The Guard Dog Bastard
Chairman Volkov of the Association came looking for me and dropped a single line.
"The President of the Republic of Korea wants to meet you."
I shrugged.
"Sure. If he wants to meet, we'll meet."
"He wants you to come to Korea. Meet him there."
I shook my head.
"Tell him to come here. To us. Tell him to get in a car, cross the water, climb the mountains, and show up."
Chairman Volkov looked flustered.
"Come where? To the main Gate base in Nevada?"
"I'm staying there, so of course he comes there, doesn't he?"
"That's a military facility. Setting up protocol staff and facilities on short notice takes time and money. It would just be easier if you went—"
"Why would we put on a reception for him? There's no reason to roll out the red carpet for someone who's so thirsty he's running to us."
"Still, he's the head of a nation..."
Chairman Volkov looked uneasy. I wasn't uneasy in the slightest.
"Tell him to come here. No protocol. No welcome ceremony. If he wants to meet, tell him to crawl over to my side."
With my position that firm, what exactly was Chairman Volkov supposed to do? In the end, he relayed my answer to the Korean side.
And not long after, the reply came straight back.
"They're saying you should come to Korea. There's the security issue, and also—"
"I don't want to keep repeating myself, Chairman. I'm going into the Gate to do some hunting."
I used hunting as an excuse and spent a full day inside the Gate.
The next morning, when I strolled out at my leisure, Chairman Volkov was waiting for me right at the entrance.
"He says he'll come. But not Nevada—at least meet in Washington, D.C.—"
"Here. Tell him to come here. I don't feel like moving. I don't feel like going far. The one who's desperate digs the well. Why should I care about their circumstances? Tell him to come here."
"Mr. Kim. You're really going to summon him here?"
"No protocol, no welcome ceremony, nothing. If you do any of that, I'll be pissed. He either comes here, or we leave things as they are. Want me to go back into the Gate?"
Irritation flickered across Chairman Volkov's face.
"Fine."
He vanished. This time he was gone for quite a while. When he reappeared about two hours later, he looked haggard.
"What a filthy amount of pride."
"So? What's the conclusion?"
"He's coming here. As fast as possible. Tomorrow, he says."
"Great. Let me know when he arrives."
"Understood."
I went back to the house the U.S. government had built for me, turned on the console, and binge-played every game I'd been putting off. All night long.
And the next day, I slept in—conspicuously.
When I woke, Chairman Volkov was standing in front of me with a frantic look on his face.
"The President is here!!!"
At his urgent shout, I stretched at my leisure.
"I stayed up all night gaming. I'm tired. I'm going to sleep another hour. Tell him to wait, will you?"
"He's standing in front of your house right now!! The President of Korea is at your door with no protocol!! This is a massive diplomatic insult!!"
"I'm a private citizen. I don't know diplomacy from a hole in the ground. If anyone gets cursed out, it's me—not the United States. I'm sleeping another hour. Tell him to wait in the living room. If he doesn't like it... tell him to go back to Korea."
Chairman Volkov looked ready to lose his mind. I pulled the blanket over my head anyway.
I'd already slept plenty; sleep wouldn't come. So I stayed under the covers and killed time scrolling on my phone.
About two hours.
From the racket and raised voices downstairs, the atmosphere in the living room had clearly come to a nice, full boil.
Only then did I amble downstairs in my pajamas.
"How long does he intend to sleep?! His Excellency has been waiting over two hours—!"
"What am I supposed to do about it? He said he was sleeping. I don't know what to tell you either."
"Since when does America treat a guest like this?!"
Voices were flying in the living room. I crossed it at an easy pace and walked toward the President. The moment they spotted me, every mouth shut. The men in black suits doing security saw me and stepped aside. Yawning, scratching my stomach, I dropped onto the sofa.
On the opposite sofa sat President Yu Myeonghak, expressionless.
Expressionless—but even a child could tell he was absolutely furious.
"A pleasure to meet you, Hunter Kim Seongho. I am President Yu Myeonghak."
He still reined in his feelings and offered a greeting. Fair enough. A professional politician ought to manage at least that much.
"Yeah. Myeonghak. I know your name. It'd be weirder if I didn't, wouldn't it?"
I answered his greeting. The President's face twitched.
"Hunter Kim Seongho. I understand your feelings are not good, but please observe at least a minimum of courtesy."
A man who looked like a secretary sitting beside him spoke up. I answered with an innocent face.
"Why?"
"You—!"
"Did I ask for this meeting? The ones who unilaterally set the appointment and came charging over in a rush were you people, weren't they? I showed up somewhere I didn't even want to be. Why should I put on manners for that?"
"At the very least, show respect to your elders!! He is the President of a nation!!"
I dug a finger in my ear.
"What can I say. One of my life principles is that I don't use honorifics with bastards who don't act like adults."
The secretary opened his mouth in rage—then the President stopped him.
"Chief of Civil Affairs. Enough. I'll speak."
"...Understood."
The man who looked like a secretary stepped back. The President met my eyes.
"Hunter Kim Seongho. I know you are very angry with the country. Dissatisfaction is something everyone has, after all."
I listened in silence. Honestly, I was curious what he would say.
How would he play this?
Get on his knees and beg?
Or accept every condition I'd laid out without question?
How would a President break out of a situation where he was, absolutely, the weaker party?
An old man with white hair showing here and there.
They say the old are wise. So what would he do?
I waited with a little anticipation.
And the President opened his mouth.
"But even so—it is your homeland."
"..."
