99% Truth, 1% Lies
"When you deal with people, you must always treat them with sincerity."
Having lost her husband young and raised me alone, my mother would occasionally share her wisdom on how one ought to live in this world. Everything from "smiling brings good fortune" to "live by giving to others." The usual adult platitudes, really — but back then I had a rather warped view of the world, so I always answered her with a snide remark.
"Mom, it's not like that anymore. The world these days is full of scary people."
Showing sincerity is the same as showing your weakness. Everything my mother said from time to time rested on the fundamental premise that human beings are good. Isn't her head just full of flowers? That was what I thought at the time.
Of course, even now that thinking itself hasn't changed much. Even long after Mom passed away, whenever I recall those words, they still don't quite land. And right this moment is no different. Look at the result of me treating people with sincerity. I wanted to show the scene in front of me to my late mother.
A spectacle that would make even Satan shake his head. If my mother saw this, she might finally admit she'd been wrong.
"I am being sincere. Why do I need to explain myself? I didn't do anything wrong."
One company dinner, and the communities had caught fire. Waking up to find my own drama circulating — a common enough occurrence for a streamer, sure, but for me it was just absurd.
"Y'all are seriously pissed, huh. The chat right now, the gallery — all of it. Some of you are writing posts at completely the wrong angle, and you really shouldn't. Speaking as a senior gallery veteran here: keep that up and you'll be eating prison food. What, you wanna go to the police station? Huh!"
"Even people worrying about me are going crazy. I've already gotten a ton of messages from fellow streamers asking if I'm okay. Saying to let them know if I need any help — that they've sued people before themselves."
That was also the truth. Honestly, since starting my stream, I hadn't really told a single lie. Aside from the fact that I woke up one day to find Abyss had become a god-tier game and that my appearance had transformed into a perfect copy of Camilla, I had no secrets.
Some people floated conspiracy theories that my excessive love for Camilla was nothing more than a streaming persona — but who on earth would go this far just for a bit?
Thinking about it that way, even though I'd said my mother was wrong, I was faithfully living by her words. Was there any streamer more authentic and sincere toward their viewers than me? And yet these people had no idea and were throwing this tantrum.
"I'm not saying I won't explain at all. But when you all swarm in like this, shove a mic in my face over something the person involved doesn't even properly know about, and go 'Is this true?' — does that make me want to talk? Of course I don't want to talk. And thank god I heard about it from our editor beforehand. What if I'd come on completely clueless? I don't even check the gallery these days. It would've taken forever just to figure out what was going on, and I wouldn't have understood a word you were saying — we'd all just be frustrated."
Whether it was because the word "sue" had come up once, the chat had mellowed out a notch. The speed seemed to have dropped a little too. But a sidelong glance at the viewer count showed no sign of that frothy inflated number shrinking. They just weren't typing — they were still listening to every word.
I wet my throat, slightly dry from talking so much, and opened my mouth again.
"Anyway. I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully."
And with that, I began reciting the scenario I'd cobbled together in the ten minutes before going live.
"I swear — I, streamer Kayak, before this explanation, do solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, according to my conscience, without concealment or embellishment."
At one viewer's request, I recited an oath and began the explanation. Honestly I didn't have to, but it felt like it would make for a better visual. Later on I could always have Yu Sia or Kim Jaejun upload it to Vtube. Something titled "Kayak Explains Herself," you know.
"How many years has it been since Abyss came out? I started playing back then, and yeah, I made the Abyss Gallery not long after. I figured it'd be nice to talk about games and share opinions. There wasn't a proper community for it. As for whether I have some kind of connection with the head admin and assistant admins… well, the people who were gallery-posting back then are the head and assistant admins now, so we know each other, yeah. Our editor too. I only remember a few nicknames, but the people who know, know."
Putting the scenario together hadn't been particularly hard. From my perspective, none of it had been that long ago. I'd lived through all of it. The only part that needed fiction mixed in with the truth was the day the server-shutdown notice went up — the moment I'd gotten drunk and posted a verification photo.
"The root cause of today's chaos. I should talk about that day. Yeah, that day was honestly the worst day of my life. The notice went up like any other, so I logged onto the official site, and—"
"Yeah. I saw the notice, got pissed, drank the soju that was in the fridge. Then I wrote the verification post."
Murmur, murmur. The chat stirred for a moment. So she did drink — I knew it — that kind of reaction. But I had nothing to be ashamed of.
"Anyone who wasn't there in those days has no right to throw stones at me! Sure, drinking as a minor was wrong, but I didn't buy it myself, and I didn't drink at a store and get them shut down either. I didn't even want to drink — I was just too sad. I couldn't stand it without drinking. The game I'd played for years was shutting down. How was I supposed to stay sober…."
Compared to the earlier attempts to string me up, the reactions coming back were relatively mild. Why? Because this kind of public-opinion war is a fight for initiative — no matter how hard you push at the start, the moment you lose that momentum, the fire dies in an instant. And the justification had been rotten from the beginning. "A minor drank alcohol" — these days that barely even registers as a flaw. It was nowhere near enough to bury someone.
Judging that I'd seized the upper hand, I kept going.
"The delinquent rumors. Those were ridiculous too when I saw them. Do you know what a diligent student I was? I listened to my teachers, they remembered my name, and when we passed in the hallway they'd even pat my head. I was a total model student."
"Not believing it till I pull my school records? Hmm… well, you don't have to believe me if you don't want to. I'll go get them later. I've been seeing a lot of school-record-reading content lately. Maybe I should do one of those myself."
The school records, too — only the gender and appearance had changed; everything else would have followed my actual track record. So I could say it with a clear conscience.
"Ah, that…."
A sneak attack that hit me right in the blind spot. I hesitated for a moment over the answer. Of course I did — I was not the perfect ideal these people dreamed of. I was not a lifelong single.
Technically it hadn't been a boyfriend but a girlfriend — but there was no need to mention that much.
"Yes, um… uh. I'll leave it to your imaginations. Yes. One thing I do want to say is that I am currently not dating anyone—. No no, my girlfriend is Camilla and I am married to streaming. Yes. That is all."
Somehow the chat firepower right now seemed stronger than at any other point in the stream — was that just me? The gallery was probably already filling up with posts like "BREAKING: Kayak Confirmed Not a Virgin." Strictly speaking she wasn't a non-virgin, but I couldn't exactly show them that.
Regardless, one way or another, I'd achieved my intended goal. The feeling of "another one handled today!" — I was in an excellent mood from having scored a victory over the crowd trying to drag me down.
"Ah, '03. Yeah, I'm '03. But just to be thorough, should I show my ID real quick? Just for a second, face covered."
As a finishing touch, I put my ID card on screen with the face and name portions blacked out. The front digits of the resident registration number — the only part left visible — clearly began with 03.
"See? I'm twenty-one. Mm-hmm. Wait, no need for formal speech. We're friends. From now on just talk casual. Got it?"
And so, just as every explanation had wrapped up and things were settling into a lull—
"Bleached hair?"
Wondering what they were talking about, I looked — and above the blacked-out face portion of the ID, Camilla's white hair was faintly visible. The person who'd just donated had spotted it with extraordinary eyesight.
"Ah, ahaha… yeah. That's right. I had white hair when I took the ID photo…."
This was outside the scenario. With nothing to brush it off with, I just confirmed the donation's claim.
"What's with all the delinquent talk. I'm not a bad person."
I just said it with a playful smile.