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# 002. Hyung’s Belonging
Standing in front of his mentor Professor Seo Jeongwon’s office, Han Seojun hesitated.
Something didn’t feel right.
Professor Seo always arrived at work at exactly the same time, so the fact that he had come in earlier than usual meant something must have happened.
Haah. No. It’s probably nothing.
Besides, every day had been like walking through a bed of thorns lately.
There couldn’t possibly be anything worse than this.
Han Seojun cautiously knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
It was the professor’s usual voice.
Maybe I was imagining things.
Hearing the professor’s familiar voice relieved him for some reason.
He took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob. A chill traveled through his fingertips.
Click.
“You’re here? I heard about the emergency room. You worked hard.”
“No, it was nothing.”
“You little punk. Don’t pretend it wasn’t. Come sit down.”
Whew. I guess he didn’t call me here to scold me.
Han Seojun had been extremely worried when he was summoned to the professor’s office at such an early hour, but seeing his professor looking just as usual allowed him to relax.
He cautiously sat down on the sofa opposite him.
Huh?
But there was definitely something wrong.
Seo Jeongwon’s complexion did not look good.
Something definitely happened.
“Professor, is something wrong?”
“……”
He did not answer Han Seojun and simply sat there with his arms crossed.
There was definitely something going on, but the sudden change in his attitude frightened Han Seojun.
His stomach seemed to shrink in an instant, and he began to feel a dull ache.
Huh? Did I misunderstand?
For some reason, he began to feel a chill at the back of his head as well.
Then there was a brief silence.
“Haah… Seojun.”
“Yes, Professor. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”
Seojun lowered his head, feeling guilty even though he had done nothing wrong.
Seo Jeongwon chuckled.
“No, did you think I called you here to scold you?”
“What? Huh? You didn’t?”
“Yeah… Haah… I was wondering how I should tell you this.”
???
But when the professor finally spoke after the silence, Han Seojun realized that he had completely misunderstood the situation.
“Haah… Yeah. You’re going to find out eventually anyway.”
“Professor, what exactly happened?”
“Nakyoon died in Syria.”
“What?”
What came out of his mouth was something Han Seojun found impossible to accept.
---
Song Nakyoon.
Age at death: 33.
If he were still working at the hospital, he would have been a third-year resident in cardiothoracic surgery, and Han Seojun would not have been the only resident in the department.
There had once been only two residents in cardiothoracic surgery.
Back then, the two of them handled everything together.
They even had to take care of the rotating interns in place of the professors and fellows, while also becoming involved in all kinds of surgeries and research papers within the department.
That was how immense the workload placed upon the two of them had been.
That was why Han Seojun had lived while looking at his back.
Song Nakyoon was not merely Han Seojun’s senior by one year. He was also one of his other teachers.
From surgical techniques and how to handle medical equipment to how to treat patients.
From the mindset a doctor should have to one's character.
Song Nakyoon had taught Han Seojun everything.
More than half of the reason Han Seojun could now exist in the hospital as a proper doctor was because of his help.
That was why his death felt even more painful to Han Seojun.
This was not simply a matter between a senior and junior.
It felt as though he had lost a member of his family.
Han Seojun clenched his teeth.
You said we’d meet again in a year…
He could still vividly remember Nakyoon’s bright face as he waved goodbye to him at the airport.
They had exchanged news through email only a week ago.
He could never have imagined that something like this would suddenly happen.
Haaah.
A white breath escaped his lips without him realizing it.
Is that snow?
Snow began settling on the urn Han Seojun was holding.
The urn itself would not become heavy simply because a little snow had accumulated on it, but to Han Seojun, it felt unbearably heavy.
Yet there was nothing inside the urn.
They had been unable to find his body.
Thinking about that made Han Seojun even more depressed.
But no tears came.
All the tears he had been capable of shedding had already been shed during the two days he had spent at the funeral hall as Song Nakyoon’s sole chief mourner.
Moreover, since Song Nakyoon had no relatives in Korea, Han Seojun was the only person who could serve as his chief mourner.
