Is This a Reversed World? (2)
My common sense is totally shattered. A guy putting on sunscreen? Ugh. I was seriously dumbfounded. I'd never even tried it once.
"Why do you guys put it on? Why do you bother with makeup?"
It was pure, innocent curiosity. But the reaction exploded beyond anything I could handle.
I'm dead serious. Back when I was a guy, I'd never put anything on my face even once. Isn't that normal? So then... maybe...
"Do you guys have clothes in your closets?"
I got too excited and misspoke. What I meant was, do you have colorful clothes? My closet only had black stuff. Mom bought me clothes sometimes, but I hardly wore them.
I prefer black because it's safe. White gets dirty fast, and it shows outside, but black hides almost everything.
"No, no."
"No, no, slip of the tongue. I was just curious if you have colorful clothes in your closets... like, not just black or white?"
"No way... shocking..."
"And... should I not say it? This wasn't shocking to you guys... I guess I'm the only one shocked."
It's seriously shocking. I thought viewers would feel the same as me. But no. No shared ground, huge letdown.
What's that? Oh, it's the notification from Maru's subscription.
"Ah, Maru's video notification. You guys check YouTube too."
Scrolling through chat, something popped up. Why do they call Himaru "RootMaru"? What's "root" mean?
Lately, I've picked up a bad habit. "I don't bother looking it up myself." Viewers answer everything, so searching feels like a chore. Why effort when they tell me? I know it's bad, but it's too comfy to change.
"But why? Why call Maru 'RootMaru'?"
They only clam up on stuff like this. Giggling among themselves.
I had to look it up myself, but it wasn't anything good, so I forgot it right away.
"Alright, time to play some games, everyone."
I prepped the game Maru played. Euhihi. Hit a wall just 30 minutes in.
"This is seriously hard..."
Too much. They were all "yeah yeah" sweet during low-chat, but games turn them savage. Super pissed.
I always go all-in seriously. They ask if I'm not focusing? Hell no. Full concentration every time. It's not like I wanna suck—my fingers just don't keep up. What can I do?
I'm the type who gets better by banging my head against it. Explanations don't stick. I gotta smash into it myself to learn. That's why I had a mentor. She's on hiatus now, name's fuzzy. What was it? SquishyBean? SquishyKong? Anyway, a VTuber. Super kind, would've taught me perfect. Explained a million times, miss her so much.
Game's hard, focus slips, random thoughts flood in.
At first, Mom and Dad opposed the one-room. Why bother when we have the apartment? One-room's sketchy.
Wanted to pay rent, manage money, clean, decorate, cook. Apartment's too big, no confidence.
Parents pushed 1.5 mil, 2 mil rent. I circled far to Gyeonggi for 500k.
First month, they visited every other day. They had me super late. I'm the eldest, 37 and 35 years younger. Tried everything—herbs, IVF, infertility treatments. Hard birth.
So I grew up spoiled. Bluntly, ask for allowance now, they send instantly. But that just delays going home.
What I earn vs. get is heaven and earth. I get why we work. How precious 1,000 won is. Only workers know.
Parents' efforts? Only workers know.
Maybe that's why... miss begging for cash thoughtlessly. Miss those thick-skinned days.
Game hard, thoughts everywhere... can't focus on stream. Sigh, nothing for it.
"Gonna full clear it, everyone."
Braced for hate... but got praise instead!!
After ending stream, I flop on the floor. Grab phone, dive into deep research on streamers.
Searched Himaru's age, found a community post. Tons of comments. TL;DR? Sigh... read it all.
Himaru, full 29. Super sensitive about age. Scrolling comments...
True to raw community form. Insults off the charts. Hurt my heart more. Closed it, shut eyes. Not sleepy, so mind wanders. Daydreaming, then wonder: Wait...
"How old am I? What was my age?"
Real me, how old? Memories fade if not used. Age just meaningless number, don't track it.
VTubers don't ask age. RP etiquette. No names, genders, locations, real lives... protect it all. That's VTuber life.
Bolt up, hunt for ID. Where'd I put it? No clue. Never need it...
Wait, yeah! Genius recall?! Once forgotten, stays gone forever. Took 20 minutes in this tiny one-room.
In the bag I used going out. Shoulda checked there first. Dumb—pockets, closet, PC, washer... spun circles.
"Eh... at least I found it."
Wallet out, ID: Born 2001 Dec 5. Huh? Feels off. Weird disconnect. What? Birthday right. Mine. But 2001? Remembered starting with 1. Mistake?
Ponder hard. My memory's right. Even I'm not that dumb. 1 vs 2 clear. Exactly 1999 Dec 5. Sure. So why suddenly 2 years younger? Why? Can't call parents. Frustrating, head spins.
No clue. Seriously. Whatever, not big deal. Younger better. Yeah.
"Tired. Sleep time."
Lights off, flop down. Thoughts linger, shake head.
"Does it matter? Forget by tomorrow anyway."
Eyes shut. Sleep creeps in nicely.
Wake up, straight to PC. Usual spot, but emergency today. Nothing to stream.
Lucky streaks end in loss. Me exactly.
Real start now, but no clue what to do. So today, deep dive Himaru, Moteok videos. Learn. Euhihi.
Watch. Rewatch. Brutal. No idea. Their games don't click with me. At all.
Boring AF. Sleepy. Moteok especially—sleep aid vids perfect for bedtime.
This week's games... all sedatives. In my room, chat'd die empty...
Maru... new releases mostly. New stuff? Zero edge for me. Classics flop already, unproven new? Fast track to dead stream.
No edge, full panic if chat dies, mental crumble high risk. Still, find lessons. Studied Himaru, Moteok YouTube. Hours. 2+ hours "studying" via videos.
YouTube still iffy, but one thing clear. Fun fact: Edits way funner than VODs.
Moteok VOD then edit—night and day. Edits cut boring, mix fun tasty. Super engaging. VODs loose, disappointing after.
Hmm, self-QA time!! Gonna restart YouTube? Hm. Check first. VOD views 0-1, now 50-60. Mark server magic!!
But now real test. 60 up means multiples, numbers prove it.
"Euhuhu. Double... 120. Triple 180... Nice. Good."
VODs easy upload, low effort. I do full streams anyway. Reference tons. Copy good stuff.
Edits hard tho. Even made, quality sucks. Outsource? Money drain.
Made some before, no views or 1-2, demotivated. Big waves bury 'em. No point.
Never aimed 10k... 100k first. Goal 100 views, tiny safe bet. Reality: 0 or 1-2. Gave up.
Sudden urge. Restart? Weird confidence it'll work. Unstoppable.
"Try? For real? Restart?" What? Think, Sena. You look desperate. Slow... relax... deep breaths.
"Hoo. Hoo. Hoo. Done."
Still burning passion. Means do it. Why tho?
"Wanna cuz... feels like it'll work."
Could flop. Money pit. Editing easy? Pro level? Think upload VOD?
"Uh... no."
This time feels different. Restart = success. Source? Dunno. Just is. No reason needed.
Real talk, edits hard expensive. Tried, mine boring, trashed.
Skill gap huge. Outsourced few, cash gone fast. Zero revenue.
Old mentor said YouTube for traffic, grinded 3 months. Gains? Nada. Stopped bleeding.
Now different. Donations fat. Monthly like this, 10 edits sustainable.
10+ minutes agonizing, decided. Ask viewers. If do, beg talented fan. Regulars know my style best. Conclusion. Time to stream.
Woooah!! Leveled up C~D rank hako. Was F, huge glow-up. Proof: 20 on open, 60 pre-waiting gone, 102 on greet.