Don't Underestimate the Big-Eared One
After that, once they returned to Xuzhou Castle.
Liu Bei seated Lu Bu's key generals at the head table and prepared a banquet.
"Uhahat!! With Lord Xuande and Lady Yufeng here, what do we have to fear?"
Lu Bu guffawed, beaming at Liu Bei with exaggerated friendliness.
"Ahaha."
Liu Bei responded with a warm, affable smile. True to his benevolent nature, he was always generous toward talented recruits he'd scouted himself, so he was playing along for now, stroking their egos. It made Lu Bu swell with arrogance.
Flatter her a bit, and she gets all puffed up—easy enough. But that was just her mood; she was impulsive, quick to forget favors when circumstances shifted. That was Lu Bu for you.
"Tch."
Zhang Fei snorted at her, turning his head away in clear disdain. Yeah, I get it—same here.
Lu Bu had briefly gobbled up Xuzhou before, but then it went straight to hell. Her Western Liang soldiers' savage nature didn't just vanish. Once they took the lead, it was open season for legal plunder.
Zhang Liao and Go Sun were similar. Decent enough people morally, but their mindset was pure Warring States chaos—they saw requisitioning and looting from civilians as par for the course.
If these guys took over my sweet home Xuzhou, it spelled doom for me, Yong-hwa, and everyone else.
Just chopping her head off and sending it to Cao Ang is an option... There was that route, but it wouldn't bring Zhang Liao or Go Sun under our banner.
Loyal Go Sun would follow her lord in suicide, Zhang Liao would turn bandit. The other talents would scatter. And Cao Ang wouldn't be thrilled enough to make it worth it—Xuzhou's safety wouldn't be guaranteed anyway.
Lu Bu was just useless.
Think of it as sealing her away. Stashing her in a place like Xiapi and making sure no other faction scooped her up—that was the best play.
Wink.
Lu Bu stared right at me, then winked back. What the hell? Did your eye twitch or something?
"Lately, with Yuan Shu this and Cao Cao that, Xuzhou's been in total chaos, but with Lady Yufeng guarding us, I can rest easy."
Liu Bei chuckled heartily.
"…."
Guan Yu openly showed her displeasure, stroking her hair and sighing repeatedly. She couldn't stomach Liu Bei fawning over Lu Bu like this.
"Mm. I'll guard it together with Lord Xuande!"
Lu Bu grinned, glancing around. No home to go to, yet she says "together"—infuriating. Proof of her overbearing arrogance.
"…."
Chen Gong paled, coughing furiously to signal Lu Bu.
"Chen Gong, pig lard for bad lungs. Here, here—your plate's empty."
But Lu Bu, oblivious as ever, just piled food onto his plate.
"…!"
Chen Gong's glare could kill. Yeah, tough having a clueless boss.
"So, we're staying here in Xuzhou then?"
Oblivious Lu Bu cut straight to the chase.
"Ah, about that…."
Liu Bei looked a bit troubled.
Letting a superior force of about a thousand troops camp openly in Xuzhou? That was begging for a coup.
Anyone with sense would volunteer for Xiapi or somewhere remote, but Lu Bu had tossed hers out the window.
No choice. Time to intervene.
"Hey!! You bastards!!!"
I slammed the table and shot up. Someone had to do it!!
"K-Kim Gong?"
Liu Bei looked flustered.
"You think we can just sit here and take it!!! Hey!! Lu Bu!! And all you Lu Bu cronies!!"
Lu Bu, Go Sun, and Zhang Liao's eyes locked on me.
"Traitors who partied under Dong Zhuo till you got chased out—what makes you think you deserve so much? Huh? And now you wanna lounge in Lord Xuande's Xuzhou like honored guests? You're a real piece of work!!"
They couldn't stay in Xuzhou. Time to persuade—hard.
Fuck. This is why Bing Province folk are trouble. Not hating all of them, but check any legendarily warped mindset? Bing Province origin.
Persuasion: 48
"That's ri~!!! ghtttt!!!"
Zhang Fei, who'd been holding back, chugged his drink and jumped beside me.
"Kim's right!! We blocked Yuan Shu without you!! Hell, Cao Cao or Yuan Shao come again, we'd handle 'em!! But you spoon-fed off weaklings and now actin' like heroes?"
Zhang Fei backed me up. Honestly... Cao Cao or Yuan Shao hitting again would doom Xuzhou, but whatever—Zhang Fei's on our side!! He gets me!! Team him up!!
"Grr... you punks...!!"
Lu Bu bristled with anger.
"Well said. Beasts without basic manners."
Guan Yu chimed in.
"You helped us, and in tough times, I tried to defend you... but not to this extent."
Guan Yu stood, hand on her sword hilt.
"Get lost."
Guan Yu joined the "Lu Bu out" chorus.
Zhao Yun would've been perfect, but he was watching Liu Bei. Personal feelings aside, he followed his lord's will. Classic loyalist Zhao Yun.
Anyway.
Truth is, I don't really want Lu Bu gone for real. Quiet in Xiapi, send troops to help when needed—that's fine.
"What are you all doing?! Sit down!!"
