Heaven Drops the Perfect Foe
'Yeah, as expected... my eye for men was spot on.'
Right now, Bu Yong-hwa was caught in a whirlwind of emotions—she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. From the moment she'd first laid eyes on him, she'd felt that spark, and she'd acted on it right away to become his wife (at least, in her personal opinion). Well, calling herself his wife might be a bit premature. But if she kept pushing, wouldn't he eventually give in and make room for her? That was Bu Yong-hwa's line of thinking. It stemmed from her rock-solid confidence in her own beauty. And that expectation had panned out—Kim had succeeded in taking the head of Zhang Jiao, the ringleader of the Yellow Turbans. His name would soon spread across the land to every soul under heaven.
'See? Successful men always attract women like flies...!!'
But Bu Yong-hwa soon learned the pains of having a triumphant man by her side. For starters, there was that vulgar woman Dong Zhuo or whatever her name was, and then Guan Yu, who was always charging through battlefields alongside Kim, hovering around him too.
'Heroes gotta have their flings, so concubines are fine.'
Yeah, she could accept that much. But...
'The principal wife spot is mine...!'
Her possessive desire—as a woman who wouldn't settle for anything less than first place—surged wildly. Steel resolve in her heart, Bu Yong-hwa climbed straight onto Kim's lap to shield him from Dong Zhuo's scheming touches.
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Dong Zhuo kept groping around his thighs at every opportunity, trying to seduce him, and Bu Yong-hwa was grinding her firm ass against his leg nonstop. It was damn near impossible to focus. Hell, he could barely remember what conversation they'd even been having. The alcohol only made the rising lust worse.
'Fuck. No...!'
Taking a wife right now would be a straight-up sin. With no solid base yet, he'd be wandering the rivers and lakes endlessly. He couldn't drag a wife and kids onto that hellbound train.
'And this era... it's no place to raise a kid, honestly.'
Truth be told, thoughts like "they'd be better off never born to avoid the suffering" weren't uncommon. This was a chaotic age, plain and simple. If he was gonna marry, it'd be after laying down roots. With that ironclad decision, he mustered his self-control.
Of course, it wasn't purely rational thinking fueling that restraint.
"Hoo."
The men's secret technique for regaining composure—self-relief at dawn—had elevated him to near-sage-like mental clarity after repeating it religiously. Worth sneaking out of the drinking party with a bathroom excuse.
"Gagak. Try this too."
Bu Yong-hwa cooed seductively, pressing her body against him as she offered some meat side dish.
"We might need you to go all out tonight, you know?"
She licked her lips lightly as she said it.
"Yeah. Sure. I'm beat."
But in his sage state, Kim took her kindness at pure face value.
"Hehe. How about some booze?"
Dong Zhuo leaned in subtly too.
"Ah, sure. As long as it's not too much."
He matched her drink with innocent intent. Her finger tracing his thigh? Just playful tickling, nothing more.
".....?"
".....!"
Bu Yong-hwa and Dong Zhuo both tilted their heads, sensing something wasn't going according to plan.
"Heh. As expected of Kim. Unswayed by mere feminine wiles."
Guan Yu smiled brightly and nodded. Muttering something under her breath was par for the course.
And so, in the forcibly cheerful atmosphere, they properly enjoyed the drinking party.
----------
The morning after that wild bender, Kim was indulging in a pleasure only men could savor.
Shwaaaaa.
Liu Bei, Zhang Fei, and Kim stood side by side, pissing as far as they could.
"By the way, bro. Cold hard truth—if we use the connections we've built now, wouldn't that be smart? We could snag central government posts."
Zhang Fei yawned as he spoke.
"Hm. Zhang Fei. How could a country bumpkin like me eat the court's salary? And even if we became central bureaucrats, mingling with those rotten flatterers is out of the question. I'd just end up corrupted myself—that'd be putting the cart before the horse."
Liu Bei cut him off firmly.
Kim got the subtext of Liu Bei's words right away.
'Liu Bei, sneakily sharp.'
Liu Bei deserved credit for surviving until Zhuge Liang showed up. He had enough smarts to read the lay of the land.
"Yide. Going into central politics now ain't wise."
Kim launched into further explanation for the unconvinced Zhang Fei.
"Yellow Turbans are crushed, sure, but the court's rot ain't gone. Eunuchs and reformists are at each other's throats, and every ambitious bastard's swarming in. Big trouble's brewing, no doubt."
Yeah. Central politics was a powder keg.
"No matter how confident we are in our skills, politics is another beast. Dodging the flames is the win. Even Lu Zhi got hit. No guarantee we won't end up the same."
And as court infighting dragged on, the imperial house's authority would crumble further. How could the family stay intact amid a household brawl?
'Dong Zhuo eyed that chance.'
Using flimsy excuses to avoid disbanding his army, then coup-ing the court in one strike to seize power. A bean-curd house collapsing under a mere warlord.
