Don't Speak of It
I immediately opened Notepad and started furiously jotting down the warnings. The more I wrote, the more it would stick. [Never speak of it. Never speak of it. Never speak of it.] I wrote it hundreds of times. I kept going until it was perfectly memorized, scribbling like a madwoman. One mistake and everything would fall apart. It absolutely could not happen.
“Hoo…”
A VTuber’s past life is an incredibly important thing. At least, that’s what I’ve come to understand. For some people it’s a sore spot—actually, for most people it’s a sore spot. Plenty of folks have reincarnated. On the small-channel side of things, it’s ridiculously common. Sometimes you hear a familiar voice from last week, but the username is brand new. Other times you run into someone who’s clearly gone corporate. I know the feeling well. Because I’ve done it myself.
Thinking about past lives suddenly brought someone to mind. My teacher… did she reincarnate too? Or did she really quit for good? It had been a while since I’d tried to recall her username. The memory was hazy, but my body remembered. Kim Ari. Such a common name that even searching it on YouTube took forever to find her channel. She was a true small-timer—only 2,400 subscribers. I learned so much from her, yet it’s been over six months since her last upload. I wonder what she’s doing now… I’m genuinely curious. There’s no way to contact her anymore.
She left with just those words: “I’m quitting streaming. It was fun.” Then she deleted her Discord account too. Did she really return to real life?
“Hmm…”
How would it feel if we met again? What kind of feeling would that be? I don’t know. I really don’t. If we somehow ran into each other somewhere, what should I even say? Should I pretend not to recognize her until the very end? Could I actually do that? What if I get so happy that I accidentally greet her? It’s possible. I might not be able to hold it in. This is tricky. I don’t know.
Is talking about past lives really that bad? Can’t I just mention it a little? I couldn’t find the answer on my own. But there’s one thing I’m certain of: when you’re unsure, it’s better not to do it. The ancestors always said that staying still gets you at least halfway there. So staying still is the right choice.
“Yeah! I’ll just stay still.”
Right. Stay still. But wait, you idiot—that’s exactly why you’re in this mess in the first place. Ugh… I don’t know. I’ll trust the grown-up version of myself. I believe in Seon-a. I’m different now. I’ve grown ten steps—no, a hundred steps. I can do this. How long am I going to keep acting like a fool? I’m going to show everyone how much I’ve grown…!!
“Let’s go…!”
I clenched my fist and made my resolve.
Broadcast time: 01:30:45. I connected to Discord to practice with Maem. She was already there.
“Hello, Maem-nim!!”
“Yes! Hehehehehe. Hello.”
She’s giving off that signature scent again. Such a refined lady. A truly refined lady.
“Nice. I like it.”
I really do. Every time I hear it, I feel like I’m recharging. The one and only Miss Scent-of-Freshness. This is something you’re born with. You have to be born with it.
“What do you mean? What do you like?”
“Your scent. I just want to tie you up and keep you releasing that fresh scent forever.”
“Heeheeheeheehee.”
“You like that? Are you happy? I could just—ugh.”
Maem just laughed instead of answering. The fact that she’s only laughing even after I said all that… does that mean she’s okay with everything? Right? Isn’t that right? I’m not holding back anymore?
I found a good chat. A primal question. She only smiles at me, right? I need to confirm. I know the type of girl who smiles even at elementary-school brats. So let’s hear her explanation. Does she think I’m that easy to fool? I’m an unbreakable superhuman, an alpha male… JjangHam.
“Maem-nim.”
“Yes? Hehehe?”
“Do you grin like that at other brats too?”
“Huh?”
“From now on, smile only at me.”
“Heeheeheeheeheehee.”
“That counts as a promise. You just promised me with that fresh-scent laugh.”
Look at her, too happy to even speak. Ha… the life of an alpha male is tough.
The chat had come alive again. This meant I was doing well. Nothing’s more honest than the chat. It gets lively when things are fun and dies when they’re boring. Especially that comment—“His form is back after a long time.” That’s the real top-tier praise. It doesn’t come out often. It only appears when you’re genuinely performing at your best.
The situation-play donations had begun. This was proof the reaction was excellent. And it didn’t stop there—chat started roleplaying on their own.
They were creating and playing out their own skits. This was extremely rare. Did I do well today? It feels like I did really well. I thought the chat would be dead because of the tournament, and donations would dry up, but… hehehe. This is great.
“Heeheeheehee. No.”
“What?”
“I said no…!”
“This girl dares to play hard to get? Big bro is a real man—I don’t accept that kind of thing.”
Oh no. I messed up. Those vulgar chat lines flashed through my head and I blurted something similar without thinking. I’d gone and done it. Well, nothing to be done now. I’d already become a criminal… might as well say everything I want. I can do vulgar lines too. Not that I’m good at them, but there are certain phrases that appear often in chat. If you combine them well, they come out naturally.
