Theme Park (4)
Trembling pupils and lips fumbling for words, unable to find the right ones.
It was clear she had panicked from my abrupt and violent words.
If she had calmed down a bit, I had told her a bit of sincerity and about the situation we were in, but the reaction was bigger than I expected.
But I had to say it.
I thought that by achieving various things my personal charm had grown, but the situation had changed as well.
Now I had to spend every day with other women, and it was no longer just about sex—I had to have children too.
From the perspective of women before the great upheaval, I had become someone far beyond a playboy and a madman who must never be entangled with.
But now I had to become a normal man.
And the woman beside me had to not only understand this but take it for granted.
Just applying because of the family meeting decision from the last bed conversation wasn't enough.
A more certain personal resolve was needed.
But looking at her reaction now, it didn't seem naive at all...
Would it turn out like this if raised in the countryside?
It was really too naive.
By the way, it was ruined.
How was I supposed to fix this?
"Sorry. It was too sudden, right? You don't have to answer my question right away. So don't worry too much. It was a bit of a joke."
To check if I was sincere, she blinked her wandering eyes and looked at me.
"Sorry."
"... Really, was it a joke?"
"A little."
The gaze of the first person to receive from Song Hanna after meeting her was painful.
"Think about where it was a joke."
She didn't look stupid like Park Yujin, so she would realize when thinking.
But then, would I get slapped on the cheek later?
I wiped the strawberry jam on the corner of my mouth with my hand, not knowing it was there, and ate the aid and cake while listening to the song playing.
The first moment today when meeting Song Hanna and we were silent with each other.
In the heavy atmosphere, enjoying the sweetness from the mouth, we spent a short break time.
"Then, after resting, see you at the night opening."
"Yeah...."
"I will walk a bit, eat dinner, and go. So you must eat dinner and come out too."
"Yeah. See you later."
After taking Song Hanna to the hotel assigned to us and saying the place, I walked thoughtlessly along the streets around me.
A pretty old habit and routine?
When something was blocking in the past, after walking outside and the solution came to mind, I couldn't stop doing it.
When the sun was setting and the streetlights that were supposed to be on well were on by chance,
I found a bench made to be circled under the trees.
A bench with some dust accumulated because it wasn't managed.
I brushed off the accumulated dust with my hand, sat down, observed the passing people, and let the falling leaves and blowing wind go.
The voices of men and women passing on the street.
And the sound of insects starting to be heard.
Enjoying the silence with these sounds, I became alone,
But no one approached the passing women because there were men with them, so no one came to talk to me.
So, it was good to constantly think about various things.
To be next to me, there were many conditions.
First, she had to be pretty enough, the center of life, and then she had to be a child.
She didn't want meaningless competitions with ex-boyfriends that no longer exist in women's minds, so it was good if she had little male experience.
In that sense, being the first was better.
In terms of personality, she had to be able to have normal human relationships with me.
And it shouldn't be the ideology that started with the rough war, men all died, half disappeared, half became more extreme.
Finally, she had to be able to take it for granted that she understood the situation I was in.
It would increase more as I lived, but for now, this was it.
When applied to the three women I met, Song Hanna was the most suitable.
Jeong Sujin, no matter how she pretended, seemed to have too much male experience.
Park Yujin was still too young, and her family was too centered in life.
Considering the circumstances, it was understandable and pitiful, so I helped.
If she continued studying steadily, she could become like the medical staff currently in charge of me.
The thing needed now was talent, and if she gave many things to me and gave hope and allowed me to work above, it wasn't bad.
If betrayed or problems arose, I could take back what I gave and break it directly.
For Song Hanna, most things passed.
She was pretty, feminine, considerate, fun to be with,
Above all, she was the first for me.
Perhaps she was the best woman I had met so far?
But looking at the reaction just now...
It didn't seem very hopeful.
When seeing this, I wonder if I became popular with women who really wanted the things I achieved,
But for the real women I want and want to have next to me, maybe my appeal decreased?
It wasn't easy.
It wasn't easy.
Ha...
But if nothing works, I have to find another woman.
I couldn't compromise because of this.
