005. Coding Heaven, Planning Hell (4)
Sex doesn't mean love. Love doesn't mean sex. They're different. Completely separate things. Even if you scatter rose petals meticulously across the bed, to someone it might just be a sweet dream for one night. The lovely flushed pink cheeks, the thrilling tingle at your fingertips—on a grand scale, they hold no real meaning in life. Like a pleasant spring breeze, you smile for a moment, let it pass, and it's gone. Warmth, touch, sensation, memory. All of it.
'You never held me...?' As Shin Na-young and Im Seong-u drank together, Han Yu-ra thought amid the afternoon sunset.
'We had sex.' The physical sensation lingered deep in her heart. For Han Yu-ra, who never expected anything from people in the first place, that haze burned even stronger. Enough to shake her resolve. It was like that for a woman who'd never even dated once. Her first one-sided crush hurt that much.
Han Yu-ra wasn't the type to brush it off with, 'Yeah, whatever. You're just fucking around. We're just playmates.'
'Im Seong-u and Shin Na-young...' They clearly knew each other. Not as friends, but as man and woman. There was a vibe when they used casual speech with each other. Shin Na-young's felt awfully intimate. Like someone she'd been drinking with for years.
'They knew each other? But they pretended not to in front of me... No way this is just coincidence.'
—I don't want to date. Yu-ra. You and me.
"..."
In a Korean's life, places where you can form intimate relationships with the opposite sex are few. First school, second university, third the workplace. Excluding clubs, there weren't many spots to build time with the opposite sex.
Yet Shin Na-young knew him from before. Not from university, so probably high school. She gripped her phone so hard it might shatter. She wanted to call Im Seong-u for no reason at all. But she held back.
'...Are they lovers?'
Han Yu-ra sat there blankly.
'But if they are lovers, what should I do?'
If Shin Na-young and Im Seong-u were in a relationship, what could Han Yu-ra even do? Nag Shin Na-young? If she did, Im Seong-u would get caught cheating, and she'd lose her precious labor.
Yu-ra's heart tangled in knots. Pure feelings she'd felt after so long mixed rapidly with calculations of gain and loss in her mind. A chaos of emotion and logic. She wanted to empty her head.
'...'
There were three people here. Han Yu-ra, the invisible employee, and Kim A-ram's hunched back at the computer—the one she desperately wanted to smack.
"A-ram."
"...Huh?!"
'What the...'
"Want some coffee?"
Kim A-ram looked at Han Yu-ra. Her closest friend from the university club days. Now there was a hint of servility in those eyes.
"Y-yes... sure!"
'Pathetic.'
Yu-ra repeated it to herself—or maybe to Kim A-ram. Men weren't animals that fell for you after one fuck. Even Han Yu-ra, with no sexual experience, knew that. That's why no one touched her. If a woman gave her body to anyone, it was just boredom with life.
Han Yu-ra and Kim A-ram headed to the rooftop.
Shin Na-young from high school had been a bit of a tomboy. As an adult now, she could maintain a steadier vibe, but back then, before life had tempered her, her energy bounced all over. I was quieter, more antisocial.
—Cut it out.
—Fiiine~
—Shin Na-young. You want a spanking?
—Try it... Ow! You psycho! You actually hit me? You're getting it too. Come on, hit me.
—Thwack! Urk! Shin Na-young, stop...!
My heart pounded.
"Hm."
The easiest thing was just to deny it. I'm not like that with President Han. She desperately apologized to me, so I agreed to work more. No romantic feelings. That would let me escape this situation cleanly.
But for some reason, I didn't want to skip over it.
'Our contract with Han Yu-ra included that from the start.'
—Pretend to be my girlfriend normally. That way, if Han Yu-ra reports me, I'd have some defense material.
So I could just say girlfriend. If we ended up in court, Shin Na-young might even testify for me.
But maybe because of the booze. Or maybe I didn't want to lie to Shin Na-young. I just blurted it out.
"We're not dating."
"Not dating?"
Curious-curious Na-young widened her eyes at me. Like, what the hell are you saying?
"Heh..."
Then she narrowed her eyes slyly.
"So you're not nothing either?"
The university she attended was pretty rough. The only ones studying there were transfer hopefuls, treated like loner outsider psychos who couldn't enjoy youth by others. Her MT story sounded like a human breeding ground. Even inside the pension where everyone passed out drunk, moans echoed, and senior guys fucking freshman girls like dogs was an annual event.
Shin Na-young had kept her distance, fiercely focusing on her transfer studies. She'd vented about how tough it was dealing with one rich guy hitting on her directly.
'And a few months later...'
That senior guy gang-raped a freshman girl and shared the video in the group chat. He faced legal consequences. Several got expelled, and the department turned into a study-only grind.
Having survived that, Shin Na-young would understand everything I said. But she kept probing.
"...What do you mean not dating?"
I looked straight into her eyes. Shin Na-young seemed a bit angry. Hard to understand. Friend-zone possessiveness?
"Bit personal question."
"Fling? You two flinging?"
"Shut up."
