Debate!! Debateist (1)
“Hello!! Thank you so much for coming today. Honestly, I thought you wouldn’t be able to make it since you were playing Animal Crossing.”
“Not at all!!”
“But… heheheheheh. No. But. Why is your avatar a hamster?”
“That’s… ihihi. I can’t tell youuu.”
I held back my laughter as hard as I could while I spoke.
If she found out that her colleague Seona had prepared this for her, she’d definitely be impressed. I had to learn how to hold back for the sake of later. Just like the marshmallow experiment… I’d grown, hadn’t I? Time to show it off.
“Ah, heheh. Is that so? Well, it’s cute either way.”
“Right? Hamsters are super tiny and cute, aren’t they? You look huge next to me, Maem-nim.”
“Ahahaha. Got it. Shall we get right into it, then?”
“Yes!! Sounds good. What are we doing?”
“I prepared two things.”
Ohh. Impressive. But… VRChat was impressive too. You could even hook up a PowerPoint? What even was this? Real tech power was something else.
I’d just learned a new piece of VTuber content craft. So this was how you did it. I’d never even imagined it. The tech was insane.
I’d have to steal this for later. Eheheh.
“What do we do with this?”
“Ah, I brought debate topics!! We debate them… and figure out whose argument is more logical.”
“I’m ready. I’ll crush every single one. With the flawlessness of my logic… its purity, its pure-white cleanliness, I’ll strike down evil.”
“Uh… yes. Hihihih.”
I was already winning. I could feel Maem-nim crumbling under my logic. Better go easy on her, huh? Hihih.
“Then let’s start right away, Maem-nim.”
No need to drag this out. I wanted to get straight to the point. Time to show off my debating power!!
I spoke with grave solemnity.
“Ah~ understood. Our first topic is… if you won the lottery, would you quit streaming? And by win, I mean the absolute jackpot first prize. I looked it up—it was 40 billion won.”
“Uh…”
“And this is a solo win. No splitting. Total hogging. I even checked further. Last round was around 28 billion split thirteen ways, about 2.2 billion each… so after taxes they each walked away with maybe mid-to-late 1 billion. But in our case, no splitting, absolute max 40 billion. Plus one more condition: that 40 billion is already after taxes. Historic jackpot levels.”
“Uh… uh-oh?”
I hadn’t seen this coming. Did this mean… I had to quit streaming? The number had gotten way too big. That was more money than I could make streaming my entire life.
Even if I were reborn and streamed for ten lifetimes, I still wouldn’t touch that.
The amount was so huge I was genuinely flustered.
“Then… Seona-nim, would you like to pick your side first?”
“Uh… sure. I’ll go first. But give me five minutes. I need to think.”
“Of course. Take your time. Hihi.”
This was actually hard. This was legitimately hard.
I scrubbed my dry face and thought seriously. Still… hrm.
Maem-nim… I’d thought she was around my level, but she was smart. I’d completely underestimated my opponent. I never expected her to cook up something this clever.
“Mm… this is hard. Really hard.”
“Seona-nim. You can’t just start appealing to the viewers’ goodwill or anything like that!! You have to speak seriously.”
“About that.”
I was going to debate seriously, so that was never even on the table. Appealing like that would be an insult to debate itself.
“It’s not even under consideration. I’m taking this debate seriously.”
I thought for more than five minutes and still couldn’t settle on a clear answer. No matter how well a big company made money, 40 billion was just too huge.
Even if big-agency Maru made 2 billion a year, it would still take her twenty years.
But I’d swallowed the Red Pill properly, so I knew. When you made a lot of money… the taxes came just as hard. You had to spend that much. If you didn’t spend it, the tax bomb hit and the whole pile vanished…
If you tried to be clever and save instead of spending… you got wrecked. Higher taxes, net loss.
Hearing that had been a real shock.
If taxes were half, then… Maru would have to earn 4 billion every year just to see 2 billion land in her account? And do that for twenty years…?
“I’ve decided.”
“Oh…!! What is it?”
“I’ll quit streaming. Hand over the 40 billion.”
“Me? Go buy a lottery ticket yourself!! Then I’ll take the opposing side?”
“Yes. Then… shall we shout it?”
“Shout what?”
“Duel!! Like this… since we’re debating… Debate!! Like that. You get it? You’ve seen Yu-Gi-Oh, right? I just thought of it. Yu-Gi-Oh rip-off… Debate King!! It’s a debate!!”
The debate began. I made the sound effects with my mouth.
“Tingtingtiiing. Tak-tang tadadadadak. Piyong. Puuuuuu. Ting tongtongtong.”
I acted out the duel field materializing.
“Kk… hehehehahahahaha.”
“Debate!!”
“De… pff. H. Bate!!”
