Each Person's Hell, Once More
The past is another kind of hell for each of us.
Changho stepped into the locker room after training, intending to change his clothes. He massaged his aching limbs, sore from muscle fatigue, and let out a low groan.
“Ugh… Did I push myself too hard today…?”
I should probably slap on some patches.
Muttering to himself, Changho opened his locker. It was late, so the locker room was completely empty. The space felt strangely desolate, and he let out a sigh as he took it in.
“Haa… I should change quickly and go grab dinner~”
Humming a little tune, Changho began switching out of his uniform. That was when it happened.
“Hic… Sob…”
“……?”
A faint crying sound reached his ears. Changho felt a chill run down his spine and stared toward the corner of the locker room where the noise had come from.
T-there was definitely no one here…?
Wondering if he had misheard, he held his breath and listened carefully.
“Sob… Hiccup… Uuu…”
“……!”
It was faint, but it was definitely the sound of someone crying. Cold sweat began to trickle down Changho’s back. He quickly snatched up a wooden sword that had been lying on the floor and gripped it tightly. The trembling tip of the blade pointed into the darkness. In that stance, he slowly walked toward the source of the sound.
It was a scene straight out of a horror movie. The cliché where someone senses something strange about an unidentified noise, goes to check it out, and ends up missing the next day.
“Oh… Lord.”
Changho, who normally didn’t even believe in God, drew a cross in the air while calling on the divine. Clutching the wooden sword firmly, he crept cautiously toward the corner of the changing area where the weeping was coming from.
“Namu Amitabha, Hallelujah…”
His rather chaotic prayer bounced between Buddhism and Christianity. After taking a deep breath, he widened his eyes and charged straight into the den of evil where the sinister whispers seemed to swirl.
“Who’s there!!!”
His thunderous shout echoed through the quiet locker room. But what answered Changho’s roar was a thin, hesitant voice.
“Uuuu…?”
“……Huh?”
The somehow familiar voice made Changho furrow his brow as he peered back into the darkness. There, a boy was timidly crouching.
“Naru…?”
“……?”
Recognizing him, Changho muttered the boy’s name in a daze. Naru tilted his head as if to ask what was wrong.
“Haaaa… I was scared shitless for real…”
Only then did Changho grasp the situation. He let out a sigh of relief and lowered the wooden sword. After calming his pounding heart for a moment, he walked over to Naru’s side.
“Naru… what are you doing here at this hour…?”
“……”
Naru didn’t answer. Changho stood in front of him and gently stroked his hair.
“I heard you crying… Did something happen…?”
—Shake, shake.
Naru shook his head.
“Then why…”
—Flap, flap.
Naru waved his arms wildly, showing what he was holding.
“What is that…? Hmm? Isn’t that the book I lent you last time?”
What Naru held was indeed a book. Specifically, it was volume five of the Heroes Who Erase Sorrow series. Naru moved his hands frantically, as if trying to explain something. Changho, flustered by the sight, asked,
“So… you were reading the book, and the story was so sad that you started crying?”
—Nod, nod.
Naru nodded vigorously. Then he suddenly opened the book to the middle and pointed at a particular passage. Changho looked at the section Naru indicated and nodded in understanding. It was the scene where Violet, the mid-boss of volume five, met her death.
“Ah, so you were reading this part?”
“Uuuu…”
“This part was pretty sad, yeah.”
“Hic…”
Naru sniffled again. Changho made a helpless face and wiped away the flowing tears.
“Aigoo… You’re completely immersed in that book, huh.”
—Nod…
When Naru gave a timid little nod, Changho ruffled his hair wildly and asked,
“Have you eaten dinner?”
—Shake, shake.
“Let’s go eat together. I’m secretly ordering chicken today.”
—Nod, nod!
At the word “chicken,” Naru’s eyes sparkled. Changho chuckled at the sight and held out his hand.
“Shall we go?”
—Nod, nod!
Naru took Changho’s hand and they left the locker room. Once again, they truly looked like a caring older brother and his younger sibling.
—Clatter, clatter…
I was staring blankly out the window inside the swaying carriage. As I mulled over the random thoughts floating through my head, a sigh escaped me without realizing it.
“Haa…”
What was weighing me down right now was thoughts of a certain girl. While reading the original ten-volume series, she was the character I had loved the most.
