Founding a Religion — We Worship Lord Cock (1)

The game History has more than one path ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to victory. They range from the brutally straightforward Conquest Victory — seize every civilization's capital and you win — all the way to the Science Victory, where you pioneer space before anyone else with cutting-edge technology.

But the most infuriating method by far is Religious Victory. In a way, it's a Conquest Victory without the weapons. The rule is simple: convert every civilization that exists to the religion you founded, and you win.

But just because you researched the social institution Religion doesn't mean you can immediately found a major faith like Christianity or Buddhism. At first you receive something primitive — totemism, animism, that sort of thing — and only once you've stockpiled enough Faith can you evolve it into a proper major religion.

Even for a primitive religion, what the hell kind of name is that...

Unfortunately, naming your religion and writing its doctrines is something you can only do after founding a major one. Whatever primitive faith spontaneously appears, you just have to take it. Even if it sounds like complete shit.

"What the fuck... what is this now?"

This morning I went for a stroll through downtown Sparta and came across a bizarre structure. Just a few days ago a marble statue of Ares had stood in that very spot. Now something of an entirely different character occupied it.

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"Oh, this? It's a Giant Cock Statue that the new religion's followers put up!"

A beautiful girl said this while fondling the glans of the statue with her hand. And right next to her was another bitch licking it with her tongue. As more time passed, equally perverted sluts started gathering around the phallic totem. Every last one of them looked like a beautiful girl, but they were acting like bitches in heat.

The religion just got founded and they're already going into heat as a group?

It was probably because I'd been staying in Sparta when I finished researching the social institution Religion. Even in the real world, the place where a faith is born becomes holy ground. But even accounting for that, Phallus Worship devoured Sparta at a terrifying speed.

Before long, proudly erect phallus statues were going up even in the city's more outlying districts, and from what I heard, the citizens' interests had gotten a lot more bitch-like than before.

"Will Lord Cock even bother fucking a tight little pussy like mine?"

"Hmm... as long as you know how to squeeze, you're a bitch worth fucking, right?"

"H-hey, girls. Lord Cock hasn't even picked us out yet and you're already planning how you're going to get creampied? That's getting way ahead of yourselves!"

This was the kind of shit I heard whenever I went to Sparta's plaza. And the situation only got more entertaining from there.

Normally when you hear "religious ritual" you think of something refined like prayer or meditation, but this world with its creampie mod installed was a little... special.

It happened as I was walking past the phallus statue that had been erected in the palace garden.

Wobble-wobble—!

A few maids with thick, sturdy asses were gathered around the Lord Cock statue, twerking their hearts out. I was so dumbfounded I asked them what the hell they thought they were doing, but the bitches just looked at me like I was the weird one. The one with the plumpest underass among them answered.

"I was told that you have to shake your back-tits well to receive salvation from Lord Cock, my Lord."

The maid bowed her head out of courtesy, but she was sneakily peeking at my crotch the whole time. Then she accidentally met my eyes, and her face went so red so fast it was cute, so I stripped her right then and there and fucked her. I had energy to spare that day, so I raped all the other girls who'd been twerking with her too.

"Huh? We haven't hired any new maids lately, so why are there so many more people in the palace, Daddy?"

"Ah, about that... it's probably because of that religion that's been popular lately."

That was how Nike first learned about Phallus Worship. At first she laughed it off, asking why anyone would worship something like that instead of useful gods like Zeus or Ares — but once she saw the ministers and maids twerking every chance they got around the palace, she started to change her mind.

"I-it does look rather elegant, actually. Shaking your ass like that, completely lost in it."

At this point, even the Queen was a lost cause. When the dark of night fell, Nike's faith shone all the brighter.

Squelch, squelch—!

"Holy shit, why does your riding keep getting better?"

"Nngh ♥ Why are you acting so surprised all of a sudden... Nike is a daughter who can't help herself when it comes to D-Daddy's cock, of course!"

In the end, Nike admitted that she too had fallen for Phallus Worship. I told my embarrassed daughter that having a unique faith wasn't a bad thing, and from that point on she started practicing her twerking out in the open.

"Aaahn! Nngh?! I'll shake my ass as hard as I can, so please impregnate me, Lord Cock!!"

