Delicious... But That's the Problem!
"Delicious... It tastes good... That's the problem!"
"Alright, next up is page 13..."
The lecture resumes, and Professor Mess hammers away at the blackboard with undiminished enthusiasm. But the classroom vibe has shifted dramatically. Up front, Kairun's still buried in his notes. No more tension prickling the back of his neck, though. I prop my chin on my hand, pretending to stare at the board while sneaking glances behind me with my peripheral vision.
Rustle.
Rainer twists in his seat. He cranes his head left to peek at the board, and I instinctively lean left to match him. He shifts right, and I shrug my right shoulder to block his view.
"This... fucking..."
Rainer's curse slips out under his breath. He can't even take notes, let alone follow what unit we're on. He fumbles for a paper wad to throw, but my broad back blocks everything—no clear shot. If he tosses it and hits me... well,
'That wimp doesn't have the guts anyway. He'd probably just chuck it pathetically.'
Rainer finally hurls his pen and face-plants onto his desk. But I recline my chair back with a screech, shoving his desk and making even that uncomfortable.
From the podium, Professor Mess watches the standoff between me and Rainer through his glasses. At first, he frowns, thinking the big guy's just being disruptive by switching seats. But as time passes, his expression changes.
'Hoo...'
Mess scribbles equations on the board, inwardly impressed. He's a sensitive type. He knew Rainer was slyly harassing Kairun. But he hadn't seen it himself. Faction rivalries that stay under the radar? The academy actually encourages them. That's why he only docked points for Elysia's blatant stunt in front of everyone. But now, break time's over, and this hulking barbarian just solved it in one move. Not with violence or yelling—the dumb brute options—but by maximizing his physical advantage with smart tactics.
'Pretty clever.'
Mess adjusts his glasses. I'd pegged him as just a dumb brute with brute strength. But he's infiltrated enemy lines, cut off their attack routes, and perfectly guarded his lord's rear.
'No wonder the Northgard Grand Duke enrolled a beast like that. I thought he was just muscle.'
Of course.
'Still annoying that he's closer now and dozing off... Tsk.'
The professor continues class with a faint smile.
"That's it for today's lecture."
Ding.
The undergrads rise like zombies the instant Mess rings the bell. Rainer packs fastest and bolts for the back door. Staring at my back all class must've broken him.
"Kairun."
Mess calls while tidying his desk. Kairun flinches mid-pack.
'Another... deduction?'
His face hardens. Elysia pales and grabs my sleeve. We approach the podium tensely.
"You called, Professor?"
"Check the roll."
Mess flips it open indifferently. Kairun swallows hard and eyes his name. Next to the red "-3": fresh blue ink reads "+3."
"This is...?"
Kairun blinks in disbelief. Mess polishes his glasses.
"Credit for fostering a study atmosphere."
"Study... atmosphere?"
"You neutralized disruptions efficiently without causing a scene."
The professor glances at me packing up. Our eyes meet; I grin and thumbs-up. He chuckles softly and turns back.
"You protected your peers' focus without escalating conflict. Especially... that massive shield placement. Excellent tactics."
"Ah......"
Kairun gapes blankly. Tactics. Tactics he didn't order. But Mess assumes Kairun directed me to control the situation.
"The Grand Duke had reasons for enrolling that couple. I expect that leadership from you going forward."
Mess grabs his roll and leaves. Just us four remain.
Kairun turns slowly.
"What, Kairun? Why the stare? Got chewed out again?"
I play dumb. He snorts a laugh.
"Nah."
Then, covering the score:
"Just... thinking Big Bro was right."
"Young Master?"
"Said I had people to lean on."
His gaze lingers on my broad back—the one that blocked Rainer earlier. For the first time, the weight of his house and prying eyes has a solid windbreak behind his always-stiff posture.
"You guys head to lunch first."
"Huh? You?"
He shakes his head.
"Gotta eat with Big Bro. Legs still bother him; he'd get lonely solo."
Oh, right. Karl.
'Someone's probably looking after him...'
But if the brother's insisting, no reason to stop him.
"Cool. See ya. We're hitting the cafeteria."
Kairun nods curtly and heads opposite.
"So... wanna go plunder some meat?"
"Ooh! For real? Yeppe's been craving it too!"
Kara cheers, looping my arm.
"Me too! I got points docked, so I wanna eat a lot!"
Quick-recovery Elysia shamelessly joins. 'Talk about fast bounce-back...'
