Dependence, Possession, and...?
The move-in was completed smoothly.
Ultimately, I was able to purchase that house for sixty gold coins, with the condition that I replace some unusable furniture and magic tools. Even though the price had risen by more than ten gold coins, she had been oddly considering it, but when Carmen-san, the house owner, suggested the conditions and enthusiastically tapped her palms, she soon nodded her head, confirming it was a reasonable contract.
But the decision itself was left to me, and I had no choice but to make her a “request” to sign the contract.
The fact that she depended on me for everything from basic common sense to the most fundamental things made me a little uneasy, but the uneasy feelings were gradually suppressed by her smile and her touch.
Frankly speaking, it was a somewhat desperate situation.
I was relying on her for everything. From beginning to end.
The only one who could help me when I explored the dungeon was her. When I made contracts or wrote, she was needed. When I bought things, she was needed to avoid being cheated.
I was relying on her for everything.
What if she betrayed me one day…
Still, could I not cling to her?
“Eh? Why are you like that?”
The moment I set down the luggage in the now-clean house, I hugged her from behind.
She hesitated for a moment, then turned her beautiful face towards me and kissed me.
After savoring each other’s scents for a moment, she seemed to notice my somewhat strange behavior.
…I had been clinging to her more strongly than ever, by my own choice, for a long time.
Until she bit my lip slightly with a rough exhale, I held her tightly.
To that extent, I was anxious.
In this anxiety, I clung to her.
After holding her for a long time, she turned her body slightly while keeping my arm in place.
Following her movement, I relaxed my arm, and she naturally clasped her hand in mine.
“Are you… anxious? Did I make you anxious?”
“…I guess so. Sorry.”
“Tell me honestly. What is making you anxious?”
With a soft sound, her hand brushed my cheek.
I held her hand with both of mine, unwilling to lose that warmth.
Was this the feeling she had that day?
The feeling of being left alone in a strange land, without relying on anyone, abandoned… was that the loneliness she had felt?
So, was I desperately clinging to someone because of that?
“Ah, aa… I think I know what kind of emotion it is.”
I felt her hand getting a little stronger.
Our foreheads touched.
Her warm, comforting chest gently enveloped my chest.
Her hand carefully held my back.
And for a long time, without setting foot in the house, I held her.
***
“Have you calmed down a little?”
She smiled.
While she sipped our tea, I wiped away the tears flowing from my eyes.
I couldn’t explain the sudden emptiness, so for a long time I just fiddled with my hair in a daze.
Should I say I felt empty, or that I felt some unknown fear.
It was a different kind from her occasionally gazing at me with shining eyes.
I just felt afraid.
This fear was not the fear of her taking me, but the complete opposite.
I was afraid that she wouldn’t take me.
…I didn’t want to force love upon her.
But at the same time, I didn’t want to lose the love from her.
I had received a lot of help from her, but had I given her any help?
Wasn’t I just using her loneliness unilaterally?
Even if it wasn’t me, if someone else had wanted to save her, she would have relied on that person.
That was unbearable to hate.
But I couldn’t resent that fact.
To her, I was just a crutch.
I could be anyone else at any time.
Gruesome thoughts continued to flash through my mind.
“Shh… It’s okay. If your heart calms down later, tell me everything.”
I felt love in her embracing me again as I hiccuped, patting my back.
She was good. I liked her for understanding my feelings. I liked her for loving me.
But what if she didn’t? What if one day, holding the money I gave her, she suddenly returned to her family’s embrace?
I didn’t want to lose her. I held her tighter.
Every time, her breathing became rough, but when I thought that even that might be heard by someone other than me, my chest ached again.
“Ugh… It seems like it’s related to me, but since you won’t open your mouth at all, I can’t say anything…”
While kissing my ear repeatedly, she stroked my back with warm hands.
“I don’t think I completely don’t understand. The feeling of loneliness flows through your eyes. Was my love lacking?”
Her whisper gently calmed my trembling heart.
“First, my handsome face is a mess because of the tears. Should I wash it a bit?”
Slowly, holding her hand, I stood up from my seat, crossing a hazy path following her white hair and perked ears in front of me.
“Here, shall I put my hand on the orb?”
Her hand grabbed my wrist and brought my hand to the blue orb.
But there was no reaction.
“…Eh? Try again.”
Still no reaction.
“It’s strange. Why is this? Calm your emotions a bit and focus on the orb a little.”
Wiping away tears with my hand, I confirmed that I had touched the orb and stared at it.
But still, the orb was dry and cracked.
“Eh, eh…? Wait, no way—”
The anxiety was growing.
***
“Huh, it’s a very rare occurrence…”
The priest in a white robe looked at me with a serious expression.
“Yes, you have no mana. Not even a drop.”
Her expression became serious at the news. I didn’t know what it meant, so I just stared at her silently.
“Ely, is this serious?”
“…No. There’s no problem in daily life. It’s just…”
She stopped talking and rested her chin, thinking deeply.
Since no clear answer came from her, I turned to the priest.
“You said adventurer, right? Do you have any intention of challenging the deeper layers of the dungeon?”
The priest, who had been writing something on paper diligently, suddenly looked up from his work and spoke to me.
“No… It’s not that essential.”
“Is using magic tools essential?”
“Up until now… it wasn’t.”
“…Good. First, I need to tell you a few things. Marcus… is a very special case. Since no mana is detected in your body, you cannot use scrolls that require mana to be poured or magic tools you have at home.”
“Eh?”
You mean those things at home… can’t be used?
“In other words. It’s impossible to use those items alone.”
With that news, I just let the events flow mindlessly.
Until I arrived home, I held her hand tightly.
Really, I couldn’t do anything alone.
“It’s okay. I can cook, and I can bring you water. I can chop ingredients, clean the house together. Is it okay if I just help with those parts? No, originally I was your—”
“…Ely.”
I cut off her words of comfort with a “tut”.
I couldn’t stop my heart from pounding as if it would burst.
I was more scared than ever.
To the point where I thought it was a miracle that I was normal before meeting her, I started to fear the world.
I had only recently learned about magic tools, so how many things did I not know?
When I thought that this ignorance could harm or kill me, I was enveloped in anxiety again.
To me, in that darkness, she was my lighthouse.
The lighthouse brought by my luck.
She was the first and last lifeline I could rely on.
“You won’t… abandon me, right?”
“What do you mean…”
She was saying something, but I couldn’t hear it and started mumbling whatever came to mind.
“I don’t have family or anything, so I can’t be attractive. I only think that buying you was purely because of good luck, and living like this is all luck.
The thought that I could have died multiple times doesn’t leave my mind. To me, someone like you, kind, beautiful, and attractive, is basically a miracle.
If you don’t exist, what am I? What can I become to you? You write, teach common sense, save, help, you are everything to me,
What can I become to you? Do I even have the qualifications to receive your favor?
Tell me, Ely. To you, I—”
And that noisy mouth was immediately suppressed by her firm kiss.
I didn’t even know that her eyes were shining the brightest among what I had seen, or that a bright smile was on her lips at the last moment.
Just captivated by something wearing the mask of love transmitted through her embrace and mouth, I clung to her.