Whispers of Blue
Blue whispers— “If only… you had died that day instead of Mom…”
Raiden froze like ice at those words. “That day.” The nightmare that had carved an indelible wound into him and planted the obsession that he deserved to be hated by everyone. The girl’s words drove into the still-raw scar like a razor-edged dagger. The sensation of his skin being flayed open, his insides hollowed out, slammed into the boy.
Raiden’s face drained of all color, but his sister, eyes squeezed shut, never saw it. Unfortunately, her mouth kept moving.
“You should have just died!”
“Why does trash like you get to live while Mom dies…?”
“You should have died instead!”
Raiden felt his breath constrict. His lungs seized, his heart seemed to stop. Even for someone who had craved hatred, the pain of this wound was unbearable.
“Run, Raiden!!”
The beloved voice echoed in his ears, and then—
Shuk!
The sickening sound of metal blades punching through flesh sliced through the frail woman’s cry.
“You should have just died!”
Those words tangled with what his sister had just said, spinning dizziness through his skull. Nausea surged; Raiden fled the room as if escaping a monster.
Back in his dormitory, he clung to the trash can and emptied his stomach for what felt like hours.
That night—
“Raiden, my son… If only you didn’t exist, I could have lived…”
“Mother…?”
“It’s all because of you, Raiden… Because of you I…!”
The boy suffered a vicious nightmare.
The precarious tower he had built from obsession and self-loathing collapsed in a single sentence from his sister. He had always tormented himself with the same thoughts, but hearing them from someone else—especially family—felt like pure torment. Because he loved his family more than anything. Because she was the sister he cherished as much as his mother. The words that left her lips became an unbearable wound.
……
Raiden rose silently from the bed. On staggering legs he left the dormitory. Curfew had begun after ten, but he no longer cared. He simply walked. He hurled himself into nameless spaces beyond the academy. With neither purpose nor thought, the boy repeated the single action of walking. His face remained blank as he endlessly chewed over the memory of his mother’s screams and accusations.
Ten minutes. Thirty. One hour. Two. Six.
By the time he could no longer guess how long he had been moving, Raiden’s body stood inside a mountain forest. He had wandered so far forward that he had arrived somewhere strange. He noticed the landscape was wrong, yet he did not stop. Like the compulsion lodged inside his mind, he kept walking straight ahead.
That was why he never saw the tree root at his feet.
……!
His body pitched forward. Ahead of him waited a sheer cliff he had also failed to notice. The boy tumbled into empty air.
Thud!
The sound of a skull shattering rang out, and Raiden’s story ended there.
Confirmed that the user’s consciousness has returned.
I opened my eyes to a soft, cushioned feeling against my back. The moment I lifted heavy eyelids, an ornate ceiling filled my vision. A sight I had never seen before, yet it felt strangely familiar. This was Raiden’s room.
“Ugh… ngh…”
I frowned at the lingering headache and pushed myself upright. The torn shirt had been changed into fresh clothes, and my body was clean. Bandages wrapped every place I had been injured while descending the mountain.
It looks exactly like what I saw in the memories…
The familiar layout of the room was slightly different from the last time Raiden had been here, but most of it remained exactly as he remembered. A peculiar warmth stirred deep inside my chest. Of course, it wasn’t my own emotion. It must have belonged to Raiden.
…It feels unpleasant.
The thought that an emotion that wasn’t mine was rummaging through my head filled me with intense alienation. I let out a sigh and tried to soothe my throbbing temples when a rustling sound came from beside the bed.
“Mmm…”
I turned my head. A girl was asleep with her head pillowed on the edge of the mattress. Scattered bandages and empty potion bottles suggested the treatment had been her work.
I whispered her name.
“Rachel.”
Just seeing her made my chest ache. Rachel was the only person who had never turned her back on Raiden no matter how terribly he behaved. To drive away the girl who refused to leave, he had treated her with special cruelty.
“Uuu…”
Perhaps the hair tickling her eyes was uncomfortable; the girl frowned lightly. Tear tracks stood out clearly on her pale cheeks. I quietly reached out and brushed the strands aside. It wasn’t a conscious action—my body had simply moved on reflex. It felt as if Raiden’s will was interfering with my own. Not a pleasant sensation.
I pushed the tangled thoughts away and called up the status window.
“Status window.”
6 hours, 13 minutes, and 57 seconds have passed since loss of consciousness.
The possession perk ‘Synchronization’ has been successfully completed.
“Synchronization, huh…”
The so-called perk was a process that forcibly mixed my consciousness with Raiden’s. It was a moment I genuinely longed for death. My already exhausted mind was now layered with his obsession and self-loathing; it felt like depression would burst out at any second.
