This Pleasant Suffocation
This pleasant suffocation feels wonderful no matter how many times I experience it. If I died like this, it would probably count as a blessed death. But I didn’t come here to bury my face in Teacher’s chest and perish, so I boldly pulled my head free from that heavenly valley.
“Mmm~ How can you be this cute! Are you really not interested in becoming my graduate student?”
“No… I have far too many things I need to do instead of enrolling in graduate school, so I’m afraid that’s impossible.”
“What a shame… It would be so much fun if Artin came by. Ever since the Rose Pavilion incident, the atmosphere around here has been so gloomy…”
When I turned her down, Senia’s face crumpled into the exact expression of a large dog that had just been denied its walk. Still, I had to refuse firmly. Even if I spent every waking moment building up my strength to defeat the Demon King, it would never be enough. Becoming an alchemy graduate student? I’d probably spend the next five years groping Senia’s breasts and then die happy.
“Then could you at least participate actively in the alchemy club? Please? It’s always just me, Charles, and Claire cleaning the room every day!”
“…All right. I’ll come visit Teacher as often as I can. Will that be enough?”
“Yes! Artin really is such a good boy! You always listen to Teacher’s requests!”
Her emotions swung so wildly with a single word from me that anyone watching might suspect bipolar disorder. It wasn’t strange, though. Since her unconscious self had surfaced, these were undoubtedly the feelings she had wanted to express to me all this time.
…She wanted to make me her graduate student this whole time? That’s actually a little creepy.
Still, unlike the other professors, she had never once directly asked me to become her student. She must have been holding herself back the entire time. The reason was painfully easy to guess.
…Because Teacher has an incredibly kind personality.
Anyone who had read the novel knew Senia Reeves was kind. But actually interacting with that gentle, beautiful half-elf professor felt completely different. During my first round, when I went to her for counseling about dropping out, I hadn’t understood her at all. Back then I still thought of everyone in this world as nothing more than game NPCs.
That had been nothing but arrogant delusion. Senia’s personality might seem artificially pure, but she represented a type of person I had never once encountered in my life.
“Teacher, do you ever experience any memories you can’t explain, or vague, lingering emotions with no clear origin?”
“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean? Vague emotions? Wait, does that mean Artin and I were actually childhood friends who got separated?!”
Of course she wouldn’t remember. In the second round, third round, and fourth round, I had deliberately kept my distance from her. There was no way any memories could have taken root.
“Then are you kind to me because you covet my talent?”
“Hmm… Teacher doesn’t understand what you’re saying, Artin. Covet your talent?”
“…Are you being nice because you want to make me your graduate student?”
“Of course not! Doing good things while expecting something in return is wrong!”
Her bright answer held not the slightest shadow. There was no hesitation that came with lying, no hidden agenda lurking beneath the surface.
“Master, that…”
“I know even without you saying it. That was undoubtedly sincere.”
I didn’t need Sirca to read her unconscious to understand. What Senia’s unconscious was saying was the truth. Actually, most people’s unconscious selves wouldn’t even answer such direct questions.
“…Then, Teacher, do you like me?”
“…Oh my?! Was it that obvious!? How embarrassing…! Since when did you know?”
People normally don’t reveal their most important emotions, memories they want to hide, or their weaknesses. That’s why succubi have to dig all the way down to the deepest layer if they want to shatter someone’s mind.
Yet Senia’s unconscious was clear and pure. It was as if she didn’t know how to suspect others, as if bestowing goodwill was the most natural thing in the world.
Until now, I had found that kind of Teacher burdensome, which was why I had avoided getting close to her even through the fourth round.
“There~ Now that we’ve heard Teacher’s answer, everything’s perfect! Pure love sex route confirmed!”
“…”
“…Master? Why do you look so serious all of a sudden?”
Sirca wouldn’t understand. No, none of the people I had met in this world would understand. They couldn’t know why this emotion was rising up inside me right now.
“Are you okay, Artin? You look really pale… Would Teacher’s hug help?”
“…Yes. Please hug me. Hold me warmly.”
When Senia looked at me with worried eyes and offered, I spread my arms and pulled her into an embrace. Normally I would have been thrilled by the soft sensation of her chest pressing against me, but right now…
…Teacher is different from all the others.
I was trying to overcome my PTSD with the warm body heat that enveloped me.
