Only You in That Place (3)
“This one… is from when you turned around and left without taking my birthday present. And this one… is from when you took a photo with the club members holding a birthday cake. And this one… is from when you were drinking and hanging out at home with the people from the club room…”
Seoa pointed to each of her wounds one by one with a calm that was terrifying, explaining to me how each scar had come about… and when it had been made.
I was stunned speechless. Goosebumps prickled over my entire body. Unable to say a word, mouth hanging open… all I could do was sit there and listen to every syllable.
Even the slightest restless flicker of my eyes felt like it might set her off, so I stayed frozen in place like a mannequin.
“There are still five more left. Want to try guessing them now, Minjae? What did you do that made me carve into my own skin with a razor blade just to ease the sadness?”
“…….”
As she spoke, Seoa pointed to another one—a scar that looked relatively recent.
“Go on. Tell me, Minjae. What do you think you did to leave this scar?”
When I still said nothing, she asked again. Softly, carefully, pronouncing every single word with deliberate precision.
It almost sounded like she was coaxing me, or maybe being considerate in case I simply hadn’t understood her properly.
Even with her speaking so clearly, I couldn’t answer… Right now I was feeling pure, extreme terror toward the person called Seoa. I even started to doubt whether I was actually having a conversation with her at all. I was completely overwhelmed.
This… was not the Seoa I knew.
“Sorry…”
That dry, thick word barely scraped its way out of my parched mouth. It was all I could manage. All I could say was that I was sorry. But that clearly wasn’t the answer she wanted. And she had no intention of simply letting it slide.
“There’s no ‘sorry’ option here. Hurry up. Here’s a hint—this one hurt especially bad.”
This… was seriously bad. After we started hanging out as friends again and she seemed to bounce right back to her old self, I’d thought everything was fine.
But… it wasn’t. Not even close.
I mustered the courage to glance at her face. That wasn’t a calm expression… It was a face drained of all life. Eyes gone dull and dry, the light completely gone from them. And I knew, with absolute certainty, that no matter what happened I must never meet those eyes.
I hastily looked away again.
“I’m sorry… Let’s just calm down a little.”
“Does it look to you like I’m angry right now, Minjae? I’m perfectly calm. Or do I just look different through your eyes?”
As she spoke, Seoa looked straight into my eyes. She locked onto me with those eyes I had been so sure I must never meet.
Our gazes collided, and the strength drained from my crouched legs. I dropped straight down onto the floor, landing hard on my backside.
“Please… I was wrong. I won’t do it again, so can’t we just stop now?”
“Okay. Then I’ll ask a different question.”
“N-no… Just stop this already…”
“What did you just say a moment ago, Minjae? Earlier… you mentioned something happened with Lee Sebin, right? Can you tell me again? I think I was a little distracted and didn’t catch it properly…”
Seoa refused to give me any chance to speak freely. Unless I gave her exactly the answer she wanted, I was granted no right to say anything at all.
“With nuna… at the PC Bang…”
I began forcing the words out like someone reading a coerced confession aloud.
It felt like that was what I had to do. This was no longer a situation that would end just because I threw a tantrum.
Cooperating with Seoa felt like the only way out of this. No—she had cornered me so thoroughly that I couldn’t think of anything else.
In the end I repeated, word for word, everything I had told her earlier. The moment I finished, Seoa thrust her wrist out toward me again.
“Okay. Where should I put this one? You pick, Minjae. It’s a wound you’re making, after all.”
“I’m sorry… I won’t say anything like that again. So please just stop doing this…”
Summoning the last of my courage, I gently took that wrist in my hands and drew it into my arms.
It was a kind of gamble.
Seoa collapsed against me. She seemed to lean into me. She was trembling—I could feel it through my shoulder.
“Sorry. I did something weird again… I said just being by your side would be enough, and then I went and put you in a tough spot again. I’m really the worst…”
“……N-no, you’re not.”
“I don’t want to win your heart like this either. But… I end up doing things like this without realizing it. Every time you keep showing interest in other girls, I just…”
Only then did Seoa finally show her true feelings. I was relieved that some of her reason seemed to have returned.
“You’re going to hate me again, aren’t you. Because of what I just did, you hate me again, right? Why am I like this… I want you to like me, but I keep doing only the things you hate.”
I didn’t even need to turn my head to know she was crying bitterly.
And now she had started tearing into herself.
“It’s okay. You can get through this. I’ll help you so you don’t do things like this. So don’t think such awful thoughts.”
In that moment, those were the only words I could say. Who in the world could throw something cutting at her right then? Who could possibly look at this situation and say you’re not normal, if you know you’re being a burden then just stop?
No one could. Not if they still had human feelings… Absolutely no one.
“Just hold me once.”
“Okay…”
Right now, simply going along with whatever Seoa said seemed best. So I had no choice but to pull her into my arms. There had been a time when I wanted to hold her but never could; now she was the one craving it from me.
Nestled snugly against me, Seoa buried her face in my chest with a look of satisfaction and nuzzled against me.
“Stroke my hair.”
“Huh? Y-your head…?”
“Hurry—!”
