Oh Turtle, Oh Turtle - Don't You Dare Diss Joseon (1)

A beautiful-girl pirate with a katana in her hand. Wearing a kimono, no less.

The civilization of Japan was, without exaggeration, the absolute pinnacle of the beautiful-girl patch.

"Oh no… the sushi-girl ronin are here again!"

Once again the sushi-girl pirate crew had lucked out — the Geobukseon was away from home, and they were sacking Busan. They wore kimonos so tight every curve of their bodies showed through, but the instant those blades came out, the cuteness evaporated into something murderous. The "sushi-girl ronin," as the Hannyeo of Busan called them, were in fact Japan's unique unit: the samurai.

And what they did after crossing the sea was downright savage. Raiding granaries for food or lifting gold from government offices — that was normal-ish plunder, and you could almost shrug it off. Tormenting unarmed civilians, though? That was something else entirely.

"Kyaaaah! Please, save m— nngh!!"

"Spread your legs, Hannyeo! Nice and wide!"

Hashimoto Sakura, the officer leading the samurai pirate crew, tore the Busan woman's skirt clean off. If she'd only been humiliating the girl for fun, she would have stripped her naked on the spot — but she didn't. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠She left the top alone and peeled away nothing but the skirt and the panties underneath. Then she asked a very strange question.

"Are you a virgin?"

"…Excuse me?"

"Answer properly! Is that pussy open or is it still sealed?"

Sakura pulled a wooden dildo from her robes and leveled it at the Busan girl. She didn't seem interested in killing anyone. If she had been, she would have used the katana instead of a stick.

"Ghh-hnnngh…!!"

"I knew it. The timid way you spread your legs already gave you away. Virgin."

Sakura smiled with deep satisfaction at the virgin blood smeared across the dildo. Take this back to Tokyo, and even the Shogun would have to acknowledge her merit.

That was the order Takahashi Yuka, Shogun of Japan, had issued in person.

If History had been faithful to the record, they would have sliced off noses the way the real Imjin War invaders had, and measured their achievements in severed cartilage. But this was a world running the beautiful-girl patch, so even the samurai came in a milder flavor.

"Ichi, ni, san…. Tch. This is nowhere near enough for a promotion!"

Bring back a wooden dildo stained with a Hannyeo's virgin blood, and it would count as one head. That was the promise the Shogun of Japan had made. No wonder Sakura was in a foul mood.

"General, almost none of the Busan broads are virgins!"

"…So Hannyeo are bitches with no concept of chastity, is that it?"

Most of the Hannyeo had already been thoroughly used by Han Min-guk a long time ago. Of course, you couldn't just mindlessly creampie a population into existence when the food supply couldn't keep up — so the lusty Hannam only sampled their pussies with his cock and spent his seed across the bitches' faces instead. So far, not a single one of the used-up mutts was actually pregnant. His talent for fucking one hole and finishing in another was genuinely impressive. At this rate, the man might never need a condom in his life.

"Yes, General. That's what the Hannyeo I just rode cowgirl said!"

"Tch. The ruler of this place is a degenerate Hannam."

He wasn't going to impregnate them, but he still wanted a taste, so spread your legs. Sakura had jammed wooden dildos into Busan Hannyeo pussies for the sake of military merit, and yet — maybe because she was a woman herself — a twist of shame ran through her.

Masaka… does he really see women as nothing but sex toys?

Sakura clenched the bloodstained wooden dildo even tighter. Hannam raping women was infuriating, but her taking hymens via lesbian play was perfectly fine — a beautifully unhinged piece of logic.

"We're going to go make that Hannam suffer."

"Hai! Lady Sakura!"

And just like that, Sakura made a reckless call. By all rights they should have loaded the plundered goods onto the ships and sailed back to Japan, but her bushido had kicked in, and her whole body itched with the need to screw with Hannam a little more.

"But General—"

"—Do you want your hymen punched through like a Hannyeo? We are going home with enough merit to satisfy the Shogun!"

"…Hai. I will obey the order."

Sakura was a veteran wokou who had sacked cities belonging to China and Rome — civilizations larger than Hannamguk — and slipped away whenever she pleased. Her short hair swayed when she moved and her face was delicately pretty, but underestimate her swordsmanship and you would pay for it. The tight kimono put every line of her figure on display, yet she moved with a ninja's speed. Her unit type, for the record, was still samurai.

She had come close to losing before. She had never actually lost. That was how Sakura talked herself into believing she was invincible — and a sushi-girl samurai dreaming a little bigger was hardly unreasonable.

"Just because we don't know about it doesn't mean Hannamguk hasn't got another port city!"

Sakura, who still barely understood the local geography, shouted this with complete confidence. Her subordinates, blessed with a similar strain of airheaded charm, simply nodded along.

"We plunder Jordan — the city where every good in the world gathers — and then we sail for Tokyo. Understood?"

This was an age without the internet. By the time a rumor reached the island nation of Japan, it had usually been warped, inflated into hearsay, or — in the worst cases — mutated into a complete fabrication. When Columbus came back from America, Europeans were convinced he had been to India. Same principle.

The Shogun herself said it, so it must be accurate!

Sakura had heard the rumor that Jordan was a land flowing with milk and honey. A trade hub like that couldn't possibly sit in the middle of a desert where nothing blew but sand… right?

"General Sakura… I heard something different. I don't think Jordan is a port city."

