The Green-Eyed Monster
Jealousy. The feeling of coveting what belongs to another—or in this case, the fear of losing what is mine—is a sensation entirely foreign to me. It’s never been a part of my life. Perhaps because I was born with everything I could ever want, I’ve lived thirty years without ever really feeling the need to be conscious of others. It’s as if I were born with that specific emotional capacity surgically removed; I’ve always been remarkably detached.
Of course, the reverse has happened plenty of times. Girls have always had a peculiar habit of picking fights or trying to pick holes in my life. They’d inflate ridiculous rumors, gather in cliques to whisper behind my back, and try to fill their own pathetic sense of satisfaction by tearing me down. In college, I was targeted to an excessive degree, but I never bothered to scold them or even pay them much mind. Why? Because even if I didn't know how to feel jealousy, the sensation of being envied was strangely intoxicating. It’s a bit of a greasy, secondary emotion, but watching them squirm and lose their minds because they couldn't bring me down was hilarious. It was a constant, pleasant reminder of my own standing—a position that, by birthright, left nothing to be desired.
However, because I was born this way, I was also quick to give up on things. Since I didn't feel jealousy, I never developed a burning desire for anything, and since I didn't feel jealousy, I never truly learned to value others. When something stopped being fun, I’d discard it like a used tissue. When it became boring or unnecessary, I’d kick it to the curb without a second thought. If I really break it down, even setting aside the fact that I was born into a wealthy family, it’s this lack of jealousy that shaped my life. Still, I liked it. It wasn't a bad thing, and I was certainly qualified to live this way. I had the right to live like a queen, taking a bite of the finest cake and tossing the rest aside whenever I pleased. I was beautiful. I possessed a body that men could never leave alone, so I could do whatever I wanted.
……Or so I thought, until—
SLAM!
"Dammit!"
That day, I returned home with curses trailing behind me. I had started the morning in a great mood, dressed to the nines, but I ended up throwing my phone aside and collapsing onto the bed much earlier than usual. I was just furious. A boiling, seething rage consumed my entire body, and I pounded my fists into the soft mattress, which offered no resistance at all. At first, I convinced myself it was just hatred for that idiot, Son Seungwoo. He had made such a stupid face, and after saying those things to me for the first time, how many times was he going to let these scandalous incidents happen? My insides felt like they were burning.
'...If he kissed his coworker on a business trip, doesn't that mean they did everything else too?!'
As time passed, what truly tortured me was my own wretched imagination. A phantom woman began to take shape in my mind. And when I took it a step further and imagined that woman sleeping with my Son Seungwoo, I felt like I was losing my mind. I hated that dim-witted, grinning fool of a man, but I hated that woman—whom I’d never even seen—with a burning, lethal intensity. The thought of him having wild, messy sex with some faceless woman made me want to go insane. I wanted to strangle her right then and there. I wanted to drag her by her hair and put her in a wrestling hold.
‘…….’
After spending a long time on the bed venting through absurd fantasies, my reason finally began to return. With a slightly cooled head, I looked back at myself, wondering why I was reacting with such volcanic rage. If I really thought about it, there had been similar incidents in the past. A sleazy guy I’d briefly considered dating in college—a bold little punk who tried to two-time me—but I’d ended that without any major scene. I’d dumped him, and the whole thing was wrapped up calmly, without any emotional turbulence. It was nothing more than a fleeting, minor anecdote.
The nature of the situation was similar to now, but the quality was far worse back then. So why were my insides twisting into knots now, when that had been nothing?
"……Is this Joo Yeoeun feeling jealous?"
The realization came in a whisper. As I muttered those words in the empty master bedroom, a jolt of electricity surged from my fingertips, as if my body were confirming the truth. That was it. Deep inside, there was a black magma, bubbling endlessly and raising my temperature—that was jealousy. I, Joo Yeoeun, was hating and envying that woman like a madwoman because of that foolish, younger boyfriend of mine. I didn't want to admit it, but once I’d said it out loud, my heart was certain. My head wanted to cool down, but the pump inside my chest wouldn't stop tormenting me.
"Damn it… Damn it, damn it, damn it!"
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!
I wanted to resolve this ugly emotion immediately. But I didn't want to be like those other girls, gossiping or chewing over my boyfriend’s mistakes to find relief. So, I suffered in silence. I wasted an entire day on the bed, and for three days, I kept it sealed inside my chest, refusing to open the lid. On the second day, I’d even seen my boyfriend’s face again, but the jealousy only boiled over more, so I’d left immediately. Eventually, I reached a conclusion. Since I was on the verge of being consumed by jealousy and turning into a fireball, I would resolve it in my own way.
"W-what did you say?"
"Y-Yeoeun, that’s…!"
"……."
To resolve this shitty feeling, I had summoned both of the parties involved.
"I won't be satisfied until I see the two of you kiss."
"“…….”"
