The Messenger's Irresistible Offer
I took the commission. The Great Awakening era. From the housewife upstairs to the high school girl next door, even the foul-mouthed grandma at the pork soup joint—everyone had awakened. I awakened too, back when I was a kid. Heavenly Phallus. That's the name of my awakening ability. Its effects? Pregnancy on/off, shape adjustment, semen taste modification, and infinite stamina. The shape adjustment activates automatically, morphing into the perfect fit once inside a woman.
'That's what got me treated like a living dildo.' After word of my ability spread, the local thugs dragged me around a lot. That's how I got the nickname "Custom Dildo." My name's Park Kiyong, so the female thugs called me "Iron Dick."
"Hah, I wanted to raid dungeons too."
Dungeons—other-dimensional gates that appeared alongside awakeners. Dangerous as hell, but they offered wealth and fame in equal measure. That was my dream job before I awakened this weird ability, but it all went to shit once Heavenly Phallus kicked in.
"What~ honey, you still haven't given up on that?"
"It's my dream."
The woman lying naked beside me teased my back with her nails as she spoke. She was one of my clients. I was working this gig to make ends meet before graduation and military service. 'Of course, I only take clients who match my tastes.' My main customers were housewives with rich husbands. Think of those "Dongtan milf" memes floating around online. Plenty of cash for skincare and killer bodies. I satisfy them, they give me pocket money—mutual benefit, perfect side hustle.
"You heading out?"
"Wanna go again? That'll cost extra~"
As I threw on my clothes, she spoke in a voice thick with regret. Channeling my money-grubber instincts, I replied. 'Money's good anytime, but more is always better.' In my uncertain future, cash trumped specs any day. If she'd paid up, I'd have gone another round. But...
"Hubby's due home soon."
Timing didn't work out, so today's job was done. Walking home through the darkening streets, I checked my earnings.
'How long can I keep this up...?'
Flopping onto my bed, thoughts of the future brought a sigh. Sure, I had Heavenly Phallus, but age would catch up—I couldn't do this forever. And scraping by as a manwhore? No thanks. 'If only my ability was something useful.'
"If only my ability was something useful."
A voice echoed. 'Huh? Did I say that out loud?'
"Huh? Did I say that out loud?"
The voice came again. I bolted upright, eyes flying open. Floating in midair was a man in medieval garb.
"This is trespassing! Get out before I report you to the Awakening Bureau!"
Obvious awakener intruder. My voice shook as I warned him.
"Easy, friend. I'm just here to offer you a real~ good deal."
Grinning slyly, he ignored me and kept talking. The intruder's spiel boiled down to this:
"Go to another dimension and steal the hero's heroine for me."
"Hah, cut the bullshit and get out."
I regretted even listening to this lunatic.
"You think I'm a lunatic?"
'Bingo...' He scowled, then raised his staff.
"Dad said handing out one ability's fine... This'll do."
He tapped my head lightly. My body glowed.
INVENTORY ABILITY GRANTED
"Try out the Inventory ability I just gave you."
"Fine, whatever. I'll check it, then you leave."
To shoo him out, I played along.
"Inventory."
Saying it aloud, a game-like inventory window popped up for real.
> Empty Slots: Unlimited
> Access: Granted
"Wh-what the...?"
I blurted it out in shock.
"Believe me now?"
I could only gape at his beaming face.
"You ignored me earlier, so here's the pitch again."
He recapped, and this time I listened. Summing it up:
1. Multiple dimensions exist, each with a hero.
2. Heroes have fated heroine(s) by their side.
3. Steal the heroine, get one of the hero's abilities as reward.
He'll handle dimension travel.
"Um... what should I call you?"
The guy who gave me the ability—and might give more. I asked carefully.
"Name? Call me Shimbu Rumkun."
He gave a nickname instead. 'In comics or movies, power-granters like this are usually black-hearted world-enders.' Reading my mind, he burst out laughing.
"Hahaha! You're a riot. Nah, it's just the gods' amusement. No worries."
Gods' amusement? That stuck out.
"Gods give heroes trials for fun. That's it. Treat it like a game."
True or not, I wasn't passing up the chance.
"One question?"
"Shoot."
"Why me?"
World's full of better, stronger, smarter folks. I'm just average Joe Park Kiyong. So I asked.
"'Cause you've got a killer weapon."
Simple: Heavenly Phallus.
"Your ability's based on Dad's playboy legends. Perfect for women."
My power was women-only, sure. Getting them in bed was the hurdle, but once there? Instant conquest. I fit his goal like a glove.
"Okay. Fuck it, I'm in."
Doubts cleared, I accepted.
"Great! Koreans say strike while the iron's hot, right?"
He raised his staff again, tapped my head.
"Target info'll pop in your head on arrival."
His voice cut clear through my fading mind, then blackout.
'Where...?'
I woke in an unfamiliar place. Suppressing the urge to say 'Unfamiliar ceiling...', I sat up.
'Shimbu Rumkun was right—basic info's in my head.' No headache or nausea.
'Classic fantasy world.' Hero's a country boy who pulls a holy sword from a rock. Heroine to steal: the saintess, his childhood friend.
'Childhood friend, huh...' Tricky position—could be easy or hard.
'Gonna take time.' Stealing that bond needs investment.
'Time to move.' Shimbu Rumkun timed it perfectly—today was the hero party's demon king subjugation send-off.
To join, tail them. "Noisy place."
Village in festival mode. Headed to the gate they'd pass.
Waiting, spotted the hero party. Blond, tall, boyish face—like he was yelling 'I'm the protagonist!' Leading: old guy in a witch hat, scarred-eye man, elf with a bow, pink-haired young woman.
Lucky—no porter in sight. 'Act natural.' Deep breath, dashed over.
"Huff... huff... Wait up!"
Feigning desperate chase, I called out.
"What're you?"
Scarred man spoke first. His sharp tone made me flinch, but I faced the hero.
"Pl-please take me with you!"
Stammering amateur act.
"Sorry... can't do that."
Hero smiled kindly as he refused. Desperate eyes on him.
"I'll carry bags, anything! I want revenge on the demon king!"
Prepped backstory: family massacred by demons. Party pitied me—all but scarred guy.
"You really mean anything?"
Pink-hair spoke softly. 'That's the saintess.' Pink hair, huge tits. No habit, but obvious.
"Yes! I have Inventory ability—perfect for porter duty!"
Pitched my value quick. Scarred man replied.
"Sounds good. Was sick of hauling crap. I'm in."
Party chimed in.
"If he slacks, magic'll handle it. Aye."
"Me too."
Old mage and saintess approved.
"Oppose. Can't trust humans."
Elf against, but 3-1 majority. Hero's vote mattered most—eyes on him, mine too.
"I..."
He pondered, then grinned, hand out.
"Approve! Welcome to the hero party!"
His innocent smile gleamed gold, proclaiming him this world's protagonist.