The moment I held her, Seoa seemed to snap back to her senses. Her voice was so full of playful affection it was hard to believe she was the same person from moments ago.
So I carefully ran my hand from the crown of her head down to the nape of her neck, smoothing her silky hair.
“Thank you. I won’t do it again. You were really scared today, weren’t you?”
“Yeah. Honestly… it’s not a side of you I ever want to see again.”
The atmosphere seemed to have loosened a little, so I seized the chance to slip in what I needed to say. I felt I had to make my position clear.
Wrong is wrong… I had to say it.
“Well, there’s one way that might work. Want me to tell you?”
“What is it?”
“If you… kissed me, I think I really wouldn’t do it again…”
“Get out of my arms right now.”
“Joke! It was a joke. Aren’t you being a little too cold?”
For the time being, the situation seemed to settle. At least I could catch my breath, so that was something.
Right now Seoa was showing this bright side so easily, but remembering how she had been earlier was truly chilling. And because it felt like I was the one who had made her that way, a kind of guilt and sense of responsibility settled over me.
……It really felt like I couldn’t just let go of Seoa’s hand.
Some time passed after that… There was a bit of a commotion, but thanks to Seoa I was able to start the part-time job. For a few days after the incident I kept a little distance and tested the waters, but thankfully there was no sign of her flipping like that again.
Still… still, I couldn’t help feeling a little wary. Just remembering that day made my knees go weak.
At the same time, I couldn’t completely abandon her either. I had seen with my own eyes how precarious Seoa’s situation was… so I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know.
And once the part-time job started, fixed hours of being with Seoa became inevitable anyway.
So, well, the conclusion was that there was no other choice. I needed the job too.
Anyway, once I had the job lined up, I immediately started looking into commissioning a new illustrator.
It wasn’t just someone to draw a simple cover or illustration… I needed someone who could handle the actual in-game original art, so it wasn’t exactly easy.
The deadline wasn’t generous either, and our game’s concept wasn’t ordinary. Most illustrators dropped out during the negotiation stage.
Not that I was missing Nari or anything.
We had been stuck in a deadlock for a while when, thankfully—really thankfully—I managed to find someone.
The conversation with the new illustrator over messenger seemed to be going smoothly.
I immediately sent the pictures we needed into the chat. And these… were a little uncomfortable, but they were drawings Nari had done in the past.
I hadn’t planned on using them, but to convey the exact feel I wanted I had no choice but to show them directly.
No matter how well I described things in words, showing an actual picture that already captured what I wanted would make the conversation far faster.
The moment I saw that message I nearly jumped out of my skin. I even glanced around my empty room for no reason, I was so startled.
I never imagined a complete stranger’s mouth would spit out Nari’s name.
I see.
After that I hadn’t had any real contact with Nari, so I hadn’t paid attention to what she was up to.
But this was the kind of news she was making.
So… it wasn’t me who had collapsed—it was Nari. Though I still didn’t understand why. I was the one who got betrayed, yet the one who did the betraying was the one falling apart. I couldn’t figure it out.
Hearing about Nari’s bad situation didn’t fill me with any sense of triumph. It didn’t spark pity either.
It just… didn’t feel like pleasant news.
Well, it’s not like it’s any of my business.
Somehow I had succeeded in securing an illustrator. For now I would put down the deposit from the money I had saved… and fill my living expenses back up with the part-time wages.
I was really going to have to work hard at this job.
I shut down the computer and immediately lay down on the bed. Lately… the days were passing far too quickly.
Finish school, do the part-time job. On days without work, head to the club room. Then come back and sit in front of the computer to keep working.
Honestly, from the first version onward there wasn’t much left for nuna to do. She just checked balance for level design, things to add, or things that needed fixing.
It wasn’t a game that needed constant patching, and there wasn’t an immediate next installment either, so there was nothing new to invent or brainstorm for the time being.
At least not right now. So it was fair to say I was handling the entire development myself.
Because of that, some days felt a little overwhelming. Still, I had to keep pushing. It was a gift for nuna, after all. I had never thrown myself into something this hard for another person in my entire life. It was basically my first real attempt.
So putting in effort at an intensity I had never experienced before was the only right answer.
I had lain down intending to sleep early, but suddenly the rumors about Nari from earlier floated back into my head. So I opened her community account.
It felt a little like… stalking an ex.
But starting from the most recent post, I could see a huge number of comments. And most of them were hate comments. No—I could pretty much say almost all of them were.
Yeah… the rumors clearly weren’t lies. And with this many hate comments you’d think she’d lock the comment section, but Nari stubbornly hadn’t.
Knowing her personality, she probably left it open out of pure spite, thinking that locking comments would mean she had truly lost.
I closed my phone without much further thought. The other posts looked like they had equally lively comment sections, but I didn’t bother digging any deeper.
Then I closed my eyes.
Good. You betrayed me and immediately hit a downward spiral. Meanwhile I got dumped by you and somehow ended up walking a smoother path. And I’m not going to stop here—I’m going to keep moving forward.
Until the first work we made together becomes nothing more than a dark history I want to erase.