Train Trip (7): The Spark of Ambition
“Kuk… but it’s impossible.”
“Why?”
“I’m just a tiny streamer…” I answered honestly. I couldn’t let her feed me empty dreams. Coldly speaking, I didn’t have the power to help anyone grow. I was a fool who couldn’t even grow my own stream… so who was I to help someone else?
“A tiny streamer? That’s a lie.”
“It’s… it’s not a lie!! I only have five hundred viewers!!”
“Five hundred is already a lot. You’ve already escaped being a tiny streamer.”
“Five hundred?” I questioned it. Five hundred was still tiny. Other people had two thousand… three thousand… five thousand… ten thousand. I was still stuck at five hundred.
“Five hundred really is a lot.”
“You’re lying…” This actually hurt. I couldn’t even play comfortably with Moddeok or Maru or Raming because my viewer count was too low. I was constantly watching the numbers…!!
“No, let’s be realistic. If you’re a true tiny streamer, you don’t even have ten viewers. At five hundred, you’re clearly full-time material. You can see it yourself.”
“Huh?”
“Tiny streamers only spend money; they never earn any.”
“That’s me! I’m running at a loss on YouTube right now.”
“That’s just an investment for promotion. Your live streams aren’t losing money. If you add up the live streams, you’re solidly in the black.”
“Oh… you’re right!” She was. Completely right. Live streams were profitable. YouTube was the loss. But the live streams covered the YouTube deficit. Just like Moddeok said, I was treating it as an investment and continuing. There really was traffic coming in from YouTube.
“Real tiny streamers can’t even break even on live streams, let alone YouTube… If you go on Carrot Market right now, you’ll see mics, cams, and computers being sold off.”
“Then I’m not a tiny streamer?”
“Exactly.”
“Then what am I?”
“Hmm… tsk… well. A supernova?”
“A supernova?!!” I had no idea what it meant, but it sounded cool. I loved the word instantly.
“Something like that?”
“But… I’ll be honest. I can’t give you any trickle-down support.”
“Uwahaha. Ah, so that’s what this is about? Hah hah hah.” Moddeok suddenly burst out laughing. What was so funny? I didn’t find it amusing at all.
If I became a “mama,” I’d have to give trickle-down support. I’d have to let others siphon off my viewers. Just look at Maru, the one I respect most. Maru changed someone’s entire life. Even now, my stream still had a lot of Maru’s viewers. On days Maru didn’t stream, my numbers were highest. Not only that—what was it called again? There was some technical term… I couldn’t remember. Anyway, Maru’s viewers watched her, but they also kept my stream open so my numbers wouldn’t drop. You shouldn’t become a mama unless you had loyal supporters who could do at least that much.
“Then there’s nothing we can do.”
“Right?”
“I was thinking about chemistry. It’s easier when we stream together.”
“I see.”
“So what’s your goal for streaming, Seon-a?”
“Uh…” My streaming goal. It changed all the time. At first, I just wanted to make Mom and Dad proud. “Look, Seon-a’s doing great all by herself…” That was my only goal. But as I grew, it shifted. The second goal came from greed. Since Pyeongnim joined too… I wanted to grow my YouTube channel a bit. It was growing nicely, but still modest compared to what I’d invested. YouTube was modest, but because it was growing, a new goal appeared. I wanted enough viewers so I could collab with my friends anytime. Once the curse of knowledge kicked in and I could see viewer counts, I started strangling myself. I became scared to approach people casually on stream like before. Maru… big corp. Moddeok… mid-tier. Raming… mid-tier. Me… tiny. This wasn’t something advice could fix. I simply had to increase my own numbers. So right now, my goal was…
“Growth. I need at least ten times more viewers than now.”
“Ooh? You’re watching your numbers?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow… you’re ambitious. I had no idea. I don’t have any. I just want to go with the flow, no problems, just…”
“Hm?”
“I just want to live drifting along with the current.”
I shot up and clenched my fists.
“I have to grow more. I’m still too weak right now. I’ll grow bigger, gather lots of viewers, and play with you, Moddeok.”
“We already play together.”
“Not like this. I’ll grow first, then we’ll play. Later on, we’ll play every single day.”
Moddeok didn’t understand. Even if I explained, she wouldn’t get it. I just had to prove it. In the end, only results remained. Gold medals were always remembered. But nobody remembered the effort of someone who came in last.
Suddenly, content ideas flooded my mind. The thought of growing sent dopamine surging through me!!
“What should I do when I get home?”
“…Eh?”
According to the wiki, this was “content begging” content. My original content.
“What should I do?” I stared straight at Moddeok. A mid-tier’s content. Was she expecting something? Was I expecting something?
“Thump thump thump thump.”
