Just Allergies
It wasn't about venting. Really. Not long after I sent Mico to Kits, a call came through.
[Hello!]
"...Yeees, hello."
[...Did you cry?]
The first thing she asked after I picked up was whether I'd been crying.
A man only sheds tears three times in his entire life.
It's just... yeah. Allergies. That's all.
"No..."
[Hmm, anyway! You said you wanted to stream, right?]
"Yeah..."
[But can I ask why you suddenly changed your mind...?]
[Not in a weird way! It's just that sometimes people run away right before debut, so...]
Kits put extra emphasis on "sometimes" and asked for the reason.
I had nothing to hide, so I told her the truth straight out.
"I don't have any money..."
"I can't pay rent..."
[Ah... Then... today probably won't work... Tomorrow! I'll send you an address tomorrow, so can you come?]
"Tomorrow...?"
[Yes! You'll need to meet the president and go over some things, plus sign the contract.]
"Oh... okay..."
[Great! See you tomorrow!]
She said "see you tomorrow" like she planned to be there herself, then hung up.
I leaned against the kitchen sink, set the phone down, and let out a long sigh.
"Haa..."
Once I calmed down a little, a new worry crept in—whether I'd actually be any good at streaming.
Kits said I had talent, but I'm not exactly great at talking in front of people.
Back then I just acted on impulse. I helped without thinking.
"Haha..."
A hollow laugh slipped out when I realized there was no backing out now.
Thinking about it, streaming didn't even guarantee immediate money.
Why did I even send Mico to Kits?
"Haa... Let's just play a game."
I needed to game if I wanted to forget this miserable feeling, even for a moment.
I dragged my heavy body to the room, sat in front of the computer, and turned it on.
Today, even the boot time felt like hell.
Once it was on, I launched the game.
Even while it loaded, my mood didn't improve.
I logged out and switched to my priest character.
Swapped all my gear to damage, then queued for a match.
After a while, the match was found.
Sukmin ended up on my team. There was also a swordsman holding a greatsword.
"Greatsword..."
Normally I'd be excited and try my best, but right now I had zero energy for that. I just ignored the chat and picked a blessing.
My attack power was already set by gear, so I chose something to make up for my lack of movement speed.
The waiting time ended and the game started immediately.
I skipped the cutscene—I didn't feel like watching it—and ran straight forward.
The priest, loaded with nothing but damage skills and no heals or buffs, charged straight at the boss.
I kept dumping damage while dodging attacks, then went right back in.
The rest of the team was dealing damage too, but since the priest wasn't healing anyone, they kept dying and the clear speed slowed down.
I ignored the swordsman and charged the boss again.
Dodge, hit, use skills, roll to dodge. I repeated the pattern like crazy until the boss's health bar was nearly empty.
A few more hits and it would die.
The moment I saw that, I used my ultimate.
The priest's ultimate targets one person and heals them.
And apparently, bosses aren't exempt.
I don't know why they put that system in, but today it was actually useful.
The boss's health, which had been scraping the floor, started filling back up—thirty percent restored in an instant.
While I was busy carving its health down again, two chat messages popped up in a row.
Chats I had no reason to answer. I just ignored them.
Once the boss's health was low again, my ultimate came off cooldown.
Heal the boss. Chip its health. When it was low, heal it again.
After repeating this a few times, Sukmin and the swordsman were just standing in the back watching.
While dodging the boss's attacks, I used another skill.
Right as I was about to use my ultimate again—
Ziiing—
My phone vibrated.
Who could it be? I don't really have anyone who'd call.
Maybe Kits?
Why?
"Ah—"
While wondering who was calling, I missed the timing for my ultimate.
Sukmin even used his own ultimate to finish the boss, and the game ended.
I stared blankly at the chat for a moment before picking up my phone.
It was Kits.
"...Hello?"
[Hello? Um, Menhera-nim, are you okay right now...?]
"...Yeah. I'm fine."
Honestly I wasn't, so my voice came out a little cold.
I didn't mean to pick a fight, but what if she misunderstood?
[Haa... That's a relief!]
"...Huh?"
Instead of scolding me, Kits just sounded relieved and laughed.
I could clearly hear the relief in her sigh through the speaker.