The funeral lasted only two days.
Han Seojun could not even count how many people had visited during that time.
It was enough to show him exactly what kind of life the deceased had lived.
But even so, the dead could not return.
During the funeral, Han Seojun had complained to him silently several times.
Why did you go to such a dangerous place?
Shouldn’t you have taken care of yourself first before taking care of those poor people?
He had gone to Syria to save people, but in the end, his body had not even been able to return to Korea.
But there was no one here to hear his complaints anymore.
As he stood lost in those thoughts, the funeral director approached him and led him to the columbarium.
A short while later, all the funeral procedures were completed.
I’ll come visit you often, hyung.
Leaving behind the place where only the empty urn and a photograph of the deceased remained, he headed outside.
Think of the patient first.
You can’t save everyone, but do your best.
Patients come to the hospital looking only at you.
Han Seojun repeated the words his hyung had said to him while he was alive.
If Han Seojun’s existence as a doctor were divided into parts, more than half of it had practically been created by Song Nakyoon.
That was how enormous the void he left behind was.
As Han Seojun absentmindedly made his way toward the hospital, he began to see Professor Seo Jeongwon in the distance.
“Is everything finished?”
“Yes…”
When Han Seojun looked at the professor’s face, his expression was terrible.
It was understandable.
Song Nakyoon had been one of his few disciples and someone who had been regarded as a talented doctor who would lead the cardiothoracic surgery department in the future.
The professor regretted that he had not held on to him somehow.
But what had already happened could not be undone.
A person’s death could not be reversed.
“Are you all right coming here?”
“Well, I managed to make time somehow. I had to see Nakyoon off.”
Looking at him, Han Seojun handed over the slip of paper with the columbarium number written on it.
Seo Jeongwon silently accepted it.
“Wait here. I’ll be back soon.”
“Yes.”
Han Seojun could only silently watch Seo Jeongwon’s back as he walked away.
---
What a fool.
The moment he saw the empty urn, Seo Jeongwon muttered inwardly.
The boy had talent.
If he had grown properly, becoming the next head of the department would have been practically guaranteed.
It was not simply because of his skill.
His character, his theoretical knowledge, and even his surgical hand skills.
Already in his second year of residency, Song Nakyoon had been a fully developed doctor.
Perhaps that was why.
Perhaps that was why he had begun looking beyond Korea.
There had been a time when, at the request of the government, he had treated political refugees.
That experience had made him realize the reality in other countries, and he had said that he wanted to see it for himself and would go to Syria.
An ordinary doctor would not have been so driven by his convictions.
But Song Nakyoon was not an ordinary doctor, and eventually, he went to Syria.
And in the end, he could not even leave behind a body and was unable to return to his homeland.
Haah.
Thoughts that could not be put into words swirled through the professor’s mind.
It was not simply because a promising future doctor had died.
Perhaps it had reminded him of his own son, who had died in a traffic accident in the past.
The death of someone who had been like his own son was now stirring up his emotions all over again.
At the same time, Han Seojun’s face appeared in the professor’s mind.
What a shame.
If only he had half of Nakyoon’s skills.
Recently, the other professors in the cardiothoracic surgery department had been talking about Han Seojun as well.
Shouldn’t we do something about Seojun?
But there was no other option.
Han Seojun was the only resident in cardiothoracic surgery.
They could not simply send him somewhere else just because his surgical hand skills were lacking.
But as his residency year advanced, it was becoming time to entrust him with increasingly important responsibilities.
The problem was that they could not do so.
The limitations of Han Seojun’s abilities were far too clear to the professor’s eyes.
Haah. What should I do?
Of course, as a doctor, there was nothing particularly lacking in Han Seojun.
He managed the wards thoroughly and had a good relationship with the nurses.
Above all, there was no one as capable as him when it came to handling patients.
It was only his surgical hand skills that were disappointing.
If he imagined the opposite situation…
No, perhaps that would actually be better for him.
