Responsibility Without Pleasure
Responsibility Without Pleasure
Aside from the hopeless situation, the thought that things were better than before flickered through my mind.
This is civilization, so if I have money, I can probably get something.
I look at my younger sister lying on the table. She's sleeping soundly, saegeun-saegeun.
... I've had plenty of experience taking care of young children, but I have no idea what to feed and raise a child that seems like she's less than zero months old.
For now, since she's also my blood, she should be able to digest some porridge.
Or maybe I should feed her milk.
Anyway, from now on, this child is someone who cannot be separated from me.
It's a damn situation, but what fault does the child have? I have no choice but to take responsibility and raise her.
I pick up the money pouch and my younger sister, then step outside.
As I lift the tent flap and come out, the biting cold and the smell of oil hit me all at once.
The village atmosphere was chaotic.
On one side of the village, big people in leather clothes were carrying, making, and moving something.
At the center of the village, aunties sitting around a campfire were trimming meat, grilling it, hanging it on ropes, and exposing it to smoke to dry it.
On another side, people who looked like soldiers with high-quality armor and painted insignia were waving flags and shouting something.
It was too far to make out what they were saying, but judging by the atmosphere, it seemed like an army.
Anyway, what I need right now are daily necessities, food, and clothes.
First, I need to look like a proper person.
As I walk around observing my surroundings, I spot a place where you give coins and receive goods.
Is that a shop? At first glance, there were plenty of items good for winter.
"... So you're the one, the one the Winter Embraced."
As soon as I approach, a rough-looking merchant uncle recognizes me.
This village sure spreads rumors fast.
"... Yeah, what do you need?"
I spare my words and gesture, buying up decent items.
Leather boots, a cloak, blankets, a pot, firewood, jerky, bowls... I bought whatever I needed.
As a result, the money quickly ran out. There were quite a few silver coins, but now all I have are a few copper coins.
"Can you carry all this?"
As I count the coins and look up, I see the uncle holding a leather bag as big as me.
He snorts and jerks his chin.
"Lead the way. I'll bring the stuff."
What a tsundere uncle.
I guide him to my tent, and he steps inside, setting down the leather bag.
Kung
Then, before leaving the tent, he turns his head to look at me.
"... Don't leave the child alone."
And then he just left.
... I still don't understand the people here.
For now, I urgently take out the daily necessities, light a fire, and boil porridge in the pot.
I put on proper clothes, wrap a cloak around me, and strap my younger sister to my back, which gives me some peace of mind.
I ladle porridge into a bowl and hold my sister in my arms. She's already awake, her black eyes wide open, staring at me.
"You awake?"
"Au-eu..."
She reaches out and touches my face here and there.
Well, she's at that curious age.
Serkai, was it... I worry about how I'll raise her from now on.
I gently stroke her head and feed her porridge slowly after cooling it down.
Fortunately, she ate the porridge well. It was nice to see her eat well.
Time passed, and such days continued.
I went to Vargen to get information here and there, entered the forest good for hunting, caught beasts, skinned them for money...
When I brought the meat to the central street where the campfires were gathered, the burly aunties would process it for a small fee.
"Hey, kid, the hide's pretty damaged."
The merchant uncle grumbled but still bought the hides I brought.
It wasn't much money, but it was enough to buy the necessary food and feed Serkai.
As for me, I could just roughly tear off meat and eat it.
Living like that, I started to get familiar with some faces, and quite a few people knew my name.
The merchant uncle was Truga. The auntie I often saw at the hearth street central area was Kaylen...
Well, we never actually called each other by name while talking.
It wasn't like there was a culture of introducing yourself here.
Living day by day like that, the weather grew even colder, and the winter season with blizzards arrived.
Her teeth grew quickly and her pronunciation was fine, but the weather became cloudy and blizzard-prone more often than clear days.
"Ah, damn..."
I dig the ground where the stored food is buried with a shovel and find food wrapped in leaves and tied with string.
But the amount doesn't match.
Normally, winter here lasts a long time. So I thought I had prepared more...
I was used to spending winter alone in the forest, so I didn't account for Serkai's share.
"Au-eu-eu..."
I hear her whining from behind.
It's been several months since I started living with her.
I know that whining sound by heart. She's probably protesting because she's hungry.
"Alright, alright."
I take out one portion of food and cover it with soil again.
Tap tap
After flattening the ground, I undo the string and unwrap the leaves to reveal hard, dry jerky.
I start preparing busily. I light the fire, boil water, add rice, finely chop the jerky, and boil it thoroughly.
As each day passed, the food supplies dwindled one by one.
Peodeok peodeok
The more the tent walls flapped, the more my sighs increased.
I wanted to go out and hunt, but I remembered Herkan's iron rule that Vargen had mentioned.
Something about not letting children go outside on blizzard days.
But at this rate, we'd starve to death.
I had no choice but to go hunting when the blizzard lightened up a bit.
If I could get two big beasts... no, even just one, I could get through the blizzard period.