Violet…
Violet. The mid-boss who appeared in volume five of the original work. Why had I forgotten about her existence?
If the world I possessed was Heroes Who Erase Sorrow, then of course she would be living in it too.
“Mmm…”
I let out a small groan and picked up a few fragments of the worries that had been tormenting my mind. The point when Violet awakened as a villain was about a year from now. What should I do?
The most rational method would be to eliminate her before she fell into villainy. With my status and family power, removing a commoner with no connections would be easy enough.
But could I really call that the right answer?
I was a possessor. In other words, someone who knew the entire plot of the original work Heroes Who Erase Sorrow. Therefore, I knew better than anyone what kind of misfortune Violet had suffered and how she had been broken.
As someone who had shed tears over her sorrow.
As someone who had smiled at her joy.
As someone who had met an ending similar to her final fate.
I held the wish that Violet’s story would not head toward tragedy.
Then… what should I…
…I didn’t know. Even if I wanted to help, I had no idea how. It was a bit ridiculous to talk about helping someone when I couldn’t even take care of myself.
For now, I should just watch the situation. There was still a whole year left, after all. During the school trip… well, I could just get moderately close to her, right?
I shook off the stray thoughts and turned my gaze back to the passing scenery.
While Raiden was lost in thought, Margaret, who had arrived at the main building, was walking toward the lecture hall. Her beautiful crimson eyes looked upward with a listless gaze. Though her eyes were fixed on the blue sky, her mind was somewhere else entirely.
“……”
Margaret pressed her forehead with a silence heavy with meaning. The throbbing headache nearly made her stumble, but she quickly regained her balance.
…The group assignment is so damn annoying.
In her head, the events from the bus stop were playing on repeat. Her silver eyebrows furrowed at the damp, sinking feeling in her chest. The girl let out a low groan and muttered,
“……I got angry in a way that’s not like me.”
Why? It had only been a single sentence. Why had she lost her composure and become so agitated?
“He’s someone who has nothing to do with me anymore.”
As she spoke those words, Margaret gave a self-mocking smile. The sneer she directed at herself somehow looked sorrowful. She erased the smile from her lips and once again submerged herself in the waves of thought.
The countless emotions that had consumed her the moment she cornered the boy—anger, sadness, contempt, irritation, and a faint lingering attachment. All those colors mixed together into a sticky mess… were disappointment.
Yes. It was disappointment.
“Disappointment, huh…”
What exactly had she been disappointed about? She thought she had already let go of everything related to him. It was a fragment of emotion buried deep within the girl’s heart. The memories of the past remained in her life like ink stains that could not be erased.
“……How pathetic.”
Margaret quietly criticized herself. How could she be this stupid? After being betrayed and hurt like that, she was still harboring expectations. The hatred toward the boy had already turned into maggots, gnawing away at her.
“Get a grip, Margaret Filer… This is why you end up suffering like that.”
Muttering to herself, Margaret bit her lip hard. Having burned away her thoughts of the boy with hatred, the girl began walking once more.
“You don’t look well, Raiden.”
The training grounds near the academy’s main building. After forming a connection with Lucas through training in his unique magic Reflect last time, I had been receiving instruction from him every day. During a short break after an intense training session, Professor Lucas spoke to me. He sat beside me and stared intently in my direction.
“Is something bothering you?”
“Yes…?”
My mood had already been low because of the incident with Margaret, so my face stiffened at Lucas’s question. I swept a hand across my mouth and asked,
“……Is it that obvious?”
“No? It doesn’t really show. You have the same expressionless face as always.”
“Then how…?”
“Well, let’s call it the wisdom of age?”
Lucas let out a good-natured laugh along with the silly remark. I had to furrow my brow for a moment at the bright energy radiating from him in all directions.
“……”
“It’s nothing serious… You just seemed to have trouble concentrating on training today, so I wondered if something was up.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t say it to make you apologize…? Now I just sound like some nagging old professor scolding a student for a little distraction!”
Lucas waved his hands, trying to stop me as I apologized with an embarrassed look, and scratched his head. He wore an expression that seemed to say, How should I deal with this kid? He set down the crystal orb he had been holding and gently patted my shoulder.
“Raiden, you seem… a bit too rigid.”
“Do you mean my movements aren’t fluid enough?”
“Not that. I’m talking about your usual attitude. You’re too hard on yourself.”
