The Breaking Point
My body curls inward. The brutal pain in my abdomen drags me down to the floor. What's truly terrifying about humans is that, even in this dog-like, horrific situation, the mind can sometimes endure for an unnervingly long time. I just want to pass out quickly, but my consciousness refuses to break.
"Jihyun, did you fuck that little whore good and hard yesterday?"
My hair is yanked taut again.
"G-get... ugh... Noona..."
Slap! My head snaps to the side. The saliva and all kinds of fluids clinging to my mouth fly off.
"Hmm? Let me ask again. Were you so busy enjoying that dick-high that you forgot to answer the phone?"
Slap! Noona grabs the left side of my head and mercilessly strikes the right. The sound of the impact rings so loudly in my ear that everything goes muffled. My head spins, my stomach throbs, and it feels like all my organs are twisting, screaming for help.
"It hurts... Noona..."
Slap!
"My heart hurts so much too... Jihyun, was it really that good?"
Slap! Cruelly, my consciousness refuses to fade. Instead, the more she slaps my cheeks, the sharper every pain in my body becomes. I just want to pass out. I barely manage to grab onto Noona's leg. Trembling violently, I scream at her to please spare me.
"Please spare me... Please... I'm sorry..."
"I was wrong... Please... spare me..."
Noona pries me off with force and readjusts her stance.
"N-Noona!! Please!!"
I can feel the strength building in the hand gripping my hair. It's coming again.
Slap! It hurts so much I feel like I'm going to die. The pain should bring tears, but I've cried so much already that nothing comes out anymore.
"K-khhk..."
The desperate scream I poured everything into moments ago has failed completely, plunging me even deeper into despair. I can't even guess how much more I have to endure.
"Jihyun, you were serious about breaking up, weren't you? Huh? You don't love me at all."
Noona climbs on top of my collapsed body.
"Looks like I'm the only one who loved you. Right? Yeah?"
She wraps her hand around my throat and starts squeezing.
"K-khhk......"
"Right? That's it, isn't it? You're completely bewitched by that bitch, so you don't love me anymore, right?"
I claw at her hand, trying to pull it away, but it doesn't budge. The pain of my throat being crushed and the primal instinct rejecting the carotid compression make my body thrash wildly.
Noona finally releases my neck.
"Kh... heh, heuk, huk...! H-huk..."
My body violently gulps down oxygen.
"Aha, so our Jihyun actually likes this kind of thing?"
Noona glances down at my lower body. Even under the threat of death, my cock has swollen again as if it's about to burst. That ancient human obsession and will to spread one's seed right before dying has manifested in me too.
"That's why you keep acting out? Begging to be hit? Huh?"
Noona grabs my hair again and drags me back onto the bed.
"N-no...!!"
After being thrown onto the sheets, I'm pinned beneath her once more.
"Our Jihyun is a total pervert~ I wasn't taking care of these needs for you, so you kept running outside, huh? From now on, I'll pay more attention."
Noona tightens her grip on my throat.
"K-khhk..."
At the same time, she begins rocking her hips.
"Yeah, like this? Right!"
Now... it's too... much....
"Jihyun, you have to wake up! Okay?"
Slap! Slap! The throbbing pain in my head forces me awake again. I wish I could just die like this. I don't want to go through any more.
"Come on, let's focus again! Got it?"
Noona pins my cheek in the perfect position for another slap.
"N... Noona..."
I really feel like I'll lose my mind if I get hit anymore. I cling to her once more, begging desperately.
"Noona... I was wrong... Please..."
Noona stares at me with cold eyes.
"I... I'll suck it for you, I'll move my hips... Just stop now..."
Noona smiles at me again.
"So, you're asking me to stop hitting you?"
"Y-yes... Please..."
"Alright, then I'll leave it to you, Jihyun. Okay?"
Noona lies back, watching me. If I get hit anymore, I'll really die. I'd rather have sex, even a little. I crawl toward her and position myself above her, looking down.
Noona gazes up at me, her eyes full of affection and adoration. With trembling hands, I begin touching her body. That once beautiful, seductive body now fills me only with terror.
I try to push my painfully swollen, red cock back inside her. But her folds, her body heat, her slickness—they're all too intense. Even when I try, it won't go in properly. No, it's the fear that those sensations will make me feel those horrible things again that keeps me from entering.
"Jihyun, how much longer are you going to make me wait?"
Noona smiles as she looks at me. I don't want to be hit anymore, but I can't get it in. My body shakes uncontrollably, desperately begging me to stop. But I can't stop either. If I stop now, the beating will begin again. Even if I do get it in, the pain will only start anew...
