The World’s Greatest Fiancée
“You’re… getting married?”
The utter disbelief in that one hollow sentence caught me completely off guard. I took a long swig of my coffee to steady myself. Between the days filled with constant, beaming smiles, I was using caffeine to properly jump-start my brain. I didn’t want to come off as overly boastful, so I just answered with as much relaxed composure as I could muster.
“You saw her before, right? We haven’t set a date yet, just sort of preparing for it—”
“You son of a bitch!”
It was a rare get-together with my friends. We’d met up early, and since it was too soon to start drinking, we’d agreed to just grab some coffee—only for me to be suddenly grabbed by the collar. Seong-ung, a friend I managed to see at least three times a year, was practically shedding tears of blood as he lunged across the table.
“How is that even possible…?! You mean that person from the alumni reunion, right? How is a babe with that kind of beauty and those curves marrying someone like you?!”
“Hey… come on, Seong-ung. Don’t be so genuinely jealous.”
“I’m not jealous, you asshole!”
…No, you’re literally tearing up right now.
He was even gnawing on his lip, looking completely devastated. He didn’t care who was watching; he just squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing his bitter tears.
“I just don’t get it…! Why are you the only one getting that kind of insane luck? How is that even possible? Explain it to me! Make me understand!”
“…Seong-ung, I think you’re getting a little too worked up.”
“Shut up! Honestly, aren’t you dying of curiosity on the inside too!?”
“…….”
Usually, Park Seong-hyeon, my other friend, acted as the sedative to calm the rampaging Seong-ung. But at that prompt, he couldn’t even find the words to respond and just clamped his mouth shut. Eventually, as if he needed a sugar rush, he took a calm, single sip of his black coffee, heavily spiked with syrup. With his mind now clear, he looked at me and asked one serious question.
“Seungwoo, let me ask you one thing.”
“What is it?”
“Are all your internal organs still intact?”
“What kind of terrifying thing are you asking me!?”
He was saying things even more horrific than Seong-ung. He then seriously rubbed his forehead and continued.
“…Honestly, I just can’t wrap my head around it. If someone like that married you and got close… wouldn’t it be the perfect time to ask you to hand over a kidney or something? Like, does someone in your family have a weak liver, or maybe a genetic heart condition?”
“Stop writing weird fiction! It’s not that kind of thriller!”
“Then did you at least sign as a guarantor for her?”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, there’s nothing like that!”
Under the joint assault of my friends, I protested so violently that my neck turned stiff. After finally prying Seong-ung’s hands off my collar, I tried to wrap things up logically.
“Phew… for starters, she’s way ahead of me financially. There’s no need for me to be a guarantor for anything.”
“She even makes a lot of money?”
“…Just how much does she make?”
“Let’s just say our monthly salaries look like pocket change to her.”
““……””
The income Yeoeun brought in—it was truly ruthless, enough to make the salary-boasting of office workers look pathetic. But I didn’t brag about it. While I was proud of my wife’s ability, I also felt quite intimidated by it. If I were being cold and objective, the gap was so large that my friends’ reactions were understandable.
“Fuck… the more we talk, the more absurd this gets. So what kind of cute side does she see in you that she’d take you in and raise you?”
“Seungwoo, think about this seriously… you might go missing overseas the day after your wedding.”
“No, I told you, it’s not like that! I know what you guys mean, but we just ended up here after meeting!”
“Then tell us how it’s possible! Teach us your secret!”
I’d thought it would be better to just tell them since they were my best friends, but all they did was attack me and doubt my sincerity. Seong-ung, especially, with his spite reaching the boiling point, was acting more temperamental than usual today. He lunged at me again, clinging on.
“……! Wait, I get it! You have a secret weapon, don’t you!?”
“Huh?”
“I used to tease you in high school for having a ‘ruinous’ dick that would destroy a woman’s life… did you actually use that to subdue her?”
“……!”