[Actually, Sukmin-nim called me saying you seemed a little off.]
[When I watched the stream... you looked kind of angry?]
[Anyway, I got worried watching you play.]
Worried? About who?
That wasn't worry. It was pity.
She had no idea how much I was hurting, yet she was pitying me on her own?
The words rose to the tip of my tongue, but I barely swallowed them down.
"...No, I'm fine. Really."
[Then... if anything happens, please feel free to tell me!]
[If there's anything I can help with, I will... and even if not, talking to someone usually makes things better, right?]
Help. Like she'd actually believe my situation if I told her.
She'd probably just treat me like a crazy bitch and ignore me—that would already be lucky.
I gave a bitter laugh at the disgusting thoughts running through my head.
"I'm really okay."
"I'm getting a little sleepy, so I'm going to bed."
[...Okay! See you tomorrow!]
Click.
The call ended. I closed Mico.
I turned the computer off by flipping the power strip and collapsed onto the bed, closing my eyes.
"Haa..."
It's fine.
It's not like there's no way out.
I'll figure out how to survive somehow.
"...Will I really?"
Stop overthinking. Just sleep.
When I wake up, things will feel clearer.
"I miss Mom..."
"...Ah."
When I opened my eyes, morning sunlight was streaming through the window.
"Shit."
Was it last night...? No, I think I fell asleep around lunchtime yesterday.
I passed out then and only woke up now.
"I slept way too long..."
My head throbbed from oversleeping. I rubbed my temples and sat up.
"Huu..."
I woke up a few times in the middle of the night, but just rolled over and went back to sleep.
I didn't expect a whole day to pass, though.
The clock said 6 a.m.
I sat there blankly for a moment before unlocking my phone.
I opened Mico to check the pile of notifications.
I checked the address Kits sent and wondered if I should sleep another hour.
"Umm..."
Thinking about travel time, I should probably start getting ready now.
I forced my sluggish body up and headed to the bathroom.
I washed more carefully than usual, shampooed my hair thoroughly, and brushed my teeth with extra attention.
Once I'm outside, this stuff becomes annoying.
Even if the other person doesn't care, I end up obsessing over it because of my paranoia.
Anyway, after finishing my shower I stepped out, towel wrapped around me, and started drying my hair.
Whirrr—!
The hair dryer filled the apartment with noise as I worked on my hair.
I thought I'd finished pretty fast, but when I checked the time, thirty minutes had passed.
"Maybe I should cut my hair sometime..."
I made a mental note to visit a salon one day and opened the closet.
"Hmm..."
Just a normal pair of jeans and a hoodie should be fine.
"Where... this and this, maybe."
I pulled out a plain pair of jeans and a gray hoodie.
"Umm..."
Something felt missing, so I walked over to the mirror by the front door to check my outfit.
"Looks fine."
Visually there was nothing wrong, but I still felt like I'd forgotten something.
"...No way."
I raised my hand and placed it over my chest.
It looked a bit ridiculous, but I was checking something important.
"......"
"I had a bra, right?"
I found the underwear I'd sworn I'd never wear, put it on, then noticed it was visible through the hoodie, so I added a T-shirt underneath.
"Mm..."
"Not bad."
After giving myself a satisfied nod in the mirror, I checked the time.
I'd started getting ready around 6:30, but it was already almost 9.
"Huh."
A few minutes... no, being an hour late probably wouldn't be a big deal, right?
I quickened my steps, grabbed my phone and wallet from the bag in the corner, and stepped outside.
These women's jeans really had tiny pockets.
I thought the phone didn't fit at first and wondered if they were defective.
Before leaving, I glanced in the mirror and wondered if I should tie my hair up a little.
"...Not bad."
I loosely tied it, opened the door, and walked out.
Going down the stairs and through the shared entrance, the outside scenery came into view.
How long had it been?
"...About a month."
The last time I went out was when I went to buy cigarettes at dawn...
Yeah, about a month.
Now that I thought about it, ever since I got this body, I hadn't craved cigarettes at all.
I'd searched the whole place and hadn't found any either.
Honestly, yesterday I kind of wanted one, but...
Better to quit while I can.
"...Let's go."