bun? Patty? Nah. So cheap stuff meshes wild.
Think matchups. God-tier pros clash epic; total noobs fumble funnier. Half-baked squads with one star? Predictable snooze. This cheap burger should've been that low-quality synergy thrill...
"Disappointing. Betrayed expectations."
Half-assed premium patties and cheese wrecked the balance. Meats overpower, isolating from the rest. Cheap synergy crumbles; score tanks. One each might've worked; two tips it over.
"Still, this price for this quality? Insane. Beyond a fast food joint's paygrade."
Disappointed by overly fresh, premium patties? Full belly whining.
Sip the pepper drink. Ah—high-end herbal just now, now cheap herb. That meat's elevating itself while dragging everything else down. Too good for fast food.
"Hm."
Shake off the patty betrayal, reach for fries. Large size.
Zero Hourz fries: pencil-thin, ultra-crispy, salt avalanche. Fingers get pickled crisp eating 'em. Slow-eat bliss, sucking salty digits. But solo quick munch? Forbidden technique time.
Hoist the fry bucket whole. Clamp a few like a cig between teeth. Gulp like a pelican swallowing fish.
Salty. Nutty. Crunchy.
Suddenly hits: Every chain's fries differ. Thick chewy, thin soft, saltless nutty... But Zero Hourz reigns supreme, IMO. Rock-hard crisp like crackers, not shriveled. Coarse salt crunches amid snaps, then salt bomb explodes. Ketchup adds sweet flood. Potato, tomato, salt—simple bliss overloads body and soul.
Chug drink...
"Ugh... Can't get used to it."
...Pepper cola might be a stretch. Tasty, but surprises kill the groove. Fun novelty meal, meh for routine fuel.