Time Never Flows Backward
“Haha. You already knew.”
“Ah, right, right. How’d it end up like that?”
“Well… my neck got broken, and the moment I thought I was dead, I transformed automatically.”
“How the hell do you live that you go around getting your neck broken? Even as much of a klutz as you are, I doubt you just tripped. Who was it?”
“It was another lycanthrope…”
Seo Rin trailed off, thinking of Hyuk-jin. Dr. Kang shrugged as if that were unexpected.
“There was another lycanthrope? Hmm. Guess there are a lot of those monsters running around these days. I thought you were the only special case.”
“As if that could be. And it wasn’t just that—there were vampires too. So I quit school…”
It was the kind of talk that, if recorded, would get him dragged straight into a psych ward with no defense left. At the word “vampires,” Dr. Kang’s eyebrows twitched; then he let out a long sigh. The kid standing in front of him was already a werewolf—being startled by a few vampires at this point was almost funny.
“So that’s why you quit school, huh? Honestly, it’s so unscientific I don’t want to believe it, but you’re sitting right here, so what choice do I have? Good grief. This is a revolution.”
Dr. Kang spun his ballpoint pen between his fingers and asked again.
“Alright. So what happened after that?”
“Ah… well, the thing is, I killed him.”
What a pathetic confession. To speak of having taken a life so emptily. Yet Dr. Kang barely reacted; he just dug at his ear with his pinky. The speaker’s attitude was a problem, but the listener’s was even worse.
“That so? Hmm. Well, what else could you do? He snapped your neck first. You just acted in self-defense. That settles it, right? I’m going to eat.”
“W-wait a second.”
“What now?”
“Is that really all you have to say? Don’t you have anything proper?”
Seo Rin shot back, stunned by the doctor’s coldness. It wasn’t as if this were new, but the man never once broke from his own pace. At least act a little surprised!
“You came all the way here to tell me that, so I’m guessing it’s not that big a problem. Or what—were you hoping I’d comfort you? Fine. As a consolation prize, lunch is on me. Want to try the staff cafeteria? The food’s absolute garbage. Dog food five minutes before serving.”
“…I’ll pass.”
“Kid. Someone offers to buy you a meal and you still turn it down.”
Muttering, he opened the exam-room door and walked out. Then, as if something had just occurred to him, he glanced back.
“That kid—was he the one from your school who went missing?”
For someone so blunt and indifferent, his instincts were razor-sharp. Seo Rin nodded without a word.
“Thought so. You’ve been through hell. But there’s nothing you can do about it. Time never, ever flows backward. Whether you keep living forward or stay chained to the past is a choice only you can make. No one can make it for you. Coming to me for counseling is just as ridiculous, by the way.”
“Yes.”
“Still, it’s good you came. When you’ve got time, make sure we eat that terrible meal here. Got it?”
“Yes.”
Seo Rin nodded. This man really was willful—but strong. What kind of heart could be that solid while still human? Compared to him, Seo Rin was nothing but a weakling with an endlessly fragile mind.
“Then go. I’ve got afternoon patients. A doctor’s job is to save lives. I can’t neglect that.”
“Where’d you learn to tell such cool lies? When you feel like slacking off, you slack off without a second thought. And the patients you handle are a little… distant from the whole saving-lives thing…”
Urology, after all. Did anyone really talk about life and death over that?
“That’s still the path of medicine. I may not know much about ending or saving lives, but at least I kill and save a man’s… dignity.”
With that parting shot, Dr. Kang truly left Seo Rin behind and walked on ahead.
Seo Rin walked slowly. The place he was looking at was an old building; on the third floor hung a sign for a dojo advertising hapkido, combat sports, and feats of strength. That was the dojo run by Hyuk-jin’s father. And above it, the rooftop apartment was Hyuk-jin’s home. Choi Gil-seong, Hyuk-jin’s father, had once laughed heartily about how convenient it was to live right above the dojo and how cheap the rent was. Being a dingy little dojo in a rundown building, it didn’t seem to have many students—yet even at this hour, shouts of exertion could be heard.
“Ahh, I’m going crazy.”
What was he even supposed to do once he got there? Tell the man, “Your son is dead”? He couldn’t say that. But he couldn’t simply not go, either.
“Screw it.”
Seo Rin strode straight through the building entrance.
“Huh… wait, is that—Seo Rin?”
