One Step Up Maslow's Ladder: Esteem and Gratitude
One step toward higher needs—I'm glad she so readily granted my request for esteem. A high-skill editor like her must charge a premium and have tons of fans. She might even be too good for someone like me. So I have to treat her right.
How much revenue does my YouTube even pull in? Probably not enough to cover it, but I have to seize the opportunity when it comes. When will another lifeline drop from the sky? No regrets.
Expecting free work leads to crap quality. I'll work as hard as they pay me. I know the struggle of scraping by without stream revenue. But now? I'm even more fired up.
It's like how the smart kids study harder while the dummies slack off more.
"No way. You gotta pay up for top-tier quality!"
That's what Mom said. When you've got the means, think of it as an investment and go for it. That way, no regrets later.
"Th-thank you... really, thank you so much."
I gotta work even harder. Grow YouTube, grow the streams. Feels like I've got real momentum now—I'm pumped.
Got my YouTube editor sorted. Now time to build a proper home for viewers and new fans. Wanna tidy up the cafe! ...And maybe set an RP? What even are good RPs? Himaru doesn't have one. Do I really need one?
Nah. No way. She's big corp—that's why. I'm indie. Total indie. But I'm no good at that stuff... Can I even pull it off? Just try everything?
Suddenly overflowing with motivation. Feels like I can do anything.
Yesterday, I finished decorating the cafe perfectly while chatting.
Me and the viewers were all thrilled—said it looked cute. Lots of praise from viewers, though...
I copied the iffy ones into a memo. Can't trust viewer words 100%. Been burned too many times—gotta stay skeptical.
My judgment for indirect talk sucks, so I've gotten screwed on stream a lot.
Every time, I jot down the shady stuff in my memo, draw reminder doodles, and review to avoid repeats.
Used to need people to point out if it was shade or backhanded, but now ChatGPT spells it out.
"Looks really pretty... (Is that sarcasm? ...)"
For tricky convos, copy-paste into GPT.
If it's bad, memo it and review daily like vocab words. Prep for next time.
Biggest sign my life's improving? Subbed to GPT paid. 3.5 feels dumb now. All thanks to viewers.
Me too... soon, parents will acknowledge me.
Growing up sandwiched between Mom and Dad. Didn't know any different. Thought it was normal—elementary, middle, high school... they always picked me up.
Assumed the world worked that way. Then adulthood hit, and reality sank in.
Every Korean guy's rite: physical exam.
I barely passed but got public service exemption on weight—never topped 50kg 'cause I skipped meals. Anchovy duty.
Dad was thrilled. "Glad you dodged the army." Still vivid.
Started service super gung-ho, but soon no one gave me tasks.
I could've worked harder. Regret that now.
Post-service, first part-time gig. Brutal. Convenience store stocked endless shelves; non-smoker me learned cig varieties exist.
Manager on day 6: "You did great—take a break. Double pay, don't come back."
Didn't quit. Kept trying. Longest stint: one month, 15 days.
All had a reason.
When was it...? Burned into my brain.
High school. Blew allowance early, 25 days till next payout.
Deep into a mobile game—limited drop: epic weapon 55k won, costume 33k. Weapon fine, but that costume... need it.
Not fave, but second fave? Started as "want," turned obsessive frenzy.
Allowance gone. Event ticking. Panicking... first lie ever.
Lied to Dad. Don't remember what, but he handed over 50k cash, no questions.
Raced to store, gift card in hand—ecstatic, world mine for that costume.
Then... holding the card, guilt stabbed. Parents find out I lied? Heart poked raw.
Skin ain't worth nailing their trust. Fear and shame crept up.
Shelved the card pre-checkout, went home. Confessed.
"Lied. Wasn't true."
Dad beamed. "My son's grown so cool. Knew it, but coming clean and apologizing? Awesome. My boy—proud as hell."
His face... pure pride. Happier than ever. First time seeing Dad that joyful...
"Sniff... sob."
Grabbed phone, called Dad.
"Hey~ yeah, Sena."
"Sniff... sob."
"Whoa, crying? What's up?"
"Just... just remembered, called."
Dad chuckled.
"Thanks. Appreciate the call. All good?"
"Yeah... fine. But why no fairy tale back then?"
"Huh? What? Dad mess up? Heh sorry."
Gold Axe Silver Axe tale—mountain spirit gives both. Dad gave 50k, no more. Missed limited costume.
"No... never mind."
"Seriously though, thanks? Used to only call for secret allowance behind Mom's back."
"I... make money now. Streaming online."
Dad's laugh boomed louder.
"Hahaha! Streaming? YouTube? Talent show?"
"Not talent—internet broadcasting."
"Same diff. Talents aren't TV-exclusive. YouTube counts. Dad watches too—who doesn't?"
"Kinda different... you watch nationalist econ channels."
"Heh. Econ stuff. Anyway, see you on TV later?"
"Tough. Streamers don't hit TV."
"Nah, they do. Dad knows dozens."
"Those are mega-famous."
Dad shot back.
"Why not Sena? Have confidence."
"Yeah... will try!"
"Good. Anything else? Place okay?"
"Fine, used to it."
"Relief. Money good? Enough?"
"Viewers donated tons—raking it like you, Dad!"
Dad's guffaw made me pull the phone away.
"Heck yeah! See Sena streaming? Gotta donate. Can't resist. Wish I could via YouTube?"
"No need! Made bank!"
"Hahahaha! Awesome. Proud. When home?"
"Soon! And don't worry anymore! I'm fully grown!"
Words buried deep, dying to say. Too soon—should've waited till cooler. Looks cocky now.
Silence, then...
"Yeah. All grown up. My awesome daughter. Time flies—yesterday you were clingy."
That beaming smile? Haven't seen since. Always worried frowns. Crave that pride again. Cool son... wait, daughter now. Cool daughter.
"Yep! Gonna succeed big—someone Dad knows!"
"Hahaha! Waiting. Glued to YouTube."
"Will hustle!"
"Call Mom too... ignores her, gets naggy hell."
"Ehehe. Will!"
"Good. Stay healthy, call if tough."
"Yes!!!"
Thinking now—boldly leaving comfy nest, scraping by silent, secret streaming...
Sena's thriving!! So Dad, Mom stop worrying, brag everywhere, smile proud at me. Maybe that's the dream daughter.
Look at me—earn a bit, call Dad bragging. But how not? Mouth itching. Hehe.
I'm trash at everything. Studies, sports, social cues... jobs... Streaming might be my path, best shot. Only brag-worthy thing for parents.
Oh right! Pay back Himaru too. My benefactor, lifelong god, lord. Gave me this chance. I'll seize it, earn everyone's respect.
"Yeah. Stay healthy—might drop by. Clean room. Surprise visit, no warning. Got it?"
"Yes! Hanging up!"
Calling Mom: mistake. Nag queen supreme. Eating right? Saving? No bad stuff? Money management? Stay humble. Endless. Even finale nag.
Barely escaped. Hung up, fired up stream as usual. Editor got, cafe done. Next?
Regular content. Need signature stuff. VTubers sing great—basic skill, they say. Viewers trickling in.
Check mic off. Good. Clear throat, hit record. Sena practiced pretty like this, right?
"Caaan't cooooome! Fiiind yoooou! Cuuuckoooo~ Kaaaaah!"
Whew. High note nailed. Panting, save.
Voice solid, song should rock? Play back excited.
"Huh. What?"
One line: unlistenable. Trash it. Vow: never sing.