“Uhuhuhu… Wait, suddenly… you’re turning the tables on me. Uh…”
“Thump thump thump thump thump thump.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I’ll do whatever you tell me to do.” I kept staring at Moddeok. Show me something amazing. Kyakya. I’m waiting.
“Uh… uh…”
“Look at my eyes right now. Sparkling. Ehehehe. You see it, right? Hurry.”
“Uh… can I think about it?”
“Uwah!! Of course!! Please tell me later for sure!!”
How amazing must the content be if she needed time to think? I was so excited. Ehehe. I was really looking forward to a mid-tier’s content?!
“Then I’ll head out first.”
“Uh… okay.”
I felt all puffy, so I washed up and came out. After drying my hair, I returned to the train. About twenty minutes later, Pyeongnim and Moddeok arrived.
“You’re late!!”
“My hair’s long.”
“Got it.” I knew from experience. It took forever. Fair.
“Now we just have to go to Mureungdowon. Time really flies.” Moddeok spoke while looking at her phone. Hmm… this wasn’t the time to be on her phone, was it? I scooted closer to her.
“Moddeok… content.”
“Hm?”
“Content… please tell me.”
“Uh… ah. Content. Uh. Yeah.”
“Tell meee…!!”
She was trying to brush it off, wasn’t she? That wouldn’t work on me. Hurry up and show me that mid-tier content. I was seriously expecting it.
“Cooking stream?”
“I’m a VTuber though?”
“Uh… ah. Hmm… game?”
“Game? What game?”
“Oh… oh. What game? Uh… a fun game?”
“Tell me.” What kind of mid-tier game was this!! I pressed her relentlessly. I had to ask. How fun could the game be? Wasn’t she curious? I was fully prepared to be impressed.
“So basically…”
“Hurry and tell me. Ehehe.”
“I’ll send it on Discord later…”
“Ooh!! Even more excited now?”
“Ah… ah. Yeah.”
Ehehe. Touched plus excited!! How amazing must it be if she needed time to think? I lay down on the bed feeling great. Next stop was the last one. We were heading to Nonin’s Mureungdowon. It was called a paradise, but it was a mountain. To climb it… I needed to store up energy and burst out!!
When I woke up, we had somehow arrived at Mureungdowon. I walked along the path taking tons of photos. Since it was the last stop, I took even more.
“The air is nice.” I breathed in deeply. Because it was the end, I moved even more energetically. With Mureungdowon, our three-day, two-night trip came to a close. The train journey had been fun. The moment I got home, I passed out.
＊＊＊
I had to start the stream, but I felt a little nervous. It had been a while, so before turning it on… I organized my thoughts. I opened a notepad and diligently wrote a travel script.
“Hello, this is Seon-a. I went on the Haerang Train and it was really fun. It was so fun I kept going ‘Uwah!!’ I ate a ton of delicious food. I took so many photos. I can’t show them though.”
We were VTubers. We couldn’t reveal the red medicine. Just in case, I hadn’t even saved them on my PC. Next… what should I say?
“It was just really fun. I’ll take questions.”
Good. Good. This script was perfect. I started the stream right away and read the script diligently.
“Okay, I’ll take questions.”
A chat that stood out. The old Seon-a would’ve answered honestly. But I had grown. That was rude. Ehehe. I absolutely couldn’t say anything. If Pyeongnim had been next to me, she would’ve praised me, right? Uwahaha.
“No bad words. Only nice questions, please.”
“A nice question… So what are we doing today?”
Yeah, what should we do? I had planned to just tell stories and end, but the questions weren’t as good as I hoped, so I got flustered instead. Were the viewers not curious about my trip?
“Aren’t you curious about my trip?”
“Thank goodness.” There were plenty of curious people!! Telling stories… wasn’t hard. I just had to share what happened while chatting.
“Then day one. What did I do again…” I couldn’t remember. What really happened on day one? Uh…
“Guys, listen to Moddeok’s stories instead. I only remember day three. Just taking photos at Mureungdowon at the end.” The hot spring came to mind too, but if I mentioned that… hehe.
“I don’t have any backlog games… Especially? Ah!! Ah. I talked with Moddeok and Pyeongnim about their virtual debuts.”
“Uh… PhonePyeong… it’s literally that. I thought it was just Pyeong, but it was Phone. Anyway… no bad words. No rude words. So we talked about virtual stuff, right? But I said I couldn’t do it yet because I don’t have enough viewers.”
“Is seven hundred a lot? Even by viewer standards?”
“I should reduce them? Sir.” They needed to increase!! What a terrible troll. I was going to grow.
“I’m going to grow. Super fast…”
Ugh… there was always someone poking at my weak spot… It wasn’t because I felt attacked. It just was what it was!!
“Ooh. You’re here again today? Why aren’t you recommending the gothic young lady with the twin tails today?”
This person came so often I remembered them. They were an ancient angel too. They had been donating like crazy for RP for ages.