I Want to Go Home
I Want to Go Home
The game's tempo, honestly speaking, was absurd, and I had to realize that it was impossible for a normal body to keep up.
Unlike in the game, where you could take thousands, tens of thousands of steps just by tapping the keyboard, my legs had limits.
The fact that I had to rest my trembling legs countless times meant that there was bound to be a clear difference between the game's play speed and reaching the Ending while considering realistic problems.
Yet, despite such differences, I wondered why the day for battle was approaching so quickly. The thought that after just one more night's sleep, there would be a fight made me sigh.
My unconscious sigh startled even me, and I opened my eyes wide to look around. Fortunately, it seemed no one had noticed my sigh, which was a relief.
The spoon clattered, but I merely fiddled with it, not putting it in my mouth.
Why was the food so tasteless? Had my sense of taste gone bad?
If my sense of taste were dull, I might be able to eat anything deliciously. Even if it were sensitive, I should be able to find and eat delicious things. But beyond those issues, I simply couldn't taste anything properly, which frustrated me.
There's no joy.
I had to fight the game's monsters, but I was too busy fighting my Trauma.
With a body like this, I couldn't satisfy my Sexual Desire, I couldn't taste properly, making it hard to satisfy my appetite, and as for satisfying my need for sleep, I hadn't been able to sleep properly for the past few days, making me feel mentally exhausted.
When I finished my meal, having eaten only about half, others had continued eating without stopping, and I noticed those who had already emptied their plates.
And then, Agnes wiped her mouth and spoke.
"Speaking of which, Kylon. If there's a battle tomorrow, do you have a plan?"
"I'll tell you about it later at the inn."
"Ah, in that case, let's do that."
Kylon, having heard Agnes's question, indicated with his gaze that this was a crowded restaurant. Agnes seemed to realize this, and with an "Ah, right," she nodded.
At least she realized there was a plan.
Next came Linda's voice.
"So, it's training again today, right?"
"...She should take it easy."
And then, Flora snorted and said that.
I wondered if Flora had noticed because the moans were too loud, but Linda, perhaps unaware of how loud her sounds were, retorted as if provoked by Flora's words.
"What are you talking about! If you skip training for even a day, you'll notice it quickly!"
"Oh, I'm sure you would~"
Flora, as if displeased with Linda, shrugged her shoulders mockingly and said that.
Looking at it this way, Flora seemed to know for sure.
More than that, Agnes would surely know, not be ignorant, but she showed no reaction.
No, was she trying to pretend not to know and let it pass, but Flora tackled it?
Linda, ignoring the mocking Flora, turned her head to stare intently at Kylon, as if appealing to him.
Even I could understand that gaze. It was a silent appeal: "We're doing it again today, right?"
Of course, outwardly she says "training!", but I know that in reality, it's sex disguised as defeat.
So, whatever. As I quietly fiddled with the Potion in my bag, Kylon's answer came out.
"...No, let's rest today."
"Huh, what? Why?"
"We need to prepare for tomorrow, so I think we should rest a bit. Come on, I'll pay, let's go."
Leaving the dejected Linda behind, Flora, who snickered as if pleased, trotted off, and soon my dinner was over.
On the way, I bought a canteen full of water with the allowance Kylon gave me, and then I stepped into a single room at the inn.
Sitting on the bed, as I drank water to soothe my rumbling stomach, the door burst open.
"Cough! Keheuk!"
Startled, I flinched, causing the water to go down the wrong pipe, and I coughed it out. Kylon, looking flustered, stared at me with wide eyes.
"Uh, uh? What, what's wrong?"
"Ah, no, I just swallowed wrong."
I replied, and tried to casually wipe the water from my mouth. But Kylon's Cheonggyeol Mabeop was faster, and the moisture on my mouth was instantly gone.
I expressed my gratitude with a wry smile, closed the canteen lid, and set it aside. Kylon scratched his head and said to me.
"Do you want to sleep in that room over there? Or should we share a double room?"
It seemed Kylon was worried about me.
So, was his refusal of Linda's training earlier because of me? Or did he just intend to rest today?
I couldn't know his true intentions, but since asking wouldn't make me feel any better or worse, I shrugged and replied.
"I'll just use this room."
"Then you might self-harm again if you're alone. And I can't exactly tie you up and leave."
"...Please don't tie me up."
Kylon seemed to think I was someone who needed protection, someone who might self-harm at any moment.
Perhaps that's why he seemed reluctant for me to be alone, but I had no intention of listening to him.
He had just entered Linda's capture route, so I had no idea why he was suddenly focusing his attention elsewhere.
He hadn't even fully captured her yet, and to be concerned about me while Linda, who was in a lover's position, feeling pure love and even jealousy, was right there, it simply made no sense for him to be concerned about me.
