A Photo for Father
It was Yeongeun's voice that pulled me back to my senses. Standing there in front of me was a lonely photo sticker booth. It had been all the rage once, but these days customers were scarce and a layer of grime had settled over everything. Still, the machine worked, so someone must have been using it now and then.
"Huh?"
"We can just take one with this, right?"
"...Yeah."
I turned to look at Yeongeun. Ah... how was I supposed to put this? The feeling was too tangled for words. If I let myself think that Yeongeun was only posing for the photo out of pity for our father, even though she hated it, I was going to end up resenting her too. So I refused to think it.
All I understood was that the family I had clung to so desperately was, in this world, something far more fragile and ordinary than I had ever imagined.
"Come on, smile, Oppa."
"Mm."
I forced a smile onto my face. One way or another, this photo would have to go to Father. Even if no one knew when he might come home again, a son still owed his father the sight of a smiling face, didn't he?
That was when Yeongeun slipped her arm through mine and linked us together.
Click!
The flash went off at the same instant. I never even had time to pull my arm free; the picture took us just like that.
"Hey, what the hell are you doing? That's embarrassing."
"Oh, come on. We're just a close brother and sister, that's all. It's only linking arms. And what's so embarrassing about it anyway?"
"I happen to think that a guy who poses for a photo with his little sister's arm linked through his is the second most embarrassing creature on earth, right after the guy who throws up a V-sign."
I said it, but Yeongeun didn't even pretend to listen.
"Oh, it's out."
She reached into the slot and pulled out the strip of sticker photos. I had seen girls take these things a hundred times, but I never imagined I would end up in one myself. Still, for this purpose it was useful enough. Cheap, too. If Father, working overseas, could look at it and remember us, that was more than enough.
"Heh heh~ Oppa always photographs so well. Honestly... you look like a celebrity. If you just dressed a little better."
"Can't afford it."
"So why do you keep one eye closed the whole time?"
Yeongeun held the strip up for me to see. Four shots on a 3×4 print, the two of us arm-in-arm. Yeah... with one eye shut it really did look like I was winking.
"...People don't like it. The red eye."
"Hmm, let's take another one. Eyes wide open this time..."
"No, forget it."
"Aww, come on. I already told my friends my oppa has heterochromia. I need proof."
"...You know what? I'm feeling pretty damn sad right now. Instead of fretting over something like that, how about you spare a little worry for Father?"
I turned and looked at her as I said it. Yeongeun answered without missing a beat.
"When you think about the debt, running abroad is probably the best he can do... It's not like telling him not to go would change anything, and worrying won't magically fix it either."
"Yeah, yeah. You're so smart."
I took the photo she held out. She had already claimed her own copy and was grinning like a satisfied cat.
"Anyway, I'm heading back now, so don't worry too much, Oppa. Sometimes it feels like you're the dad and Dad is the son. What's with all the fretting? The more you thrash around like that, the more you just make him look bad."
"Is that how it works?"
I was left speechless by Yeongeun's creative interpretation. Her soul must have been forged from steel; she could sever ties and feelings as cleanly as a blade. I couldn't. But if my thrashing only humiliated Father, then I would have to rein myself in from now on.
Yeongeun waved and stepped out of the shopping arcade.
"Take care of yourself, Oppa! And tell Dad to take care of himself too!"
And that was how Yeongeun and I parted ways.
When I got home and explained the situation, Father seemed to accept it readily enough. In truth he had already called Dr. Kang on his own and said everything that needed saying. Dr. Kang had told him to bring nothing but his military uniform, yet Father had packed this and that until the bags looked like a man heading out on a business trip.
"Even so, tomorrow is sudden."
"Yes. Ah, Father—this..."
I held out the photo of Yeongeun and me. It was only a sticker strip, but it was as close to a proper family portrait as we were going to get. Father gave a wry smile.
"You little punk. Always thinking ahead, aren't you?"
"N-no, it's nothing. A sticker photo's a bit... cheap, isn't it?"
"Not at all. So Yeongeun's doing well?"
"Yes. She said to tell you to take care of yourself."
I sighed as I said it. Suddenly Father put force into his voice—the sound of a man deliberately pumping himself up.
"Tonight we're eating meat."
"What? No, you don't have to—"
I waved my hands in panic. Meat? With our household finances, spending money on food would bury us. But Father was already stubborn.
"What do you mean I don't have to? Let's go. Once I leave I probably won't see you for at least three years. This is the last chance."
He stood up as he spoke. How was I supposed to refuse an outing with a son he might not see for three years just because of money? I got up with no other choice.
I was pretty sure I had been the one insisting we shouldn't waste money on food. And yet here I was, shamefully gorging myself like a starving ghost. Damn it. Falling so easily to desire... humans really are...
Still, why did four-legged beasts taste this good? And since it was an all-you-can-eat meat buffet, every bite was pure profit! What kind of meat were they even using that a place like this could stay in business? Amazing.
"You made such a fuss about not eating, and look at you."
Father laughed as he watched me pile the grill high. I felt a little embarrassed and scrambled for an excuse.