“My turn. Draw!! My card is Agree!! I summon ‘Take 40 Billion and Quit Streaming,’ and I end my turn.”
I’d already won on momentum. Maem-nim hadn’t even drawn a card and couldn’t get a word out.
Muhaha. You didn’t see this coming, did you?
“Maem-nim. Hurry up and draw. Protect the pride of the Debateists.”
“Uheup… Debateist… eheheh. Got i(i)t. Draaaw!! I am… eheheh. Hihihihi. Opposed…!!”
“Well done. We are people who protect the pride of debate!!”
I clapped toward Maem-nim. If you protected your pride, even an enemy deserved praise. That was the Debateist mindset.
Chat reaction was solid. Safe to keep going.
When the good reactions were things like “Do a ending game” or “She’s a natural genius,” the YouTube VOD would do well too.
“Then you’ve ended your turn, right? I’m going. Logic!! My logic is.”
Even though the camera wouldn’t show it, I was so immersed I raised my left arm and pulled it toward my right ear.
“Even if you become a big company, you can’t make 40 billion. I ran the numbers… set a trap card and end here.”
“No, finish what you were saying.”
“Fufu!! Turn end.”
A hand was never something you showed right away. You hid it as long as possible and then detonated it at the end.
“Uh… then, I—”
“Trap Card Activate!!”
“What? I didn’t even say anything.”
“Haven’t you watched Yu-Gi-Oh? Trap cards originally activate during the opponent’s turn.”
Ugh. She was such a Ko-ja she hadn’t even watched Yu-Gi-Oh!! She needed a real scolding for that.
“Then the trap card… taxes are massive. The more money you make, the more taxes you pay. They skim half!! To earn 40 billion, even if 2 billion lands in your account every year, it still takes twenty years. That’s it. Your turn, Maem-nim.”
“I see… I’d love to make 40 billion. But according to most lottery winners, it’s the worst. Everyone gets their eyes flipped by the sudden huge money… and they forget what labor even is. Then they get bored, and the moment they stick their hands into something bad… it can go really wrong.”
“Then just don’t do it.”
“Uh… it would be nice if they didn’t… but most of them do.”
“I see. Turn end?”
I didn’t bother rebutting that kind of thing. Just saying my own lines was enough to win. That was Yu-Gi-Oh. As a Ko-ja she hadn’t tried it, so of course she wouldn’t know.
This had been my win from the start.
“No, where are the turns.”
“Then it’s my turn. Even 2 billion a year still takes twenty years!! Activate Magic Card. Taxes… in other words. Death and taxes follow you for life… is that right? I activate this and… to get 2 billion into the account you have to earn at least 4 billion. Equip that. After that… to become a streamer who makes 2 billion… do they exist in Korea? They do. But do VTubers? If they do, speak up. 5, 4, 3, 2… 1 done. With this, the game is over. My victory.”
My perfect combo carried the game to victory in one stroke.
“Ah… no. This isn’t a debateee.”
“Debate King is just like this. Debate King is a Yu-Gi-Oh rip-off so following Yu-Gi-Oh is correct. You’d know if you’d watched Yu-Gi-Oh. Be grateful this isn’t a Shadow Game.”
Originally, just saying your own lines until it ended was the fundamental way. That was the root of the roots.
I had simply stayed faithful to the fundamentals.
“One to zero.”
“No, no… no. It’s a debate. A debate.”
“Yes. My complete victory.”
“Hehehehahaha. No, this is my first time seeing a debate like this. I. No. Where does this even exist.”
“Accepting defeat is also the attitude of a Debateist, Maem-nim. Losing isn’t shameful. What’s shameful is losing and then refusing to accept it. Take my hand. Let’s practice more together.”
Even though I’d said it myself, it was way too cool. Eheheh.
Watching so much YouTube had been the right call. All of it had become nutrients that let me drop a line this cool. I dedicated all of this to YouTube.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I’ll hold out my hand. Let’s move forward together.”
“Eheheh. Seriously. You’re just insisting. Just. Just.”
I stepped closer so I could hold out my hand to Maem-nim.
“Uh… uh… what’s that black thing?”
Without meaning to, I looked under Maem-nim’s skirt.
But it wasn’t the pretty panties I’d imagined. Something about it completely killed the vibe.
“What is it?”
“Maem-nim’s panties. They’re black. Lame.”
“Huh? Wha—!!”
“I just saw them. They were visible.”
“Wh-what… no. Hehehahaha. No. What are you doing!! Go away!!”
“They were visible. I didn’t mean to look.”
I insisted, completely deadpan, that I hadn’t looked because I wanted to—they had simply been seen.
Anyway, the broth was boiling hard… the scenario had already started, so I had to help, right?
Just trust me, Maem-nim!! I’m the kind of person who moves sincerely when it’s for a colleague.