Mirror (4)

The bar Nari and I walked into together felt awkward.

It wasn't that the atmosphere between the two of us was awkward… it was the environment itself.

The only time I'd ever drunk outside was with Sebin noona at a pork belly restaurant. This was my first time in an actual, full-on bar. The dim lighting, the loud music—everything felt foreign to me.

"Can I order whatever I want?"

"Sure. I wouldn't know what to pick anyway."

"Then you look and order."

The moment I said I wouldn't know, she shoved the menu at me and told me to figure it out myself.

So I roughly picked whatever was marked as strongly recommended on the first page of the appetizers.

As for drinks… of course we'd be having soju, right?

Once I'd settled on everything in my head, I rang the bell and called over a server.

I rehearsed the menu names over and over in my mind so ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I wouldn't stumble when the server arrived.

"Once this competition is over, are you going to keep developing games?"

"Yeah. That's part of why I entered this competition in the first place."

Nari casually cracked open the bottle and poured. Then she immediately lifted her glass and held it out, gesturing for a toast.

The soju that went down cold felt surprisingly sweet and refreshing.

Compared to those nights at home when I'd soothe my nerves with lukewarm soju, this tasted incredible.

And somehow it seemed to taste a little different from when I drank with Sebin noona, too.

Did the taste of soju shift, bit by bit, depending on who you were with?

I wondered what Nari, swallowing the same soju across from me, was tasting. Was it the same as mine? I didn't know.

Looking at her like that, I found myself thinking that maybe even after this competition ended, we could work together again.

We were this close now, after all. So maybe… we could just bury what happened back then. And if we did, that meant we could keep collaborating afterward, right?

"After this competition ends, would you maybe want to keep working with me?"

"I don't know. We'll see when it's over. If you still feel that way then, I'll think about it."

"Huh…?"

What did that mean?

I couldn't quite grasp what Nari was saying. Was she saying that if my feelings hadn't changed by the end of the competition, she'd work with me?

I was the one who wanted to keep working together as long as Nari was okay with it… so why was she assuming my feelings would change?

I didn't understand. What kind of meaning that statement held.

What if we didn't work together after this competition? What would happen then?

Would we never run into each other again, and would I go back to walking around campus alone like before?

Thinking about that made my heart feel a little strange.

I set those thoughts aside for now, and for a while we drank and laughed and chattered like friends who really clicked.

It was comfortable. Comfortable, and yet I was trembling.

How should I put it… if I'd been drinking with Seoa, would the atmosphere have been like this? That thought crossed my mind.

Spending time with Nari kept making Seoa overlap with her.

It was like looking at a future from a world where I'd chosen to keep hiding the feelings of my one-sided love.

"Nari, if it were you, do you think you'd accept Seoa's apology?"

"You're still thinking about that? You still like her."

"No… it's not like that."

"You like her that much? What's so great about her? Her face?"

"I said no!"

"Yeah, right… you face-obsessed bastard. For a loser, you sure know a pretty girl when you see one."

The fact that I'd harbored feelings beyond my station as a loser hit me right in the bone, so I couldn't really argue back.

For a moment, only the loud music from the bar filled the space between us.

"If you liked her that much, why didn't you just confess?"

"…It's not as easy as it sounds."

"Hah? If it were me, I'd figure I've got nothing to lose and just confess."

"Because I was sure she'd reject me if I confessed. I didn't want our relationship to break off like that…"

"You don't know that, though? You only know if you try. And… in the end you never confessed and your relationship still fell apart, didn't it?"

"Shut up."

Like I didn't already know that. I know. I know.

But… I just couldn't do it. Like Nari said, I was a loser, and Seoa was so much cooler than me. I knew my place well enough that I couldn't make that reckless challenge.

It was obvious.

If I confessed, it was plain as day that we couldn't stay friends anymore.

Of course, even now our friendship had fallen apart without me confessing. But that wasn't my fault… it was Seoa's.

Maybe it was the alcohol. Without realizing it, I clenched my fist and told Nari to shut up. Her words were a little hard to hear. I didn't want someone hammering things I already knew into my ears again.

"Why are you getting mad?"

"Sorry… I didn't mean to."

I'd seen this scene somewhere before. Me suddenly snapping, the other person startled and carefully watching my reaction. And then me apologizing belatedly.

Seoa had been like that too. The more I got to know Nari, the more similarities I found with Seoa.

She was truly like a mirror reflecting a bitter past.

