Chapter 45
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 45
Chapter Title: Death to the Fake Archbishop - 5
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Incompetent Goddess, why do you abandon this body of mine?
What did I do wrong? What sin have I committed, exactly?
The only crime is that I believed an incompetent wretch like you was omnipotent.
After serving you for decades, you won't even send me to heaven.
Why drag me out of the paradise I created myself and inflict this suffering?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Yes. Kill me. Kill me and let me join you at your side.
If I meet you in death, I'll violate even you.
I'll defile that sacred hole with this body's seed.
In the end, I'll be the victor.
I'll endure and endure until I crush even a god beneath my heel.
Yes. Yes! In the end, I will!
"Ugh... ughhh!!!"
Self-consolation laced with arrogance and vanity offered no effective painkiller. Not in the physical sense, anyway. For a servant of the Goddess of Life like me, the repeated agony quickly grew familiar.
But the fact that I was robbing myself of light forever with my own hands... that I could never grow accustomed to.
"Ugh... ahhhh..."
My lips let out grotesque moans of their own accord. If I plucked out this eye, I'd lose light for eternity. No matter how much I comforted myself that I'd regain it someday, my instincts refused to trust my reason. They simply thrashed about, denying my judgment.
You have to do it, idiot. It's the only way you'll survive.
Really? For real?
Now even I was questioning myself. Are you sure? Luca hasn't recognized you yet? Have you even considered he might be doing this on purpose?
Being rational, I quickly dismissed the thought. Of course not. How could that village hick possibly recognize me? I've changed my face, and this body's giving an Oscar-worthy performance. He wouldn't know. That's why he's acting like this.
And if, by some one-in-a-thousand chance, he has recognized you? What then?
I erased the final thought the moment it surfaced. No need to dwell on negative futures.
"Need a hand?"
"Ah... no. I'll do it."
"Or should I help you, Crateon? This big sis is killer at ripping things out."
No, you bitch. Once that slut escapes this crisis, I'll get revenge somehow. With that in mind, I raised my finger.
Second time. Just repeat what I'd already done once. No big deal. Lift my hand, pry open the eyelid, pluck out the eyeball, and offer it to Lord Luca... no, to Luca... no, hand it over. Then this crisis ends.
"Bobby."
"...!"
Luca's indifferent voice nearly made me respond. I clamped my mouth shut, and he spoke again.
"Bobby doesn't answer. Crateon. You're late."
"I'm sorry. I'll... I'll do it quickly."
I bowed my head obsequiously once more. Then I hurriedly pried open my own eye.
And once again, shoved my finger inside.
"Hngh... ugh..."
My finger found the now-familiar sensation and slithered beneath the eyelid. As if it were something I'd done for ages, it naturally pried the eye open and slowly scraped out what lay within. But growing skilled didn't erase the fear.
"Ah... ugh..."
Desperate to finish quickly, I dug recklessly into the depths, feeling the soft eyeball crush under my finger. No, no. Damn it. Keep it intact. Have to be careful.
Humiliating or not, no choice. Just get through this once. Survive this one time.
"Ughhh...!"
With my one remaining hand, I desperately clawed inward. Blood, fluids, and now tears flowed madly. Just yesterday, I'd been in paradise; now, before party members who thought me dead, I was gouging out my own eye. I'd sworn off negative thoughts, yet visions of my pathetic state kept surfacing.
Soon, even that groveling sight would be gone.
To banish the thought, I yanked out the eyeball with all my strength.
"Aaaah... aaack!!!"
With a agonized groan, my last remaining vision snapped away with a pop, plunging me into endless darkness. My sight gone black, I instinctively froze in terror, but no light returned. A single nerve trailed from the futilely extracted eyeball, slithering down beneath my eye.
Ah...
...
Long ago, I'd wondered if the eyeless blind could cry. I'd thought not. They were sinners punished by the gods, unworthy of tears.
Only now did I realize that lie, in the most blatant and wretched way.
My hand trembled as I bowed my head deeply. Then I raised the hand holding the eyeball high.
"Here... here it is."
"Right."
Compared to the effort I'd poured in, Luca's reply was curt. I couldn't rebel; I just held my hand aloft, my whole body shaking.
"Well, then I'll help this time. Man, thinking about touching Bobby's body has my heart racing."
Then came the voice of that woman named Vanessa. She approached slowly and spat coldly.
"Hand it over, cripple."
"Yes..."
"Hold your hand higher. My leg's busted, so bending over's a pain."
"Ah... yes..."
I gritted my teeth and raised my hand. Then a hand smacked the back of my head hard.
"Don't lift your face. You're ugly as sin. Ugh, scary if you show up in my dreams."
"..."
Fuck.
"Higher. Higher. I said higher. Should've exercised more."
"..."