I feed my sister porridge, then down the leftover porridge.
"Mom goes to the island's shade~ to grill fish~..."
I hum a lullaby and put Serkai to sleep, then slowly sharpen the blade of a spear used by warriors.
Seoeok seoeok
Then one day, just as the food was about to run out, the blizzard briefly stopped.
The sound of the tent flapping decreased, and the wind outside faded.
I thought about going hunting soon, but I was worried about Serkai. Leaving her alone was dangerous too.
In the end, I came out with Serkai bundled up in almost a mass of leather and tied to my back.
"Uu-eung..."
"Sorry, bear with it even if it's a bit stuffy."
Ssae-aeng
The blizzard rages. And this is the improved weather.
I silently walk toward the northern forest, carefully passing between other tents.
Whether everyone was inside their tents, the village was empty without a trace of people.
Peok!
Suddenly, a snowball hits my face.
"Fuck..."
I grit my teeth and keep moving.
Footprints form on the piled snow, then vanish in the blizzard.
When I finally reach the forest entrance, I see a vague figure in the blizzard.
"What's that hide on your back?"
The voice clearly pierces my ears.
Damn, Vargen...
When did he notice me?
"... What business is it of yours?"
As I approach, I can see him properly.
He stands at the forest entrance with his arms crossed, his white hair flying in the wind, looking down at me.
"... Move aside."
"I asked what that hide on your back is."
I keep my mouth shut. Then he snorts.
"Hmph, even if you are the One Embraced by Winter... you want to go into the forest in this weather? Do you want to die? And with..."
His gaze shifts to the mass of leather on my back.
"... your little sister along?"
"Goddammit! Then what am I supposed to do! If I just stay still, we'll starve to death!"
He stares at me blankly, then sighs.
"Haah... Go back."
He looks up at the sky and mutters.
"Tomorrow the weather will be clear. Come to the village center tomorrow."
Leaving only those words, he passes by me and returns to the village. His figure is swallowed by the blizzard and disappears.
"... Damn."
Twae I spit on the ground and follow after him.
I had no choice. I've never seen that man speak carelessly.
He must have something in mind.
The next day after returning to the tent, as if by a lie, the weather cleared up.
Looking outside the tent, people were moving busily.
Shoveling snow, making paths, lighting campfires.
I strap my sister to my back and head to the central street where the campfires gather. I see Vargen talking with Auntie Kaylen about something.
"What about the reserves?"
"Enough. We'll get through this winter."
"Hm."
He nods and looks this way.
"You came. Take this."
He tosses me an axe.
I catch it reflexively.
"The tribe must follow the community's rules. Otherwise, life cannot continue."
He jerks his chin toward the forest.
"Chop firewood. That's your job today."
I pout my lips and mutter.
"... What about food?"
"That depends on how much you do."
At that, I have no choice but to head to the forest.
Ppodeudeuk ppodeudeuk
On the way to the forest, a sigh escapes me.
I don't know why I'm like this.
Is it because my body has become younger?
Even though I know in my head that I have to adapt to a community like this, I still want to do everything alone.
Well, at the orphanage, I was the one taking care of the kids.
I know it's useless pride... but still, I can't help this childish feeling suddenly rising up.
When I get to the forest, other kids are already chopping trees with axes and making firewood.
Every single one of them glances this way and whispers.
"... What's the One Embraced by Winter doing here?"
"I know, right? Why doesn't he just go live in the forest?"
It's the same talk I've always heard since settling in the village.
Savages with their discrimination. I want to smack their heads, but I hold back.
Be thankful I'm holding an axe right now, you savage bastards.
I find a spot and put all my strength into the axe to chop the tree.
Kkwang! Jjeojejeok
I fell the tree in one stroke, tie it with the rope I carry at my waist, and grab the rope.
"Hueup...!"
Heat inside my body quickly spreads throughout, and my muscles swell.
Kugugu
As I drag the tree straight to the village, the whispering voices stop.
I snort and repeat the process several times, bringing trees to the village and splitting them into firewood with a few axe swings.
After finishing the work, firewood quickly piles up inside the tent for storage.
I turn around, and Vargen is standing there without a sound.
"Ah, shit, you scared me."
"... This is your share."
He holds out a rope. I blink and look at the familiar food wrapped in leaves and tied with string, hanging in a line from the rope.
I take the rope and count the food. It's enough to last a few more days.
"This is how a community lives."
As I tuck the food into my arms, Vargen mutters quietly.
"You work, and the community gives you payment in return. Even if you are the One Embraced by Winter, a child is a child. Now that the community has taken you in, you must become a member of the tribe."
With those words, he turns and goes back.
"..."
I chew on his words as I return to my tent.
Well, I suppose he's not wrong.
"Uu-eung..."
I feel the weight on my back.
"... Well, can't be helped."
I've got someone to look after. I'll just have to put up with some discomfort.
After that, whenever the weather was clear, I helped with the village work.
For some reason, I felt that the adults' gazes had softened a bit.