This was a crowded café. It wasn’t a high school classroom filled with raging hormones, but he shouted it out as if he wanted everyone to hear.
‘What a total degenerate…’
At first, I was so embarrassed by his outburst that my face flushed bright red. I wanted to cover it up with a string of curses so the people around us wouldn’t hear, but then—
‘…Wait, can I really say that’s not it?’
When I thought about it, he wasn’t wrong. From the incident where she first caught me, to the way Yeoeun’s attitude changed drastically after our first time. Even when we were on the verge of a fight, looking back, I really had managed to smooth things over with just that one thing. When it came down to it, I’d been soothing and coaxing Yeoeun with the tool between my legs all this time.
“…….”
Since the circumstances more or less aligned, I couldn’t exactly deny it with a straight face, so I quietly looked away.
“I-it’s true, isn’t it… You really subdued the lady with that royal member of yours?!”
‘You idiot, keep your voice down!’
“Wow… I thought it was just an internet joke, but women really do like that stuff… Ah! Is that why your ex-girlfriend lasted so long, too? What was her name? Anyway, you were famous for it in college.”
‘That’s not it!’
…Wait, was that not it, either?
I cleared my throat to move past this increasingly overheated atmosphere.
“It’s not like that. It’s just like any normal relationship, we just… naturally… things worked out well.”
“Don’t lie! You ruined a woman’s life with that beastly thing—”
“Honey.”
Just as they were raising their voices enough to be a nuisance to the café, the tension snapped like a taut string being cut. I’d been grabbed by the collar by Seong-ung again, but when I turned around, thinking it couldn’t be—she was really there.
The very person who had been the subject of our conversation.
“Yeoeun!”
My spine straightened the moment I called her name. My eyes widened at her appearance; she was wearing a dress that looked like she’d just tossed a light apron over it.
“H-how did you get here? I told you I was meeting my friends today.”
“Well, this is a café near your office, isn’t it? I was driving by and decided to stop in for a coffee—and look who I found.”
As soon as Yeoeun finished speaking, she greeted my friends with a nod. Seong-ung immediately planted his butt back in his seat the moment he saw my girlfriend, and Seong-hyeon avoided her gaze, looking intimidated. Seong-ung kept stealing glances at the lightly smiling Yeoeun, while Seong-hyeon was clearly crushed by her unique aura.
“It sounded so lively in here, what were you talking about?”
I took another sip of coffee at that. I glanced at my friends, avoided the sensitive topics, and gave a brief summary.
“Well, we were just talking about how I’m preparing for the wedding with Yeoeun…”
“Hee-hee~?”
For some reason, Yeoeun looked incredibly happy at that. She slid into the empty seat next to me and pressed against me.
“We haven’t even set a date yet, and you’re already telling people?”
“They’re my close friends… I thought it was better to let it slip than to suddenly announce it one day.”
“Oh my, if they’re that important to you, I should take good care of them from now on, too.”
“…Yeoeun, you must have seen them at the reunion, right? They were both at the high school alumni gathering—”
“I don’t know. I was only looking at you back then, so I didn’t really notice anyone else.”
Thump♥
“……!”
As she said that, Yeoeun pressed my arm against her chest. Along with the sudden pink-hued mood in front of my friends, her signature aegyo was a bonus.
“Why did I tease you about having a ‘ruinous’ dick back then?”
“Is this reality actually the Matrix?”
She leaned in close as if to tease the two guys in front of us, and then—Squeeze!
“!?”
She grabbed my arm, and while pretending to lean on me, she skillfully and firmly gripped my crotch. She handled it like it was her own property.
‘Puh-hee-hee…♥’
She buried her face in my chest, getting lipstick all over it, and acted all cute in front of my friends.
‘You heard the whole conversation…!’
It was obvious she’d overheard everything. I didn’t know exactly when she’d started listening, but she must have heard clearly when the topic of my ‘equipment’ came up, because she started playing with it.
‘Honey, has it been like this since high school?’