“Me…?”
I could only tilt my head at Lucas’s words. Hard on myself? Me? Lucas continued while watching me, who was lost in confusion.
“You act like someone being chased by something. You whip yourself mercilessly and treat yourself harshly.”
“I’m not sure I follow…”
“In the past month, how many days have you taken a break without training?”
“……None.”
“And right after the banquet hall attack, you went straight back to training the day after being discharged, right?”
“……Yes.”
At Lucas’s few words, I found myself at a loss and closed my mouth. Even I had to admit that going back to training the day after being discharged was a bit much. Lucas looked at me, paused for a moment, then gave a pitying smile and said,
“Raiden, you have a tendency to try too hard.”
“……”
“It’s a good trait, but it also makes me worry… People who are used to overworking themselves usually don’t know how to value themselves.”
The reason your mood has been so heavy today is probably related to this. You were probably blaming yourself for some mistake, weren’t you? I’ve seen kids like that a few times. Kids who, soaked in despair and obsession, easily come to hate themselves over the smallest things. From what I see, Raiden, you seem similar to them… Or perhaps even worse.
I don’t know all the exact circumstances, but I still wanted to tell you this.
“It’ll be okay. You’re doing more than enough.”
At some point, the hand that had been patting my shoulder had moved to the top of my head. The calm way he stroked my hair carried a strangely nostalgic warmth. The memory of Brother Changho suddenly came to mind, and I froze, unable to give any particular reaction.
“I know that you, Raiden, are working harder than anyone else… Otherwise, I wouldn’t be giving you one-on-one guidance like this.”
Though there was a hint of playfulness, his tone was serious. It told me that he recognized my efforts. That he knew about the days I had struggled in this world for the past three months. At the same time, he added that everything would be fine.
Professor Lucas didn’t know about my situation. He didn’t know about Raiden’s hidden story, my possession, or my true identity. And yet.
The encouragement that I was doing well enough was enough to shake me. Because he was the first person in this world to acknowledge my efforts.
“……I’ll keep that in mind.”
I barely managed to squeeze out the answer. I had actually wanted to say thank you, but it felt embarrassingly awkward, so I glossed over it.
“Keeping it in mind? That’s good to hear!”
Lucas grinned and ruffled my hair. Feeling awkward, I subtly dodged his hand and changed the subject.
“By the way, what is that crystal orb you’ve had next to you? It looks like it’s been running the whole time……”
“Ah, this?”
Lucas lifted the crystal orb at my question. He pondered for a moment with a face that said How should I explain this? before shrugging and answering.
“Well, how should I put it… I guess you could say I was leaving a will.”
“……Pardon?”
The sudden wild answer left me stunned. For a moment, my face nearly cracked with bewilderment, but Lucas’s following words brought me back to my senses.
“Haha! Of course it’s not what you’re thinking, Raiden.”
“Then…?”
“As you can see, this is a recording crystal. I record myself once a month.”
“Is it like a hobby?”
“Hmm… It’s more of a habit I picked up from the battlefield.”
“Ah… So that’s why you called it a will.”
I finally understood and nodded. The civil war ten years ago that had thrown the empire into chaos—the so-called Lukria Power Struggle. Lucas had participated in that hell at the youngest age of fourteen. Since it was a brutal war where death could come at any moment, it made sense that he had recorded his will periodically. After the war ended, it had simply become a solidified habit.
“Will… It’s become a bit awkward to call it that now that an era of peace has arrived.”
“That’s a good thing.”
“Thanks to that, this habit has changed a lot too. These days, it feels more like setting goals for the month before it begins?”
In short, he was using it like a planner. I stared at the crystal orb, which showed traces of time, and fell into thought. It might look fine now, but there must have been a time when blood and tears fell upon it. Pushed into hell at an age when he should have been savoring the sweetness of the world—how lonely and terrified he must have been.
Perhaps Lucas and I were a little alike. In the sense that we had learned coldness before warmth from others.
“……”
I remained silent, accompanied by bitter thoughts. Lucas smiled as if he had seen right through me.
“That’s right… That war was no different from hell. But that wasn’t all there was to it.”
“Yes…?”
“On the battlefield overflowing with rage and sorrow, I saw something at the end of it all.”
Lucas’s face was filled with reminiscence, as if recalling something.
“Children… Pure children who did not lose their smiles even as they looked at their burned-down hometowns.”
