Pro Nosy Parker
So, we decided to take Bu Yong-hwa with us for now.
"Lord Xuande. Isn't this too dangerous?" I said it straight to Liu Bei. No, come on—if I'm taking responsibility for getting her home safe, just let me go already.
"Hmm. Morally speaking, it makes sense for you to take her, Kim Gong... but without you, our army's morale would plummet." Liu Bei gave me that trusting look as he spoke.
Fuck. That earnest gaze was weighing on me heavy.
"No, what have I even done...?" I chuckled awkwardly and averted my eyes. Seriously, I hadn't done jack. Sure, I'd killed a ton of grunts... but no named kills under my belt. And most of those were cleaned up by the Guan Yu trio anyway. I'd just hitched a ride on the bus. Why the hell were they hyping me up like this?
Or... do they know I'm planning to bail? If so, Liu Bei was one scary bastard. He'd preemptively blocked my escape route.
Is that it? Looking at his benevolent face, doubt crept in again. Nah, maybe he just said it without thinking? His expression was impossible to read.
"Hee-hee. I'm thrilled to be with you, Kim Gong." Bu Yong-hwa plopped down in front of me on the horse and leaned back hard against my chest. The sweet, feminine scent hit me like a drug, making my head spin for a second. Yeah, sensory deprivation. After days of stale sweat, blood, and rotting corpses, this hormone-triggering aroma was messing with my brain.
Soft. Having her right there in front of me, her plush, jiggly ass grinding against my crotch—it was way more stimulating than I'd bargained for. And that good smell wafting from the top of her head... If I'd been strolling through a college town back home, I'd be lost in the vibe. But this was ancient apocalypse world.
Wooden stocks lined the road, half-rotted corpses dangling and swaying. My mind cleared instantly, snapping me back to reality. Right—I was in a warzone.
"Speaking of which, Lady Bu." I cleared my throat and called out to her.
"Yes? Kim Gong." She turned with a bright smile.
"Why'd you fall for me like that?" That was the big question burning in my mind.
"Love at first sight." She grinned as she said it.
Ah, classic gold-digger speed-dater type.
"Kuh... Unions between man and woman aren't decided on such frivolous whims." Guan Yu suddenly cleared her throat and chimed in.
"Hmph. From big sis's perspective, it's like marrying off your little sister, so I get why you'd say that... but I'm prime wife material! I can support Kim Gong with everything I've got!" Bu Yong-hwa twisted around to face Guan Yu.
Maybe it was the vigorous spin, but her ass rubbed right against my lower half, sending a massive jolt through me.
"Kuh..." I shuddered and let out a groan before I could stop myself. No point saying it out loud—the thing down there was hardening at warp speed. If she noticed, I'd be in deep shit. But even as I thought that, she stayed cool as ice. Hell, she was grinding it more now.
"Even if it's love at first sight, we can make it last a lifetime!" Bu Yong-hwa declared.
Nah, probably not. I couldn't help the cynical thought.
Relationships started on a whim tended to fizzle out just as quick.
But seriously, why me? This game had high freedom like a god-tier title, complete with marriage and child-rearing systems. But you needed solid foundations or killer looks to make it work. In modern terms: money, job, appearance. People were the same everywhere. And I had zilch on all three.
Not exactly a handsome face... Yeah, just your standard default male character. Charm and seduction stats? Single digits, no chance to level 'em up. Right now, I was a wandering ronin—Liu Bei's crew claimed me as one of theirs, but that was slander. I was a freelancer. Modern equivalent: freeter. Zero appeal to pull eyes.
So what was Bu Yong-hwa's real angle?
"Kim. What do you think? These things need both sides' input." Guan Yu's mood visibly soured as she spoke. Ah, assist from Guan Yu. She'd set up the board for a gentle rejection without hurting feelings.
"I have a mission, Lady Bu." I faced her with the most serious tone I could muster.
"A mission..." Her body vibrated against mine from the closeness, her voice humming through me.
"Yes. I'm wandering the Central Plains to avenge my parents. It'll be a harsh road. I don't want to drag you into my vagabond life."
I said it flat-out. Bonus: loud enough for everyone to catch the "parents' enemy" keyword. Gave Liu Bei ironclad reason to let me go anytime. Right, Lord Liu Bei? You'll let me bounce, yeah?
"Then I'll follow you forever." Bu Yong-hwa shot back without missing a beat.
"......No, you can't just decide that easy. Dragging a delicate lady like you into hardship..." This woman was no pushover. Why were all the people around me such sticky pains in the ass?
