Facing Each Other (7)
We sat around the dining table and began eating the meal Seoa’s mother had prepared.
Up to that point, everything had gone smoothly. Seoa and I were both playing our parts without any visible awkwardness.
“Auntie still loves it when the three of us sit down to eat together like this.”
“……I should have come by more often. Haha…”
“I don’t know how Minjae feels about it… but Auntie is really grateful to you. Seoa must feel the same way. Right, Seoa?”
“Yeah…”
That was what her mother said.
Just as she claimed, we used to eat together like this when we were little. And those were the years when Seoa’s house had been swallowed by darkness.
After her father passed away without warning, the house filled with gloom, and I kept coming over to share meals, hoping to be of even the slightest help.
While we ate, I would deliberately toss out some silly nonsense to coax a little laughter into that frozen space. Seoa and I would wash the dishes together, and once we finished we would play around the house, giggling.
In that way, I think I tried to kindle a faint light in that house.
At the time I hadn’t done it with any grand purpose. And who was I to believe I could change a home steeped in depression? Of course I couldn’t. What did a kid my age even know…
It was simply that the bewildered look on Seoa’s face right in front of me hurt too much. Seeing it made me unbearably sad.
And the pain filling her expression hadn’t seemed to come only from her father’s death.
More than that… after he was gone, the house that suddenly lost all its life and began to crumble must have left her reeling. At that age, watching a mother sink into depression couldn’t have been easy. Enduring a home thick with gloom must have been harder still.
So at first I went over simply hoping Seoa, at least, might find a little strength. I wanted her to be able to wash some of that heaviness away while she was with me. I pulled ridiculous pranks, caused a little mischief, and thankfully she managed to reclaim her smile.
And once Seoa smiled again, light gradually began to settle over the household.
I never believed that was my doing. I only think I offered a little help. In the end, what lifted her mother’s depression was the moment Seoa herself began to show a bright smile. If she hadn’t steeled her heart, nothing I did at her side would have mattered.
So that home was one Seoa created, one Seoa protected.
In the middle of an ordinary meal, her mother’s casual words dragged those old memories up again.
Because of them my heart felt restless. Even though our relationship had been built that way, the knowledge that we were destined to drift apart… seemed to torment me a little.
In her mother’s eyes we still looked like those warm children from her memories, but the truth was we had already come to hate and resent each other, had already pushed one another away with both hands. And now here we were, putting on this clumsy performance.
Really… how had it come to this? All I could feel was apology toward her mother.
“Seoa… for a while she kept talking about that Woo-bin guy, but I guess her heart’s cooled off again?”
“Mom…! Why would you suddenly bring that up?”
“Oh, come on. You’ve got such a good man sitting right next to you—why keep looking elsewhere?”
“…….”
“That promise you two made when you grew up—that you’d marry each other—is that still good? Hohoho…”
I nearly choked. The rice stuck in my throat.
Auntie, what kind of mischievous joke is that all of a sudden?! Digging up a promise we made when we were little kids!
Seoa simply kept her eyes fixed on her own bowl and continued eating in silence.
“I’m only teasing. You’re both grown now… and yet you get flustered so easily over a little joke. My babies have gotten so big. You still look like adorable little kids to me…”
“Hahaha… we were even smaller when we made that promise.”
“So does that mean Minjae’s found someone else he likes now?”
At those words another silence settled over us. Even the soft clink of spoons and the sound of chewing vanished completely.
It felt as though every nerve in the room was trained on my answer… as if everyone was watching me.
Especially… the gaze of Seoa sitting beside me, sharp enough to pierce my cheek.
“Well… you can’t stay in the same place forever.”
“Oh my… what are we going to do with our Seoa. You went and looked at other boys, so Minjae’s heart wandered off too.”
“Mom… stop saying weird things.”
Her mother still wore a playful smile, watching the two of us flounder as if we were adorable.
But we weren’t flustered out of embarrassment, and this wasn’t a situation we could laugh off as a joke.
We… were already finished. That was why our reactions had turned so awkward.
Still, we couldn’t keep letting the atmosphere stay this strained. Her mother might start thinking something was wrong. We had come this far; we couldn’t let it all fall apart now.
If she suddenly asked, Did you two fight? Why are you acting so awkward? it would be a real problem. I had to head that off before it happened.
So… I slid the plate of stir-fried dried squid strips—Seoa’s old favorite—closer to her and spoke.
“Eat plenty. You like this, remember?”
“Th-thanks…”
It wasn’t the usual meat or fish people raved about. The fact that she liked stir-fried dried squid was odd enough that I’d always remembered it. And honestly, her mother’s version really was delicious.
