Standards (2)
"And as for that religion thing you mentioned this morning—I've got no interest, so think it over carefully. If your goal is getting more people to take up a faith, I'm sorry, but I can't help you with that at all."
And to hell with religion, while we were on the subject.
God was dead.
If I went around telling other people to believe in God to change reality, I'd get beaten to a pulp for offering that as a solution to anyone's problems. Like hell I was doing that. I'd rather die.
"Anyway, I'm heading upstairs. Once you've thought it through, come up to my room before five and we'll talk."
Filming would have to start around six.
I got up from my seat and went upstairs. We couldn't have talked for even thirty minutes, but I felt utterly drained. Still, what needed doing needed doing. It had only been about an hour since the meal, but I needed to get some kind of workout in.
Five rounds of Duty Sex every single day.
After trying it today, I understood. Screw this up and I'd be shaving years off my life. Wasn't there that story about a Chinese newlywed couple who had sex a thousand times over a hundred-day honeymoon and nearly died of exhaustion? I could actually see that becoming my future. Today was, in a sense, the first day, and I'd split it into two sessions—which is the only reason I was still standing. Honestly, five at once, every single day, would be genuinely brutal. I wasn't a porn star. I seemed to remember some older guy I used to hang around with saying that the more you used it, the stronger it got, but right now the truth was that it was hard.
Anyway, I needed a plan. If I thought it through, five times a day meant sleeping eight hours out of twenty-four, then in the remaining sixteen, taking one person roughly every three hours. That was better. Doing multiple people at once every day, the way I had today, was genuinely dangerous. And giving each one my full, genuine attention the way I had today? That might be difficult too.
To clear my head of all these tangled thoughts, I launched straight into a bodyweight routine. Squats. Push-ups. Sit-ups. Crunches. Lunges. Planks. I wanted to throw in dips as well, but the situation didn't allow it. After a little over an hour of punishing my muscles, the anxiety in my chest faded and something like calm settled in. I didn't feel so bad anymore.
I took what must have been the umpteenth shower of the day and was resting when, in addition to the guest I'd been waiting for, one more person showed up.
"What's with that face?"
"Because of you. We've got filming soon. Aren't you getting ready?"
"That's why I came, isn't it? To get ready."
The woman sitting across from me slipped out of her seat, came around to my side, and linked her arm through mine. Jeong Sujin.
"Getting a little closer to you counts as getting ready, doesn't it, babe?"
Sly little thing.
"Enough. I don't have time for you right now. If you're going to sit quietly, fine. If not, get out."
"We've even had sex and you're this cold? That's so mean..."
And then she rested her head against me. God. She was a fox. A complete fox.
"So. Have you decided about Olivia?"
"I see.... There's no way for me to stay by your side, is there, Brother Seonghun?"
"There isn't."
When it came to people, you had to be clear about what you took on and what you cut off. You had to fasten the first button right. Get blinded by something else and fail to be decisive about everything, and the whole thing fell apart. Especially that cute face. That comfortable atmosphere. That figure overflowing with a kind of generous grace. I couldn't let myself get taken in by any of it. My eyes kept drifting toward her, but I couldn't allow it.
"We just weren't meant to be. So don't start tearing up."
Especially don't cry. Because I'd start wavering.
"...I just don't think I should accept your kindness if it means causing trouble for the other sisters. I won't accept it, Seonghun."
"Yeah? Then this is as far as we go. I'll pray that only good things come your way from here on."
"Yes. Brother Seonghun, you'll face many hardships and trials ahead, but please never forget that God is always with you."
"Alright. Take care on your way out."
A believer to the very last.
She offered me a brief prayer, and then Olivia left the room.
A strange mix of apology and guilt lingered on the tip of my tongue, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. To shake off the feeling, I grabbed a bottle of water from the corner of the room and carefully wet my mouth, drinking slowly. It had been the right choice. The choice I had to make. So why did I feel like this?
No. I knew why, actually. What Olivia had wanted from me wasn't that much. A sweet, innocent girl like that—what could she even want? Just to help her help the struggling, powerless people around her, most likely. The ones who were rotten were the people who'd used that kind, precious heart of hers for their own gain, pulling strings to send her in front of me. Women, I supposed, now.