Just as I tried to gather my darkening thoughts and steady my emotions—
The skill Iron Mind nullifies the user’s negative emotions (depression, lethargy, suicidal impulses, etc.).
The user’s negative emotions are resisting Iron Mind.
The effect of Iron Mind has been partially reduced.
The user’s depression and suicidal impulses have been alleviated. However, they have not been eliminated.
What is this…? I frowned at the blue windows floating before my eyes.
“Status window. Explain ‘Iron Mind.’”
Iron Mind
Category: Skill
Rank: EX
Description: A special skill personally granted by ○○. It boasts the highest performance among all mental barriers.
Effect: Blocks 99% of mental status ailments directed at the user (suggestion, killing intent, brainwashing, negative emotions, etc.). However, ailments that surpass Iron Mind cannot be completely blocked.
……
No wonder my body felt lighter and my head clearer. Some unknown skill had been suppressing the helplessness and suicidal urges. Thanks to it I wasn’t depressed, which was good… but the feeling was strangely uncomfortable.
More importantly, an EX-rank skill…
Even in the novel Heroes Who Erase Sorrow, an EX-grade skill had never appeared. It was only mentioned in passing that such a rank existed after SSS. The protagonist’s strongest skill had only reached SSS.
[However, ailments that surpass Iron Mind cannot be completely blocked.]
I smirked at the message. There was no way any status ailment could pierce an EX-rank mental barrier…
[The user’s negative emotions are resisting Iron Mind.]
[The user’s depression and suicidal impulses have been alleviated. However, they have not been eliminated.]
“……There is?”
It seemed my condition was worse than I thought. Even if two people’s worth of depression had merged, could it really be this bad? An obsession strong enough to pierce an EX-grade mental wall.
Now I understand why I was given this skill…
Without Iron Mind, the moment I opened my eyes in that forest, wouldn’t I have tried to bite my tongue again? Actually, thinking back, I really had tried at first…
“Still, it’s fortunate.”
Whether thanks to the skill or not, my mind was far calmer than in my previous life. It still felt a little precarious, but this was acceptable. Much better than living every day drowning in the desire to die.
“Ahem.”
With my mood improved, I continued reading the status windows. Among the many blue panels, one message stood out.
[The possession perk ‘Synchronization’ has been successfully completed.]
Seeing it, my lifted spirits sank again. I quietly mulled over the text and fell into thought.
Raiden, whom I had dismissed as nothing more than “a sacrifice for a one-time power fantasy,” was a character with a real story. A boy whose life had been twisted by trauma and obsession. I felt a kind of kinship with him.
Raiden… You really suffered, didn’t you…
It was a completely different kind of pain from mine. Unlike my life ruined by a deranged father, Raiden had destroyed the world he loved with his own hands. Of course I also thought he had been foolish, but sympathy for his pain and loneliness ran deeper. It was almost funny that someone like me would feel pity for another, but—
“Mmm……”
While I was mocking myself, the girl with her face buried in the bed let out a faint breath. Recognizing it as a sign she was waking, I stopped thinking and looked down at her.
Her brown eyes fluttered open, still bleary. They blinked a few times, then focused on me as I sat upright. I spoke softly to those clear, glass-like orbs.
“You’re awake.”
If it had been the real Raiden here—the one without the delinquent mask—what expression would he have worn? With that thought, I gently curved my lips. It felt awkward. Smiling really was difficult.
“Hello, Rachel.”
The girl stared at me, blank for a moment, then let out a long sigh and slumped back down.
“What… It was a dream.”
Rachel mumbled with her face pressed into the bedding. I tilted my head. Why was she reacting like that? Had the smile looked that unnatural?
“It’s not a dream.”
“It is a dream~ There’s no way the Young Master would ever smile at me like that…”
Her eyes looked inexplicably sad. “If it were three years ago, maybe… but the Young Master now……”
Her complexion grew darker, as if mirroring her sorrow. The pupils colored with blue whispers shone alone with affection and pity. My heart ached at her shabby expression, so I reached out without thinking.
And then—
“Hue?”
Squeeze…!
I pinched her plump, soft cheek and pulled.
“Hueeeek!!”
The squishy sensation lingered on my fingertips. It felt strangely nostalgic. Back then, whenever Raiden touched her cheeks like this, she had always liked it.
“Y-Young Masht…?”
While I was briefly lost in the assimilated memories, the stretched cheek wriggled. Brown eyes wet with panic stared at me.
“Huh? It hurts? It’s… not a dream…?”
“I told you it’s me. Are you even listening, Ray?”
Rachel’s eyes widened again. ‘Ray’ was the nickname Raiden had used for her when they were children. After he became a delinquent he had never spoken it again, so hearing it suddenly must have shocked her. I chuckled softly at her dumbfounded face and greeted her once more.
“Good morning, Ray.”