Do you know how uncomfortable that stinging gaze was, which I felt once during lunch and again during dinner today?
But if I were to point that out and force him to accommodate me, Kylon would clearly not be at ease. So I just gave a bitter smile and said I was fine.
"I'm really fine. I don't have a knife, and if I were to, say, bang my head, you'd hear the sound next door and know right away, wouldn't you?"
Even though I was so earnestly asserting that I was fine, Kylon seemed unconvinced, and just stared at me with a subtle expression.
"......."
In the awkward silence, he carefully approached and plopped down next to the bed where I was sitting.
We looked in the same direction for a moment, but his gaze, glancing at my face, felt so blatant that I turned my gaze away and spoke.
"What about Linda?"
He had just settled down, and it felt rude to tell him to leave right after he sat down, so I just brought up any topic.
Well, partly, I hoped that hearing this, he would stop worrying about me and turn his attention to Linda.
Kylon, who moved his mouth a few times as if savoring something, nodded towards the next room and answered my question.
"She's in her room right now. She seems a bit down because I didn't train her..."
I knew nothing about this game. It was hard to even discuss what the characters were originally like, or anything like that.
So, Kylon would know better why she was sulking right now.
And even I, who hadn't played the game, could immediately guess.
But could Kylon's roundabout way of speaking be considered more of a consideration not to speak carelessly in front of me?
Even while thinking that, the thought "He, really?" made me answer bluntly.
"Even without training, she'll probably cheer up once you have sex. Go and cheer her up."
When I first heard Kylon explain this game, the thought that crossed my mind was: "Even if I live a life of abstinence, if he just faithfully fulfills his Sexual Desire, he'll reach the Ending quickly."
In this Tteoktaji Yagem, by capturing heroines, the Hero, who grows stronger by that much, gains enough power to defeat the Demon King.
So, I couldn't tolerate everything getting messed up here and the heroines and everything else disappearing just because of me.
Because I want to see the Ending and go home.
But Kylon's reaction, whether he understood my feelings or not, only made me groan.
"Hey, tell me honestly. I don't know why you're going this far."
As that question came to me, I turned my head to glance at him.
My continuous pushing him away, my indifference to who he had sex with, and the fact that I was silently keeping to myself so as not to spoil his fun, even while self-harming, seemed to displease him, and his Glabellum furrowed.
To Kylon, who was frowning like that, I carefully opened my mouth.
"...I want to go home."
A small room, just big enough for one person. A dark room with a single computer.
That was the only space where I could be, and also the place I missed the most.
Someone might call it pathetic enough to say it was no different from a prison, but since my world was inside the computer anyway, I could say there was no place as vast as that.
Coming to a place like this, feeling pain I didn't need to feel, and feeling like I might go crazy and stab my body with a knife without a second thought, there was no reason for me to grow fond of this place.
As I was mumbling like that, Kylon, perhaps feeling a bit different from me, clicked his tongue.
"What's so good about home, anyway..."
"Do you prefer it here?"
Well, I liked home, but Kylon didn't seem to.
Since that could be the case, I had no intention of forcing my opinion on him.
One might say, "What's so bad about having lots of money and friends!" but that's just an enviable situation from my perspective; he must have his own personal worries.
"...Well, I guess it's more comfortable here. No, wait, what am I saying when you've been through something like this? I'm sorry. I misspoke."
"No, it's fine. It happens."
Seeing Kylon still caring about me even then, a bitter smile naturally formed on my face.
I, who had furrowed my Glabellum and raised the corners of my mouth, then carefully removed my Veil, tidied my long black hair that reached my waist, and then opened my mouth.
"...So, what should we do?"
Kylon didn't want to go home, and I wanted to go home. I wondered if our opinions were clashing.
If things continued like this, he might completely oppose my desire to see the Ending.
Therefore, my worries deepened.
As I pondered and said that, Kylon's mouth opened and closed a few times, and only at the very end could he speak.
"Then, I'll let you go back. Because for you, there's no hell worse than this place."
At his words of concession, I smiled.
I could say I was that grateful.
"Really? Then you should go. You need to have a strategy meeting with the others, and do it with Linda again today, that's how you'll catch the Demon King."
So, to send him away, I offered a concluding remark.
I also felt sorry for making him expend so many emotions.
I also felt a little sorry for forcing him to concede the world he said he liked.
Of course, if there wasn't a rule that both of them absolutely had to leave this world at the same time, things might be a little different, but that fact wouldn't be known until they reached the Ending. So, in the end, I could say that I had at least received half a concession.
His expression, as if that concession wasn't easy, told me as much.
After hearing my words, he, who had furrowed his brow fiercely, opened his tightly closed mouth and said softly.
"......Alright."
I felt that he, too, was suffering somehow.