Don't Come Any Closer
A little more.
That sensation winding so softly around my fingers. Her white hair and ears slipped through my hand with a silken hush, following the grain as naturally as water. So they could fold backward too, these ears. They tipped back so easily I almost wondered if that was the more natural way for them to sit.
"Nnh..."
Her shoulders gave a little twitch. She sat with her hands folded neatly in her lap, eyelids fluttering.
"...If it starts to hurt, please tell me."
She only nodded, saying nothing. Watching her head keep trembling like that, I started to worry. She said she was fine, but her whole body kept flinching. I wondered if I was brushing somewhere too sensitive, and I was just about to pull my hand away when her fingers closed around my arm.
"You can... you can keep going."
"No—you're crying. Are you sure you're all right?"
"Ah? Oh, if it's the tears you're worried about, those are fine. They're not because it hurts, or because I don't like it."
She drew my captured arm toward her and rubbed her cheek against it, as naturally as breathing.
"Mm... it's warm..."
I felt sorry for her. She'd come all this way alone to support her family, and she couldn't even receive a touch like this. Filling herself with warmth in a moment so small—it made my chest ache.
And it was strange. Even if I had approached her with good intentions, the way she tried to draw this close in such a short time was remarkable. Odder still: to her, I was clearly a stranger. Someone she'd known for less than a week. And yet she could let me touch her this easily? Be this happy about it?
There was real strength in the hand holding mine. Her face was full of rapture. The way someone marvels at a delicious meal—she was nuzzling against my hand as if she meant to drink every last drop of its warmth.
When I stroked her gently with my fingers...
"Nnh..."
She breathed out through her nose and pressed her face even closer. Honestly, seeing how much she liked it, I wondered if it would be all right to do more. But this wasn't right, was it? We weren't that kind of close. There was no need for the touching to go this far.
"Haaah..."
More than anything, those eyes. Those eyes frightened me. That red gleam showing through her half-lidded gaze. I didn't know how to put this feeling into words. My hand was soft, and warm, and yielding. Even though I was touching something solid, it felt as pleasant and enveloping as sinking my hand into a warm bath—and yet, somewhere deep in my chest, I felt a stirring of unease.
It wasn't a thought. It was instinct. Instinctively, I was rejecting her. Why? There was no answer waiting if I asked. So for a while, until she was satisfied, I could only watch as she nuzzled her cheek against my hand.
"Hehe... nnh..."
Maybe she was taking advantage of the fact that I couldn't bring myself to be firm with her. The thought crossed my mind, and I immediately rejected it. If that were true, she would have tried something far more vicious. But all she'd done was make a single request. A strange one, yes—just asking me to pet her. Was that strange? I wasn't sure. Asking a complete stranger to stroke your hair might be a little strange, but...
"Did I... make you uncomfortable?"
She asked it with her ears drooping, and I couldn't find anything more to say. Instead I stroked her hair a little more, and her smile brightened visibly as her long, slender fingers wrapped around my hand.
"You really are so kind..."
It should have been a lovely sight. And yet, strangely, goosebumps had risen along my arm.
Why is this happening?
Did I have some kind of allergy to rabbit fur? This tightness in my chest just wouldn't ease, no matter how I turned it over. With no answer forthcoming, I poured hot water over myself instead and washed my body clean. I ran a hand over my skin, already dry and pleasantly soft, then pulled on the clothes hanging there and stepped out of the bathroom.
...Wait. We were sleeping in the same bed again?
The first night, she'd moved me while I was half-asleep. This time I'd be getting in beside her of my own will. Is this really all right? I looked at the bed, and—
"You must be tired. Come lie down. I warmed your spot for you."
There she was, already sitting on the bed with the blanket pulled halfway over her. She patted the space beside her—tap, tap—and smiled.
"Uh... okay."
I carefully eased myself onto the bed, feeling the give of it, the rustle of fabric against my skin...
"Whoa. It's warm."
Because she'd gotten in first, I supposed. The inside of the blanket was astonishingly warm. Not hot. Just clinging to my body in a way that felt exactly right. And it smelled so good—a little like flowers.
"I'm glad you like it. Well, then..."
She turned toward me and laced her fingers through mine.
"This is...?"
"I got under the covers first, so... my hands are a little cold. Is this all right?"
She was right. Her hand was a little cold. It had been warm when we were drinking tea earlier.
"...If you put it that way."
She'd done it thinking of me. That deserved something in return. So I squeezed her hand a little more firmly—though "firmly" just meant curling my fingers around the hand she'd already taken...?!
"Mm, since you said it was okay... maybe I can come a little closer?"
The distance between us vanished. A moment ago we'd just been holding hands. Now my entire arm was wrapped in hers.
"Wait—wait! This is way too close!"
"Ah... is it...?"
"I'm not yielding on this one. It's too close. Please put a little more space between us."
"...All right. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
In the end, I had no choice but to raise my voice. The distance was just too strange. No matter how beautiful she was, no matter how attractive she was as a woman, I couldn't accept this.
"...Ely. I'd like you to value yourself a little more."
"I... pardon?"
"Yes, we're bound by a contract, but what I'm trying to say is you don't have to go this far to repay a kindness. And I didn't approach you with that kind of intention, either."
That was the conclusion I'd reached. She was trying to flatter me, wasn't she? Maybe she suspected that the kindness I showed her came with a price. Right. Drawing close to a complete stranger because you missed the warmth of family—that didn't make sense to begin with. So I had to drive the point home.
"So you don't need to go this far. All right?"
She stared at me blankly, then nodded.
"Thank you for being so considerate."
After that, I turned out the light and said good night.
"Good night."
"Good night, Marcus."
Must be the fatigue... my head was going fuzzy already.
"Marcus?"
...
"Marcus."
...
He's completely out. Honestly, can a person really be this innocent? I sent him every signal I could, and he never even thought about crossing that line. He tells me not to come close, then leaves his hands and his chest this unguarded...
"Sss... haah..."
How can he smell this sweet? ...I almost lost myself for a second. Careful. At the very least, he can't wake up.
Helping myself to his warmth like this at night, all on my own... I suppose the intimacy has been piling up on my side alone.
Still... I really do like him. A man with a firm sense of propriety. Someone who keeps his own judgment even when a woman pushes him. Instinct is one thing, but he never lets go of his reason. Hehe. A person with a heart this warm... of course his body would be this... haah... warm, too.
When will he be the one to pull me in tight?
Ah—I did it again. What if he wakes up? ...I could always say I did it in my sleep, but he's already on edge tonight. Maybe I should just be content holding his hand.
But he's... too good a person for that. How could I not fall for him? He dumps a whole bundle of kindness on a complete stranger and then says he doesn't need anything in return. No—all he wants is help making money in the dungeon... Even if he's lost his memories, he's far too good a person.
Yeah.
Still, today's touch was really wonderful, wasn't it? The way he stroked my hair. The way he folded my ears so gently, so softly. When someone touches you that sincerely, of course you fall for them.
What do I do? What am I supposed to do? I've never felt this way before. I don't even know how to handle it... Our relationship is so ambiguous, and looking at how he reacts, just blurting out a confession would be too much... I still don't really know what kind of person he is.
Getting to know someone is hard. Even though everything about him—his actions, his heart, his words—already says he's a good person. And I only answered the kindness he offered first, and he tells me not to force myself.
What a fool.