"You've already stolen my heart. Let me steal yours too." She dropped that heart-fluttering line like it was nothing. For a split second, I was tempted... but the apocalypse vibe yanked me back. Streets full of fly-feast corpses. Yep, rational mode reactivated.
"Once I settle my business... I'll consider it seriously then. Until that day, stay with the troops. It's too dangerous here." Gotta secure my own path first.
"Fine... I get it. I'll wait, Kim Gong." She backed off surprisingly easy at that.
"Hmph. 'Kim Gong' already? So soon? Aren't you embarrassed?" Guan Yu grumbled right away.
"Oh? What was that, big sis?" Bu Yong-hwa fired back with a beaming smile. Some kinda pissing contest brewing between them. My stomach was already starting to ache...
"Ugh, fine. I'll wait then." The staredown paused as she glanced back at me. Damn, she was pretty. Pretty enough to forgive the hassle. Yeah, men were simple creatures.
"The one who fell first loses, right? Guess I gotta wait since I fell first." She mumbled shyly.
"But it'll change later." Then she flashed a sly, seductive smile. "Later on, you'll fall head over heels for me." She declared it boldly, grinning ear to ear.
Her smile was genuinely killer. I couldn't help but stare, totally entranced.
It was right around then, as our eyes met hers.
"No, that procession...!" Liu Bei's voice cracked with sudden alarm, drawing all our gazes to the line of refugees.
Ragged peasants, barely better than beggars, trudged along laden with bundles, tears streaming down their faces.
"Refugees...?" Guan Yu's face fell in sorrow.
"You there!! Folks! What's happened?!" We could've just galloped past, but Liu Bei dismounted and approached them directly.
"Ah..." The peasants eyed our fully armed group with raw terror. That's the era for you—armed strangers scream "bandits." No need to take it personal.
"We're from Qing Province Castle. The Yellow Turbans went berserk outta nowhere, so we're fleeing..." They wept as they spoke.
"Qing Province Castle? Is it in danger?" Liu Bei's expression hardened.
Oh... shit. Here came Liu Bei's pro nosy parker mode kicking in. Game AI was like that too—meddled in damn near everything.
"We were up front, so we barely escaped... but the ones in back..." They all burst into fresh tears.
"Hmm. Qing Province..." Liu Bei squeezed his eyes shut. It was near Jie County, barely on our route to Julu. Detour would waste time, but doable...
"How many troops? Old timer." Zhang Fei asked.
"Yellow Turbans... tons of 'em. Numbers... hard to say..." The peasants stammered.
Then my status window vibrated.
Historical Event Intervention. Fate Points Acquirable.
Ah, this counts as a historical event. Yeah, it was a high-trigger event during the Liu Bei campaign. The Qing Province Castle battle—sometimes triggered by Liu Yan's quest, sometimes by stumbling on refugees en route to Julu.
"Still people fleeing?" Liu Bei asked sternly.
"Yes... lots. Castle's about to fall... everyone's running."
"Got it!! Everyone!!!" Liu Bei remounted and bellowed to the whole volunteer force.
"We'll detour quick to help Qing Province Castle's people!!!" And just like that, the nosy parker unleashed.
..... I wanted to yell "Stop meddling!" but knew he'd ignore it, so I stayed silent.
"Wooooh!!!"
"That's our boss!!!! Hell yeah!!!"
"Yes!! That's benevolence!!"
The volunteer army—fully assimilated into Liu Bei Inc.—cheered wildly. No room for objections.
"Bro's the man... can't help but admire him." Zhang Fei teared up, looking at me.
"Indeed. Ignoring righteousness is injustice itself." Guan Yu nodded approvingly.
Alright, silver lining. Yellow Turbans were just mob fodder in this game—easiest XP farm around. Teaming up with Liu Bei's crew for some grinding wasn't bad. Enemies upscale later; low-level mooks get scarce. Perfect time to rack up kills. Treat it like clearing a mini-dungeon. Gamify it to keep my sanity.
In a thug-filled world, gotta be the thug.
So, we headed to Qing Province Castle to escort refugees and sweep out the Yellow Turbans.
As everyone played righteous wanderers slicing through the martial world, I made one firm resolution.
I gotta get outta here, no matter what.
Stuck in an org with this level of meddling? You'd never die a natural death. Golden truth.
"Ahmm..." Bu Yong-hwa let out a cute moan from the horse's bounce, acting all coquettish up front—but I was in pure terror mode.
Liu Bei, that nosy parker devil...!!