Proof of Love (2)

"Why aren't you answering?"

"Yujin, you can't just decide something like that on the spot..."

A strange tension hangs in the air. Her eyes slowly draw closer. These are not the eyes tainted by her mother's madness.

"No. I've had this decided for a long time."

Eyes that look only at me.

"Now it's real... I'm certain. We're destined."

Eyes that truly see only me, eyes where every layer of consciousness and unconsciousness is filled with me.

"Tomorrow would be fine. No—even right now is okay."

Deep, hollow eyes that desire me endlessly, eyes that long to fill all that emptiness with love for me.

"Still... I'll hold back for now."

If those eyes ever became flooded with madness...

"There are so many things we need to prepare. The wedding has to be the prettiest, the most wonderful, the most thrilling one possible... right?"

Could something like that still be called human?

"If I endure just a little now, we'll be so much happier later... because you taught me that..."

Yujin collapses on top of me. Beyond her trembling shoulders, I stare up at the impossibly high ceiling. It feels as though I am sinking endlessly downward.

My cock, finally freed from her pussy after spilling countless loads, lies limp and powerless on the sheets.

Today, I had satisfied her. I had given her enough physical pleasure to suppress her coercion and greed.

But it was clear that, starting with the next round, my body would tire long before hers.

I do not push her aside. I simply let her cling to me, draped over my frame.

My breathing feels stifled. Her sticky skin is beginning to stir faint revulsion, yet I remain motionless.

I am imagining the future. The future in which I tell her we should break up and flee far away—only to be caught again, dragged back, or hunted for the rest of my life.

I imagine another future. The future in which I surrender everything to her and live like my father, whispering love to her every single day inside this enormous house.

Yujin eventually rolls off me. She lies on her back, gazing at the ceiling just as I am, and takes my hand.

"We'll be happy, won't we?"

I turn to look at her. The image of her after fierce, exhausting sex. Yet there she is—smiling, expressing love to her partner like any woman in love.

I can feel how deeply she loves me. I definitely love her too... so why is my love always buried beneath fear?

"Yes. We'll definitely be happy."

I answer her love, which feels almost painfully pure and sincere. Yet that very purity terrifies me.

"...I'll make sure you're happy, no matter what it takes."

If I can keep her love honest, keep her mind straight, then surely everyone can be happy.

"Yeah..."

If I just do well... If I alone...

The resentment and anger I had desperately suppressed keep rising. Why must I always be the one who sacrifices? Why do I have to endure these things? Why can't I simply love ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠like a normal person?

I breathe deeply, forcing my emotions back under control.

If I just do well... if I alone do well, there won't be any problems...

"Jihyun, do you love me?"

"...I love you."

I hear the tears bleeding into my own voice. I try to swallow them down, to regain control of my body and mind, but nothing obeys.

"We ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠can love each other beautifully too. Normally. Beautifully. Joyfully. Happily."

I no longer know whether I am speaking to her or desperately trying to soothe my own fears.

"Of course."

She squeezes my hand a little tighter.

"So please... don't hide anything from me anymore."

"Yeah... I understand."

When ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I stepped out of the room, Suhyeong and the rest of the staff were already waiting. It was obvious they had heard every sound of our lovemaking, but I also knew none of them would ever speak of it, so I paid them little mind.

Yujin takes my hand and leads the way. She says she wants to show me everything she has done and ask for my true forgiveness.

We walk down a familiar corridor—the same one I once walked with Suhyeong. Past the kitchen and a little farther, we stop before a door. It opens from within. Yujin steps inside, and I follow.

"Young miss..."

The people inside bow their heads.

"Young master..."

They bow to me as well.

A large round table dominates the center. One wall flickers with countless CCTV feeds constantly switching angles. Strange audio devices sit beside connected headphones. Rows of computers and monitors hum, and an open Excel file displays my photograph.

"This used to be a room Mom used for other people, but lately it's only been for investigating you..."

I tell myself to stay calm. Not to tremble.

"I see."

"...I'm sorry."

"Thank you for telling me the truth."

