Forgive Me
The carriage door, which had been tightly closed, swung open. A lukewarm summer breeze rushed in.
Rachel and I slowly moved our bodies and stepped outside. Standing in front of the carriage was an elderly gentleman dressed in a neat tailcoat. The head butler, Gilbert. A man with a gentle and warm personality. Before Raiden had become a scoundrel, he had been the person Raiden followed most after Stener.
......And he was also one of the few people who knew the truth behind the Duchess’s death.
When Gilbert’s eyes met mine, he gave a light bow and spoke.
“I hope your time at the academy is peaceful, Young Master.”
I mulled over those words for a moment. A peaceful life... huh. He was probably telling me not to cause any trouble like before and to behave properly.
For a second, I wondered if he was scolding me, but the look in his eyes made me erase that thought. Anyone could see they were filled with worry.
His gaze overflowed with affection and sorrow, as if he were looking at a child left by the water’s edge. All I could do was scratch the back of my head.
In the end, I gave him an awkward smile and replied.
“Don’t worry, old man. I’ll go quietly.”
Gilbert’s eyes widened at my words. The old man’s previously calm face was overtaken by shock and confusion. Of course he would react that way. The term “old man” was something of a pet name between Raiden and Gilbert.
Gilbert had called Raiden “Little Young Master,” and Raiden had called Gilbert “old man.” It was a title Raiden had never used once after he changed.
Gilbert wore an expression full of nostalgia. I gave him one more smile, then turned around and began walking.
Behind me, I could hear the sound of Rachel’s quick footsteps as she hurried to follow.
......Dealing with reactions like that every time is going to be a chore.
Everyone jumps in surprise no matter what I do, so it feels a bit awkward. It’s not a bad feeling, but if they keep acting like this, daily life might get exhausting.
I guess I’ll have to make the effort.
Since I’ve been given this role and this opportunity, I have to be sincere about it.
Organizing my complicated thoughts, I walked toward the massive academy building before me.
Korn Ronesia, the principal of Reynolds Academy, was currently suffering from the worst headache she had experienced in a long time.
There were many causes—paperwork, managing the academy, various incidents and accidents—but the biggest one was standing right in front of her.
Korn let out a deep sigh as she stared at the boy before her.
Rare black hair and black eyes. A tall stature and a neatly worn academy uniform. He wasn’t strikingly handsome, but he had the looks of a decent young man.
“......”
The boy’s name was Raiden Lisite. The greatest scoundrel of this era, representing the Empire.
He had suddenly vanished six months ago without a trace, and now, today, he had abruptly reappeared.
Korn pinched her brow and let out a complicated sigh.
“Haa... So after skipping classes without permission for half a year, you’re telling me you want to attend the academy again?”
“As far as I remember, my absences were marked as sick leave. There shouldn’t be any problem with me returning, should there?”
What the hell do you mean there’s no problem, you damn brat.
At the boy’s utterly nonchalant reply, Korn barely swallowed the words that nearly burst out of her. Her long red hair swayed as her emotions surged.
She gathered the mana that was unconsciously leaking out and let out a low groan.
Damn it......
Yes, she admitted it. It was clearly her own mistake.
Unable to refuse the earnest request of her former comrade-in-arms, Stener, she had been unable to expel Raiden. When a man known as the most ill-mannered in the entire Empire had knelt before her and begged, she simply couldn’t ignore him.
If I had known this would happen, I should have just expelled him...!
Korn had never once imagined that Raiden would actually return to the academy.
He slept through every class, came in dead last on every exam, and in the last academy ranking tournament, he had placed 3080th out of 3086 students. It was to the point where one had to wonder if he even wanted to attend the academy at all. Raiden had been that irresponsible.
That was why, when he disappeared, Korn had thought, So he finally ran away.
—Please, Korn. Just help me this once.
......Well, since it was Stener’s request, she had simply marked his absences as sick leave and planned to send the diploma to the Lisite family.
She never expected this scoundrel to come back.
“Haa......”
Korn let out another heavy sigh.
A problem student who harassed female students, showed up drunk to class, and used his position as the eldest son of a ducal house to torment his classmates. The news of such a boy’s return made Korn feel dizzy.
And to make matters worse, he had even picked a fight with this generation’s greatest prodigy, Alan Reinhardt. Her worries were far from small.