She looked shocked. Like she'd cracked the case.
"Wait. You rejoined Railroad Software because of that? You..."
Spot on. I admired her gut instinct piercing the truth.
"Seong-u. Seong-u, Seong-u."
"Ugh, what now."
I started regretting it bit by bit. Why give her an opening? To Shin Na-young of all people.
"You fucked?"
'Ah... shit.'
"You studied your ass off in high school. Late bloomer scared of missing out?"
Shin Na-young downed a shot and grinned. Exactly that vibe. The curiosity when a close but nerdy friend starts dating. That's how it felt to me.
Nothing could calm her hyped-up tension now. Why did her smile look a bit sad? I chalked it up to booze-fueled overthinking.
"I said stop. Shin Na-young."
I'm a guy with a dick too—can't I have a fuck buddy? When I shot her a cold glare, she cleared her throat and calmed down a bit.
"..."
"Wouldn't a girl with tits that big be better for you?"
She acted exaggeratedly dramatic. Cupping above her chest and drawing a huge circle with her hands. Trying so hard to make me laugh—it felt like classic Shin Na-young.
But tonight she seemed down, and I didn't want to be around that.
"I'm out."
"Sorry, please. Stay."
Shin Na-young clung to me. Too late for regrets. The Lagavulin buzz was fading. My chest tightened uncomfortably. Claustrophobia kicking in.
'Why so awkward?'
We're not even in love. This spot felt like sitting on pins.
I left the restaurant, and Shin Na-young followed.
...Cold night air brushed the two's cheeks. In high school, there'd been a bit of affection toward each other. But now, it just tormented Shin Na-young.
She forced cheer, chattering unnecessarily in her usual tone. Like a fool overcompensating with excessive antics because she couldn't fill her ego without amusing others.
She didn't know why. If he was dating Han Yu-ra, then he was. But she hated Im Seong-u for leaving this opening.
"Round two! Where to?!"
"Go home, Na-young. You're wasted."
Im Seong-u's tone was awkward, but his words held warmth.
'Why's my heart like this?'
Shin Na-young looked up at the sky. A full yellow moon hung there.
'...Ugh.'
Im Seong-u and Han Yu-ra had the same day off. And came to work together the next day. What did that mean? Probably slept over or something.
Shin Na-young wasn't dumb enough to miss it.
—No dating.
That one line. Her beloved childhood friend had changed like this. Once shy and focused solely on his own world, believing love meant one woman forever—he'd fallen.
Making bank, enjoying a private life, fucking the company president. Reveling in the tension between love and lust.
At least that's how Shin Na-young saw Im Seong-u. Like some guy clubbing in Hongdae every night, picking up girls.
But what she truly hated was separate.
'Seong-u. I don't hate that you've changed... but...'
She hated herself for finding this evolved Im Seong-u cool.
'You know.'
'The successful you looks so cool. Being with you makes my heart race.'
'Even if you enjoy that private life... do I look pathetic?'
Shin Na-young laughed self-mockingly. Then unilaterally said goodbye to Im Seong-u. Time to head home.
"Seong-u."
"Yeah?"
"I'm going home."
"I'll drive you."
"No need."
"Shin Na-young, don't be stubborn."
Same old exchange. Shin Na-young hung her head. The bunny-patterned hood covered her face completely.
She hated Im Seong-u's kindness toward her.
"Let go!"
As she stepped into the road,
"Watch out!"
A car blasted its headlights, barreling toward Shin Na-young.
'Ah—'
Closer than it looks.
—Vroooom!!
A hellish roar as the gray Avante screeched right up to her. Normal Shin Na-young would've dodged back, but not this time.
'Ah...'
Her life flashed. High school with Im Seong-u. Studies that never worked out. Him teasing her to try streaming. His overwhelming success now, versus her. Han Yu-ra beside him, boasting bigger tits and more money.
Her end. So pointlessly?
—Vroooom!!
"What the hell!"
—Whoosh.
Na-young's hood yanked back hard.
"Ugh..."
Pulled by Im Seong-u, she stumbled backward and plopped down. The gray Avante sped past.
"Hah... hah..."
Shin Na-young calmed her pounding chest. Tears poured from her eyes. Near-death terror.
"Ugh... uuu..."
"You okay?"
Clinging to Im Seong-u's chest, Shin Na-young sobbed. Too shaken to feel his warmth.
"Haa... haa..."
"Can you walk?"
"...Hng."
"Let's get you home quick."
"...Seong-u..."
Heart racing, Shin Na-young spoke. Cheesy as hell, but held in his arms, the relief was immense. She realized her feelings.
"Seong-u... You know what you call a guy who's kind to a girl who's not even his?"
"...Just guy friend, girl friend."
Im Seong-u eyed her uncomfortably, like why say that now. So innocent. Or playing dumb?
Shin Na-young said it.
"An asshole, Seong-u."
"..."
Not words for her lifesaver. But Shin Na-young continued.
"Seong-u."
"...What."
"I don't wanna go home."
She blurted it. Her cheeks flushed pink.