Just as they were about to leave Busan, one of the samurai offered a word of caution. They had already looted plenty from Busan — no need for a reckless detour. Just go home to Japan.

"Shut that mouth-pussy!"

But Sakura's pride was far too large to hear a subordinate out. She doubled down on her own argument.

"Think about it logically. If Jordan were a city in the desert, the way you claim, what animal on earth is supposed to haul sacks of jewels and salt over sand dunes?"

Sakura had never seen a camel. The subordinate who had just spoken up had never seen anything in Japan more exotic than a hot-spring monkey, so the captain's ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠reasoning sounded, against all odds, fairly convincing.

"Etto… forgive me for speaking out of turn, Captain! Now that you put it that way, Jordan must be an even bigger port city than Busan!"

"Hmph! You dull creature. You're only figuring that out now? Even in Japan, all trade goes through port cities like Yokohama!"

A short while later, Sakura's fleet left Busan and followed the coastline in search of the rumored Jordan. A city that size would be overflowing with things to plunder. And if the trade hub got turned into a wasteland, Hannam's guts would twist themselves into knots.

Then, on the water, a problem appeared.

"Ah! There's a strange ship ahead, Captain!"

It did not look remotely like a warship of this era. It looked like a turtle. No — closer up, the head mounted on the bow resembled a dragon more than anything. Several of the sushi-girl sailors soaked their kimonos on the spot.

"A turtle…? A dragon…? Aah…! It's the Black Tortoise! The ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Xuanwu!"

"W-why is its mouth open? Don't tell me it breathes fire?"

"The shell is ironclad… it's even got spikes on it!"

The Japanese way of fighting was to leap onto the enemy vessel and settle it in a melee. Which made the Geobukseon an extremely awkward opponent. Who in their right mind would jump onto a deck of steel spikes? You'd just punch holes in your own feet.

"Have you forgotten bushido, you cowards?! Board the enemy ship at once!"

Sakura prodded her soldiers, but not one of them stepped forward first. She put a katana to their throats. She punched them in the breasts with her fists. The subordinates still hesitated to fight. Give the enemy this much time and they would throw the first punch themselves.

Kh… I will not become a water ghost!

They hadn't lost yet, but the humiliation burned hot enough to turn her face red. The Shogun's own samurai, three warships strong… thinking of nothing but running away because they were scared of a single turtle.

"Holy shit. You guys wear kimonos into combat too? God-tier sushi is so fucking hot."

That was when a line that could only have come from a Hannam drifted over from the opposing warship. A flash of shame hit Sakura so hard she clapped her hands over her chest and her pussy without thinking—

KRA-KOOOOM!!

Fire erupted from the turtle's head. Gunpowder smoke billowed thick from its gaping jaws.

"N-no… dame!"

The cannonball the Geobukseon had fired punched a hole straight through the hull of Sakura's ship. The island-nation sushi girls still didn't even know what a cannon was.

"Hehe. How about that, Daddy? Ye-ji punched holes in the sushi girls' ships. Big gaping holes, just like a bitch getting her ass cherry popped for the first time, right?"

Han Ye-ji — Hannamguk's great admiral, and the five-star daughter I had pulled from the pregnancy gacha — was showing off. Maybe it was because she'd been born from the Cleopatra rape-route, but her phrasing ran a little crude. She also wasn't exactly wrong.

Yeah, that is a seriously big hole.

This was why putting cannons on a ship was so terrifying. I'd figured the Geobukseon was strong enough to win, but I hadn't expected it to dominate this hard.

Reading that last part gave me a bit of an existential pause, but a win was a win.

That said — we hadn't even researched Gunpowder, and an ironclad ship was out here lobbing cannonballs across the ocean. It hit me all over again what a legendary admiral Ye-ji really was. She was also a devoted daughter who looked after her daddy even in the middle of a war.

"Come along now, sushi-girl ladies, climb aboard the Hannam ship~ You may be defeated bitches in the water, but once you're up on deck you'll be pampered little pussies!"

Ye-ji was personally fishing the sushi girls out of the sea one by one. Every prisoner she hauled up had to take the kimono off. Wear something that soaked, and you'd catch a cold, right?

"Yamete!! Get your hands off my hips, you filthy Hannyeo!"

"Oh my. We've got an uncooperative sushi girl over here, do we?"

I headed over to mediate with the particularly loud pussy — and then I stopped.

Oh?

I'd hooked a trophy catch. A delicate jawline paired with arrogant cat-like eyes. A slender body-line that still swelled generously at the chest and hips. A perfect sushi girl, start to finish.

"If you try to take my kimono off one more time…!"

But she had a filthy mouth on her. I'd thought the language was a little too rough for a sushi girl.

SMACK!!

"Nngh…"

A hard slap across the cheek quieted her down some. When I asked her name, she said Hashimoto Sakura.

"Sakura, huh…. Pretty name. Cherry blossom."

"Urgh! Don't touch my body!"

Sakura was bound in rope, and I had my hand locked tight around her wet pussy. The kimono samurai's eyes went shiny at the corners, furious and on the verge of tears.

"Settle down a little. A sushi girl this kimchi-tempered is just wrong."

I decided then and there that I was going to train the Sakura who had invaded Busan.

"Go on, spread those thighs and show me the flower petals down below, Sakura."

"I'll k-kill you!!"

Time to raise the most obedient sushi girl on the entire peninsula.