Even if they stuck with the court, they'd just be watching Dong Zhuo's—or Dong Zhuo 2.0's—moods.
"...Kim."
Liu Bei stared at him in surprise.
"That's exactly when staying in the provinces is safer. Quietly build strength."
That was Liu Bei's angle.
"Mm. Times like these, build power from the provinces. Yide."
Liu Bei said gravely. But his face flushed with embarrassment at having his ambitions sniffed out.
"To restore the Han house's prestige, we step back now. The world will surely fall into chaos again. We prepare, nurture strength, keep pure hearts. Craving power only leads to ruin."
"Ooh... as expected of bro!!!"
Zhang Fei bought it instantly.
"Kim's impressive too! Gets what our bro means right off the bat!"
Zhang Fei bellowed a laugh and turned toward him.
Hey. Don't turn while pissing.
"As expected of Kim. I need you."
Then Liu Bei smoothly turned too.
Hey. Fuck. Piss splashes, man? And why's your stream so damn long? Sprinklers?
"With you, I fear nothing. Won't you stand by my side and lend your strength?"
Liu Bei asked.
"Xuan De-gong, I appreciate it, but avenging my parents comes first."
Kim whipped out the family shield right away.
"Hmmm... finding one person in this vast Central Plains is no easy task. If you push too hard and land in trouble, it'd be a disaster."
Liu Bei squeezed his eyes shut as he spoke.
"What'd you say the description was? One-eyed with a long scar over one eye, wild hair in some flashy color, muscular guy? Distinct features... but still tough to find."
Zhang Fei sighed.
Yeah. Just some half-assed setup he'd blurted out anyway.
"Ahhh... if only Kim-gong's sworn enemy just dropped from the sky? Then you'd stick with us forever."
Zhang Fei tossed out a terrifying "joke" that Kim didn't wanna hear.
No. Forever together? Hell no.
That was when it hit.
"Kim!! Kiiiiim!! Kim!!!"
Guan Yu's frenzied shout rang out.
"Ah, nu-na."
Kim hastily tucked himself away and turned toward her.
"Kgh..."
Guan Yu's face flushed as she guessed at their fountain show.
Yeah. She had no tolerance for this stuff.
"Anyway!! Kim!! I found him!! Your enemy!!"
Guan Yu dropped a bombshell.
Her eyes sparkled like a puppy craving praise, grinning wide.
"My enemy?"
No. What bullshit is this?
"Couldn't sleep after the banquet last night, so I wandered the Yellow Turban prisoner camps looking for the guy you described. Just in case, y'know? Maybe the thief you mentioned was with their main force."
Guan Yu beamed.
No. What pointless crap did she do?
"And I found him!! Scar over one eye! Lion-mane hair on a bandit!! Matches your description perfectly, so I rushed here!!"
Guan Yu's eyes glittered.
"......"
No way that dude actually exists? It was just off-the-cuff BS.
Just similar looks, nothing more. Yeah, play it that way.
He opened his mouth to say it.
"Worried it might just be looks, so I interrogated him. Said I'd let him go if he spilled the truth. And boom!! He confessed everything!! Said he'd raided a barbarian village in the past and wiped out a whole family. Gotta be your enemy."
Guan Yu laid out the absurdly perfect coincidence.
Yeah. Matched his scenario to a T.
"Kim-gong... let's go see!"
Liu Bei grinned heartily, though his face looked like he'd lost a tooth from pain.
Yeah. Let's... go see.
Dizzy from fate's raw deal, Kim followed Guan Yu's lead.
"No kidding. Heaven really dropped your arch-nemesis. Haha."
Zhang Fei laughed freely.
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At the Yellow Turban prisoner camp, there he was—a dude with a seriously badass vibe. Long scar over one eye, lion-mane hair exploding with impact. Anyone'd mistake him for a top general, but nah, just a Turban grunt. Who knew looks could mismatch so hard?
Yeah. Perfect match for Kim's description.
"Kuhahaha... yeah. I remember you. Ah, I remember. That scared little brat trembling back then."
But the guy suddenly acted like he knew Kim.
Hey, mister. Who the hell are you? Why act like you know me?
"...Grown up like this... come for revenge, huh."
Suddenly looking all relieved on his own!!
"Guess karma's come full circle."
Summing up his life solo.
"Hit me."
And stuck out his neck.
A perfect fit for the plot Kim had bullshitted. Couldn't even say "not the guy I'm looking for."
The power of words. A tragedy born from it hitting too true.
Even a novel would've gotten flak for zero plausibility, spat on as contrived.
Guan Yu kept staring with that "I did good, right?" look, making excuses tough.
"......"
Shing.
No choice. Kim sighed, drawing his sword.
Goddamn fate. Cursing it inwardly, he swung clean and crisp.
Clang!!!!
The blade flew true, severing the Yellow Turban's head neatly.
Kim had avenged himself without even knowing the full story.