Hyuk-jin’s father, who had been instructing the students, adjusted the belt of his dobok and greeted him. Inside, elementary-school kids in hapkido uniforms were running around; from the looks of it, they were practicing tae kwon do forms.
“What’s up? Got news about my idiot son or something?”
“No. Um… still no word on Hyuk-jin?”
“That’s why I’m like this. You eaten? We were just about to.”
“Uh, well…”
“Why’re you trailing off like that? You’re a guy. Come on.”
The man grabbed Seo Rin by the collar of his clothes. Feeling somehow guilty, Seo Rin followed him up to the rooftop in silence.
A bamboo platform had been set out on the roof; Hyuk-jin’s mother was laying out the meal when she spotted Seo Rin.
“Seo Rin? Oh my, what’s going on? I heard you quit school to make money?”
“Ah… yes.”
“Right. And our Hyuk-jin? Do you know anything about him?”
“Ah, quit with the nonsense! That human trash isn’t even our kid anymore. We’ve got Cheol-jin—the good one who listens and studies hard and turned out right.”
Hyuk-jin’s father brought up the older brother. Seo Rin had heard he was a capable young man who’d gotten into the police academy; living in the dorms, he wasn’t around.
“Honestly! Hyuk-jin would never do anything that bad! There must be some misunderstanding. There’s no way. He’s such a good boy.”
Once Choi Hyuk-jin vanished, the kids who’d kept their mouths shut out of fear of him had started coming forward one after another with testimony. His reign as a tyrant—far worse than any ordinary school violence circle—had been laid bare for all to see. Even so, a mother’s heart was different. She took Seo Rin’s hand with tears welling in her eyes, looking at him as if he were Hyuk-jin himself.
“Ah… well, anyway—so Hyuk-jin is still… missing, then?”
Seo Rin asked carefully. Of course he was. He’d died by Seo Rin’s own hand, and Han Se-gun had disposed of the body. Probably reduced to bone dust with an acetylene torch somewhere in the mountains and scattered. Not even a police granddad could find something like that.
“Th-that’s right.”
“Honestly. Because of the crap that kid pulled, I’ve worn my shoes out going around apologizing to everyone. And the little bastard himself doesn’t show his face once. There’s no more unfilial son than that. Scum. Pure scum.”
“Oh, hush! If Hyuk-jin’s scum, then you’re a scum father. Scum father.”
“Ah, shut it. Is there anything you won’t say in front of Seo Rin?”
Bickering like that, the couple set out a spoon and chopsticks for Seo Rin as well. He sat down and simply watched them. Hyuk-jin was already gone from this world, yet they still hadn’t cleared out his room; they were waiting. Then again, it hadn’t been long since the disappearance. No matter how harshly they talked, no parent ever truly wished for even a worthless, rotten child to die.
Seo Rin moved his chopsticks and brought rice to his mouth. It felt less like chewing grains of rice than chewing sand; nothing would go down his throat. Still, he forced himself to eat as if it tasted good. Hyuk-jin’s mother lifted the rice paddle.
“My, you’re eating well. Seo Rin, want another bowl?”
“Ah, no. Thank you, but I’m full.”
“What’re you talking about? You’re still growing. And why’d you quit school and start working anyway? Even if jobs are hard to find these days, you should at least finish high school. I heard you studied harder than anyone in your class—why drop out? Don’t tell me you’re working in a factory?”
Apparently this was the kind of question adults asked these days. Studied hard? He’d studied hard for the real-estate agent exam, sure. That must have been how it looked to Hyuk-jin and his parents.
Seo Rin took a deep breath.
Earlier, answering his little sister, he’d been caught off guard and flustered. This time he’d prepared a plausible answer. He spoke at once.
“Ah, no. An older guy I know started a venture company and told me to jump straight into the real work, so I just…”
“Hmm. Real work, huh. That’s fine too. Jobs are so scarce these days that school and all that take a back seat to just getting employed. But a venture? Those don’t do well lately. So—are they paying you properly?”
Choi Hyuk-jin’s father poured barley tea into his rice bowl, swirled it around, and gulped it down. The hearty way he ate was so much like Hyuk-jin that Seo Rin’s chest ached. Yes—Hyuk-jin really had been this man’s son.
“Yes. I’m paid well. Ah, um… would it be all right if I took a quick look at Hyuk-jin’s room?”
“Mm. Sure. Go ahead.”