"It is the place where your families live, where people who speak the same language live. No matter how much you resent it, no matter how many grievances you hold, I believe that deep in your heart, patriotism still remains."
"..."
"Please come back. Korea is in danger. The nation is collapsing, and countless innocent civilians may be hurt or killed. Those civilians are not strangers. They are the friends, family, lovers, and neighbors you have known for over twenty years. Hunter Kim Seongho."
"..."
"You don't want to watch all those people die because of your own selfishness and resentment, do you? Let us start again. If you have complaints about how hunters are treated, speak them. The Republic of Korea is ready to take your hands. Let us coordinate and rebuild the relationship once more. Hunter Kim Seongho."
"..."
"You will remember the service creed you learned at the training camp. You are soldiers of the Republic of Korea who devote your loyalty to the nation and its people. The people need you now. Do not put your families and friends in danger over a moment of anger. Hunter Kim Seongho. Return to Korea with me—"
I couldn't hold it in. I burst out laughing.
At my laughter, the President stopped talking.
I clutched my stomach and laughed for a long time.
Ah.
It was genuinely, gut-splittingly funny.
I didn't even fully understand why it was funny—but the laughter came anyway.
Maybe that's what happens when something is too absurd.
After laughing myself out, I pulled a cigarette from my pocket and lit it.
"Myeonghak."
I blew a long stream of smoke toward the President's face and snickered.
"Do we still look like fucking idiots to you?"
"Hunter Kim Seongho! Watch your language!!!"
The suit who had been called Chief of Civil Affairs shouted. I turned my eyes on him.
"Hey, you small-fry bastard."
"What did you just—!"
"You still don't grasp the situation? Huh? Can you people handle the rifts by yourselves without us? You're short on time, aren't you? I heard a tiny little rift the size of an ant's asshole opened in Apgujeong and slimes came pouring out. Lucky you. But where's the next one? Huh?"
The Chief of Civil Affairs started to snarl something, then shut his mouth at my words. I leisurely enjoyed watching his face crumple in real time.
"Bundang? Pangyo? Gangnam? Ahh. A Gate opening over the Blue House would be fun, wouldn't it? How about over the National Assembly? Monsters don't give a damn about parliamentary immunity—they'd just start a food tour."
"..."
"And is there any guarantee the next rift only spits out cute little things like slimes? Even Level 600 monsters would be chaos. Mana contamination from a rift covers hundreds of meters at minimum—every gas station, car, explosive, and powder charge in that radius goes up. Electronics all die. Watching that go down in the middle of Seoul would be quite the show."
The President raised a hand.
"Hunter Kim Seongho. Calm down for a moment. You wouldn't want to see that either, would you?"
"Whether that shit happens or not—what does it have to do with me? Myeonghak. You picked the wrong person to talk to. I'm an American. Why should a mess in Korea matter to me?"
"Hunter Kim Seongho. Your family is still in Korea. Do you think this is something you can speak about so irresponsibly?"
"I just pull my family out. I've got more than enough ability for that. Everyone else? Coldly speaking—not my problem, is it?"
"We are talking about your hometown—the land you lived on your entire life—being destroyed! Hunter Kim Seongho!! I understand you're angry! But collect yourself and speak logically!"
At that, I laughed again.
"Myeonghak. In my entire life, my head has never run colder or calmer than it is right now."
"Then use that cold, calm head and think. Are you really saying it's fine if your family and neighbors die?"
"You be the one to think calmly. Which comes first—my family and neighbors dying, or you getting fucked? If you go back empty-handed, the people will treat you like a president real well, I'm sure."
I drew the last long pull from the spent cigarette and crushed the butt into the ashtray. When the smoke cleared, President Yu Myeonghak's face was flushed red—he couldn't hold the insult any longer.
I smiled at him.
"One hundred billion won per rift. That's the base package, and there are plenty of other conditions on top. Want the rift problem handled? Sign a contract with us and buy us with money. Myeonghak. Don't go spouting half-assed patriotism and that kind of crap. That shit evaporated a long time ago."
President Yu Myeonghak couldn't take it. He stood up from his seat.
"Kim Seongho!! And you still call yourself a Korean? Huh? Your country protected you, fed you, raised you all this time—and this is how you act? Is this how a man who knows his duty behaves?!!"
I lit a second cigarette.
And answered, flat and bored.
"You're right. At first I was someone who knew what duty was. But the Republic of Korea told us we weren't people. Myeonghak. The Republic of Korea called us house-guarding bastards. Guard dogs. Everyone called us dogs until I got tired of explaining myself. So I decided to just be a dog."
"You—!"
"A dog isn't a person, right? Right? It's a beast that wags its tail for whoever feeds it better. Right now the American master feeds us better. So if you want to use us, you'd better put some food out too. Without food, the guard dogs aren't going to watch the house."
Before I even finished, President Yu Myeonghak stormed out of my house in a rage.
After declaring that the Republic of Korea could handle rifts just fine without the likes of us, the President climbed into a limousine and vanished in a cloud of dust.
I watched their retreating backs for a long moment.
Right now, he could still afford to act on emotion.
But by tomorrow, the story would change.
I'd already heard from Hyung Yeonghak, who was still sitting tight inside the Gate's Korean sector, collecting slimes.
Level 700 golem-type monsters were trying to open a rift toward Suwon.
And by tomorrow, Korea would start detecting the signs of that rift opening.
I felt a little bad for the President—but the price of pride was going to be very expensive.
Because tomorrow, the rift-clearing fee would double.