"There's still more. Let's go back to the bedroom. Wait for me there."

Back in the bedroom, I sit on the bed. She returns carrying baskets overflowing with photographs and dumps them across the mattress.

"These are pictures of you..."

"Yes, I see."

There are so many that my mind reels. Every single image I pick up is of me. There seem to be more photographs here than I have ever taken of myself in my entire life. I fight to keep my face neutral.

"Thank you for being honest..."

Dozens of staff members file in carrying even larger boxes. Four of them step forward and pour photographs at my feet.

"These are this month's photos..."

"...You don't have to empty them. Just set the boxes down as they are."

The staff place the boxes on the floor and leave. Every box is packed full of pictures.

I stand and walk among them. Yujin follows close behind.

"These five are last month's. Those over there are the ones taken after we started embracing..."

I open one box and examine the photos.

"How did you get pictures of me sleeping?"

"Yeah... I don't know the details. I just tell them to take photos and they deliver them."

"I see. Yes..."

The staff who left earlier return with more boxes and set them before me.

"...These are documents this time?"

"Yes. The things you like, the things you hate, records of your university life..."

"I see. Yes!"

"And the box beside it contains records of all the counseling sessions we analyzed..."

Even while listening to her explanations, the sheer unreality of the material makes my head throb.

"W-wait! Yujin, how much more is left?"

"Just one more load and we're done."

"All right."

"After that comes information on the people around you."

"..."

I pick up the thick bundle concerning my mother and read. Her hometown, school grades, social circles, the way my grandparents disciplined her... I scan the pages with a frown. The next sheets detail her relationships with her sisters, her attitude toward raising children, her hobbies.

"Huu..."

I set it down and move on to the other files. High-school friends she still keeps in touch with, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the academy teacher she was indebted to, every professor whose lectures I took and the exact content of those classes, every client I had ever counseled.

And in the next box...

"...Jimin."

The file on Jimin is vastly thicker than the rest, the details disturbingly meticulous. Even Yujin's expression seems to harden.

"The one who stabbed me with the knife was her, wasn't it...?"

"You investigated even that?"

"..."

If they know about Jimin and my hospitalization records, then the other files must contain...

My older sister.

I set the documents down again. I have no desire to confirm how my sister is living. I choose to believe the relatively thin file means she is living an ordinary life that required no deep investigation.

"Can you promise you won't do this anymore?"

"...Huh?"

Yujin looks genuinely confused.

"Why? Weren't you forgiving me?"

Anger nearly flares at her reaction, but I swallow it.

"...I thought you would stop these things now, Yujin."

"Me? Why?"

"We—! We talked about it while we were having sex! We said we wouldn't hide anything anymore...!"

"That's why I told you, isn't it?"

"No... you said you were wrong."

"Because I kept it secret all this time..."

I realize our thoughts are completely misaligned. I steady my emotions. I need to understand her.

"Could you also stop digging up information about me to consult those doctors, and stop these investigations?"

"I won't use those people anymore. After hearing what you said, I reconsidered... But I can't stop the investigations."

"Investigating the people around me and me without my consent like this is extremely dehumanizing."

"Jihyun, let's drop that topic. I'm not going to stop, so don't bring it up again."

"You have to think from the victim's perspective. I don't want this, so please stop."

"Why do you hate it so much? What's the problem?"

"Why do you want to investigate so badly, Yujin? Just tell me why."

"It's preparation for any possibility. Can't you just understand and let it go?"

"...It's exactly that intention I hate. Don't even think about touching the people around me."

"But if we just keep loving each other, nothing bad will happen anyway."

"No. If you become psychologically unstable, Yujin, no matter how much I love you, the people around me will be in danger..."

"You want to cheat?"

"...You know that's not what I mean. Stop interrupting me."

"You're planning to run away."

"Ha, please... I told you that's not it."

"If you get tired of me, you'll just pick another girl and bolt, right?"

"Calm down and listen to me. Yujin, I don't think that way, so stop."

"No. You need to listen to me."

She presses her hand over my mouth.