As he watched the number of applicants decrease every year, the thought that crossed his mind was that even having someone like that would at least give him someone capable of taking over in the future.
That was why, as the professor looked at Han Seojun, feelings of guilt and regret crossed his mind.
If things continued this way, Han Seojun’s limit was already clear.
What was most regrettable was that the professor knew how hard Han Seojun was working.
A hospital was both a large and small society.
Even if you tried not to listen, a person’s reputation would eventually travel around and make its way back to your ears.
In that regard, Han Seojun was already a perfect doctor.
But his surgical skills were improving as slowly as a turtle.
The results were far too poor compared to the effort he put in.
Thinking that, the professor raised his lowered head and looked at the empty urn.
If there’s a way, couldn’t you help your younger brother?
Thinking that, he let out a sigh.
Even he thought it was a ridiculous thing to ask.
---
“Here. Take this.”
“What is this? Ah.”
As soon as they left the columbarium, Seo Jeongwon took something out from inside his coat and handed it to Han Seojun.
It was a watch familiar to Han Seojun.
The Casio CA-53W that his hyung normally wore.
The glass had been cracked, as though it had been struck by a piece of debris.
But the watch itself was still working perfectly.
It must have been hit by some kind of fragment.
“This…”
“It’s the only belonging of his that survived. I received it from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.”
Han Seojun carefully accepted it with both hands.
It was something Nakyoon hyung had never taken off his wrist no matter where he went.
But now, to think that it was the only thing belonging to his hyung that remained with Han Seojun.
It was deeply ironic.
“You take it.”
“Is it really okay for me to have it?”
“If it were him, he would have wanted you to have it.”
Hoo.
Han Seojun normally did not wear watches, but he carefully fastened it around his right wrist.
For some reason, it seemed to fit perfectly.
Because it was the last belonging of his hyung that remained, he felt that he had to be the one to use it.
More than anything, he did not want to lose anything else.
“And you’re taking the afternoon shift off today.”
“Uh, is that really okay? If I’m absent…”
“Hey. With a face like that, how are you planning to work? You didn’t even look in a mirror, did you?”
Han Seojun unconsciously touched his face.
It was probably a complete mess.
My eyes must be swollen too…
“And you think you can see patients looking like that? Go get some rest.”
“Yes. I understand.”
The professor nodded.
“Good. You worked hard. Thanks to you, Nakyoon was able to leave properly. If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t even have had a funeral.”
“Yes…”
“All right, go in first. I have somewhere I need to stop by.”
With those words, the professor walked away.
Haah.
It had not been his plan, but Han Seojun thought,
I should get some rest today.
---
Click.
After telling the emergency room about the situation, Han Seojun entered his room located on the outskirts of the cardiothoracic surgery department.
He turned on the lights and walked inside. A spacious room greeted him.
It’s always so empty.
The room he had all to himself was actually supposed to accommodate four people.
The three empty desks and three empty beds welcomed Han Seojun.
Normally, the room should have been full.
But it had been empty for quite a long time.
It would probably remain this way.
He should have showered and gone to sleep, but he did not even have the energy for that.
Maybe I’ll just watch that and sleep.
Han Seojun immediately lay down on the bed and picked up the Oculus Quest 2 that had been sitting beside him before putting it on his head.
Since he practically used the room as a private room, there was no problem with bringing whatever he wanted inside.
As soon as he turned it on, a blue plain began spreading out before Seojun’s eyes.
It was the scenery of the Alps.
It felt so real that he could almost believe he was actually there.
Watching natural scenery from various places around the world through a VR device was Han Seojun’s only source of relaxation.
He wanted to actually visit those places, but as long as he lived as a doctor, that was practically impossible.
So he wanted to experience the feeling of traveling and healing himself, even if it was only virtually.
His usual routine was to watch videos like this, set a timer, and naturally fall asleep.
Today was no different.
His eyelids gradually began to close.
It was time to sleep.
Haah. Let’s sleep.
But because of that, Han Seojun did not know.
He did not know that the watch he was wearing was beginning to emit a light.