“……”
“I gained hope for life by watching them. I felt like I could do anything if it meant protecting those bright smiles.”
That’s also why I chose the path of an educator.
With those words, Lucas drew a splendid smile. His pale green eyes, sparkling with hope, looked straight at me.
“Hell is painful… but if you look around carefully, it might become an opportunity to find something precious.”
So, Raiden, you should look too.
“At what lies within your own hell.”
The voice rang clearly in my ears. I could only sit there frozen, blankly chewing over Lucas’s words. It felt as if my self, which had been stopped in exhaustion from misfortune and despair, was slowly stirring and beginning to rise. It wasn’t mere consolation.
Lucas was encouraging me. He was telling me that since he had escaped hell, I could do it too. He was trying to give me courage.
Was this what it meant to be an adult? Among all the people I had met in my life, he was the one who best fit the word “adult.”
“……Thank you for those kind words.”
“I only ever give useful advice, don’t I? You’d do well to always keep your ears perked up.”
At my blunt reply, Lucas responded playfully. He then stood up abruptly, shook the crystal orb in his hand, and said,
“Alright! Since Raiden is right here… Shall I set this month’s goal as hearing you call me ‘Master’?”
“Pardon? Out of nowhere…?”
“I think it’s about time you started calling me Master! You’re the only student in the academy who has inherited my unique magic, so wouldn’t that qualify us as master and disciple?”
“We’re already a professor and student, so aren’t we technically already in a master-disciple relationship…?”
“Then call me Master from now on.”
“I’ll call you Professor.”
“How can you be so heartless…!”
Lucas put on an expression full of betrayal. I turned my eyes away, showing that it was out of the question. I had barely managed to say thank you, and now he wanted me to call him Master? I wished he would at least say something plausible.
“Just you wait…! I’ve set it as this month’s goal!”
Lucas declared it with a look of determination. As I felt every time I saw him, this man had a tendency to obsess over strange things. Thanks to that, I had to continue training under Lucas’s intense gaze.
After those noisy days passed, the long-awaited school trip finally arrived. I had desperately hoped it wouldn’t come, but time was not something I could stop. In the end, I had no choice but to resign myself to reality, like swallowing bitter medicine while crying.
“Young Master, have you packed everything?”
As I stood there with my bag on, chewing over the futility of nature’s laws, Rachel, who had been washing dishes in the kitchen, came out to see me off and asked. I nodded in response.
“I packed earlier.”
“Then what is this?”
“Hmm?”
Rachel held something out in front of me. In her hand was a navy vest embroidered with the Reynolds Academy emblem. Wait, isn’t that my uniform…?
“……I thought I packed it.”
“Aigoo… I knew you would do this.”
“Ha, haha… Thanks, Ray.”
Rachel made a face that said she was fed up and put the uniform into my bag. She closed it and patted it a couple of times.
“With you like this~ I’m worried about how you’ll manage for five days without me, Young Master~”
“……Yeah.”
At her playful words, I felt my mood sink. Five days without Rachel or Ariel. Five days I would have to spend in an unfamiliar place with uncomfortable people. Could I really endure it?
“Young Master…?”
When I fell silent, overwhelmed by the daunting prospect, Rachel called out to me in a worried voice.
“Are you okay…?”
“……”
I stayed silent for a moment before opening my mouth.
“Rachel.”
“Yes, Young Master.”
“……Do you think I can do well? For five days without you.”
My voice trembled slightly as I asked. Rachel looked at me silently for a moment, then gave a bright smile and answered.
“Of course. Who do you think raised you?”
It was an answer that seemed to ask why I was even questioning something so obvious. The girl’s clear eyes gently held my image within them. For some reason, her soft gaze made my face grow hot, so I quickly looked away.
“……What are you talking about? You’re only a year older.”
“Hehe… I basically carried you on my back and raised you!”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“It was~”
Having a light conversation with Rachel washed away some of my anxiety. I took a deep breath and gripped the bag strap tightly.
“Then… I’ll be going.”
“Yes, have a safe trip!”
Empowered by Rachel’s cheerful farewell, I opened the front door. Then I stepped outside. The sky, covered with faint, wide-spreading clouds, shone down on me with scattered sunlight. With complicated feelings, I pushed myself into that backdrop.
It was the beginning of the school trip.