Liu Bei scolded us sternly, but didn't stop us. Deep down, he wanted to say it too. Liu Bei... I'll voice all those words trapped in your thick earlobes.
"Yeah! Talkin's pointless!! Grab your weapons and come out!! Let's throw down!!"
I bellowed, hand on my sword hilt.
"...Hmph. Playing hard to get? Cute."
But Lu Bu smirked condescendingly. What? Pissing me off for real now?
"L-Lady Yufeng…."
Chen Gong stared at her, pale as a ghost. But the grill was already lit.
"My lord, we can't stay where we're insulted like this. The Central Plains are vast!! We'll rely elsewhere!"
Go Sun shouted.
"Right!! Lord Xuande treats us well, but if his officers scorn us, we can't stay comfy!!"
Zhang Liao piled on.
"…Yeah, whatever. You wanna fight me, right?"
Lu Bu brushed off the drama, her red eyes gleaming with battle lust.
"If you wanna fight that bad, fine! Let's go!"
Lu Bu grinned, ready to bolt outside.
"Lady Yufeng... stop...!!"
Chen Gong, the sole sane one in Lu Bu's camp, tried to rein her in—but sanity had no power in this madhouse blaze.
"Kim, you're with me. Go Sun, Zhang Liao—you take Zhang Fei and that Guan Yu."
Lu Bu set tag-team rules.
Wait—me vs. Lu Bu? Total mismatch loss.
"Lu Bu!! You're stronger, so spot me a move!!"
Underdog's right: demand a handicap!!
"...Begging for a handicap so shamelessly, and that naturally?"
"What kinda guy are you? No pride?"
Go Sun and Zhang Liao gawked at me. Why?
"Uhahat!! So cute!!"
Lu Bu burst out laughing at me.
"Fine, fine! Let's go throw down!!"
Lu Bu escalated with exhilarating boldness.
"Everyone, stop!!!"
Liu Bei thundered.
Okay, Liu Bei's stepping in at last.
"What kinda talk is that to guests in our Xuzhou!!"
Liu Bei bellowed, glaring fiercely.
"No, brother! I've endured long enough!!"
"Right!! Brother's too kind, but they're subtly dissing us!!"
Zhang Fei and Guan Yu agreed instantly.
"…."
Liu Bei sighed deeply, then fixed us—me, Zhang Fei, Guan Yu—with a steady gaze.
"Yide, Yunzhang, and Kim Gong."
Liu Bei spoke solemnly.
"Don't make me fall back into old habits."
A massive wave of killing intent poured from Liu Bei—the tone from his wild vigilante days in Zhuo Commandery. Everyone knew pissed-off Liu Bei was terrifying; faces stiffened.
"…."
Zhang Fei, who'd eaten plenty of Liu Bei's joint locks before, trembled.
Impressively, even Lu Bu's Western Liang crew flinched at his aura. Kid's got charisma.
"Lady Yufeng, forgive them. My boys aren't bad, just a bit clannish."
Liu Bei then apologized to Lu Bu.
"N-No... I lost my temper too. Sorry."
Lu Bu apologized offhandedly.
"Staying in Xuzhou might lead to fights, leaving you and yours unrested. Sorry, but could you stay nearby in Xiapi Castle? I'll soothe my boys in the meantime."
Liu Bei smiled, patting Lu Bu's shoulder.
No way—Liu Bei's on point. My goal was kicking them out of Xuzhou to Xiapi. Didn't consult him, but he wanted it too.
Pretending to accommodate while steering Lu Bu to Xiapi—brilliant judgment.
"Ah... got it!! A real man makes anywhere his home!! Grateful just to crash in Xiapi as guests!! Hahaha!!"
Lu Bu finally read the room, scratching her head with a grin.
Normally Liu Bei offers Xiapi himself... but conditions met, that option's sealed. If Xuzhou's internals and our forces couldn't grow past a point, Liu Bei would've retreated to Xiapi. But after events swelling us beyond his old territory, he'd gained confidence.
"Alright, mood's soured a bit, but let's step out for a walk and clear our heads."
Liu Bei masterfully defused, leading everyone outside.
And the moment we exited the banquet hall, a mood-flipping spectacle appeared before us.
"Hihihihin!" "Hiiing!! Hiiing!!"
Two horses whinnied riotously from the stables, thrashing about.
My beloved steed Jiralma and Lu Bu's tethered Red Hare... were enthusiastically mating. Both hot-tempered beasts, they were going at it like they'd demolish the stable.
"…."
Everyone here wore awkward expressions, heads down.
"Ah, no!! Jiralma!!! What're you doing!!"
I rushed to corral my horse.
"R-Red Hare?"
Lu Bu panicked, charging to retrieve hers. When'd they even hook up? These bastards.
"Hey!! Stop!!"
Then a general blocked us. Hou Cheng from Lu Bu's camp.
"The most beautiful beings in the Central Plains—horses—creating even more beauty in this sacred act! You can't interrupt!!"
Hou Cheng grabbed my pant leg, blocking me and Lu Bu full-force.
Hey!! Get lost!! You horse-obsessed freak!!
I wrestled with Hou Cheng, tumbling every which way.
...What is this?