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
I bowed obsequiously, desperately thrusting my hand up. Pain throbbed in my neck as my hand cramped, the eyeball wobbling precariously atop it. Only when I feared it might drop did she snatch it away.
"Gross as hell. Hope it works this time, huh?"
Afraid curses would spill if I spoke, I stayed silent. But she patted my cheek and slowly walked away. Swallowing the surging humiliation, I sighed in relief.
Still. Now it's over.
Surely they won't demand more from a useless cripple like me. My utter misery ironically reassured me. Yes. Now just wait, and it'll end. Wait and...
No.
Another unfamiliar woman's voice rang out. Mockery still laced it.
No.
No.
It wasn't over.
Fuck... what the hell. Who are you...
I cursed inwardly, but the voice's owner just laughed, refusing to answer. Yet her laughter carried an irresistible authority.
And I couldn't shake the feeling that it foretold my future.
"Aigoo. Didn't work again."
"What the fuck..."
I finally spat the curse aloud, bowing my head. Luca and Vanessa's conversation followed.
"Why not, Vanessa?"
"The Goddess hasn't permitted it. The sinner's crimes run too deep."
"Then what do we do?"
"Hm... Show some sincerity?"
The word "sincerity" grated from her snide remark. She chuckled as she continued.
"You don't know much about our Order, Luca, but when the Goddess is angry, we offer parts of our bodies to appease her wrath. My eye and leg? Sacrificed back then."
"L... lies!"
Unthinkingly, I bellowed with all my might. Blood burst from my unhealed socket, streaming to my lips.
"Don't lie, you crippled bitch! The Ennesic Order has no such ritual!"
"You were too low-rank to know, idiot. High priests all do. Right, brothers?"
"Ah..."
I whipped my head to look at the priests. But my darkened vision showed nothing, so I thrashed my head wildly, screaming.
"Ah... no, right? No such ritual! Tell me the truth! Expose this lying priest!"
"...Unfortunately."
A massive hand clamped my nape. The strength could crush my neck instantly, transmitting through my skin.
"They're all nodding."
"Y... yes...?"
I lifted my head blankly. But with my eyes long gone, I couldn't verify the truth.
Bloody mist seeped through the enveloping darkness. I dropped my head in despair.
"Then, time to accept the offering."
"Ah..."
"Don't worry. Won't drag it out. My goal isn't some Crateon anyway."
"Ahh..."
"Yes. A finger should suffice? The longest one—to soothe the Goddess. Right?"
"Ahhh... ughhh..."
"Answer. That should be enough, no?"
The hand lifted my nape. His emotionless voice rang clearly, almost conjuring his face before my eyes.
"Ahh... yes..."
I nodded at last. Sobbing like a girl, hiccuping as I answered.
"Understood... understood..."
"Then do it quick. Time's short. Bobby."
"Yes..."
What name did he just call? Crateon? Bobby? My mind was too exhausted to care. Despair I'd thought ended three times now shattered my brain.
"Ugh... ughh..."
Sobbing, I raised my hand. With only one hand left, the only way to offer a finger was to bite it off. I shoved my middle finger into my tear-filled throat.
"Guhk... kgh..."
The overly long finger hit my throat, vomit rising. Breath blocked. Sharp nail piercing my frailest spot.
"Keurgh... heuk... kughk..."
Now even holding a knife to my own throat. I'd started this to live. Why... why did it come to this?
"Ah... hng..."
...
No point thinking. It only gnawed my sanity.
I simply bit down with all my strength.
"Pffh... ughhh... wuuk... ugrrrghhh!!!"
Less pain than gouging my eye. But the repeated stabbing in my throat, teeth digging into my flesh, tasting my own meat—it made me want to puke. Once I'd wondered about the taste of a soft girl's flesh, then dismissed it. Now I devoured my own.
"Ah... ughhh!!!"
Blood, crushed meat. Sweat. Saliva. All mixed, surging in my throat. Like the girls swallowing my seed, I let it drool out as I gnawed. Soon, bone met teeth with cracking pain shaking my body.
"Ugh... ughhhh!!!"
A bit more. Just a bit more! But as it neared end, my bite weakened while the finger bone hardened. Some trick? Shaking my head like a crocodile, I clenched my wavering teeth. Blood sprayed everywhere, tears flying.
"Ah... u... ahhhhhhh!"
At last, I wrenched my finger and head, tearing off the remaining flesh. With a final snap, the last bone broke, severing my middle finger. Strangely, I felt accomplishment.
And unknowingly, I swallowed it.
...
...
Ah...?
"Ughk... ah... u..."
Realizing it, the finger still pushed down my throat. Vanessa's stifled laugh burst beside me as I desperately bowed to vomit.
"Wuuk... wuuuuk! Ah! Aaaaaah!"
Damn it all. Spit it out! Why'd I do this madness? Why!