"At a place like this, the more you eat the more you come out ahead. Now that I'm here I might as well carry out my mission properly."
"Hahaha. Oh dear. If I'd known, I would have brought you more often, and earlier."
"..."
Honestly... looking at me now, anyone would think I was a meat-starved maniac, but I was old enough to know better than to fixate on food. It just felt like being a kid hypnotized by candy, and I didn't like it. Father's unnecessary sentimental streak didn't help either.
"It's not like we've ever really suffered for food. Even the leftovers from the cart were plenty."
Packing grilled eel as a lunch side dish might have been a bit much, but we had never gone hungry. Father still wore a faintly regretful look.
"Is that so. Haa..."
"You're the one who needs to take care of your health, Father. Looking for ex-military types... this isn't some drug-farm security job, is it? That region is no joke these days. I heard they chop people in half and hang the pieces off bridges."
Father looked at me suddenly and asked,
"Can you live alone?"
"I've been running the household by myself this whole time. Don't worry so much. Just keep doing what we've always done."
Could things really get worse than they already were? Unless the Korean War broke out again, it was hard to imagine more hardship. I thought that and let out a dry little laugh. Father flipped the meat on the grill and nodded.
"Yeah. Hahaha. Honestly... twenty years ago I never dreamed I'd become a man who couldn't even take care of one kid. Haha. Life, huh."
He always said the same thing. Always apologizing for failing as a father, for making me suffer. I never wanted that. Sure, having enough to eat was nice. But I hated that he felt like a burden because of it.
From the moment he accepted me—neither fully Korean nor fully human—he was already my father.
"It's fine. Everything will work out."
I said it and glanced toward the window. Our half-transparent reflections looked wretched: two men sitting in front of a mountain of meat with the gloomiest faces in the world.
"Anyway, I'll see you off tomorrow."
"A student has school. What seeing-off?"
That was Father for you—always the proper answer.
"But in your own words, I might not see you for three years. Missing one day of school for that seems fair."
"Quiet, you. Don't start skipping just because your father's gone. Go every single day, understand?"
"I'm thinking about dropping out of high school. These days even Seoul National grads struggle to make section chief at Samsung. Everyone's studying abroad; there's a ceiling if you only grind it out in Korea."
"Hey!"
Father snapped the moment I started grumbling.
"You little— Once I get settled over there I'll wire money into the account every month without fail... so you are going to university. Got it?"
"...University?"
I stared at him in shock. University? That kind of luxury was insane.
"Tuition alone is three hundred a semester—no, four or five hundred. And then you have to eat! Bus fare. Books! And above all, I'm terrible at studying."
"What are you talking about? You've got a good head; you just don't use it. It's not too late."
"That's the shared delusion of every parent in the Republic of Korea."
I kept grumbling, but then Father asked me a serious question.
"Then Rin—what do you want to do? You must have a dream of your own."
"A dream? Hmm."
When I thought about it, I didn't really have one. All I had ever wanted was for my family to be happy... maybe becoming a real-estate agent and making money fast? Though even that was doubtful; the market was already crawling with them. Still, it would be a shame to waste what little I had studied.
"Real-estate agent. Anything that makes a lot of money. Sitting in an office cold-calling people—'I've got a fantastic piece of land, calling for investment consultation, heh heh heh'—that sounds pretty good."
I declared my dream with full confidence. Opening an office was still a distant dream, but the real-estate broker's license was almost within reach.
"...You're my son, but how did you turn out so bleak?"
"Heh heh. Just being realistic."
I piled lettuce, perilla leaf, and chili high, loaded them with meat, and stuffed the whole wrap into my mouth. Kkhhh—! This taste was pure paradise! It bothered me a little that our supposedly sentimental last dinner felt nothing of the sort, but if I let myself get sentimental too, the rest would be unbearable.
The next morning I cooked breakfast and packed a lunch box. Then, quietly, I set a tray of food in the corner of the kitchen and covered it with a lid.
This was the last meal I would ever prepare for Father.
The thought drew a sigh out of me. Fleeing overseas to escape debt and earn money... how many more soap-opera plots could life throw at us?
But farm security, of all things. Father wasn't young anymore. Could he handle that kind of rough work? Running a street cart wasn't easy either, but slipping into a foreign country without a visa and working illegally... I couldn't stop worrying about accidents or exploitation.
Dr. Kang claimed he would take full responsibility, but I didn't trust that man's promises for a second. And how was a doctor sitting in Korea supposed to protect anyone halfway across the world?
"Well then, I'm off to school."
By the time I came back, Father would no longer be here... I said the words anyway and stepped outside.
Father, who gave me a family. Thank you for everything until now. For someone who wasn't even human, you were more father than I ever deserved. No words could ever hold all of this gratitude. But I won't say thank you out loud today.
This is only a temporary parting, not an eternal one. I don't know how Yeongeun sees it, but to me you are the person I respect most in the world, and the family more precious than anything else.
"All right then. May tomorrow be better than today."
I opened my red eyes wide and walked confidently down the dawn streets. From this moment on, my story truly began. Living alone in this world as a half-Korean, half-human. That was the task given to me.