Familiar Yet Unfamiliar
The fluorescent light hummed low with a soft buzz.
I stood frozen in front of the sink, unable to move for a long while.
"Haa…"
My breathing had settled somewhat, but a residual tension still smoldered quietly somewhere in my body.
It was quiet.
The distinctive smell of a park restroom and the cold air brushed against my skin, seeping in slowly. Outside, only the faint sound of wind rustling through leaves could be heard.
"…There's really no one here."
My voice echoed softly in the empty restroom. My chest still rose and fell a little too quickly.
Earlier, I had simply moved without thinking, swept along by panic. But now it was different. Only now did my surroundings come into sharp focus.
The men's restroom. The urinals. And standing in front of them was me.
I closed my eyes for a moment and steadied my breathing. The moment from just before rose clearly in my mind again — the thought that someone might walk in, the tension that I might hear the door open. That moment had been flustering, but strangely… the sensation from then came back with an unnatural clarity.
"…That's weird."
I muttered under my breath. If I'd been my usual self, just thinking about a situation like this would have made my face burn red. But now it was different. An uncertain tension lingered, swirling with a strangely sweet edge.
I looked at my face in the mirror. My face was slightly flushed, curiosity and wariness mixed in my eyes.
"…Why am I like this."
A laugh slipped out. My hand hesitated for a moment in midair. In that moment, another thought brushed past.
What if it had been somewhere a little more dangerous…
I stopped myself mid-thought.
"…Have I lost it."
I muttered it like talking to myself, but the thought wouldn't fade easily. The scene from earlier kept lingering in my head — remaining with an unnatural vividness.
I rubbed my face with my hand for a moment.
"Haa…"
I had no intention of doing anything again here and now. But somewhere in my mind, a dangerous fantasy bloomed like a small spark. The thought of what it would be like somewhere even more forbidden. Somewhere someone might come. Somewhere where getting caught would truly be a disaster.
A snicker escaped without me meaning to.
"…I've really lost it."
I shook my head slightly. Right now, just going home was the right call. I looked at my face in the mirror one more time. The cold air brushed my skin again.
One step. Another step. I walked toward the restroom door.
When I opened the door and stepped outside, the night air chilled my skin.
"Hoo…"
I let out a long breath. The residual tension in my body mixed with the stimulation that still hadn't faded. A premonition of the pleasure I might feel somewhere even more dangerous left a small smile at the corner of my mouth.
I straightened my clothes, adjusted my grip on my bag, and walked slowly toward home. Somewhere in the back of my mind, a certain place rose up.
When I opened my eyes the next morning, the first thing that came to mind was, of course, what had happened at the park last night.
"I was really out of my mind…"
I lay still under the covers for a long while, staring blankly at the ceiling. Normally I would have gotten up right away and checked my phone first, but I wasn't in the mood today. Instead, last night's scene kept circling through my head.
The silent park. The sound of wind brushing through leaves. The tension that someone might walk in. Even that strangely sharp sensation my body had felt in that moment.
I buried my face in the pillow.
"Haa… seriously."
My breathing was a little rough. Yesterday had been an impulse. After my part-time shift ended, I'd gone to the park in a strange mood… and just done something truly insane.
But… strangely, I felt no regret. If anything, that sensation kept coming back to life. That strangely thrilling moment, mixed with danger and a sense of transgression, kept rising up.
Today was Tuesday. Normally, it would be a day I worked at the cafe. But yesterday Choi Deok-hun had said —
"Just take tomorrow off."
So today I had no reason to go to the cafe.
I sat on the edge of the bed and sank into thought for a moment. And then, suddenly, a single thought rose up.
…The cafe.
My heart began to beat a little faster. I already had the cafe's layout memorized — peak customer hours, the warehouse, the blind spots, the break room. It was a space I'd grown familiar with, but today a slightly different thought took hold.
I snickered without meaning to.
"Yeah, I've really lost it…"
I said that, but my body was already preparing. I was about to just head out when I glanced at the box containing the thing I'd bought last time.
"…If I'm going to do it, do it properly."
I took out the dildo and shoved it deep into my bag. I stood in front of the mirror for a moment and checked my face. It was a face similar to usual, but somewhere, a strangely excited expression. I quietly packed my bag.
At the front door, I paused for a moment. The destination was clear. The cafe. If I left now… I had the feeling I might be crossing a line I couldn't take back.
I gripped the doorknob and hesitated. It was my day off, so no one would expect me to show up.
"…No one will know."
And after a moment of hesitation, I opened the door.
I took one step outside the door. The door closed with a thud, and the hallway fell quiet at once. I stood there for a moment, then slowly went down the stairs.