In this world, some people live believing they are special. Others live believing the exact opposite. People who think they hold no value whatsoever, who feel guilty simply for existing, mental dropouts whose self-esteem and confidence have been utterly shattered. Yang Hee-min had been one of those people.
The sad part was that it hadn’t come from an inherently negative personality. The environment had made him that way.
It started with something trivial. In a childhood memory now faded, he had argued with the other orphanage kids over something insignificant. The problem was that when the other boy realized he was losing the argument, he had picked up a rock and charged.
“Waaaaah! Waaaaaaaah!”
“Oh dear, Hee-min! What on earth have you done?!”
By the time the orphanage teacher arrived, the boy who had attacked with the rock was crying on the ground with a bloody nose. In Hee-min’s hand was the very stone the boy had swung at him. From that day on, Hee-min was branded as the orphanage’s problem child.
It was unfair. He had explained that the other boy struck first. He had explained that he had only taken the stone away. But the boy who got along well with the other children had them all lie, claiming Hee-min was the one who attacked first with the rock.
“All the children can’t be lying, can they? Teacher saw it too. How long are you going to keep lying? At least tell the director the truth!”
Looking back now, those words might have been an adult’s subtle demand to quietly accept the blame, reflect, and let the matter pass. But Hee-min had always possessed a rebellious streak, both then and now.
“…No. I didn’t do it. Everyone is lying!”
He couldn’t accept something he didn’t believe. So Hee-min never accepted the false charge. He remained labeled as a problem child until the day he left the orphanage.
—Because no one had believed his words.
School was the same. In the childish hierarchy of the classroom, a poor orphan with no parents and no money was naturally a target. Throughout his school years, Hee-min endured the children’s contemptuous gazes.
“Teacher! He smells like trash!”
“Teacher! Hee-min called us fucking bastards!”
“That’s right! Earlier on the playground he called me a retard!”
Hee-min had never done any of those things. Living in the orphanage had taught him that if he didn’t stay quiet, he would be the one cursed at. But to the other children it was just a fun game. Before long, Hee-min had been firmly established as the orphanage kid who hit others, stole things, and spat curses.
The evaluation never changed no matter how many grades he passed. Whenever something happened, the teachers suspected Hee-min first. They called the orphanage. The orphanage teachers scolded him and demanded he live a proper school life.
“What? You want to be a police officer? Shouldn’t you first learn how not to fight with other kids?”
His dream in elementary school had been to become a police officer. His sixth-grade homeroom teacher had laughed at him and blamed his behavior.
“Hey, with your grades, what teacher? You’re always fighting. What teacher could you possibly become? Forget it! As punishment for being late today, go clean the bathrooms. Got it?”
His dream in middle school had been to become a teacher. He wanted to correct the unfairness he had experienced. But his second-year homeroom teacher wrote in his student record that he displayed antisocial behavior, had poor learning attitudes, and possessed a violent personality. The reason was simply that Hee-min had never once given him a bribe.
“What? You want to go to university? Kid, what university would take you? Do you even have money for tuition? Just write that you’ll get a job after high school.”
His dream in high school had been to attend university. But the homeroom teacher, who only cared about the children from wealthy families, wrote “civil servant” in Hee-min’s career aspiration field and ended the personal counseling in one minute.
After roughly twenty years of suppressed life and exposure to school violence, surrounded by adults who never protected him, distrust and lethargy naturally took root in Hee-min’s mind. The helplessness of believing nothing he did would ever be acknowledged. The distrust that society’s adults would never care about him. Those two negative emotions followed him into society, and after being betrayed by the only person he had believed was his friend, they became convictions.
Naturally, even after he began living as Artin in the novel through a twist of fate, those feelings continued. The only person he could believe in was himself. Living quietly, as if dead, was his true nature.
…The fact that the character he possessed was Artin made him wonder if the author had known him well. He had thought so at the time.
During that first round, two people had been most important to Artin. The first was Shao Mei, who followed him throughout the entire round and erased both his distrust in humanity itself and the deep-rooted helplessness in his heart.
“Artin, your expression looks dark again today. Is something wrong? Is there anything Teacher can do to help?”
And the second was Senia Reeves, who had erased his distrust toward teachers. A kind, bright teacher who always paid attention to her students. She was exactly the kind of person Yang Hee-min had dreamed of but had never once met in his life.