While working out I'd looked over the five profiles again. She'd spent her whole life in the church. Twenty years old, and she'd lived every one of them inside a religious facility. I didn't even need to check—she'd have been the type to wake at five, purify herself, practice with the choir at six, and attend morning worship at seven. Which was why, in a world like this, the first thing she brought to a meeting with someone as important as me was a Bible. Reading scripture together, contemplating the word of God, praying for each other. That was the only way she knew how to connect with people. And she'd been taught that the world had changed like this because people's faith had vanished, so that was what she said.
When I first heard it, I was annoyed. Angry, even. I thought it was complete bullshit. I even considered just tossing her out. Then, following the pull of the lust in my head, I'd brought her to the hotel anyway. In a way, she was probably the purest person I'd ever met.
Calculating everything thoroughly, judging what was profitable, and making a decision. I'd used the survival methods I'd learned out in the world to make a rational judgment in service of my own desires—but I felt like something precious had slipped away, just a little. I, who couldn't even offer a helping hand or a look of affection—was I really an adult? The feelings that had been hovering faintly at the edges of my thoughts now came into sharp focus, and a gloom settled over me. If I'd been a little stronger than I was now, would I have had more options? I knew that wasn't true, but the fact that I was even thinking it meant I was still a kid myself.
Jeong Sujin, who'd been sitting quietly beside me watching, stood up and settled herself between my legs. Then she took my hand and placed it on her chest, hidden beneath the black dress, and my mind snapped back.
"Hey. Want to touch my breasts?"
What the hell was this now.
"I don't know what you two were talking about. I was just sitting here listening, so I don't know anything. But I can tell you're in a bad mood right now."
"So?"
"Well, scientifically speaking, nothing beats a woman's breasts for cheering a guy up. That's what they say, anyway."
"And that's why you're asking?"
"Mhm. So? Want to give them a squeeze?"
A hollow laugh rose in my throat. What a ridiculous thing to say. But it wasn't a bad idea.
I slowly applied pressure with the hand she'd placed on her chest, enjoying the sensation of her breasts filling my palm—a fullness that stood in contrast to her slender waist. Endlessly soft, and yet they had a definite spring to them. Starting from the underside, I traced slow circles that grew gradually smaller, tasting again the breasts I'd enjoyed on the bed last time. Then, unable to hold back, I tugged the bodice of her black dress down just enough to pull them free, so I could see with my own eyes what I was enjoying. Beautiful curves and a fullness that a modest chest could never produce. Looking at a sight I couldn't have imagined in the old days, I filled myself with the visual satisfaction of it. Then I caught a pink nipple between my fingers and rubbed it carefully, leisurely enjoying the way they changed shape and trembled under my touch. From time to time a faint complaint or a slender moan reached my ears, but I ignored them for the moment. She was the one who'd told me to do it. So what.
Only after I'd finished using Jeong Sujin's kindness to change my mood did I let her out of my arms.
"Honestly.... I told you to touch them, but wasn't that a bit much?"
"Was it?"
"Yes it was! Anyway, turn around. I need to fix my dress."
We'd spent time together in bed, and this was what she was shy about? Women.
"Honestly.... Do you know how carefully I put this on so I'd look pretty? You said touch them and then you mess it all up like this. That's too much, isn't it?"
"Then it worked out."
"What did?"
"You looked pretty."
"Did I? Where?"
"The messy look."
"You're a real pervert."
But it was the truth, so what was I supposed to do.
"So what's the plan for filming? From the looks of it, you've already sent two of them home, and the other two are out cold."
"Park Yujin and Song Hanna are that bad?"
"I wouldn't even bet on them getting up tomorrow."
Song Hanna I could believe, but Park Yujin was a bit of a surprise.
Apparently she'd finished fixing her dress, because she came back to my side and nestled into my arms. She really loved being held.
"The director's going to come up soon. What's her face going to look like when she finds out you cut two of them?"
Huh. I hadn't thought of that.
"Think she'll be pissed?"
"Wouldn't you be? We haven't shot a single thing, two of them are down, and the other two went home."
Look, director, there were circumstances beyond my control, okay?
"I'm fine, just a little tired, but I think we're done shooting what the public wants to see. What do you think?"
Nothing I could do about it.
"Let's just shoot it as a hotel staycation date."
"With just me?"
That was how it had to be. What else was I supposed to do.
"Can't you call someone else? I'm fine with it. You've got plenty of women waiting around anyway, don't you?"
Applications from women wanting to be with me fell under the Ministry of Male and Family Affairs. So I didn't really know about that stuff. Or did I? Come to think of it, there might be one person.
I pulled out my smartphone and contacted the person who came to mind.