Yeoeun declared it like a final notice. Her eyes were far too serious to be taken as a bad joke. I held back, knowing that if I tried to overstep my bounds or deflect the topic, I’d likely end up with a bruised shin. ‘So that’s how deep it went….’ Furthermore, I felt a slight sense of empathy for this absurd conclusion. That wretched imagination of hers must have been torturing her. If the roles were reversed, I would have gone crazy too; it was precisely because of that suffocating, neck-tightening imagination that she’d called the Team Leader here to see it for herself.
"Yeoeun… that’s not a good idea."
"Y-yeah, Yeoeun! I told you, it really wasn't anything like that!"
Even so, I had to oppose the idea. I begged the mistress to grant me a more reasonable path, but—
"Let’s go. You said you kissed in a motel, right?"
"“…….”"
"Hurry. Otherwise, I’ll go to the cafe and tell everyone that my boyfriend cheated on me and even slept with his workplace superior."
"I-I didn't—"
"Hurry."
"……."
Yeoeun gave her order. With a cold, piercing gaze that promised even greater trouble if we didn't follow, she led us along like cattle with rings in our noses.
The room we booked was a motel room. We were left standing in a room that felt eerily similar to that night. The Team Leader and I didn't make a move on the bed; only Yeoeun paced around the room, before tossing a question at us like a grenade.
"If I recall your testimony correctly, Gaeun, you said you were pinned to the floor, right?"
Yeoeun pointed it out with the precision of someone who had heard the details of the incident long before I arrived.
"W-well, that’s true, but…."
"Then do it now. Get on top of Seungwoo."
"“…….”"
It was like a bully demanding that a nerd get up and dance. Yeoeun sat on the motel chair, crossing her legs with an air of high-handed authority. I wondered how on earth we were going to counter this, but the Team Leader, unable to take it anymore, stood up in protest.
"Yeoeun… I’ve said it many times, I can’t say I did the right thing back then. But… I really don't think this is right!"
"You liked my boyfriend, didn't you?"
"……!"
Yeoeun stared coldly into her eyes. Then, with a faint, softened smile—the first one I’d seen in a long time—she said, "I’m giving you permission. Kissing him won't hurt you, Gaeun. That’s enough, right?"
"………But."
"I need to see it to find relief. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you feel like you were going crazy?"
"……."
Yeoeun whipped her with words, poking at the Team Leader’s guilt. In the end, the Team Leader’s will to resist crumbled, and all eyes turned to me. I swallowed the lump in my throat, as if I’d shoved two sweet potatoes down, and confirmed one last time.
"Yeoeun, is this really the only way you’ll be satisfied?"
"You were the one who said you’d do anything, weren't you, honey?"
"……………………I understand."
I nodded after a moment of deliberation. I’d expected to resist more fiercely, but I found myself backing down, feeling strangely drained. I know. This is insane. I know that even if she’s feeling suffocated, reenacting a kiss in front of one’s girlfriend is madness, but looking into those eyes, I knew further words would be useless.
"S-Son, are you serious?"
"I’m sorry… Team Leader."
I decided to go through with it, prepared for the possibility that we might actually break up. The water had already been spilled; if I kept dragging it out, and Yeoeun’s boiling heart had already left me, it was over anyway. If we were to break up, I accepted that it was my fault for confessing and causing this mess because I couldn't handle the frustration, and my own fault for not resisting firmly back then. I lay down on the motel floor.
"……."
The Team Leader hovered over me, looking around nervously, before slowly pressing down and straddling me. She muttered something about whether the situation was exactly like this, while shyly trying to cover her skirt to keep it from bunching up.
"……♡"
Despite the situation, the Team Leader looking down at me began to flush, as if spring had arrived. There was the shame of being watched, but perhaps it was something else. ‘Team Leader, even so, you really shouldn't be doing this right now….’ Perhaps the feelings from back then were still there; even the arms she used to support herself were trembling slightly. I forced myself to keep my expression as stiff as possible, and the Team Leader swallowed hard and just—
Chu♡
…she did it. A shy, moist touch brushed against my lips, and then she pulled away. ‘She really did it….’ She really did. As Yeoeun demanded, we had finished reenacting the kiss from that night. I couldn't remember it perfectly, but the angle and the depth of the kiss must have been similar to back then. It was just a light press of the lips. A kiss filled with a faint, moist emotion, like a dewdrop falling.
I had done everything Yeoeun asked, and then—
"DAMMIT!"
Jolt!
A violent shout. A heavy, curse-laden roar, similar in tone to when she’d first heard about my situation. But her next action was different.
RIIIIIP…!
Yeoeun suddenly stripped off the tracksuit she was wearing. She zipped it down and threw it to the floor, shedding the pants that were easily removed thanks to the elastic waistband. She was left in nothing but her sports bra and underwear. She stood there, shivering in her branded lingerie.
"…Take it all off. Let’s have a threesome."
Her face, looking both angry and aroused, was flushed crimson. Unlike her usual self, she stood in a highly combative posture, her hands resting on her wide, shapely hips.