When I stepped outside, cold air brushed my face. It was a completely different time from last night. People were out walking, cars passed by. It was broad daylight.
It was a path I normally walked without a second thought, but today was a little different.
I flinched — with every step, I became needlessly conscious of the eyes around me. People passing by. Little kids laughing at the school across the street. Two middle-aged men smoking in front of the convenience store. Aunties chatting as they walked past.
I averted my eyes for no good reason.
"…"
Last night came back to me. The silent park. The cold hum of the fluorescent light. And what I'd done inside…
I let out a short breath.
"…What happened to me."
What I'd done outside last night. A situation I'd normally only ever seen in videos. My face heated up for a moment. My steps slowed briefly.
"What am I possessed by."
Had I become strange somehow. That moment from yesterday rose in my mind again — the thought that the door might open, the tension that someone might walk in, what I'd felt in that situation… that strangely sharp, vivid sensation.
I shook my head slightly.
"Stop thinking about it…"
I turned my head and looked back toward home. I could just go back. Today was my day off. I could just take a short walk and return. Or pick up something I needed while I was out.
But my feet wouldn't turn around so easily. I tightened my grip on the bag. The thing inside kept nagging at my awareness.
When I looked up, I saw a familiar sign not far away.
The cafe.
"Hoo…"
My heart began to beat a little faster. Even though it was my day off and I had no need to go… because people had already been told I was off, no one knew I was coming.
I stood on the roadside and stared at the building for a while. A familiar scene. The glass windows catching the sunlight. The open entrance. Customers coming and going.
But today it felt a little different. Familiar, yet strange.
I drew a deep breath.
"Hoo… if I turn back even now."
It still wasn't too late. I could just pretend none of this had happened and walk on by. I could just think of yesterday as an impulse.
The moment I tried to turn my feet, my body stopped. My gaze shifted to the back door beside the cafe building. A door I normally passed without a thought looked unnaturally sharp and clear today.
I gripped the bag strap again. My heart beat a little harder.
"…."
Two thoughts collided in my head. If I went back now, it would be safe and comfortable. But the tension and strange stimulation I'd felt yesterday kept circling through my mind.
I laughed quietly.
"Heh… I've really lost it."
Last night's park restroom, and now standing in front of the cafe. This wasn't normal thinking. And yet, as if possessed by something, my feet wouldn't stop.
I slowly let out a breath.
"Just for a moment…"
I muttered quietly.
"No one will know."
If I went somewhere out of the way, no one would know. I lifted my head and slowly moved my feet toward the back door.
As I stepped into the alley, the street noise felt like it receded another layer. The sounds of people from the front entrance drifted in faintly. It was a familiar alley — a path I'd walked any number of times taking out the trash during my shifts. But today the feeling was completely different. My breath caught strangely in my throat. My footsteps felt like they were echoing louder than they should.
"…Haa."
The staff back door stood quietly before my eyes. A door I normally came and went through without a thought, but today, reaching out my hand somehow wasn't easy.
I glanced around for a moment. The alley was empty, only the faint sound of a car passing in the distance.
"If it's now…"
Holding my breath, I slowly pulled the handle. I cracked the door open a little and first peered through the gap.
A dark staff corridor. Boxes stacked against the wall. And a silence without a single sign of anyone. From deeper inside the cafe, the faint sound of a coffee machine running drifted over. But over here… it was quiet enough to choke on.
"…No one's here."
Before going in, I checked the alley one last time.
"No one out here either."
I quickly slipped my body inside and carefully closed the door without making a sound.
Thud—
Even though this was a place I could walk into openly, my steps strangely grew cautious. I stopped in place for a moment and listened.
From up ahead, the cafe sounds still came through. The coffee machine running. Someone laughing. A cup being set down. The sense of customers coming and going. Sounds that would normally be familiar. But now each and every one of those sounds felt like a signal that I might get caught.
"…Haa."
I let out a short breath. Then carefully took a step.
Creak—
A sound came from under my foot. I stopped. My heart began racing again. I waited a moment. But there were no footsteps coming this way.
I took another step. At the end of the corridor, the warehouse door looked dark. A place I'd gone into a few times during my shifts — a space for storing ingredients and boxes. Right now the door was half-closed.
I reached out and carefully pushed the door.
Creak—
The door opened slowly, very carefully. The warehouse interior was a little dark. Only a single fluorescent light on the ceiling was on, revealing the space dimly. Against the wall, syrup boxes and paper cup cartons were stacked, and a few cleaning tools stood in the corner.
I went inside and quietly closed the door.