"Jihyun, that's enough."
Noona starts to get up. It's so unfair. I only wanted to do counseling. I don't understand why I have to agonize between choices that all torment me.
What the hell is human love, anyway? Why did she block me so fiercely from being with Jimin, yet I have to crawl and beg to satisfy this woman who's making me suffer like this?
Staring at the white sheets while lying face down, a dark resentment boils up inside me. Can pain, shame, and violence still be called love? No, we've long since crossed that line.
Noona is mentally ill. She's just like everyone else who needs counseling in front of me.
"Fuck... Let's just break up..."
"...What?"
"I said let's break up... I can't take it anymore..."
The true feelings I'd tried so hard to ignore—because I loved her, because she was my girlfriend—finally burst out.
"Noona... you're sick in the head, you know that...?"
The anger that had piled up and up and up finally begins to move my body.
"I'm going to... report you. Everything..."
"..."
"If you lay a hand on me one more time... I won't let it slide..."
Jeong Soyeon looks down at me with an icy, frozen expression. I glare back at her, pouring every emotion I've suppressed until now into my eyes.
"You want to break up...?"
"Yes..."
"Are you serious right now...?"
"I'm serious. Don't... talk to me anymore..."
I slowly push myself up. My body, still far from healed, screams with pain, but staying here in this state will definitely be dangerous. I need to grab my clothes and get out quickly. I hurry to dress, nearly falling several times but forcing myself to keep moving.
"Don't contact me, understand...?"
Noona continues staring at me in cold silence. I abandon my socks and quickly slip on my shoes. I open the front door and practically flee, staggering around in search of a taxi.
"H-here...!"
Luckily, I manage to hail one right away.
"Please head toward Nowon-gu for now..."
I get out of the taxi and rush toward home. Whether it's the fear of that icy gaze or something else, the chills won't leave my body. The headache refuses to fade either. The physical pain and stress that have continued for days haven't been resolved at all. If I keep going like this, I'll really collapse.
I think of Mom...
I step into the elevator and press the button for my floor. A sense of relief slowly begins to wash over me. Had there ever been a time when this familiar path home—repeated dozens, hundreds, thousands of times—felt this welcoming?
Freedom from pain and freedom from bondage are the greatest salvation I could ask for. I should have done this long ago... I don't know if I was blinded by love or simply afraid to sever an already-established relationship.
I won't live being swayed anymore. No matter how much I hate seeing someone in pain, that doesn't mean it's okay for me to suffer. I can endure, but when pain crosses the limit, it's right to run away.
The director's words come back to me.
Jihyun, you either get sick together... or you run away.
I should have listened to the adults...
Ding! The elevator doors open.
The closer I get to home, the more the tears well up. I thought my tear ducts had completely dried up from all the crying in pain, but thankfully, tears of joy still remained.
Staggering, I stand before the front door of our beloved home. It was just a place I stayed until a few days ago, but now it feels like the most comfortable and safe space in the world. As long as it's not that studio apartment, anywhere is fine...
I hear the familiar keypad sound I've entered a million times before. I glance back toward the elevator. I keep feeling like someone is following me. Excessive stress fills my head with all kinds of terrifying thoughts.
Beep beep beep! I quickly open the door and step inside.
Beep— The sound of the door closing behind me finally brings relief.
"Mom..."
I wanted to pull her into a hug right away, but the image of her back as she left flashes through my mind. No, it's actually a relief that she's not here. Since she knows where we live, if Noona ever came looking, Mom might have been in danger too.
Bang bang bang... My heart feels like it's going to stop.
"Jihyun, open the door."
I feel a terror greater than any fear I've experienced in my entire life. I have to hold my breath. If I try to go into a room now, she'll definitely hear me.
Bang bang bang bang!
"I told you to open the door."
Please, please just go away...
Bang bang bang bang bang bang!
"Open the door!!"
Stay calm. If I just stay quiet, nothing will happen. Or maybe I should call the police right now. But pressing the buttons will definitely make noise.
Beep, beep beep beep beep— The sound of a wrong password being entered echoes.
It seems like I should slowly move while she's doing that and call the police. She doesn't know our home password anyway, so there's no need to be scared.
"...Like this, in this state..."
Beep, beep beep beep beep— She's repeating the same thing over and over.
I move very, very slowly, stepping away from the shoe rack.
Beep, beep beep beep beep— That crazy bitch. Looking back now, she's clearly insane. Now that we've broken up, I can see it clearly. The wounds all over my body are still there, so the police will definitely help keep her away from me.
Beep, beep beep beep beep beep beep! ...What?