‘Yeoeun, we’re in a café… my friends are right here!’
‘But it’s so fun.’
Squeeeeeze…! She gripped it even harder.
‘Besides, your thing is really something else, isn’t it? It was enough to make my insides ring from the very first day.’
“…….”
‘Hehe, I just came by to surprise you, but how could I pass up such an interesting topic♥’
‘I’ll run straight home once the meeting is over…’
‘…Not right now?’
With a slightly chilly tone, she whispered, ‘Are your friends more important than me?’
“…….”
Knowing full well that wasn’t what she meant, she poked my chest with her finger like a drill, pretending not to understand. She pushed even harder, making me even more uncomfortable. She was demanding that I admit she was my number one priority.
“Uh… sorry. Something came up, so I’m going to head out.”
Unable to withstand the pressure, I finally left my seat. As I stood up awkwardly with Yeoeun, who had no intention of letting go, Seong-ung’s voice suddenly rose.
“Hey, aren’t our plans plans anymore?”
He widened his eyes, acting uncharacteristically serious.
“You were all lovey-dovey with your pretty girlfriend, and now that you’re with her, are your high school friends just strangers who only exist to send wedding money?”
‘Ha… why is he being so serious all of a sudden?’
But then even Seong-hyeon, who had been watching from the sidelines, chimed in. He pushed up his glasses slightly.
“Seungwoo, I’m happy if you’re happy, but we have our regular meetings only a few times a year. Isn’t this a bit much?”
He was poking at my chest like a fencing foil. Seong-hyeon’s sharp tongue was even more piercing than Seong-ung’s emotional outburst.
‘…I want to disappear right now.’
I didn’t know what to do. Sweat just beaded on my forehead, and my eyes darted around, feeling completely helpless. In this dead-end situation, Yeoeun stepped in.
As if she’d had enough fun for now, she pulled away from my arms and said,
“Oh~ I’m so sorry, you two. I suddenly barged in and was being a bit selfish. I was just so happy to run into my honey by chance.”
“O-oh, no! You don’t need to apologize…”
“A-ahem!”
“So,” she said, clapping her hands together, “since this is fate, if you two come to our wedding, would you mind if I introduced you to some of my friends? I have plenty of high school friends who are still single♡”
“Seungwoo, is 1 million won enough for the congratulatory money?”
“……If she’s going to go out of her way to set it up, I guess there’s no reason to refuse, right?”
“Aha, that’s great! Let’s be good friends from now on♥”
“Sister-in-law, please feel free to work Seungwoo to the bone.”
“Phew… yeah, as long as you’re happy, Seungwoo.”
“…….”
A skill that turned both of their hearts around in an instant. Despite saying we were leaving, we ended up staying to chat a bit longer. With her unique aura, she’d easily captivated my friends in just ten minutes and won them over. Seong-ung, who had been grinning like an idiot, was a given, and even Seong-hyeon, who had been so guarded, was won over. As if it had all just been a prank to tease me, she tidied up the mess she’d made and left.
‘My fiancée is truly terrifying…’
Seeing this, I realized that not just me, but everything in the world was just a toy to Yeoeun. She was a fox who knew exactly what power she held and used it to manipulate the world as she pleased.
“Hee-hee-hee, that was fun. I hope you hang out with your friends often♡”
“Well… I’m glad you liked them, Yeoeun.”
After the meeting, I was driving Yeoeun’s car on the way back. As we reached the apartment complex, she added as if it had just occurred to her,
“Oh! I just remembered.”
“? What?”
“About those friends I said I’d introduce you to.”
She furrowed her brow as if thinking for a moment.
“Hmm~ should I just throw in the ones who are decent on the outside? I have a few divorcees who were returned because of personality defects. Is it okay if I tell you about them? Even if I introduce them to Mr. Seong-ung, I feel like they’ll stop talking to him anyway.”
“…….”
She’s truly terrifying. Because if it’s not hers, she shows no mercy.