“Come here right now!! Feels good, right? Happy? Yeah. There’s only Jjang-oppa, right? You’re not thinking about other guys, right?”
Back when I used to do VRChat, whenever I met a female streamer, the chat would spew the most vulgar lines imaginable. After seeing them enough times, they stick in your head. It’s true.
“Heeheeheeheehee. No, heeheehee. Really… too… really…”
It was nice that our levels were similar. If it had been anyone else, I never would’ve said this. I would’ve been instantly murdered with a killing step… Thank you, Maem-nim!! You’re the only one! So… can I keep going? I glanced at the chat. Ah, no. I should stop now. I’d entered “Human Seon-a” mode—calmly reading the situation and knowing exactly when to cut it off without going overboard. Human Seon-a mode appears occasionally. At least 95 points. You could call it perfect mode. My friend GPT told me so.
The condition for Human Seon-a mode is… the chat. It activates when the chat starts going more overboard and descending into madness than I am. When I see that and declare, “I’ll manage the chat,” that’s when the mode triggers. Right now the chat was getting so vulgar it was becoming hard to handle. People scary enough that I actually needed to moderate. Truly terrifying. The fact that I was thinking we should stop now was already a sign of that madness. The chat was so bad I couldn’t even read it properly. Did they not see Maem as a person? If she sued them for sexual harassment, they might actually get sued. The level was really… something else. Do Jjang-i’s have no future? Hmm… people even worse than me. It’s nice having them around. I used to think I was a thoughtless bulldozer idiot, but watching the Jjang-i’s makes me realize I’m not that bad. Because they’re like that, I know I shouldn’t be. They’re genuinely helpful. Thanks to them, “Human Seon-a” mode activates.
“I’m sorry, Maem-nim. I got carried away… Shall we practice now?”
“Eh? Why? I liked it. It was funny. It’s fine.”
The fact that she’s saying that while laughing makes it even scarier. She’s not actually going to sue me, right? Please don’t sue me. I can’t afford that.
“Um… are you perhaps collecting evidence for a lawsuit right now?”
“Heeheeheeheehee. No. No. Absolutely not. Never.”
“Really?”
“Really. I just thought it was fun.”
“One moment.”
“Yes? Why?”
I asked GPT: if a woman says she won’t sue but then changes her mind later, does that still count as a lawsuit? Damn it… it does!! Maem-nim, it counts as a lawsuit!! I almost got hit. She’s a truly scary woman. Seon-a’s growth is terrifying. If it had been the old me, I would’ve stupidly believed her and gotten wrecked. Hahaha, not anymore. Thanks to my smarter friend o1, my IQ has gone up too. Heh.
“Wait, what are you doing? Team leader, what’s that GPT? No… heeheehee. You asked if she wouldn’t sue but then… heeheeheehee.”
“Uh… huh?”
Oh crap. I was supposed to have it on the secondary monitor, but in my panic I broadcast it on the main one.
“It’s nothing. It’s really nothing.”
“I’m actually going crazy. Seriously. Pure entertainment is Jjang bro. Heeheeheehee.”
“Jjang bro? How do you know that?”
Had she already finished investigating my background? This was bad. She wasn’t even giving me room to explain.
“A lot of Seon-a-nim’s viewers came to my stream. They cheered a lot… and worried a lot too.”
“Aha. Thank you~ My angels. Did they donate a lot too?”
“Oh~ Of course. They really gave a lot. Thank you. Thank you so much.”
Ah~ So my angels paid the settlement fee in advance? That’s what happened? No wonder. There really was a reason! My angels are too kind.
“Thank you.”
“Yes? No, I should be the one thanking you. You were so gentlemanly. The support, encouragement… they really worried a lot. Since the tournament is tomorrow, shall we practice now? If we focus hard just for today, we can get a good result tomorrow.”
“Yes!”
After that, we practiced like crazy. We also held a team meeting in voice chat after the stream to discuss tomorrow’s tournament strategy. Honestly, I didn’t understand half of what they were saying, so I just listened while eating ramen. Anyway, when the meeting ended… I was exhausted. Practicing with full concentration and the voice meeting had both drained me. I was really tired. Tournaments aren’t for just anyone. Everything about it is exhausting.
I was about to shut down my computer when I noticed the Notepad still open on the secondary monitor! It said it wasn’t saved. What? Notepad? When did I…? “Uh… what?”
The memo was filled with “Never speak of it” written hundreds of times… I wrote this earlier, right? Probably? Uhhhh. So, why did I write it again? What exactly was I not supposed to say? Ah… the tournament is tomorrow. I need to manage my condition. Don’t think about it. Just sleep. I saved it, turned everything off, quickly washed up, and lay down on the floor for tomorrow’s tournament.
“My goal for tomorrow is first place. First place in damage dealt.”