Seo Rin opened the door and stepped inside. Hyuk-jin’s family had been five: the parents, the older brother, a sister who’d married and moved out, and Hyuk-jin. Even though it was a rooftop unit, illegal extensions had been slapped on everywhere, carving out four rooms with no separate living room or hall, all packed into about twenty-four pyeong. Thanks to that, each room was fairly spacious.
Seo Rin opened Hyuk-jin’s door. The room was clean—someone had kept cleaning it every day. The bedding on the bed was neatly folded; the clothes in the wardrobe were carefully pressed. On a hunch he slipped a hand under the bedsheet and found CDs sealed in plastic.
“That guy…”
Seo Rin let out a helpless little laugh. He put them back where they belonged and sat at the desk. A glass plate protected the wooden surface; photographs were slipped underneath it. Printed digital photos showed Seo Rin and Hyuk-jin in middle-school uniforms, standing side by side in identical at-ease postures. Two boys deliberately wearing solemn faces while trying not to laugh—clearly a photo Cheol-jin hyung had taken and printed for them at middle-school graduation.
Middle-school graduation… Looking back, it wasn’t even that long ago, yet there was no going back to that time. Hyuk-jin no longer existed in this world. But his parents, not knowing that, would keep waiting for him. This room would go on receiving the morning sun through the window, waiting for a master who would never return.
“….”
Seo Rin stared at the photo in silence. Suddenly something wet struck the glass plate.
“Ah…”
He realized he was crying. Tears he hadn’t even known were coming poured down without restraint.
Rain poured. The sky darkened in an instant; the wind whipped hard. People walking the streets cursed in surprise at the sudden downpour and ducked under nearby eaves. Because the weather had been warm, a few simply kept walking through the rain.
In the middle of it all, one person sat astride a brick planter by the roadside, letting the rain soak him. He looked over 178 centimeters—tall and lanky—with bangs grown a little long, yet his face still looked boyish.
Ssshhhhhh.
Even in the torrential rain he sat with his legs stretched out, blankly taking the downpour. Passersby glanced at him, but no one approached.
“Damn. Is it not time yet?”
He muttered, looking at his wristwatch. He felt drained. Rain mid-journey, sitting like this—no strength left in him at all.
“Still, I can’t just keep sitting here forever…”
He bowed his head under the rain. He was a werewolf, a monster in human form; a little rain wouldn’t ruin his health. But right now his heart hurt too much to bear. Visiting the family of the person he’d killed really had been insane. Something he should never have done—and like an idiot, he’d gone and done it himself.
No matter how many times he turned his crime over and over in his mind, the answer was clear. He had to move forward. There was no reason to wander. But knowing something and actually doing it were vastly different things, and for Seo Rin it was simply impossible.
“Aaaah.”
Just then a pair of shoes stopped in front of him. A white-haired Caucasian youth in jeans so worn they looked deliberately shredded and a jacket in scarcely better shape stood over him, holding an umbrella. The eyes under the brim of his cap held a look of surprise. He had a mischievous bandage on his nose and wore a battered baseball cap with care—but this was one of the true vampire lords who had lived more than a thousand years: the Jinma Argon. What? Had they really just run into each other by chance? Was Seoul the kind of city where you could stroll around and casually bump into a thousand-year-old vampire?
“What are you doing out here in this rain?”
He took off his own cap, set it on Seo Rin’s head, and held the umbrella over him. The words were gruff, but kindness ran through the gesture; Seo Rin was startled.
“How did you end up here?”
Seo Rin took the cap off and looked up at Argon. The other man adjusted his hair as he spoke.
“Just came to see if you were doing any better. Glad you’re in one piece, at least.”
“In one piece?”
Was this really something you called “in one piece”? Either way, Seo Rin knew well enough that this man had helped him. The memories were fuzzy, but the recorded footage showed that Argon was the one who had driven Giovanni off and saved him. If Argon hadn’t crashed in then, Seo Rin would have been taken by Giovanni—and who knew what would have happened to him. By now he might have been stuffed into a cargo hold headed for America. Still, that didn’t mean he could just open his heart.
“What exactly do you want from me?”
“Hmm… I’ll pass. Talking about my reasons in a situation like this would only make you hate me more, right?”
Being able to say it so bluntly to someone’s face was impressive in its own way—it was practically admitting he was approaching him for motives that would breed resentment. And yet, for some reason, Seo Rin didn’t dislike him.