If I Were the Hero Himmel...
I brainwashed myself with that thought and locked the door. Sitting in the computer chair felt strangely nostalgic. The monitor displayed the MR production program screen, and the desk was cluttered with various Sora Group goods and figures.
"Hmm! Even the hero Himmel would have done it this way."
Loli God's Requiem. This song was infamous in my male memories—and for several other reasons. It had spread widely through short clips on NewTube and StarTube, and it became a meme that shocked people once they understood the lyrics.
The song itself was pure cognitive dissonance bait. It featured language play that Japanese people loved, and for foreigners unfamiliar with Japanese, the cute character singing in a cute voice created that jarring twist once the lyrics' meaning hit. That dissonance was the key to its popularity.
That's why so many VTubers made viral clips of their reactions before and after understanding the lyrics, boosting the original's fame day by day.
-Tap.
Especially for Yumeno Ai, who maintained a big-sis avatar vibe—Yumeno Ai singing in a loli-style art? Considering the image she'd built up, it was perfect cognitive dissonance material.
"First... I should try making it with the Vocaloid Program."
Yumeno Ai—no, Yuri unnie—had approved the MR, so now it was time for lyrics. Honestly, if she hadn't liked the MR, I'd have lost my excuse and just pivoted to another song.
Firing up the Vocaloid Program, the premium—er, mental—version felt different overall, with less of that robotic edge compared to before. The problem was...
"Argh!!! Heavens above! The Vocaloid Program just doesn't capture that feeling!"
Damn it, what now? No matter how premium it was, I was tearing my hair out over the inherent limitations of Vocaloid software.
Should I just slap together some lyrics and send them? Ahh... Father in heaven... give me the answer... Oh right, you're alive. Anyway, to resolve my dilemma, I messaged Yuri unnie on StarTube.
Please, just let me submit lyrics. If not, I might seriously cry. Please please please, I don't know Japanese, but I'll use a translator and submit somehow, so please accept lyrics...
Damn. The heavens have abandoned me. I double-checked the door was locked, then dragged the thick blanket from my bed to the desk, completely burying myself and the mic. It looked pathetic, but it was a primitive fix for soundproofing.
"..."
I brought the mic close to my mouth. The blanket should muffle any leaks, but that wasn't the issue now.
Even if I was the super-genius IQ 200 J-pop master (real) Lee Haru, my inner self was an adult man. To someone with memories of a guy who'd filled a whole egg carton, this was mortifying. ...Honestly, the lyrics were embarrassing even without those memories, but whatever—blame the guy's past.
"Ahh... ahem..."
I warmed up my throat. As a professional, I had to get the job done. Yeah! Pro mindset like 'I'm gonna be a Moon Heaven Kick GOSU!'
Loli loli god's descent ☆
Ah... I did it. I wrote the lyrics out directly to avoid yelling 'You bastard!' over the phone, so I did it in Korean... Wait, what am I even thinking? I bolted to the bed and grabbed my attachment doll (ragged from elementary school days).
-Thwack.
"Kyaaack!"
I couldn't hold back and unleashed my frustration on the doll. The suppressed shame hit all at once. Even hero Himmel couldn't do this. I climbed onto the bed, locked the doll in an armbar, pulled out a thin summer blanket, and kicked wildly.
"Haa... haa... Heavens!"
Just one line. Just one line and I'm like this? Completing the song would be a nightmare. The worst had arrived.
-Thud.
Forget it. I buried my face in the bed pillow, but all it did was kick up dust—no solutions. Me, victim of my own disaster...
Today, my world crumbled. I'd planned to whine to Yuri unnie about having to sing it myself, but nope.
A template came to mind, but the shame overshadowed it. Still, I had to... Control the embarrassment... No, I wanna hear Yuri unnie sing it? Yeah... I can't suffer alone. Like when you see a gross pic on the gallery, hit back, but think 'I can't be the only one' and go back to like it.
I need... some comfort for this pain. So I opened the search engine and went to the site I had in mind.
Yeah... At least spilling this pain to WhipPT might comfort me? WhipPT chats with old folks, so surely good at consolation...
Useless tin can. I closed the search engine, threw the blanket back over, and started recording. It took about 3 hours total. Double the usual 1 hour.
But that time included 5 armbars on my childhood attachment doll, countless punches and kicks, 10 joint locks... etc., in one hour.
"Phew... now to edit..."
'What could be more embarrassing than this?' I'd recorded up to the most shameful first verse. The rest was embarrassing too, but not singing it yet. I was invincible...
Oh right. I have to edit my own singing?
"Arghhh!"
That day, Lee Haru's attachment doll took four extra joint locks. Afterward, it got an unusually long wash—but no gold stars.
"Haa... haa... Burned it white."
Finally, at midnight, I finished editing the first verse. Max aegyo infused into Lee Haru's voice. So freaking embarrassing. Today was too much.
Once sent, I crashed—now a combat prodigy high school girl (not really) from all the MMA practice.
*
Today's peaceful Yumeno Ai broadcast—no, Yuri's. Most VTubers stream evenings, post-work hours, but Yumeno Ai's were mostly dawn.
The pie was the issue. Viewers usually watch one VTuber per session. Same-group overlaps meant pie-stealing wars like 'kill each other now,' so Sora Group's big names avoided same slots unless collabing.
Plus, Yumeno Ai was a late-sleeper/late-riser, so dawns worked. Still, thousands of viewers proved her strength.
[Ai-chan. Who's the mutual Insta follow?]
Yuri's brain went full throttle.
'Huh? Wasn't that my personal SNS?'
Like posting gallery stuff on the mod account by mistake. Japanese VTubers had pseudo-dating vibes, so privacy mattered.
"Uh... ahh~ That kid I met the day I called her little sis, we mutualed~"
Max evasion as Yumeno Ai. But she didn't know Lee Haru's post.
That day, Yumeno Ai Gallery got 400 troll burner accounts. HALU's IP 111.30 got banned, but since it was Shinjuku Hotel's, good ending for everyone except the mod?