Korn bowed her head, cursing her past self for having given in to Stener’s desperate kneeling. Another sigh escaped her.
“Haa... Very well. I will make arrangements so that you may resume attending classes.”
“Yes, thank you. Then I’ll be—”
“However.”
Korn’s icy voice stopped Raiden as he tried to turn away. He glanced back at her with a puzzled look.
His expression seemed to ask, What is it?
Korn furrowed her brow at his shameless, almost detestable face. She pressed down on the atmosphere and glared at him.
“However, if you cause even a single disturbance, I will expel you immediately.”
Just give me one excuse. I’ll kick you out right away.
Her words carried that firm resolve.
Raiden stared blankly for a moment, then gave a bitter smile and quietly bowed his head. Without another word, he left the principal’s office.
“......?”
Korn felt a sense of bewilderment at his behavior. What was that? Why was he so obedient?
She had expected him to throw a tantrum or at least speak informally... but the person who had just left was nothing more than a polite student.
“......So he does have a conscience, after all.”
It seemed he had heard from Stener that she had been accommodating him.
“I suppose I’ll have to keep an eye on him for now.”
Muttering to herself, Korn turned her gaze back to the documents.
The next morning.
After changing into my academy uniform, I left the dormitory.
“Young Master, have a good day!”
I waved back at Rachel, who had come out to see me off.
As I walked quietly along the path, I spotted other students here and there. I kept my head down so as not to draw attention.
The crossbody bag slung over my shoulder was packed full of textbooks for today’s lectures.
I had learned something surprising this morning. This guy Raiden had memorized the dozens of class times he had every single day of the week.
Even while acting like a scoundrel, he hadn’t completely erased his true nature. He was strangely diligent in the oddest ways.
How on earth did he memorize that complicated schedule...? Just looking at it made me dizzy.
Well, I suppose just this much doesn’t count as being diligent, does it?
Come to think of it, I used to memorize my training schedule too, didn’t I?
I recalled my previous life’s timetable for a moment.
Mondays: Train until I was beaten to a pulp, then get beaten.
Tuesdays: Spar with six people at once, then get beaten.
Wednesdays: Survive against Father wielding a real sword, then get beaten.
Thursdays: Get beaten, get beaten, get beaten......
“......Fuck.”
At this point, it wasn’t memorized—it was engraved into me. If I didn’t remember after getting beaten that much, there would be something wrong with my brain.
I frowned, feeling a slight wave of nausea.
Damn it. I had ruined my perfectly fine mood with weird thoughts first thing in the morning.
It was supposed to be my first day back at the academy, yet the start was already terrible.
I suppressed my gloomy mood and let out a sigh.
“Haa......”
Even so, my feet had steadily carried me all the way to the academy’s main building.
I came back to my senses a little late and began searching for the classroom. I had seen it yesterday when I visited the principal’s office, but it was still incredibly huge.
Just the main building alone was the size of dozens of soccer fields put together. When you included the faculty building, dormitories, and annexes like Hall 1, Hall 2, and Hall 3, it was practically the size of a small city.
It seemed a bit excessive for an educational facility... but then again, maybe this level of scale was necessary to be called the greatest academy on the continent.
With that thought, I quietly stepped into the main building’s hallway.
And at that moment.
The eyes of every student standing in the hallway locked onto me.
“......”
......Damn it. This was exactly why I had tried to slip in unnoticed.
Once attention was drawn, the aggro that followed was no joke.
The faint murmurs of the whispering students reached my ears.
Yeah... It’s only natural they’d be shocked. The scoundrel who had been thoroughly “educated” by this generation’s greatest prodigy and then fled like a coward had suddenly shown up again.
......Well, in truth, Raiden’s disappearance hadn’t been because of Alan, but because of something his little sister had said. Still, to others, it probably looked that way.
Damn it... Anyway.
This is tougher than I thought. Having so many eyes on me.
I let out a dry cough as I felt my throat tightening.
People might say, “You went to the world championships as a national representative, so why care about other people’s gazes?” But the stares I received back then and the ones I was receiving now were clearly of a different nature.
The gazes during the competition had been filled with expectation, joy, and excitement. They had been heavy, but never hostile.
But now.
Clear hostility was aimed straight at my throat. Eyes filled with disgust glared at me venomously.
