The Duel of Two Prideful Fools (2)
As expected from my friend Raming. Getting a hundred million won? Impressive. Just like a big corporation. Compared to that, I… honestly, even claiming a million won was a lie. It was all fake. The viewers just spammed a million-won donation chat to cheer me up, and I simply read it out loud. I really thought I could win with that. Then suddenly Raming says she got a hundred million. I was genuinely impressed. Whoa, a hundred million…? Huh? Wait a second? A hundred million? Ah…!! A hundred million…? I was an idiot. Even Moddeok’s red-pill mission didn’t reach a hundred million, so what on earth did Raming do to get one? Hold on? I actually believed it until just now. I believed it because I’m an idiot!! It doesn’t make any sense. Moddeok couldn’t even earn a hundred million from her mission fee? How could Raming possibly gather that much?
“A hundred million is obviously a lie!! A hundred million doesn’t make sense!! Even Moddeok couldn’t earn that much from her mission!”
“Obviously.”
“Ah… I really believed it.”
“Good job. Nice. Want to do it again?”
“No, let’s bring in Samurai. I’ll show you the seppuku tactic I’ve been honing.”
I learned it on YouTube. Samurai commit seppuku when they fail. I’m transplanting that mindset into Seon-a. Seon-a is a samurai. If I lose in-game, I’ll do it with the resolve to commit seppuku… though that doesn’t mean I’m actually going to do it!! In 21st-century terms, it’s like wearing a bomb collar around my neck.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“A strategy where I take it as seriously as a samurai would.”
“Ooh~ Okay. So if you lose, you commit seppuku? For real?”
“It just means I’ll approach it with that kind of mindset. In other words, I won’t lose anymore.”
“Then I’ll go with the Yi Sun-sin strategy.”
Raming has a bit of that patriotic streak too. At this rate I’m going to lose. My IQ might be dropping, but my common sense isn’t. During the Imjin War, Admiral Yi Sun-sin wiped out the Japanese forces, right? She’s clearly using that as a metaphor to mock me.
“No… I’m not an idiot.”
“Huh? You know?”
“Of course. The Imjin War strategy. Since I’m a samurai, you’re saying you’ll counter me as Admiral Yi Sun-sin who crushes the Japanese army.”
“Ah, no. Hahaha. Oh, it does sound like that? I just meant I’d win every single time.”
At least there’s no naval battle. Everything’s land combat… I tried to console myself with that thought. No. No way. I get to pick too.
“Then I’ll go with Napoleon, or Genghis Khan, or Nelson.”
“Ooh. You know your stuff, Seon-a?”
“Of course I do. I’ve got more common sense than you think.”
“Do you know what they actually did?”
“Napoleon was short. Huh? Just like Raming. Oh!!”
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
“Wh-what did you just say? I’m tall.”
“No, I was talking about Raming.”
“Why bring me up? I’m talking about you too.”
“You can’t lift me.”
I said it firmly. There’s no way Raming could lift me with her height. She definitely doesn’t have that kind of strength. I’d stake everything on it.
“I can lift you. I’m strong.”
“Impossible.”
“Wh-what do you mean impossible!!”
“Then it’s possible.”
“No, I’m saying it’s impossible.”
“Well done.”
Smart choice. She absolutely can’t lift me. Not even if she died trying. There’s only one face’s worth of height difference between us—what could she possibly do? Maybe if it were some burly guy, but Raming, all delicate and slender? The idea was laughable. Since she’s my friend, I’ll let it slide. If a viewer had said that, I would’ve actually given them a solid smack on the head. That’s how ridiculous it sounded.
“Farm Raming. Huh? Wait a minute. Raming. Raming.”
“Yes? What is it?”
“Did you just reveal that? Are you okay talking about your height?”
“Uh… well… it’s already pretty well known anyway.”
“Aha!!”
Then I can speak freely. My friend is short. That’s a fact. I won’t deny it. At first I thought she was doing suggestive ASMR with high-school girl, nurse, and girlfriend concepts, so I assumed she was a total girl-failure type. But she’s really cute. The kind of adorable face everyone would like. Still, the gods are fair—her feminine charm is severely lacking. I couldn’t feel any girl power from her at all.
“We’re not that different in height though.”
“Hmm… I don’t think so? Isn’t it a whole face’s worth of difference?”
“No no. That’s because you were wearing shoes. You had height inserts.”
“I measured barefoot though.”
“You… you’re the tall one.”
“Got it.”
I couldn’t argue with that. Everyone says I’m tall when they see me. But tall for a girl. For a guy, it would feel exactly average.
Right… I don’t even know my own height. I’ve never measured it. I really should check later. I can’t answer even if they ask.
“I don’t know. I don’t know my height.”
“At least 170 or more. Taller than Tteok unnie.”