"Uwe! Wuuk!"
I pressed beyond my tongue with my hand, but the longest finger gone made stimulating my throat hard.
I pounded my chest, forcing my mouth open to expel it. Thud. Thud. Thud. Heart pounding forcibly, hot stomach acid mixed with saliva flowed. My appearance didn't matter now. Please. End this pain. Any groveling shape.
"Uweeeek!"
Soon, the long finger scraped out entirely. Splat—as it hit the floor, I groped blindly for it without relief. A woman's barely-suppressed laughter tickled my ear.
"Kh... pfft..."
Hn... kh... pfbt...
Fuck... fuck... fuck...
After fumbling forever, I clutched the finger preciously and bowed. Good. Damn it... good...
"Now beg forgiveness."
"Y... yes, Lord Luca."
Without order, I bowed. Forehead smashing the floor, I prostrated.
"Forgive me. As your servant, I failed to exalt your name, instead sullying your honor with evil deeds. Please, accept this unworthy child's offering and grant mercy. Please... please, Goddess..."
I recited a haphazard prayer. No need for sincerity in a fake ritual. Just satisfy Luca. Then he'd torment Bobby again. Leave me be, and go for Bobby...
...
Hahaha...
Kh... haha... pfhat.
...
Laughter rang again.
I deliberately kept my head down. If possible, block my ears too, not just eyes. But reality always shoved its face in mine.
"Hey."
"...Yes?"
Luca addressed me again. Praying nothing happened, I replied. He delivered shocking truth.
"Your finger reattached."
"N... no way... no waaaaay... aaaaaaah!!!"
I denied his words. But feeling the middle finger reformed on my hand, I screamed.
"Aaaaaah!!!"
Hahahahaha!!!
"Uwaaaaaah! Aaaack! Aaaaaah!"
Pfft... kyahahaha! Hahahahak!
"Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaaaack!"
Hahaha! Pfhat... haha! Kyahahahaha!
A strange woman's hysterical laughter echoed. I screamed madly in competition. Amid it, Luca and Vanessa conversed.
"Wow. This guy's really been abandoned by the Goddess."
"I was gonna ask you originally. But same result, so no matter."
"You're cruel, Luca. The Goddess who saw through you is ruthless too. Did you two plan this?"
"I don't believe in gods."
"Really? Right now, I'm believing wholeheartedly."
"Ah... ughhh... ahhhhhh!"
Meaningless words poured toxically. I heard them, but lost meaning midway, letters dissolving. I vented only the emotions with screams.
"...Hey."
Luca's hand gripped my nape again. The scream building in my throat halted abruptly.
And his voice echoed clearly in my mind.
"What're you doing? It's attached. Cut it again."
"Ah... please... please..."
"Begging me's useless."
"Please... please, Lord Luca... euk...!"
He forced my middle finger into my mouth.
And whispered in my ear.
"Beg her."
"Wuuk... wuuuk..."
Another hand lifted my lower jaw. Thus, I resumed gnawing my finger.
"...Again."
"Ah..."
No idea how many hours—or days—passed. Anyway, I was still chewing my middle finger.
"Again."
"Ugh... u..."
I passed out and regained consciousness repeatedly. Half-chewed it and fainted sometimes; swallowed it foolishly others.
But waking was always the same. Luca's word. And my finger somehow in my mouth.
"Again."
Finger.
Finger. Finger. Fin-ger. Finger. Finger.
Finger.
I bit into it again.
Roughly twenty-six times, give or take.
No clue how much time passed. Suns set, moons rose—who knows how often.
Thus, time. Space. All crushed together, swirling in my mouth at some point.
I. Suddenly opened my eyes.
"...Ah?"
One eye abruptly regained light, illuminating the scene. Like a lifelong blind man, I blankly stared at the emerging world.
"Wh... what...?"
A familiar yet strange ceiling. Dim room thick with cloying darkness. Unpleasant heat clinging to my body. Utterly familiar from my own flesh, yet somehow off. Pondering long, I realized I could turn my head and did so.
Familiar girls' faces appeared.
First, I thought hallucination. But no. Their eyes held clear emotion and life. Shallow breasts heaving beneath loose robes, gazes half fear, half rage. No illusions. They existed before me. One more proof: the smell.
Yes.
Metallic reek wafted from blades clutched in their hands.
"Wha... wha...?"
What. What. Why do they hold those? And why here? Where even is here? Why am I here?
Grip.
Then, a terribly familiar grasp seized my nape. No need to turn; I knew who and squeezed my eyes shut. No. Hate it. Don't want to face anymore. Please.
But soon, two fingers slowly pried open my eyelid.
"Hello, Bobby."
Luca was there.
"Ah... aaah..."
The moment he called my name, tears streamed as I shook my head. Denying the reality before me. But he nodded slowly and spoke.
"Time to start again."