Sighs, doubt, contempt, wariness. And hatred, hatred, hatred, hatred.
Countless waves of hatred tightened around my throat.
“Ugh......”
I felt like throwing up. My ears rang, and it became hard to breathe. My head throbbed as if struck by a hammer, and my vision blurred.
The voices that had been traumas from my previous life echoed as hallucinations. Raw, unfiltered hatred brutally pierced my eardrums.
“Huk, haa......”
I could feel my breathing growing rapid. I bit my lip hard and staggered forward, forcing myself to keep moving.
If I let go of my mind for even a second, I felt like I would lose consciousness entirely.
Stop... Please stop. I was wrong. I’ll die again. So please forgive me.
Get out of my head. If you want, I’ll tear off this hateful face right now...
“Please... stop......”
Just as I was sinking back into the despair and depression of my past.
A mechanical sound rang in my ear, pulling me out of that abyss.
The skill Iron Mind nullifies the user’s status abnormalities (panic disorder, suicidal impulses, self-harm, trauma, etc...).
The user’s mental state is unstable; therefore, the skill Iron Mind cannot completely block the status abnormalities.
The effects of the status abnormalities are greatly reduced.
“Huk, cough, haa... Haa...”
The sticky things that had been devouring my mind sank away in an instant. I gasped for air, desperately replenishing my lacking breath.
The wave that had swept over me like a typhoon left behind a terrifying aftertaste. Because I had bitten my lip too hard, the metallic taste of blood lingered on my tongue.
I roughly swept my hair back and let out a tired breath.
“......Damn it.”
I had nearly lost my mind. If not for Iron Mind, I would have already opened the window beside me and jumped.
It felt as if someone was stirring my brain while I was still conscious.
Are you alright?
“Yeah... I’m fine...”
I was not fine at all. It had been a long time since I had felt such a thick, viscous suicidal impulse. The feeling was horrific.
In my previous life, I had lived every day trapped in this kind of despair. ......Just how had I managed to survive until I was twenty-two?
I steadied my still-queasy stomach and corrected my shaky steps. Somehow, despite my hazy mind, I had arrived at my destination. My feet were already standing in front of the classroom.
I reached out with a weak hand and pushed the door open.
—Creeeeak.
The heavy sound of hinges echoed as the door opened. The moment I stepped into the classroom, the previously noisy atmosphere instantly froze.
When I lifted my head, I saw countless students staring at me with hardened expressions.
“Ugh......”
I tried my best to ignore the pounding screams of my heart. Iron Mind’s effect should still be active, yet it was difficult to control my body.
If I collapse here, it would be truly pathetic......
Clinging desperately to my consciousness, which felt ready to faint at any moment, I walked to a seat in the very back and sat down. The strength left my legs, and my head naturally fell onto the desk. I curled up while lying face down.
“......”
Even with my eyes closed, the gazes aimed at me did not disappear. No... they only grew stronger.
The students stopped their conversations and began whispering about me.
The faint hostility I could hear slowly tightened around my throat. If it had been the old scoundrel Raiden, he would have snapped at them by now, asking what the hell they were looking at.
But right now, I was in no condition to do that.
“Huk... Huk...”
My breathing grew shallow. I felt dizzy. The vivid hostility and the voices from my previous life tangled together inside my head.
No.
It wasn’t on purpose.
The intensity of the status abnormality (Trauma) is increasing. A small crack has formed in the skill Iron Mind.
If I had known that all those misfortunes had happened because of me.
“Lisite heir, why are you here?”
While desperately craving the warmth of others.
I wouldn’t have struggled so pathetically.
“Are you ignoring me?”
So.
“Lisite heir?”
I’m sorry. Please forgive me.
“Raiden!!”
Just as I was falling into a full panic, a delicate voice calling my name rang in my ears.
I belatedly came to my senses and lifted my head. A female student was standing in front of my desk.
Burning red eyes. Silver hair that flowed down to her waist. A curvaceous figure and beautiful appearance clearly visible even beneath her neat uniform.
I knew who she was.
“Margaret...?”
Margaret Filer. The eldest daughter of the Filer family, one of the Empire’s three great ducal houses. A model honor student who always maintained the top rank at the academy, and a girl known as the flower of high society.
And......
“Are you... okay...?”
Raiden Lisite’s former fiancée. A connection from the past now stood before me.