I had tried to treat her the way I used to, hoping to shift the mood. But Seoa wasn’t matching my effort at all.
Why are you still reacting like that… We’re being way too awkward right now!
With that thought I shot her a pointed look. Come on, act like we used to.
“But… you don’t have to go out of your way to take care of me like this. I can eat just fine on my own, you know…?”
Belatedly she seemed to catch on and tossed out that line.
Yes. That was enough. A little stiff, maybe, but it was exactly the kind of thing the old Seoa would have said. It had been a long time since I’d heard her talk to me like that.
That way she would grumble and push back against my kindness. That had always been the real Seoa.
And so we managed a slightly precarious meal.
After we finished eating we washed the empty dishes. Of course her mother insisted she would do it herself and tried to stop us, but we insisted right back and ended up shooing her away instead.
This, too, felt like something from a long time ago—standing side by side with Seoa doing the dishes.
Back then my line of sight hadn’t been this high. Now I found myself looking down at the sink, suddenly aware of how much I’d grown.
And Seoa beside me… she used to climb onto a little step stool just to help.
Lost in those thoughts, I mindlessly scrubbed the dishes.
“Minjae. I need to talk to you.”
“We’re still… in front of your mother. If you’re going to say something pointless, don’t.”
“Okay. Then you have to act like you used to, since we’re in front of my mom. Right?”
“…….”
She pushed that cheap tactic at me, determined to get something across. I had no choice but to accept it. I’d been caught by the very rule I’d set. There was no way out.
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow… I have to work.”
“Th-then what about tonight?”
“I’ll probably… have to work.”
It might have looked like I was deliberately putting up a wall, but the truth was I really was busy because of the competition.
And our competition work wasn’t limited to the club room.
Just yesterday, before the weekend, Nari had said she thought she’d finish the illustration by Saturday night. She’d told me she’d send it right away and asked me to answer when she called.
So tonight I essentially had work waiting for me as well.
“Just give me a little time this evening. I won’t get in the way.”
“……. What for? You finally came home after so long and you’re not even staying the night?”
“Yeah. Because I have something I need to say to you.”
Seoa kept speaking as if she truly had something important to tell me. And if it really was only a short while, I was willing to go along.
I had already decided that someday I needed to talk things through with her properly. Last time had basically been a wasted trip. And maybe today she was trying to change her attitude and say something to me. In the end I accepted the offer.
Whatever it was, we needed some kind of ending.
So we kept unconsciously scrubbing dishes that had already been clean for a while, the soft clatter of ceramic filling the silence.
“Thank you for inviting me today, Auntie. The food was delicious! Once you start living on your own, home-cooked meals aren’t easy to come by… You take better care of me than my own mom does.”
“Oh my… Minjae really has grown up. You can even say things like that now… You used to get so shy you could barely get the words out. Auntie’s touched.”
Once the dishes were done we prepared to leave again.
Her mother looked a little puzzled that Seoa was heading straight home, but she didn’t seem especially concerned.
Stepping outside, the tension drained from my body and I felt lighter.
But I still couldn’t fully relax. There was still… the rest of the evening with Seoa.
“So what now?”
“For now… let’s head toward my place.”
I glanced at her and asked casually. I was curious what she was trying to keep me around for.
But that curiosity never got answered. I simply… followed her.
As we walked toward her neighborhood I checked the time.
It was still fairly early, so I didn’t need to worry about Nari’s call yet. She had said she would contact me at night; as long as this finished before then, it would be fine.
We reached the area near Seoa’s house. She didn’t stop walking—she headed straight for the convenience store.
“Why the convenience store?”
“Minjae, you remember we promised to drink together, right?”
“……No.”
“Just once. Just this once, please do me this favor. We’ve never even had a drink together, just the two of us.”
“I told you I have something I have to do tonight.”
“Please… I’m begging you. Okay?”
I sighed.
My head throbbed. I had followed her this far, but coming along without thinking had been a mistake from the start. Of course Seoa had something up her sleeve.
What was I supposed to do?
That “just once, please”… today it made my resolve especially weak. Maybe because I’d just been dredging up old memories while eating with her mother.
“Fine… but I really have to head back by evening.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
In the end I agreed. It was still early enough. If we drank quickly and left, it should be fine.
It wasn’t even three o’clock yet.
Drinking in the middle of the afternoon felt strange, but maybe it was better this way.
If we started this early, the alcohol would wear off by evening. And maybe… today would be the last time.
We walked toward Seoa’s house carrying plastic bags that clinked cheerfully with the soju bottles inside.