Returning to University
"Student Jihyun!"
A warm, familiar voice called out to me—the kindly tone of a middle-aged man. It was Professor Kim. I turned my head toward the sound and saw him walking over with a broad smile.
"Professor, you must have worked so hard this past semester."
"All I do is talk about things I already know. You students have to memorize everything from scratch, so I'd say you've had it much harder, Jihyun." Professor Kim approached without any formality and gave my shoulder a light pat, grinning. His expression carried clear interest and affection for me.
"It's quite fascinating, actually. The students who just entered university still carry that high-school freshness—they look so young. But as they study their major, the traits of that field start to show. You, Jihyun, now unmistakably look like a psychology student. Those eyes of yours when you look at me—they're exactly the eyes of someone studying psychology."
The memory of first meeting Professor Kim in the lecture hall surfaced. His first impression hadn't been great—he'd assigned homework on day one—but after that, he became the perfect professor, giving out good grades without any assignments. Maybe that had been his plan all along. The one and only assignment from that perfect professor still lingered clearly in my mind.
I walk across the barren winter campus with the professor, not a single leaf left on the trees. Being alone with a professor would normally be a nightmare for most college students, but with Professor Kim, it was different.
"So, have you thought about what you'll do in your third year?"
"I should probably start with the military... ugh." The professor's face stiffened for a moment.
"Oh dear, if you're not exempt... that will be tough."
"The military these days isn't so bad. My friends said they just played games the whole time."
"Even so, being confined like that is quite stressful. I'm worried about you."
His voice, slightly muffled by the scarf wrapped around his neck, carried genuine concern. I never liked causing worry for others; it left me feeling uneasy.
"Don't worry. I'm not the type to break down easily."
"That's true. Haha."
The main gate gradually came into view. Once we reached it, we would part ways as always, heading in opposite directions. It was time to say goodbye.
"Jihyun."
Usually I was the one to speak first, but today was different.
"When you return to school, make sure you take my class."
"Oh...? Of course I will."
This was the first time Professor Kim had ever said anything like this. In my mind, he had always held high expectations for me.
"You're thinking about going into counseling, right? It will be a valuable experience."
"I'd love that!" I offered him a sincere smile. My expression seemed to ease the tension in his heart.
"It won't be easy."
We were right in front of the main gate. This was truly goodbye.
"The course includes practical training. Counseling Internship. Anyway, take care of yourself in the military."
"I'm home."
Mom greeted me with a smile mixed with tears.
"Aigoo, my Jihyun..."
She pulled me into a tight embrace. The emotions she felt seeped into me as well. Relief at my return, joy, happiness, release... those feelings triggered a chemical reaction that spread through her synapses. The reaction brought a flush to her face, reached her tear ducts, and burst forth as tears. I could feel her hands trembling where they wrapped around my back.
If I stayed calm, her emotions would settle quickly too.
"You worry too much, Mom. Let's go eat something delicious."
Childhood memories, school days, even my time in the military—once they pass, only a faint nostalgia remains. Even the most intense moments eventually melt away in the tears shed when recalling them. But every once in a while, certain memories refuse to fade no matter how much you try to wipe them clean.
The moment with that girl still lingers within me. The version of myself who couldn't say a single word to her at the time still lingers within me.
"Jihyun, order anything you want!"
Our financial situation made the prices somewhat burdensome, but her joy was worth it. I tried my best not to focus on the cost and ordered dishes that looked decent and reasonably priced.
"When you were little, you cried and threw such tantrums I thought you'd wear yourself out and die. I can't believe you've grown up like this."
Mom often brought up old stories when she was in a good mood or had been drinking.
"How did you even survive? If it were me, I would've smacked you and left you under a bridge somewhere."
I teased her with a playful tone. The expected response of 'This kid, even when he talks!' never came. Instead, she took another sip of her drink and continued in a serious voice.
"No, if it weren't for you, I would've divorced your father long ago. I held on because I didn't want to make you a child without parents. You should be grateful to your father until the day you die."
The topic of Dad surfaced—the man Mom both loved and resented. After getting fired from his company, he had lost his way. Our dad, who might have lacked ability but was endlessly kind and fun, like a friend. The dad who would call Mom and say he would soon let his wife live in luxury, so just wait a little longer. Fortunately, after he went abroad to start a business, things seemed to be going better than before.
"Anyway, it's a good thing you take after me. Imagine if you'd taken after your father."
Despite her words, Mom's voice began to tremble slightly after mentioning Dad. She must miss her husband, whom she hadn't seen in so long after he left the country. The resentment and frustration she felt toward him mixed with longing, turning into a complicated love-hate.
I made a mental note to tell her to call him more often.
"In any case, if it weren't for you, I would've left your grandparents behind and stamped those divorce papers ages ago."
This was unexpected. The life I had seen Mom live had clearly become difficult from the moment she gave birth to me. I picked up my own full glass and poured it down my throat. The carbonation of the beer, that refreshing sensation, cooled my throat. The alcohol that followed would slowly spread through my nerves.
"Good thing I was born, then."
Mom emptied her own glass as well.
"Of course. My handsome son..."
Mom smiled. I smiled back at her.
I lay down in bed, pleasantly buzzed. In my own bed for the first time in ages, a sense of liberation bloomed alongside an undercurrent of anxiety. Freedom was sweet, but loosened shackles often left the prisoner disoriented. From now on, I would have to live my life on my own strength. First, return to university, start learning again... I should gradually withdraw from stocks and look for other investments. Once I earned some money, I could open my own office...
The nerves that alcohol had thrown into chaos gradually dulled, and my body grew languid. My thoughts slowed, and I nearly drifted off naturally when thoughts of returning to school jolted me awake. Professor Kim. I had promised him.
When was the course registration period again? I tossed and turned, found my smartphone, and turned it on. My eyes, adjusted to the dark, felt a slight discomfort at the sudden light. It was in just two days. I made a note of the date and searched for Professor Kim's course.
Counseling Internship
Rating: 4.1/5.0
The student reviews were surprisingly not that favorable. A course from Professor Kim—the man famous for his easy classes—only scoring 4.1 out of 5? It usually cleared 4.8. That was unexpected. Still, 4.1 was a fairly high score.
Reading the detailed reviews, most complaints weren't about Professor Kim himself but about the difficulties of the practical training.
So that's how it was. Still, I had to take it. It was a promise, and besides, no matter how difficult it got, I planned to continue down the path of becoming a counselor.
Would he even remember? First, I needed to register for the course, then find a day to go see him. I turned off my phone again and tried to sleep. But for some reason, an anxious feeling kept me from falling asleep easily.
Was I worried about the internship? There was nothing to be gained from worrying now. My mind refused to settle. It's fine. I can do this. It's my first time, but I'll manage. It's just practical training; they won't demand too much. It'll probably be something light like free psychological counseling. Just listen carefully, speak politely, and be cautious. That's all. So please, just let me sleep. It's been so long since I've lain in a bed this comfortable.
Little by little, the anxiety eased. And soon, without realizing it, I fell asleep.