"Fine. I won't say anything. It's not my business anyway…"

"No. I'm sorry… everything you said is right. It's too right…"

"Just make up with her already. You two suit each other. You said you wanted to protect that relationship, so just reconcile."

Huh… why did Nari's words hurt so much? It ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠felt like my heart had dropped with a thud.

I got a strong sense that she'd given up on me. Like she'd given up even on getting angry, and was just saying she didn't care what I did.

Was I being abandoned again? Abandoned again because of my own mistake?

No. Don't think like that. Stop assigning meaning to things on my own again.

Don't suffer alone over meanings I invent, the way I did with Seoa.

If I do, I might walk the same path with Nari.

With a stifling feeling in my chest, I downed the soju in my glass and immediately poured and drank another.

"Alright, I'll talk to her today. Listening to you, I get it."

"Huh? Today? You're going to talk to her?"

"Yeah. To settle things for sure."

"……Do whatever you want. It's not like it has anything to do with me."

And so one bottle, two bottles, three bottles. And now a fourth—we kept pouring that empty, worthless alcohol down our throats.

I was starting to feel seriously dizzy.

I'd been worried Nari might be a little angry after that conversation, but thankfully we could still laugh and chat and drink like usual.

Thanks to that, empty bottles piled up without either of us ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠really realizing how much we'd drunk.

Maybe because of that… Nari's eyes were starting to lose ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠focus.

I was struggling too, but not to the point where I couldn't keep my eyes open properly… was she okay?

"Nari, are you okay? Should we call it a night?"

"Huh…? Already…?"

She wobbled her head this way and that, swaying in her seat. I'd never seen someone sway while still sitting before.

Since I'd said I'd pay, I settled the bill first and we left the bar together.

Of course it was too late for public transit. And even if there had been any… looking at Nari's condition, she didn't seem like she could take it anyway.

"Hold my hand a bit… sorry. I'm so dizzy."

This definitely wasn't a time for romantic feelings. If I didn't hold her, she looked like she'd stumble and fall onto the rough pavement any second.

So I took Nari's hand as unselfconsciously as I could and walked.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but I could feel the heat even from her hand.

Nari gripped my hand tightly, as if determined not to let go—hard enough that her nail marks would be left on the back of my hand.

Of course she was doing it so she wouldn't fall, but somehow it felt good. She looked like someone who couldn't manage without my hand, and that strange fantasy made me feel good without meaning to.

Even if I didn't want to be aware of it, my mind naturally drifted that way.

Maybe because I had so little experience with women… even something like this hit me with overwhelming intensity.

Get a grip. Get a grip!

Nari doesn't think of me that way at all.

She's just being completely unselfconscious about this kind of thing.

I hailed a taxi. I was going to put her in and send her off. But… I felt a little uneasy about it, so I just got in with her.

Somehow… if I just sent her off like this, I'd worry about her overnight.

I felt like I needed to see her get home safely before I could leave with peace of mind.

"Yu Nari! Tell him your address."

Thankfully, hearing that, Nari gave the driver her home address.

And so… we got out together in front of Nari's place.

Maybe the taxi ride had sobered her up a little, because once we got out she seemed able to walk on her own.

"Minjae, why're you here? Go hooome already-!"

"……I was going to leave even without you saying that."

"Reallyyy?"

"Yeah. So you hurry up and go inside."

Scratch that about her being sober. Looking at how her tongue was twisting, she was still drunk.

Still, I never would have expected someone like her to have a cute side, but alcohol brought this out of her.

That unexpected side made my heart… race a little.

"Are you going to her?"

"……You said it had nothing to do with you."

"Noona's asking. Are you going to her or not."

"Yeah…"

"Okay! Then tell me how it goes too."

With that, she punched in the building entrance code and seemed to head inside.

She said it had nothing to do with her… so why was she curious about the result?

I was about to head back myself.

It was pretty late… would Seoa even pick up? Maybe I should just go talk to her tomorrow.

I fretted over that. But after a moment of hesitation, I just went ahead and called her.

I barely heard the ringtone a couple of times before the call connected.

Why was Seoa so eager to talk to me this quickly?

What I had to say today wasn't good news. It was a final conversation to settle my feelings.

Seeing Seoa so eager to face me without knowing I was about to say something bad made my heart a little heavy.

Well… nothing I can do about it.

Since I was already out, I told her I'd go to Seoa's place.

And so I set off with heavy steps.