And now ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠even the Oracle's high priestess, Pythia, was pulling this shit. When I asked her what happened to the god Ares, she gave me some ridiculous answer like, "I realized Olympus was a fiction." I couldn't just let a setup this horny go to waste.

"Pythia, if you're lonely, you can worship my cock."

"If my Lord finds my pussy acceptable, I shall shake it with all my heart."

And just like that, even the Oracle — practically the symbol of Greece itself — became a temple dedicated to this vulgar primitive religion. Before long, a few female believers who were dead serious about Phallus Worship started coming all the way to the Oracle just to twerk, and it was around then that I made a startling discovery.

Normally, Faith is a resource you can only obtain by building a Temple, the most basic religious facility. But the system recognized the Oracle as a strictly superior version of a Temple, and Hannamguk unexpectedly became a Faith powerhouse.

Even if I had no intention of going for a Religious Victory, having abundant Faith wasn't going to hurt. Devout citizens work that much harder.

When I returned to the capital, Hanseong, Hyo-jung asked me this, not knowing that important fact.

"A Temple, all of a sudden? B-but Hanseong's production is stretched thin training the army right now, my Lord."

"If the kids get lazy, invoke the gods. Then they'll work harder."

The ancient Egyptians didn't build the pyramids because they were an unusually hardworking people. Their religion taught that the Pharaoh was divine, and because the citizens accepted that doctrine, they built the pyramids — tombs of a god — essentially for free. Now that Hannamguk had a religion too, I could take a similar approach.

I gave a speech declaring that this construction project was for the worship of the sacred phallus, and Hanseong's citizens put in even more effort. In particular, the girls who were serious about twerking hauled construction materials for free and worked even harder.

"How did this get done in just three days..."

Even Hyo-jung was so stunned by the fanatics' performance that she couldn't finish her sentence. The completed Temple was so clearly a building that had been crafted with care that it was even more astonishing. It was probably around then that Hyo-jung started shaking her own ass.

For whatever reason, Hyo-jung really was a special bitch. It was already weird enough that this girl — who wasn't even a Great Person — had no limit on how many times she could take a Pregnancy Creampie from me. On top of that, the Faith she generated from twerking was two to three times that of an ordinary female believer.

She's a special bitch, that's for sure. Kim Hyo-jung.

With Faith piling up not just in Sparta but in Hanseong as well, it was about time for Phallus Worship to evolve. I spent 300 Faith to enhance this primitive religion.

Before long, rumors reached me that girls shaking their asses had started appearing in the city-state of Sidon as well. I promptly spent Faith to build a Temple there too, and just like that, even the commercial city of Sidon eventually took on a religious character.

"I knew you'd come, so I put up a Giant Cock Statue in the palace! I-I'm such a good Kira, so just for today, please go easy on my puss...y."

"If you didn't want to get railed standing up, you shouldn't have adopted such a filthy religion in the first place."

"Kyaaah! Wh-why do I always have to get raped standing up... eh?! Hnngh ♥"

Here's the funny part: every daughter Kira gave birth to after I creampied her standing up was born with Phallus Worship as her native faith. Those girls would be twerking in worship at the Temple when I'd knock them up one after another.

"Daddy's cock is the best in the whole woooorld...!"

"Aaaah, a bitch just has to shake her ass hard enough and Lord Cock will save heeer... ♥"

"Hyaaaah?! But Daddy... does getting creampied in the Temple produce higher-quality bitches than getting fucked next to the Giant Cock Statue?"

I was having this cozy little religious discussion with Kira and her cock-addicted daughters when it happened. Right in the middle of harem sex at the Temple, an envoy from another city showed up out of nowhere.

A woman with a somewhat rough hairstyle — the kind that gave her a bit of a delinquent-older-sister vibe — handed me a rolled-up piece of parchment. But you shouldn't judge people by their looks alone. She was a bitch from the religious-type city-state of Nazca.

"It is an honor to meet you, O great and upright Lord Cock. The High Priestess of sacred Nazca requests your aid!"

When I unrolled the letter, a status window appeared in midair. So the parchment was just for ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠show, after all.

Anyway. It was a city-state quest — the first one I'd gotten in a while.