Yeah, points? Lose 'em, earn 'em back. What matters is learning to survive this dull, peaceful academy together, step by step.
【 Barbarian's Academy Survival Law Article 1 】
【 A strong body makes your brain spin in all sorts of ways. 】
We finish the first lecture unscathed.... 'Unscathed? There were deductions...'
Whatever. We head to the cafeteria. No prickling stares on my back in the hall. Everyone just drops their eyes as I pass.
The Eterna Imperial Academy student cafeteria screams "empire's top school" even in its layout. The high dome ceiling glows softly with chandeliers. Marble floors click crisply underfoot.
"Whoa..."
Elysia can't close her mouth. Even palace-raised, she's awed. Me? First thought: Does a dining hall need to be this grandiose?
Thanks to the Faction Competition Evaluation, invisible barriers divide the space. Freshmen get a corner, segregated from upperclassmen. We sit.
A menu and mana stone button sit center-table.
"Push this, right?!"
Elysia jabs excitedly. Ding. The hanging light spotlights our table. Uniformed waiters swarm in sync, serving courses.
First: appetizer. Petal salad capturing spring's essence.
"Whoa! Edible flowers! Honey in the dressing!"
Elysia clasps hands, fork trembling with hype. Kara eyes the greens dangling from her fork blankly.
"Barg... This decoration? When's the main?"
"...Eat first. It's an appetizer. Whet the appetite."
We shovel it. Crunch. Gone. No chew needed.
"Whoa... it tastes good..."
No whetting—just hungrier.
Second: clear soup with fleeting mushroom aroma.
"Oh my god! That umami... the depth! Academy level!"
Elysia savors eyes closed, spooning elegantly—pitch up an octave. Slurp. Mine and Kara's bowls empty in a second.
"...Mushroom rinse water?"
"Seasoned fine... tastes good... but evaporated before hitting my gut."
Kara's eyes glaze. "Even Yeppe won't feel full..."
Third: meat at last. A single sea bream belly... with vast plate space.
"Oh! Crispy skin, juicy inside! Perfect with beurre blanc! Best fish ever!"
Elysia's hype skyrockets; she's squirming in bliss. Our shoulders slump earthward.
"Barg... This leftover scraps?"
"...Plating artistry. Or just skimping ingredients."
"Whoa... tastes good too... really good...."
Main event: premium tenderloin steak! Silver cloche lifts; Elysia squeals.
"Kyaa! Look at that sear! Art! Meat scent everywhere!"
"......"
We freeze, forks poised. Center-plate "steak"—more medallion. Thick, but bite-sized. Tiny.
"Looks delish! Dig in!"
Elysia slices gracefully. One bite: ecstasy.
"Mmm! Melts! Juices... better than palace chefs!"
Tastes great, sure. Empire's finest. But for us, it's supermarket sampling station fare—not a meal.
I spear the whole thing. Melts instantly. Gut screams, "What the fuck?"
"Whoa... so good... delicious... too delicious, that's the issue!"
No satiety—just stimulated gastric juices, hungrier than before. Kara scrapes her empty plate grimly. She's pregnant. Needs double for her and Yeppe. This? 0.3 servings.
We exchange grave looks.
"Kara, this won't cut it."
"Yeah, Barg. Yeppe'll starve."
I dab my mouth seriously.
"Lunch at the dorms starting tomorrow."
"Agreed."
Kara nods. "I'll prep a huge batch at dawn. Meat, potatoes, stew. Pop back for lunch."
"Smart. Economical, nutritious."
Opposite, Elysia drops her fork mid-chew.
"Huh...? W-what about me?"
Her eyes wobble. "Kairun's with his bro... you two dorm-bound... I eat alone?"
Vision: bastard princess solo in vast hall, daintily slicing amid whispers. Choke-worthy.
"C-can I come too? I eat a ton..."
She clings puppy-eyed. Then—
"Alone?! Big bro's here, Ellie!"
Sickeningly familiar voice. Turn: Radianus approaches arms wide.
"O-Onii-chan?"
"Can't let my cute sis eat solo! Bro graces the undergrad hall!"
He skips profs' diner, aiming for our table. But before butt hits chair—
Grab.
Stern-faced female prof snags his nape.
"Professor Radianus!"
"Wha—? Let go! The hell?!"
"Don't burden undergrads at lunch! Keep prof dignity! Principal's watching!"
"Can't eat with sis?! Let go! I'm a patient! Patient!"
Radianus flails, dragged off. Posture weird: not his usual dramatics—hand clutches waist, groaning like at orientation.