After thinking, I got up from the seat, brushed off my slightly dirty clothes, and went back to the hotel along the path I came.
Looking at the clock, it seemed ambiguous to eat dinner, so I just showered and changed into the clothes I brought and left the room.
I had decided to eat and go.
But I couldn't.
The sun in April was hotter than expected, and because I moved a lot, I sweated, but after washing with cold water and coming out,
The cold wind and the feel of the new clothes felt good with the temperature drop.
Walking the corridor with orange lights on, walking under the white lights of the darkened street to the promised theme park entrance.
When arrived, colorful lights began to turn on, and people began to gather, wondering if everyone thought the same.
Among them, one figure caught my eye.
In a pretty white one-piece dress, looking at the surroundings starting to shine brightly with the back view with ponytail tied to one side.
That appearance became another picture.
Without realizing, my steps slowed, and words didn't come out.
Even though it became a distance where I could slowly approach and speak,
My mouth didn't fall.
"Have you come?"
Only after the other side spoke first, my mouth fell and the words that had been lingering in my mouth started to come out.
"Yeah. You got prettier again."
Ah... This wasn't what I thought.
What was I saying.
"Eh?"
"You got prettier. It suits you well."
Why were these words coming out.
Not empty words that anyone could easily say,
If sincere, words that I wouldn't say out of shame came out naturally without blushing my face.
"Then let's go in."
Because if I talked more, I would keep saying strange things, so I went in first.
When entering, like the entrance, the path, garden, and playground were all lit up, and a mysterious feeling and bright atmosphere overflowed around.
The city night view wasn't shining like this anymore.
So, it seemed like I came to a mysterious somewhere as per the theme park's intention.
A place away from the world I lived in, full of hope and dreams.
Ah... Seeing this, I regretted what I said more.
If I hadn't said that word and held it back, I could have enjoyed it happily like in the morning, but in reality, it was awkward because of what I said.
I could have said it a bit later, later.
Why was that.
By the way, I came, so what now?
I wasn't thinking at all about what to do if thinking differently.
"Come this way."
"Eh?"
Song Hanna, who followed in, suddenly grabbed my hand and led me somewhere.
"This way. There's a place we rested in the morning, right? Let's go there."
Passing a carousel rotating and shining, a staff member passing by saying that the parade would start soon, arrived at the tulip garden.
There was a mishap of discovering couples sharing affection on the outdoor bench like the cage we rested in the morning,
But we also found an empty bench and went in.
Because of seeing each other's unnecessary appearance, it became more awkward, so we just sat without saying anything.
So, a short time passed, and Song Hanna sitting in front seemed to have prepared her mind, and she came to the side and held my hand.
"You know? I thought about what I said earlier."
A hesitant answer.
Even for such brutal words, this kid seemed to have thought deeply.
"I already know about what you said. I'm not a kid anymore. I know you're in the position you have to be. Before coming here... Since the first time I applied, it's something I was determined to do."
"Slap."
A weak pain felt on the left cheek, and the vision turned to the right.
Then, a hug felt from the side, warm.
What happened?
"So don't say that."
"I don't want to hear such words from a man I came to like."
"You can meet other women and whisper love to them too."
"Of course, I'm jealous. I'll hate it a lot inside."
"I really really hate it."
"But still, it doesn't matter."
"Because I will love more than those women."
"So, in days like today with no one else in the future, don't say such words."
"You don't know how much I waited for today."
"On this day, look at me only, think only of me, and enjoy the day only with me."
"Love only me."
"I love you."
After saying that, she loosened the arms hugging me a bit and looked up to meet my eyes.
"I love you."
Song Hanna confessing to me in front of my eyes looked shining.
Whether it was the light coming in through the curtain separating the cage from outside, or some other reason.
In front of my eyes, this lovely woman changed from lovely to something special.
What words should I say to such a special person?
I kept facing eyes and thinking, but
In my poor mind, words made of splendid special words like protagonists in movies didn't come out.
So, I just hugged this special woman and quietly whispered.
"... Thank you."
And again, without caring about the surrounding gazes, I kissed her.