“Hmm… got it.”
Jealous? For some reason that feels nice. People are jealous of me? Hehe. Keep being jealous!! I want everyone to keep being jealous. My mood suddenly skyrocketed.
“Anyway, did you download Shogun already?”
“I already downloaded it. Raming, host the room.”
“O-okay…”
I was waiting for the room invite when the brain-rot began. This happens all the time when I leave chat unmoderated. These people are the type who’d sing not just four verses of the national anthem but five or six. I left them alone. It’s either Tasteless or my own stream anyway. Do whatever you want. If it gets too bad, the manager will probably ban them. But the brain-rot is getting seriously out of hand. It already feels like they’ve reached verse 3.5. At 3.5 verses, they’re just roasting each other. Someone saying they’re 165cm and begging for 5 more centimeters. Someone telling 160cm people to do VR chat as female animals. Comments claiming there are tons of small-dick guys here. There were so many. But this will only last a moment. Once the game starts, the chat atmosphere will flip again. Still, the new viewers—especially the older sisters—look like they’re struggling to adapt to the chat culture. I have to protect the new viewers. I need to nurture them gently.
“There are a lot of new viewers, so… chat… you know what to do, right? Everyone? Right?”
“No, please help the new older-sister viewers settle into the chat culture. I’m counting on you!!”
How many viewers now? Wow… I’ve really grown a lot. It’s grown so much I can’t even put it into words. Right now it’s 2,600. The Minecraft stream is over, but this level is… no, I have to wait and see what happens in a week. At least a thousand of these will probably vanish like a mirage. Right now they’re just here because of the collab. I’ve grown enough to roughly understand even if I don’t know the exact numbers!! This is where it really starts. I have to hold on to them properly from now on. Speak well in solo streams. Communicate sincerely. Burn it into my head. Burn it again. Burn it a third time. Keep burning it in.
“Seon-a, I sent the invite. Join. You know how to play this, right?”
“Uh… uh, got it!! I did my homework!!”
Now that the game is starting, they’ll probably chat about the game instead. I immediately joined the multiplayer room.
“I’ll show you. The Napoleon strategy.”
“Weren’t you a samurai earlier?”
“Admiral Yi Sun-sin can’t beat the Japanese army if I’m a samurai. I switched to being French. Now it’s evenly matched.”
“Pfft. Ah. Mmph. Uh.”
The game began. As expected from a war game, strategy is extremely important. What troops to deploy, how to move them, what tactics and strategies to plan.
“Those who seek to live shall die, and those who seek to die shall live. The end.”
“Uh… what a cool quote… I-I want to say one too.”
I want to say one too, but the only Napoleon quote I know is about height. My height is short if measured from the ground. But if measured from the sky, I’m the tallest. That’s all I know.
“Uh… I only know the height quote… uh. Wait a second.”
This isn’t good. I’m in big trouble. My brain just froze completely. If I lose to her spirit here, my defeat is guaranteed. This game is entirely about verbal sparring. What do I do? I glanced desperately at the chat. The quiet listeners at times like this… I need to seize the momentum. I need to grab something, anything.
Whoa!! That’s an amazing comment. Raming’s going to be so flustered by this, right? Since she flustered me, I’m ready now, aren’t I? Wow… thank you!! I got a great quote. I immediately used it. She has to pay the price for flustering me, right?
“I’ve got a quote too. This one’s a fact.”
“Go ahead.”
“The famous French quote ‘If Napoleon wanted to reach the sky he would have chosen me, and if he wanted to reach the ground he would have chosen Raming’ can be found at the Louvre Museum.”
“What? Ah. What?? Mmph. Uh?”
“You can see it at the Louvre Museum. There are even papers on it. Everyone should look it up.”
“Wh-what?”
The papers part is a lie. But it doesn’t count as a lie. It’s just a stratagem to win against my opponent.
“I’ll tell you why Napoleon chose me.”
“Uh. Yeah. I’m not going easy on you. I’ll beat you right now. Good luck. I’m not going easy at all. I won’t even let you breathe.”
“Wait!!”
“Why? Why?”
“Go easy on me… I’m sorry…”
I waved my arms like I was wiping away tears. If Raming goes all out, I’ll definitely lose. I want to win for once too. I’m on a four-loss streak right now. No dreams, no hope. I know it too—she’s been going easy on me until now. But if she suddenly goes hard here? I’ll lose for sure. Lose again. Five losses. Six losses. Aaaagh!! But what’s with this stupid pride of mine?
“Just go easy once… I want to win too…”
“Huh? Someone like you is saying that?”
“Raming, you’re not actually going to throw a serious punch… I’ll offer that one viewer who donated sensationally as a hostage…”
I typed quickly into chat. I felt really bad, but I had no choice. I’m sure they’ll understand.